Pride and Prejudice
by Bocilovegsr
Summary: Sara finds hard to recover her life after she lost everything and seemingly everything is against her. To Grissom, it looks she doesn't even try to survive anymore. Maybe she gave up but Grissom isn't about to let the setbacks get Sara down. GSR and a cat and one more. The story is NOW COMPLETE!
1. Meeting Herbie

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers:** Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

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Chapter One

"_There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." _**_- William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"_**

Sara was walking slowly, almost tentatively toward the briefing room. She could hear Nick, Warrick and Catherine's chat about something but she could hardly get out the words or rather she could not concentrate on the topic. She would know it sooner than she wished anyway. The slight but periodic pain blurred her vision and Sara wondered when she would get used to this. Or more important, she was worried about whether she could keep her "situation" private, and if so, how long. She had spent her free time finding a way out of her desperate circumstances but the more she had tried, the more she had lost hope. What once used to be her greatest pride, now it was her deepest pitfall. Sara closed her eyes and then continued walking. She drank the rest of the water she was carrying in a cup then threw the empty container away. Water was her best friend. It helped to alleviate the pain in the stomach.

"Hello Devon! Have you heard the news?" Greg asked Sara pulling her back to the reality of the Lab.

"Devon? What news anyway?"

"Devon Aoki, the supermodel!" Greg bounced like a little boy at his first school day. "You sure know the lady because you now look like her. Skinny…but beautiful if you ask me."

But Sara did not ask him like she had not yesterday or the day before yesterday. However, it did not slip her attention that it was only Greg who had noticed her obvious loss of weight. She also knew that even though Greg was joking with her, this was his way to express his worry about her. And that fact both caressed her heart and saddened her soul.

"Thanks," she smiled at him. "And the news?"

"Someone ate one of Cath's sandwiches again."

Catching the last chunks of their conversation, Catherine went into details right after the couple entered the room.

"I can imagine it happens once by chance but twice? No way. We have a fridge pirate! I want his head!" she rampaged.

"Why _his_ head? It can be a woman just as easily!" Nick went against the accusation.

"Women never steal food, Nick. We have style!" Catherine stated as if it was a fact that should be known by everybody.

"We might not know the circumstances," Sara cut in.

"Ah, come on! Why would anyone eat someone else's food?"

"Hungry?" Sara tried the most obvious.

"I don't care if that person dies of starvation, my salad is my salad, and my sandwich is my sandwich."

"Cath, calm down, that poor guy left you one of your sandwiches," Warrick tried to lighten her mood with hardly any success.

"Oh, well, thanks so much! I won't touch something that was already contaminated by some beggar," and with a simple fluid motion, she threw the vacuum-wrapped, brand new meal into the dustbin. "I'll buy something on the way to the scene, once, Grissom will be as kind as to give us our damn assignments."

Sara followed Catherine's every move and could not believe what she had just witnessed. In her astonishment, her jaws practically smacked the floor. Life was not fair. Somebody had been compelled by life to steal their colleagues' half lunch while some could throw the other half away just because its wrapper had been touched. Sara feared germs and she paid a great deal of attention not to get in touch with any of them but the unwrapped triangle sandwich was germ free, so she knew what it was all about exactly. It was a show about money and power. One part of her did not blame Catherine for being that angry. Her meal had been "robbed" after all. Robbed. The fridge had been robbed. And she felt it again. This time a sharp pain in the stomach followed by a well-known salty taste in the mouth. _Not now, please, not now_, she begged soundlessly.

"Sara, you ok?" Greg asked her immediately.

Greg noticed again, no one else, only Greg. "Ah, yeah, I'm fine."

"Have you eaten before shift?"

"I already ate my lunch," she lied.

Before any of them could have asked Sara when she had done it, Grissom stepped into the room with tiny sheets of paper in his hand.

"Sorry, I'm late."

"Yes, but we found a bone to chew on," Catherine said.

"Okay, so," he was about to continue when the senior CSI interrupted again.

"Somebody keeps eating our food."

"Then lock it away, problem's solved. Can I continue?"

"As simple as that? Lock it away? Case's closed?"

"Yes. When murderers are waiting for us to catch them, yes, I'm not too worried about some piteous thief."

"You all are talking about this guy as a rotten felon but you know absolutely nothing about her…or his motivation. Probably she feels as shitty about it or he feels as horrible about stealing as you all think how low she or he is. Maybe there is no other choice for him or her."

"The circumstances can't be an excuse for his or her actions, Sara," Grissom said. "Anyone can ask for help. From friends."

"Yeah, as if you ever…but you're right, stealing is wrong." Sara knew he was right, still she felt bad because no one had asked about the possible reasons behind these thievings. And they all were CSIs after all. And then one of Grissom's sayings hit her. _We are not here to ponder on the whys; we are here to analyze the whats. _Following his and obviously the others' convictions, no one had the right to explain their actions, the facts would explain for themselves. And everybody could just assume the worst. Sara always loved to know the whys and hated to welcome prejudice.

"We will watch the fridge and will see who it is and then we can help," Warrick suggested.

"Or you can help me to kick his ass," Catherine muttered.

"Or her ass," Nick added.

"Now as we all agreed on morals, maybe we could deal with our real criminals."

"We've been dealing with just one of them," Catherine finished the topic.

Long hours and a solo case –again - later, Sara was sitting on a bench in the park near her apartment complex. She loved that particular place, she called it hers. The funny thing was that just like everything else in her life, that small section of area was not hers either. Still, it felt like one. The dark green paint on the seat was mostly peeled off, the back-rest started to rot. No one visited that bench, it looked abandoned and unfriendly but Sara liked it. That area was her sanctuary from the life she had to live lately. She named every tree around the wooden furniture; every bush got a label, too. Once in a while, one or two sparrows had challenged her. Animals were kind to her. They never judge her; never expect her to be perfect. They loved her the way she was. This morning was quiet, though. No little birds, no insects, only her. Sara pulled her legs up to her chest and was just sitting there thinking about the what-ifs. If she had made another decision, if she had chosen the other way to step on. She wondered why these things happened to her, what she had done to deserve this life. She had just wanted to be happy, to be loved and when it had become clear for her that this dream would never come true here, she had just wanted to move on. Or she had tried to.

.

"_Why did it happen to me?" the __fourteen-year-old Sara Sidle asked her foster mother._

"_Don't judge as __good or bad, accept it how it is," the old lady said to Sara caressing her tear washed little cheeks._

"_I can't, it is bad, I wish…," she __tried to suppress her threatening sobbing._

"_When we see something we don't like, __we wish it could be different, we cry out for something better. The root of the unhappiness, little Sara, isn't necessarily that we want our lives to be different; however, it's that we decided we didn't like it in the first place. But you have to know that there is always worse. So embrace the things the way they are, and just say, 'It's not bad or good, it just is'. Repeat it, Sara."_

"_It's not bad or good, it just is," she formed the words. She was not convinced or was not sure what the meaning of __this woman's words was but this old lady was the only one she trusted, so she followed her instructions or advice without question. And all of a sudden, she found it easier to accept that some cruel boy tore her beloved books into pieces. What was his reason? He said 'why not'. He said she sure had tons of books at home and that she was a bookworm._

_._

Sara still remembered the scent of those special books, the sense of feeling of the pages was as vivid in her memory as if she held them right now. And that boy had been wrong. The family Sara at least could call hers was poor but respectable. They had never had any children, so they had given all their love to Sara. They had known how much Sara had loved reading, so they had bought two books for her. She had brought them with her everywhere. These books had been her treasure. And that boy had taken them away from her. The memory still stung. When her heart hurt less than her stomach, she welcomed the feeling. She tried to convince herself that she could handle heart matter. But when the stomach-ache eased up a little and her heart hurt more, she wished the physical pain instead. She had taken so much from Grissom. _I couldn't do it_. _I couldn't do it_. She could have done it but Grissom still could not. His fateful words had been like a lethal injection, numbed her slowly but surely.

After that day, she finally had understood. He could not do "it" as he had said but the saddest part in their story was that he had never ever tried. Grissom had decided their fate, not only his but theirs; however, Sara doubted he had taken her into consideration. That gloomy day, she had decided her own fate. She had made the determination of letting both of them free. She would not force him to take the risk and love her.

So here she was, alone on a wooden seat in a park, still in Las Vegas. She had created a trap that seemed she was unable to climb out. Just as the weather would have sensed her dark thoughts, it started to rain. Sara did not mind. Not until the pain rudely reminded her of the situation she got into. Not that she needed to be reminded. The young woman was about to go home, to the only place she had in her life organized, when a faint cry surprised her. She looked left then right but saw nothing. Perhaps it was just her imagination as a result of her condition. But the voice came again. She tried to follow the source of the voice that led her to a tree. Sara looked up and saw a tiny kitten soaking in the rain. It rather looked like a nestling than a kitten. Sara reached her hands toward the poor thing and the fragile animal stepped onto her palms. It had to be older than it looked like but Sara guessed this poor animal was homeless for a while now. It was horribly skin-and-bone and most of all, unloved.

"Oh, darling, how did you get there? What should I do with you? I can't take care of you. I can hardly take care of myself," she told the little cat that listened to her carefully as if it knew what Sara tried to tell. The kitten started to cry again.

"Are you hungry? Me too, but I don't have food on me, sweetheart."

Huge green eyes explored sad brown ones. And it was too late, the connection was made. Sara sighed deeply, she did not know how she would take care of them but she was determined to provide a home for this baby. She spooned her under her jacket and ran home.

Within minutes, both of them were bathed and dried. Sara placed the grateful kitten in her bed when her phone went off.

"Sidle."

"It's Grissom. Um…I'm calling to ask if you wanna join us at Fred's. We're all here."

Tears pooled into her eyes. _I want to but I can't_. "I'm sorry, Griss. I'm not alone and I can't leave. Next time?"

"Oh, I didn't know you have company, sorry for the interruption," he said surprise and hurt evident in his voice. _I am trying Sara, can't you see that? But..but. Just as I thought. You could easily find a guy who loves you the way you deserve._

"No-no," _do not apologize Sidle, you're not his pet anymore, he wanted it that way_. _He didn't want you to love him. He couldn't risk anything for you while you risked everything to make his wish true and you lost._ "You didn't interrupt anything. But right now, I really can't leave him alone."

_Him? Who is him? I don't know why I am __feeling this pain; I wanted her to have a life, right?_ "It's okay, Sara…um…next time. It's just the guys insisted on calling you, so…"

_The guys. I bet it was Greg. I should have known better._ "Tell them hi."

"See you tonight," and he hang up without waiting for her to say anything.

Sara stayed sitting there for a while holding her phone. The little guy went right into her lap forming a furry ball and started his unique symphony. He glanced up once to make sure his performance took its effect. And it did. Sara smiled at him but inside she was sobbing. It was her specialty. No one would ever tell that she was crying. No tears, no puffy eyes. But instead of setting her free, she realized that Grissom became a part of her. And that part of her just did not function. She grieved her never-will-be relationship with Grissom. And the now ripping ache greeted her again. She looked down at the miniature tiger and he looked up at her.

"Herbie, are you still hungry?" she asked but knew the answer already because she also felt it all day.

She climbed off the bed and went to the kitchen where her purse had been left. She wanted to save it for tomorrow but she was no longer alone. So she retrieved the vacuum-wrapped triangle sandwich from her bag and carefully served it for the two of them. She took the slice of ham out of it and sliced it into tiny pieces, then took them onto a white plate and gave it to Herbie who jumped on it hungrily. Sara watched him eating while she swallowed the rest of the food along with her self-respect.

"I'll pay back everything, guys! I'm so sorry," she whispered sniffling. "I'll pay back everything."

**TBC**


	2. Losing hopes

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

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Chapter ****Two**

_There is no saint without a past, and no sinner without a future. - __**Shri Haidakhan Babaji**_

There was nothing more comforting than waking up to tender caresses. Sara instinctively let a smile adorn her lips. She did not want to open her eyes, probably she was still half asleep and the soft fingertips felt so wonderfully on her nose, Sara just wanted to enjoy the feeling. Grissom. She knew nothing was more beautiful than Grissom's delicate fingers and now, feeling their soothing play on her skin created a sort of solace, she felt safe, no one could hurt her. Grissom. His voice was like a promise that she would not be alone anymore, so steady, so deep and constant.

"Grissom," she whispered.

"Miaow," was the only answer and then Herbie's rotor started working again. He brushed Sara's nose once more, clearly demanding that she should wake up completely.

All of a sudden, realization hit her like a pile of bricks. This time, she could not open her eyes. Suddenly everything came back to her abolishing the illusion of safety and tenderness. Sensing this woman's turmoil, Herbie stopped purring. Anxiety flooded over him like a tsunami. Herbie did not know what he did wrong but he surely wanted to fix this problem. This sad woman had provided him a warm home and he valued a pillow dearly. He carefully inched closer and tried another approach to win Sara's love back. With his bony paws, Herbie started kneading his newly-found partner's upper arm. Sara knew she had scared the poor animal, she knew no matter what people thought about cats, they were ultra sensitive to emotions. And even though cats would do everything to hide their emotions, when the trust and love were established, it became harder and harder for them to camouflage how they really felt. Hiding behind the mask of arrogance did not always work. And there were rare occasions when these specifically private creatures' real feelings got to the surface.

_Perhaps,__ Grissom is a cat too_, she thought. _I wish you didn't love me, or at least you would have never confessed your feelings to that vile murderer. You made both me and yourself miserable with that simple monologue. At least I had dreams to live on, at least I could hope. But you denied me both your love and my hope. How can I work there now? Knowing that you have feelings for me but you are too arrogant and selfish to let me love you. How do you think I can live here knowing this? How can you believe that I would destroy you? You just didn't think about me. On the road we both are going to be destroyed._

Sara finally looked at Herbie only to find a pleading pair of green eyes. She reached for his head and the skinny cat went closer willingly restarting his throaty sawing.

"Hey beautiful, it's time to get up, don't you think?"

Receiving no answer she said, "Huh? Grissom really must be a cat, he has no answers either."

Herbie started to recognize the word 'Grissom' and so he answered, "Miaow."

Sara sat up in her bed holding the feather light cat close to her heart. When she had taken him home in the morning, she had not had the energy to examine Herbie. She had just realized how very thin this animal really was. She checked his ears, they were clean, and his fur was also nice as Sara had bathed him. Normally, the sight of a wet cat would have made her snicker but not this time. He had looked horribly emaciated. One more thing caught Sara's attention; this cat was declawed that meant he used to have an owner. His behavior was blameless, almost too immaculate. Sara did not want to imagine how it could have happened that a cat had become this hungry for love or how it was that he had had to live outside, unwanted at the mercy of luck, love and fate. A cat never forgot where he lived so it was clear that this innocent creature had been abandoned. Sara looked at Herbie and saw her own life. When she had moved to Vegas, she also had felt needed, wanted and maybe loved. But then, just like this little guy, she had been kicked out of the home of someone's heart. Or it was that Grissom had led Sara to feel and believe. Until that hateful day. Lurie had brought death to both Debbie and Sara. Life was cruel. Feeling the pangs of hunger, Sara decided to get moving instead of mulling over her misery. It also angered her that she let Grissom monopolize her thoughts.

"Herbie, let's find something to eat, okay. Don't expect a biggie," and she was already investigating her fridge, her cupboard and lastly her purse. Only little candies. They were great to kill the hunger. She had been in a supermarket last week where a new candy product had been promoted, so Sara could take as much as she had wanted. But she just could not give him a candy to eat. She was on the verge of crying. She could trick her own body. Every day she washed her teeth with toothpaste - for kids - that was either watermelon or bubble gum flavored. Sometimes she bought super strawberry flavored stuff. Anything but mint flavored. Mint would have made her feel even hungrier but these sweet and tasty toothpastes created a fake feeling of repletion. But for a cat it was just not an option. She checked the last place she suspected to find some secret food and her effort was rewarded by finding some sugarcoated cornflakes. Not really a cat food but with water, it could work for now. For both of them.

"Sorry darling, I'll get something tonight okay?"

Herbie was hungrier for kind words than food. After a while, the body learned to live on minimal input. He waited until Sara started to eat and then he gratefully ate his meal, too. After soothing their stomachs, Sara washed her teeth and felt much better, then sat down at the table to see how much money she had until payday.

"So…let's see. Today is Wednesday and salary comes this Friday. Two days…and…um…almost three dollars. Bank-roll!"

"Miaow."

"Yes! You're right," she laughed for the first time in days. "There was a couple in California who had lived on one dollar a day."

"Miaow," Herbie added.

"Yeah, I know. They tried it for only one month…which is a joke. But we have $1.50 a day. We're cool. And Friday is here soon. But after I pay the rent, the current expenses and the monthly payment for the…oh god…," she sighed deeply at the memory, "I…oops and reach my credit limit and again I'm back to square one."

Herbie was watching her. And pretending he understood every word. There was something totally weird about cats. They could watch their partner seemingly without blinking. After ten or so minutes, it could be frustrating.

"Yes, I know. My fault. I should have known better. Brass even warned me. If I had listened to him, I wouldn't be in this humiliating situation but I screwed up. Again."

It had been easy to walk down the same path over and over again hoping Grissom might change his mind about them but he had not. It had taken a great courage to step off that path and journey down on an unknown one. Making a change in her life had been a difficult and scary process but the rewards could have been immeasurable. But she had made a mistake and now she had to pay for it. Literally.

After a few more minutes, she got tired of self-pity, so she went to caress Herbie's head and then she started to dress for work. She was determined to work more. The more she worked, the more money she had. So she decided to go to the Lab earlier. The fact that she could see Grissom had nothing to do with her enthusiasm. At least she worked hard to convince herself of it. Within minutes, she was dressed up and was about to say bye-bye to Herbie when she could not find him. She called his name - nothing. She tried to call him 'Grissom'. To that, a weak cry came from under the sofa. Sara ran there and found Herbie in obvious pain. She panicked immediately but picked him up and drove at a spanking pace to the Pet's Clinic. Sara called Dr. Woods from her car so she could take Herbie in right away.

"Thanks for letting me bring Herbie in on such a short notice, Dr. Woods," she breathed.

"Of course, Ms. Sidle. In emergency, anyone can come any time. Plus, you are our most dedicated donator, without your help, this place would be less equipped. So what happened to him?"

"I found him in his vomit and it seemed he was in pain…at his abdomen. I found him this morning in the rain. I took him home and fed him."

"With what?"

"First with a slice of ham and an hour ago with cornflakes…I…I know it was not for cats but I wasn't prepared for having him."

"I want to run some tests and will see how this little guy is doing. I'll call you when I have the results. Same number?"

"Yes, I'd be extremely grateful. He means a lot to me. He is a great guy and he deserves a better life than he had."

"Don't worry; most probably it is just the food. You know when animals or humans for that matter are starving for long, the first two or three day, food can upset their stomachs. Or he just ate too quickly."

"Uh…can you tell me how much the test will cost?"

"It depends but I guess it'll be about 20-30 dollars."

Sara could not be any paler. She had three dollars altogether. "But as you're providing home to this animal, it's considered as a foster home for him, so his medical attendance is free."

"Oh, thanks so much. Thanks so so very much!"

"I'll call you."

Waiting for Sara to get out of sight, Dr. Woods called his assistant. The doctor and Sara were not close friends but both respected each other for what they had been doing for animals. The doctor was observant and sensitive to changes. Animals could not; humans did not want to tell what bothered them. And James Woods noticed the changes Sara had gone through. He had not asked Sara but he wanted to help.

"Yes, doctor?" the assistant answered.

"Send me the bill for Herbie's tests, please."

* * *

GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI

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In the Lab everybody had been busy by the time Sara arrived there. Although she knew Herbie was in good hands, she could not get rid of the idea that most probably she had caused him the pain. She felt that no matter how hard she tried to help others she only kept generating more trouble. And problem it was only she had constantly caused to the only man she loved. He had been so sad and so tired a year ago when he had given upon her. He had been broken. Because of her. And then the shame he had had to deal with, all because of her. When he had taken her home, she had decided to stop drinking and finally take her life in her own hands. Grissom had rejected her as a woman and he had declined her as a CSI when he had not chosen her for the promotion. So what kind of a future was waiting for her in Las Vegas? Sara furiously entered the building, closing the door a little more forcefully than it was necessary. She was thinking about Grissom - again. She became angry - again.

Deep in thoughts, Sara was walking through the corridor to the locker room. Only Greg was there standing in front of his mirror in a suit and tie. He was straightening his hair trying to get it to stay down. Sara had to smile at him.

"I look like a dork," Greg complained.

"No, no. No, you look like a pro, which is what you are. Let me guess, a prelim for Sherlock?"

"Yep."

Sara was giving Greg some useful instructions how to handle Judge 'not the sharpest tool in the shed' when Catherine poked her head in the doorway.

"You're mine tonight," she said and without waiting for Sara's reaction, she left.

_Mine…not with me__, mine. So I know who the boss is…as always. Why don't you want to work with me, Grissom. I could be a professional. I am a professional._

_

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_

GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI – GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI

* * *

Grissom was sitting in his office faking busy work. He had come in much earlier hoping to see Sara and that strange case of those bodies buried in tar had served him a great excuse to be around. But he had understood that Sara had not come in yet so he had started to assist to Catherine. His mind had kept returning to the thought Sara had planted in his subconscious this morning.

_I'm sorry, Griss. I'm not alone and I can't leave. Next time?_

She had not been alone. Of course she had not been alone. He had been clear enough for scores of time. He had not wanted to be with her. No, it was not true. He had wanted her in his life but he had not wanted to risk his job. His words back in the interrogation room seemed ridiculous even for him now. Risk his job? What a lame excuse! He did not care about his job when he had made friends with Heather Kessler. And if something, well, that would have risked his reputation. And here was Sophia who was just waiting for the chance to jump on him. And again, he had let her chum up with him. And during all that time, he had wanted no one else but Sara. He decided that he had been a damn coward and certainly a sadist. He had witnessed Sara's struggle but done nothing. And now, she had a boyfriend. _But what kind of a boyfriend he is? Don't you see, you bastard, that she is fading? I won't just sit here and do nothing._

He stood up and went to see Sara. He was determined to fix their relationship and earn her trust back and maybe, just maybe her love if she was still interested. He needed to know what was going on with her. He was about to cross the doorway when it clicked. He had given Sara to Catherine for the night.

"She is in good hands," he sighed.

* * *

GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI

* * *

"Get in my office. Now," Ecklie barked at Sara as if she was a dog. Entering the office, he started his speech, "You are a law enforcement officer and a representative of this city. That means I expect you to conduct yourself in an appropriate manner, in and away from this lab."

"You know what if this is gonna be one of your 'for the good of the lab' speeches, don't bother. I've heard them."

"Willows is a supervisor that means you treat her with respect. Insulting her in front of coworkers ..."

"She's not my supervisor," _and not my owner,_ she added soundlessly.

"All right your superior. Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, and you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look; you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket. And if Grissom really documented your performance, there'd probably be a dozen more; that's not the kind of person I want in my lab."

_Shut up Sidle, you need this job,__ you need this job, think about Herbie!_ "The only reason this is your lab is because Grissom doesn't kiss ass. You couldn't hack it in the field, so you fail your way up, you break up our team, and now you just hang out in the hallways waiting for one of us to screw up."

"Sidle, you're on one-week suspension without pay."

"Great." _You can just as well kill me._

"And when you get back, you're apologizing to Catherine."

_I'll die sooner_. "No, I'm not."

And that was it. She lost her job, she was sure of it. Now she really had nothing. Maybe it was the exhaustion of her body because of the undernourishment, or because of too much work that had driven her to go into orbit. Probably both. She was just so tired of being judged. Judged by those who had made more mistakes than she had ever done, by those who kept doing absurd things, she hated being despised by those who needed a mirror to look into! It was ironically funny that all of the overestimated CSIs had caused someone's death. Catherine had thought she had had to share confidential information with the husband of a victim who with that knowledge in head had shot an innocent person. Warrick had gone to make his own business and Holly Gribbs had died, for that reason had she been asked to come in the first place. And still, it was her who was treated like a neurotic deviant.

…_not the kind of person I want in my lab…_

Sara was practically running to her car. And for the first time in years, she was sobbing...openly. Not because she had just been fired but because of the reasons. She did not deserve to be scorned like this.

…_you berate witnesses…._"No, I am telling them the truth, while others hit them or shouted at them, oh, sorry, they are not me!"

…_you disrespect the people you work with_…."No, I just don't take ass kissing or gossiping; show me one person I was disrespectful to."

…_you luck your way out of a DUI…_"That's true, still you don't know shit about me."

…_if Grissom really documented your performance_…"I would have been promoted, yes!"

…_not the kind of person I want in my lab… _"If you want people in your Lab like you and your gang, then I don't want to work here either!"

She got so upset that her stomach felt like a leaden ball. The sickening salty taste in her mouth mixed with the tears made her bend over. One of her hand was on the roof of her car trying to balance her, her other hand was in front of her mouth. Sara breathed deeply hoping the feeling just go away. But this time it did not. She was heaving for long minutes but came out nothing. This was the worst kind of retching. It tired the body even more. Nothing lasted forever, not even the pain, so many deep breaths later; Sara was able to straighten her back again. She looked up to the sky and wished she were anywhere but here. She wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her blouse when she felt her cell phone vibrating. She pulled it out of her jeans to see who wanted to reach her. Sara's hands were still shaking from the nausea that had hit her minutes earlier. The still buzzing phone fell onto the concrete. Now, Sara could shout her frustration out but instead, she knelt down to pick up the device. It was the property of the Lab. She had no intention to pay for it, too. Something glorious caught her eyes. She could not believe it. A ten-dollar bill. Her first thought was Herbie. She smiled despite of her situation. She could buy food for both of them. And Friday was here soon. She took the phone and dialed back the caller.

"Hi, it's Sara Sidle. I've got a call from this number."

"Miss Sidle, I'm Sonia Davis from the Pets' Clinic. Did you have a cat named Herbie here?"

"What do you mean by 'did'?" Sara asked the woman. She felt the overwhelming fear filled her veins.

**TBC**


	3. Ten Dollars Plus Three

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N: **Thanks so much for the kind words, and for loving Herbie so much :-) I love him too :-)

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Chapter ****Three**

_Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers. - __**Robert Ingersoll**_

To lose one parent was tragedy, but to lose both left the person truly alone in the cruel world. Before the death of parents, that person had been someone's child, had belonged to somewhere, to someone. Sara Sidle had learned how true this was when she had been pushed into the custody of the state. No matter that her mother was still alive somewhere, the woman had been nowhere when Sara had needed her, and that lady had never tried to find her daughter, so she had been left in the past. Lately, Sara had learned one more thing. When one slowly lost oneself, it placed them on a newer level of loneliness. Today, she had hit rock bottom of forlornness.

In a single hour, she had lost her job that had defined her as a professional; she had most probably lost her love that had given her days a boost; and only a few minutes ago, she had been informed that she no longer had Herbie who had provided her someone to go home to, someone to love - freely. So, yes, there was always worse. Now, she was losing herself, she felt really alone.

Sara put her phone back into her pocket; she no longer felt the initial fury that she had felt when the assistant had told her about Herbie, all the anger left her body, and now, only the numbness filled her heart. How could it have happened? She kept chanting the question.

The broken woman looked down at the ten-dollar bill that was still in her hand. What once had promised her a divine dinner with her sweet kitten, now it was all for her to grieve. She wiped the last tears off her cheeks and took a deep breath. Leaving the company car behind, she started her lengthy walk home. Without decent food, her body was getting weaker quickly. But her mind was clear and strong. The pain in her stomach was terrible again. She took a candy out of her purse and the pain immediately eased up a little. Her body welcomed the unexpected but so needed glucose so it rewarded Sara with some functional form of energy to find new strength.

On her way to her cozy nest, the starving CSI entered the grocery store she had not visited very often lately. But now, she had ten plus three dollars and finally she wanted to feel sated to nausea. The shopping cart quickly got filled up with numerous nutrient dense foods. For a moment, her eyes misted again and Sara suddenly maneuvered the cart to the shelves where the alcohol beverages were offered. _Why not_, she thought. _No, I can't. Yes, I can. Grissom will be disappointed again. He is already disappointed, so what? Just one pack. No, Sidle! Buy food not beer! Oh, god, but I'm feeling so…small and unimportant._

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* * *

Back in the Lab, Greg was sitting on the bench in the locker room contemplating what he should do now. Greg had been tired after hours of sitting on the stand but he had woken up fully when he had arrived back to the Lab and had had to face her best friend's humiliation. He could find no chance to talk to Sara afterwards but he had known that Grissom should know about it before Catherine would go into a huddle with Ecklie. So Greg strengthened himself for talking with his boss. Walking through the hallway, Greg looked around but as he expected, he could not find Catherine anywhere. No one had to be a genius to figure out where she had to be right now. He quickened his steps.

After knocking on Grissom's door, he said, "Can I have a quick word with you, boss?"

"I'm busy, Greg. Can't it wait?"

"It can wait but by the time you decide to have one single minute for me, it really could be too late."

…_by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late…really could be too late__…_

God, how much he feared that Sara's words once would come true and he really would be too late. He wanted to see Sara and not Greg. The young man could wait.

"Greg, I'm covered with papers I have to sign, so whatever it is about, it has to wait."

"But…" Grissom's phone went off interrupting Greg's effort to inform this trying man about what had happened to Sara.

"Grissom," he answered the phone. "Yes, Conrad?...What?...Why?"

Greg made clear to Grissom that it was exactly he had intended to talk about but he had ignored him.

Hanging up, Grissom looked at Greg, "Why couldn't you just tell me what you wanted clear and loud?"

"I tried to give you warning but you weren't listening."

"Clear and loud, Greg!"

"Sorry Gris, but I brought good-manner from home and even after years in this Lab, I still have some courtesy. So I asked you if you had a minute, but you seemed to have none."

"And now it's too late," he said almost whispering.

"Just don't believe everything you're going to hear."

Another time, Grissom surely would have found Greg's words irritating but now, the young CSI was dead serious, bordering on despair. Grissom smelled bigger problem behind Sara's suspension. Already hating the conversation that was waiting for him, he nodded at Greg and went to hear Ecklie and Catherine's version of the world's end.

Thirty hateful minutes and an unfinished dispute later, Grissom ordered Catherine to meet him in his office. Even if Sara made mistakes, the whole situation had looked like an execution. It had been easy to spread dirt when Sara had not been there to defend herself. This angered Grissom the most.

"Why couldn't come to me first? Why Ecklie?" Grissom asked Catherine angrily.

"I didn't run to him, Conrad witnessed the entire blow-up. Sara was rude and was subordinate with me and…"

"Yes, I already heard that. I know what subordination looks like and how it sounds; you presented it to me many times. And you weren't suspended. Still, you went to discuss Sara's fate with him first, you gave me no chance to…"

"To what? Save her ass again?"

"Yes, save her ass again, like I did with your ass so many times before. So many times, Catherine!"

"Thanks for remind me of my flaws, I had private problems, you know. Lindsey…"

"How long will you use her as an excuse? Everybody has their own problems. Just as I'm sure Sara has too."

"What kind of problem can she have? Finding enough time to select her next victim to insult?" she asked sarcastically.

Grissom was seething with anger, "At least Sara HAS to find time for it, while others can manage it indiscriminately."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I am just saying that you might want to think about your own mistakes you committed and their consequences, your actions and their consequences. Ain't it funny how easy to justify our own mistakes while you can so easily judge someone else? Just think about it Cath!"

"I.."

"If everybody had been fired right after a mistake like Sara's, NO ONE would be here by now! No one!"

And with this last shot, Grissom started to leave not looking at Catherine.

"What are you going to do?"

"Not to jump to conclusions!"

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Sara carried home two small shopping bags full of long lasting foods and some fresh fruits. Sara was amazed how many foodstuffs she could buy; of course she knew the places to find the cheapest products. She started to put away her treasures. Bread, butter, one fresh cucumber and two apples, a little box of cereals, one single carton of low-fat milk, and a carton of juice. Then, she pulled a single bottle of beer from the bag. The label said alcohol-free. She promised Grissom. And she always kept her word. She had stood in front of the wide selection of alcoholic beverages but then only chosen a bottle that contained no alcohol. Sara had decided to buy food and a toy for her lost friend, Herbie. This money had been supposed to be theirs. Sara closed her eyes holding the box of Whiskas Junior and the small toy mouse close to her.

.

"_Hi, it's Sara Sidle. I've got a call from this number."_

"_Miss Sidle, I'm Sonia Davis from the Pets' Clinic. Did you have a cat named Herbie here?"_

"_What do you mean by 'did'?" Sara asked the woman. She felt the overwhelming fear filled her veins._

"_I'm so sorry but…um…"_

"_What happened?"_

"_Herbie was in the examining room. We just tried to start an IV line when a guy came in with his dog and Herbie panicked and ran out of the door. I'm so sorry Miss Sidle."_

"_But he was so weak! And how could__ this happen?"_

"_We are so sorry, this has never happened before and I don't know what I can do to fix this. You can choose another cat if you want."_

"_No, I only want Herbie. How can I choose another cat while he is out there starving?__ Herbie is an animal of feelings, not a pair of shoes that can be easily forgotten."_

"_I understand, Miss. We tried to find him but…"_

"_You didn't…"_

"_No, many nurses were looking for him but he was nowhere to find. I'm sorry again."_

"_I guess you would have found him if he was a "rich" cat."_

"_I understand you're upset but please, believe me, we handle pets regardless of their background. Dr. Woods said Herbie was surprisingly strong. He was fighting for his life pretty vehemently. Dr. Woods' arms are covered with canyons from Herbie's teeth. That he is severely undernourished is an understatement but other than that he is healthy and strong. A real survivor."_

"_But he is out there all alone…again. Where can I find him?"_

"_The Clinic is close to your home, right?"_

"_Yes. You think he finds his way back to my home?"_

"_Cats are amazing and if they love someone…maybe. But I don't want you to hope for…um…I will honest with you, there is a big possibility that you'll never find him. We are sorry, Miss. Sidle."_

"_He is alive, truly alive, maybe…Thanks for calling, Miss…um…"_

"_Davis. I hope you will find Herbie__, Miss Sidle. Bye."_

.

When Sara had arrived home, there had been no sign of her sweet Herbie. She had even walked the apartment house around to see if the cat had been anywhere to find. Hope was the worst enemy of a mourner, it just prolonged the suffering. Sara's grief was interrupted by her phone. She sighed and pulled her cell out. It was Grissom. New waves of agitation swept through her. She was just not ready for another lecture. She longed to hear his voice but feared his words just as much. Sara was well aware of her faults; she decided that Grissom could wash her off the world later.

Sara had been hungry earlier but now, that she knew that there was a sandwich waiting for her to eat, her hunger took charge. She sat onto her couch and placed the tray with the meal onto her knees. She was about to bite into the bread roll when her cell went off once more. She put the food next to her and then stood up to see who the caller was this time. She was surprised to see it was Grissom again. _He must be furious. I already see his eyes, full of disappointment._ This time, she did not dare to answer it. _Later. Much later or never._

The poor woman went back to her mini picnic when someone tried to reach her on the landline. There was no need to check the caller; she knew who it had to be. _Oh my God, he must think I don't answer him on purpose. He will be extremely mad._ Sara's hands started to shake. Hunger, mental and physical exhaustion; and fear that forced her to get out of her flat. She needed fresh air. Sara grabbed her sandwich and left the flat leaving her cell phone behind…ringing.

She was walking to her hidden asylum. On her way to the park, Sara was practically devoured the food. To a stranger who did not know what was happening to her, it had to seem that this fragile lady raced somewhere engorging a huge hamburger. Soon this crazy race took its effect on her. She should have known better than to eat it so quickly. Suddenly she got severely nauseated. She stopped walking and took a deep breath but it only triggered her sickness that led to vomiting. There was no time to find a proper place for this business; she emptied her stomach right there. Fortunately, there was no one there to watch her throwing up. Surprisingly, she felt better after she lost her long-desired food. Her stomach smiled but her body cried for rest. Sara decided to go home instead of sitting in the park.

Turning the key in the lock of her door, she thought about Herbie. Poor guy had nowhere to go home after that horrible ordeal. Where could he be now? He had to be frightened; he had to believe that dog wanted to kill him. No wonder he had fought so hard. He was so miserable in the rain yesterday. Now, he had no home. Home.

.

"_The Clinic is close to your home, right?"_

"_Yes. You think he finds his way back to my home?"_

"_Cats are amazing and if they love someone…maybe."_

.

The key stopped turning in the lock, Sara's pulse got to 110. Grissom could be proud of her. This time, she was not mad like he had been when his heart rate was ninety-five because of a guy who had killed his wife just because that unlucky woman allegedly had nagged him. No, she became excited. Forgetting her misery, she sprinted back to the park, to the bench, to the tree where she had found Herbie earlier. Sara was panting from both excitement and tiredness. Sitting down on the bench to catch her breath, she called her lovely friend.

"Herbie?"

Nothing.

"Herbie? Kitty-kitty?" she said his name louder.

Nothing.

Sara's hope was fading quickly. It would have been too nice to be true. And now, she had to go home to an empty flat and had to answer the call she feared the most. Secretly she hoped that Grissom had given upon calling her but she knew better. What she did not suspect that the man in question was trying to call her for the last time. He became seriously worried about her after another failed call and he decided to have a shower and then pay a visit at her place.

"Grissom, please don't hate me, please, just don't hate me," she sniffled. "Grissom."

"Miaow."

"Herbie?"

**TBC**

_**

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Author's Postscript:**_ So Grissom is soon on his way to see Sara at her place. But will he find out about her tight situation when her fridge is actually almost full? And how will he react to the sweet guy in her life? Or should I ask how Herbie will react to Grissom?


	4. The Visit

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

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**Chapter ****Four**

_Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. – __**Unknown Author**_

"Grissom, please don't hate me, please, just don't hate me," she sniffled. "Grissom."

"Miaow."

"Herbie?"

And then the park fell into brooding silence once again. Sara did not know if she had only hallucinated the faint sound as a cruel joke of her imagination, so she stayed very still in case the thin cry would come again. She tried to recall the direction of the sad tone but her body was so exhausted that she could not concentrate. The broken woman could not give up on Herbie just yet. She knew he needed her and Sara was sure that the cat could be her only solace, too. Both of them were fugitives in this loveless city. And both of their hearts were full of love, so they were more than willing to lavish their love upon someone who was interested.

The CSI in Sara restarted to function. Even in this mournful state of her mind, she scanned the area through a CSI's eyes. Not wanting to scare the little animal if he really was there, Sara ever so tentatively stepped closer to the row of bushes and trees. She looked up to the tree where she had found him the first time, but only the memories of him winked back at her. She tried to imagine how Herbie had had to felt after that terrifying ordeal. He had had to be scared to death and weak from stress. Sara knew she had earned the cat's trust only to let him believe that she no longer loved him and handed him over to some strangers in that unfriendly white walled room where she had left him. The young woman knew that feeling way too well and it made her heart hurt. It was doubtful that Herbie could climb up the tree again, so she bent down to look under the branches of those bushes but saw nothing but dry lifeless leaves.

"Herbie?" Nothing. "Please, don't do this," she whispered.

And the weak 'miaow' came again. This time Sara was sure it had not been a hallucination but his voice. Her heart was fluttering so intensely that she thought she would die of new-born hope. Closing her eyes for a moment to calm herself, she felt the overwhelming need to protect this betrayed creature. Pulling away some branches, she finally caught the sight of the trembling Herbie. He was curling up into a little dirty ball, only his "windows-to-the-soul" eyes pleaded her to take him home. Carefully, Sara reached for his body and Herbie moved so that she could pull him out from under the branches. First, Sara rose to her knees then tried to stand up with Herbie in her arms but the sudden change in position made her feel very dizzy. Falling back onto the ground, she closed her eyes tightly. Sara feared of letting go of Herbie in case he got startled.

"Just give me a minute, just a moment."

As if the cat understood what was going on, he did not even try to escape Sara's embrace. He sensed that this nice woman whom he considered his partner was in pain. If Herbie was anxious, it was for her to get better and not for him to run away. From now on, he was going to follow his lady friend anywhere. Several seconds later, Sara felt stronger and she started to straighten again but now she tried it gradually.

"Ready to go home, Herbie?"

Within minutes they arrived home. Opening the door to Herbie, Sara placed the furry bag of bones onto the floor and she gently pushed his butts forward indicating him to cross the door-step to his happier future. Recognizing the place immediately, Herbie shyly went in. He sat down in the middle of the living-room and looked around to see if something had changed since he had been here. The same brown armchair, the same couch with the same coffee-table. He found the little kitchenette unchanged as well. But the little cat noticed something had been placed onto the narrow kitchen bar, and it radiated delicious smell. He looked back at Sara and with a pleading miaow, he asked her to give him from that food. Getting the hint, Sara smiled at her baby reassuringly and then she opened the box of Whiskas dishing out a few pieces onto a small plate, before she served it to him; Sara had sprayed water onto the food to make it easier to digest and then gave it to her hungry four-legged buddy.

Sara went to sit down onto her couch to watch Herbie eating. She wondered how anybody could abandon a living soul like him. Even though he looked and indeed was very bony, even though anyone could see and feel his ribs, he was a cute little cat. Sara was watching him and comparing Herbie to a pixie or an elfin even, because of his jumbo-sized satellite-dish ears, Sara played with the idea of him being a son of E.T. With each elapsed second, she fell more and more deeply in love with him. Now, his coat was dirty but she had already seen his wonderfully rich fur after she had bathed him that fateful morning. With the black markings set against the brilliant silver-brownish background, Herbie looked like the god of all tabby cats. At least to Sara, he was the most beautiful creature in the world.

"Miaow," sang Herbie. He finished his meal and now, he was ready to cuddle.

"No-no, darling, bathing first. You're dirty; you made my shirt dirty, so bath for both of us. Happy?"

As if sensing what would happen next, Herbie tried his best "please-no-I-am-too-tired" expression and he quickly jumped into Sara's lap. His huge and wide set of green eyes told her to cuddle up instead of getting wet. He started his old trick. Slowly he was kneading his way up to Sara's belly. It reminded Sara of her best friend from college. Kimberly also had had a cat who had been a real gentleman. Never started his massage at her breasts, he had inched his way up to them gradually.

"You still have to bathe, so you can save your energy, hun!"

And with that, she picked him up and went straight to her bathroom. Cat-fight earned a new meaning that early afternoon.

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Grissom had never felt this drained since the case of Debbie Marlin. Not emotionally anyway. Every time his nerves were stretched to the breaking point, its source had been Sara, just like this time. Adrenaline was racing in his blood when he put the phone back into his pocket. And now, she was not answering her phone. Grissom angrily dropped his CSI ID card onto his coffee table. He did not know who he was angrier at. At himself or at Sara. If he wanted to be completely honest with himself, he had to admit that an image of a drunk Sara had popped into his mind earlier, but then he had mentally whipped himself for the unfair and gratuitous assumption. He knew well enough it was not her problem. But there was something that sure had to bother her. Sara had not been herself for a while now and he feared to name its reason because he knew the exact time of the birth of her deepening depression. Subconsciously his eyes sought the little ID card abandoned on the table. Gil Grissom. Well, everything screamed the reason. Grissom had believed if he had let Sara live her life without him in it, they both would be able to survive. Evidently, he had been wrong, he started to realize now. Still, why could Sara not stay out of trouble? _This one week would be good for you,_ he thought.

Grissom had wanted to call her once more but then he had decided not to give Sara any more opportunity for escaping his call, so he had flashed into his bathroom for a quick shower and now he was dressing in his bedroom. He could not have explained why he wanted to look good but he spent long minutes with picking the right clothes out. He became angry and this time at himself. He was going to demand an explanation from Sara and not to court her. Court. His pulse raced. If he was just going to visit her as her boss, then why was he so extremely nervous? He knew the answer and that scared the hell out of him. Out of the Lab he was not as confident as he wanted to appear. Inside of Sara's home, he might be lost completely.

After an hour-long self-questioning about his real intentions and "how-to-keep-the-professional-façade", he was ready to leave his house and visit the woman he feared but also longed to see.

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Dr. Woods had been right. Herbie was stronger than he looked like, Sara was amusing. This lithe tired cat had made it perfectly clear for Sara that he hated water. After Sara had called the Pet's Clinic to let the vet know that the sweet runaway had found his way home, she made Herbie's bed. Sara knew that a cat would sleep where he wanted to, which was most probably with her, so she rethought her policy against animals in bed. It had been clear that her scent had attracted Herbie the first time so she let this purring sleeping aid snooze wherever he would decide to do so. Soon, a shoe-box was constituted as his litter box until she could buy a proper one. She installed one small bowl for water and one for food. Herbie's household got supplied.

Satisfied with the sight of her clean friend happily discovering his new home, Sara went to sit to her desk to check the letter she had brought up hours earlier. On her way to the little desk, she turned down the telephone's volume a little so that it would not scare the newcomer if it rang. However, it almost never went off.

"Want some music?" she asked the busy cat. "Hmmm, okay."

She turned on the stereo and the depressing music filled the room. It fitted her mood after she had realized that the unread letter had been waiting for her. Hoping some encouragement from the beer she had bought, Sara went to her fridge to retrieve the bottled optimism. Looking down at it she sighed. Drinking beer before eating some solid food would have been straight way to catastrophe, so she washed one of the apples she had and ate with some bread. There was nothing else she could do to postpone the inevitable, so she walked slowly back to the desk where that oppressive envelope was left. She already knew what it would say. Always the same answer. Always. Even though Sara knew what she was going to read, her curiosity and hope could not let her alone. Opening the envelope she pulled the paper out of its cave and unfolded it. Sara did not bother with the whole text; she spotted those feared words right away. As she suspected, they were the same again. Dropping the letter onto the desk, Sara noticed the little gray toy mouse next to the remote control of the stereo.

"Lookie here, baby, it's for you!"

Nature made cats into perfect machines for leaping, jumping and simulating hunting. Just because Herbie had not real prey to chase did not mean he could not act out his inner predator. His eyes kindled with excitement immediately as the soft mouse hit the floor. Sara's eyes misted at the sight of him. It was so moving that it took so very little to please him and to engage him in what seemed the most fascinating of games.

Sara's smile died soon when she looked back at the letter in front of her. With a pencil, she started to comment the non-sense lines in the mail. She always did this as some kind of a revenge.

Suddenly, Herbie stopped playing and backed off to his pillow that Sara had given him to be his manor. He lay so low that he almost became one with the padding.

A sudden panic ran through Sara as she heard the knocks. She turned off the music and went to see who was at the door. Her greatest fear and deepest love in person. Grissom.

With a beer bottle in her hand, she opened the door to him, "Well, if you're here, it can't be good!"

One tiny part of him had begged for her to be out somewhere so that he could run away. But the bigger part of him had begged just with the same intensity to find her at home. The slightest possibility of her getting hurt was too much to bear for him. When there had been no answer to his knocking, he had lowered his head in defeat. Grissom had tried once more to get in. Few moments later relief had rushed thought his heart when the opening door let him see her for the first time in that day. He felt his pulse rate topped his record; he wanted nothing else but to take her into his arms and hold her as tightly as he could but as always he masked his emotions pretty well. What he believed was a calm appearance; it really looked like an emotionless or careless expression.

"Can I come in?"

Sara stepped back to let him in but lifted her hand with the beer bottle at him immediately and asked if he came just to ask if she was drunk. Her sad smile indicated the pain behind this simple assumption.

"We both know that's not your problem."

Yes, he was right; they both know the source of her sadness. And his sadness, as well. For a moment, their eyes locked but Grissom could not let his emotion be shown, so he went on.

"I spoke to Catherine." _And stood up for you, Sara._

"Ecklie." _I bet you're tired of me._

"He wants me to fire you." _I want him to stay away from you._

"I figured." _Why did you come here? _"Can I get you anything?"

"Sure, an explanation." _I want to know everything about you. Why are you so pale? Why are you so thin? Why didn't you talk to me?_

She knew it was going to come. But who cared? Why did he care now? Many questions were whirling in her head and finding no answer to these "whys", she started to feel anxious and angry again. And his "wise" quotation only fueled her frustration. Herbie sensed his lady's distress but he was too scared to make an appearance. Sara tried to distance herself physically from Grissom and gave a safe explanation Sara was sure he was looking for.

"Why?" he insisted not buying the reasons she tried to sell.

Shaking her head no she said, "Leave it alone."

_Go away! What would you like to hear? That my life was a nightmare when I had no control over it and it is a mess now when I should have power __to form it the way I like? That I screwed up and now I am in dept, so I have no money? That I couldn't quit because I am not needed anywhere because…because…That I am trying to let you go but I just can't? Which one do you want to hear?_

All of a sudden, she felt a tremendous wave of panic, her heart was pounding, her chest hurt. It was getting harder to breathe. She got that now well-known awful feeling in the pit of her stomach while her hands got numb. Knowing what was probably going to happen, Sara got even more nervous about the possibility of losing control and doing something embarrassing.

Grissom believed that Sara was hesitating if she should confess her real reasons for losing her temper or not. He took it as a good sign, so he continued his questioning.

"No, Sara."

_Please don't! __I don't know what you're expecting of me. It seems that every step I take is another mistake to you. I fear that everything that…you believed I was…would fall apart in front of you. I'm so tired of trying._

"What do you want from me?" she was on the edge of crying.

"I want to know why you're so angry."

She looked straight into his eyes and saw nothing else but genuine concern. The enormous amount of emotions he finally let her see made her weak. She just needed some time to regain her composure. Sara believed that he did not like feeble people, she did not want him to see her weak and now, she was powerless in body and in soul.

"Excuse me, I have to use the toilet," she said.

"Sara! Please, don't run." _Don't run from me, I am here to help_.

"I do not. I…I...just…" but she could not finish her sentence as the unavoidable urge to throw up sent her to the bathroom leaving a very worried Grissom and a very scared Herbie behind.

There was something seriously wrong with her, Grissom could see it, feel it but could not tell what it was. He knew the angry Sara, he had already witnessed the insecure Sara and all of them had seen her sick but he had to face with the Sara in despair. It gave Grissom a new dimension of this woman's complex personality.

His eyes searched the room for signs of any problem. Everything seemed normal. The flat was neat, obviously ordered. He walked closer to the walls adoring the framed photos on the walls. All of them showed natural peace and all of them lacked human touch. Grissom stepped from photo to photo until he hit his hips only to realize that the offending furniture was Sara's desk. He was about to investigate her stuff when his conscience kicked in. The book opened on her desk, a sheet of paper that it might be a letter jotted all over by pencil and many other things were Sara's private things. He had no right to spy. But the man in him suggested that they could reveal the answers Sara might not want to give him. Grissom was reaching for the supposed letter when he heard a faint ringing. The low buzzing made him jump and turn around. He scanned the room for the phone as he knew it was not the cell phone Sara had left on her open book and that was when he noticed Herbie the first time.

Grissom stopped dead. Did that huge scared pair of eyes belong to a cat? He inched a little closer to him but suddenly he stepped on something. Looking down, he saw a small toy. He bent down to pick it up when he heard the phone ringing again. This time he concentrated on the dim sound and found the device.

He instinctively went to see who the caller was.

Dr. Woods, J.

New level of fear took residence in his heart. Dr. What kind of doctor could he be? Was it a he? And if this Woods was not a medical doctor, then what was their relationship? But what if this Woods was really a medical doctor? Was Sara sick? Panic filled his head, heart and body.

_Sara, it's James Woods. Sorry, I couldn't answer your call earlier, and now it seems you're busy. Can I call you later?_

He could not have explained it if his life had depended on it but without thinking did he hit the key on the answering machine to delete the message. Grissom regretted his action immediately.

**TBC**

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**AN: You might all heard about the tragedy that had happened a few days ago. ****The toxic red sludge that burst out of a Hungarian factory's reservoir reached seven towns killing humans and all animals. People all over the country prayed like we'd never prayed before, please you too pray for those who died and even harder for those who are still missing. We still hope! Thank you!**


	5. Fears and Lies, Trust and Truth

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: Dear Readers, I am so sorry for the delay. Life is the worst secretary I have ever had. She does not care about my schedules; she just arranges extra programs for me! I have to fire her! ;) Anyway, I hope you will enjoy this update :-) The road is pretty rocky…

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Chapter ****Five**

_We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thi__ng that we fear grows stronger. - __**Tad Williams**_

Seeing the name on the display of the telephone, new level of fear took residence in his heart. Dr. What kind of doctor could this Dr. Woods, J. be? Was it a he? And if this Woods was not a medical doctor, then what kind of relationship Sara and this guy had? But what if this Woods was really a medical doctor? Was Sara sick? Panic filled his head, heart and body. And then the ringing stopped but the silence was soon followed by a new sound of threat.

_Sara, it's James Woods. Sorry, I couldn't answer your call earlier, and now it seems you're busy. Can I call you later?_

He could not have explained it if his life had depended on it but without thinking did he hit the key on the answering machine to delete the message. Grissom regretted his action immediately. He had no right to delete that message, he knew that and still he had done it. If Sara were really ill, then he had just jeopardized her chance to have the treatment she might need. If it had been a private call, then he had messed up royally just as well. Until now, he had just stepped back and looked on that some faceless guy had stolen Sara from him and Grissom had done nothing. Well, that had not been the complete truth. He had made Sara's life much harder. And why? Because some paramedic had been brave enough to be with her, to give her what she deserved. Grissom had been angry at Sara only because she had wanted to be happy, to be loved. And now? A medical man again – Déjà vu. This time Grissom was determined to show Sara that he was worthy of her love and trust, to show her that he now was willing to risk everything for her.

_You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late._

He could not tell how many times this promise of Sara had been echoing in his head through the years and whenever he had remembered it; the blood had frozen in his veins. If their story were a romantic film, he would enjoy the heroic struggle of the young lover but in real life, it was not a joy ride. And he knew that he was neither heroic nor young. What if he was really late this time? He would not let this Woods steal his Sara. Grissom buried his worried face into his hands. The thought of this man being Sara's physician indeed made him panic. He did not know anything about this man whereabouts and still, he had erased the message. He felt so dirty. He bit on his lower lip and turned around to see if he was still alone. Alone with that little wide eyed animal.

Expecting only a pair of green eyes staring at him, he found a pair of brown ones watching him too, "Sara!"

"Umm…did I have a call?"

"No!" he answered a little too quickly. "I mean yes, the phone was ringing while you were in the bathroom," he said but then stopped. "Are you alright?"

"Thanks, I am fine. Who called?"

"Oh, well, I…umm…the ringing seemed to scare your cat and I…umm…only lifted the receiver and put it back in its cradle."

At this point, Grissom was disgusted by his own words. _What the hell am I doing?_ He came to her in hopes she would open up to him and finally she would share what was bothering her so he could help. How could he expect honesty and trust from her when he had just lied to her, right into her face? _What kind of a man am I, _he grieved. He longed to tell Sara the truth but he feared the questions and the accusations the truth ensued. How to tell the woman he loved that he deleted a message she had just received when he himself did not have answers to his actions? Or probably he had but was still coward to pour them into words. How to ask Sara to tell him everything about her when he had closed his lips years ago? And the rare occasion he had talked to her, he had just kept lying. Like today when he tried to sell her half truth and disguised half lie. Justice was blind to the crimes in life like these.

"Oh…oookay," she said. "So, you met Herbie?"

"His name's Herbie?" The name reminded Grissom of his uncle who had been a plumber. _What a nice coincidence_, he thought.

"Um…yes," she answered with flushed cheeks. "I found him yesterday morning in the park near my apartment block."

"Shall I?" Grissom pointed to the cat.

"Sure. Just be gentle with him, Herbie is still very insecure."

Sara watched Grissom slowly approaching the breathing fur-ball. He called his name for some times but Herbie remained very still. Grissom bended down to caress Herbie's head but the cat drew back into the pillow and started to emit some strange and threatening voice. Herbie let him know by flattening his ears backwards that his touch would not be welcomed.

"Um…maybe you better not to…" Sara tried to warn Grissom but he seemed not to listen.

"Herbie, hello Herbie, nice to meet you."

Within seconds, Grissom learned to read the signs that Herbie had been sending. Immediately his fingers had touched the cat's fur, Herbie answered with some well directed smacks onto Grissom's hand.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why he acts like this. He's not an aggressive cat!" Sara was at Herbie's side in a second. The young woman spooned him up and held the feline close. The cat relaxed instantly but he still kept his eyes on the man standing beside his lady.

"I guess I have to earn his trust before I can touch him."

"Herbie was through so much. I found him in the rain, he was alone, and he was so hungry. And just look at him. No one becomes this bony in a short period of time. He is declawed that means he belonged to someone. And that some one promised him a home and love then the same person betrayed and left him to his fate. How could anybody lie so heartlessly?"

Grissom felt like hell. _How could anybody lie so heartlessly?_ He knew how much honesty means to Sara and he had lied to her and not just today. He had lied to her constantly since the day she had arrived in Vegas. He had lied to himself. Grissom wanted to tell her everything about his feelings, about the deleted message but he feared her reaction. Grissom thought that Herbie was going to be a safe topic but Sara's words sounded like drops of hints. Or was it only his guilty conscience?

"Maybe that one didn't want to betray him, maybe it just happened. Sara, you have to consider the possibility that his owner didn't have anything to offer Herbie. I'm not saying his owner is innocent. It is horrible what happened to this animal but he or she might think that…"

"What? Let him die…out of love? No, absolutely not! Everybody should have a responsibility for the one they love. A promise can bear hope but a lie can murder a part of you. And when the trust is dead, it is almost impossible to earn it again."

Grissom was on the edge of despair, he believed that he was going to die of shame and guilt. He became a murderer. Sara's eyes mirrored bottomless sadness. _Who are we talking about right now?_ Watching her so very slim and still delicious arms holding this tiny cat, Grissom felt the unbearable need to protect both of them, to prove that he could be the one who could earn their trust back. He had never seen two pairs of eyes so sad like theirs.

"But I always can be trying."

"Do you want to try?" Sara symbolically offered Herbie for Grissom to hold him.

"Try? I'm…not sure…I…" Grissom started to feel paranoid. He had the strange feeling that Sara was not talking about Herbie at all. He did not want to scare the cat more than he had already done and now, Sara took his reluctance toward Herbie as his rejection of her.

"See? Words mean nothing without sincere intention," she answered and after a heavy silence she added, "Animals sense if you are honest with them."

"I like Herbie! And I want to try, Sara."

Sara did not know what to think. She felt that his words meant more than just to have Herbie like him. But did it mean that he had been talking about them? The slimmest possibility that Grissom might change his mind and finally let her love him made her feel dizzy for a moment. But it was too late now. She decided to leave, even though it was not the way she had imagined her departure, Ecklie and Catherine had made it very real for her.

Sara walked with Herbie in her arms to the wall where many photos were hanging. She was confused and so very tired. Her weak body could not process the impulses her brain was sending and her lithe body could only response with slight shaking. Grissom saw the play of emotions over Sara's face, and followed her to the row of framed pictures.

"This one was taken after my first semester at Harvard. I remember that everybody went to celebrate. And by celebrate, they meant drinking. I didn't want to be out of control, so I didn't go. I went into the mountains instead."

"Did you go alone? I mean it's not safe to…"

"I felt perfectly safe in nature."

"And what about this one?" he pointed to the next photo. It did not slip his notice that every single photo was of nature and that Sara most probably was alone when they had been taken. Always alone.

"Ah, that one. I celebrated my 22nd birthday. It is in San Francisco."

"You celebrated your birthday alone?" he could not help; it just slipped out of his mouth.

"Oh…I…I had lots of friends…just…they…they forgot about my birthday…" She lied about the number of her friends but did not about them forgetting her birthday.

Sara's heart filled up with sorrow how miserable she had to look to Grissom, and his heart ached for the young brilliant woman who had been so neglected that no one had known when her birthday was. And once again, he freaked out and tried to change the topic.

"You are a fantastic photographer, Sara!"

"Yeah, I can take the best photos of dead bodies in the department," she tried a weak joke.

"I meant it. You have the talent to catch the best shot of the moment. You easily could be a successful nature photographer. Do you have a favorite place you would like to go?"

"If I ever wanted to hide from this world, I think it would be Costa Rica where I'd go. Or to Madagascar. Any places where I could find peace."

Grissom was silently watching the rest of the photos while Sara was telling their stories. He noticed that all of them had been taken after something big in her life such as graduating from Harvard, getting her first real job in San Francisco, leaving San Francisco…for him. All those beautiful places seemed to be hardly visited or adored but they were there waiting for someone who took the risk to look at them. All those uncharted places represented Sara and her lonely soul. But then, there had been no photos taken. At least, none of them was on this wall. Hadn't Sara experienced anything significant in Vegas that had been worth of a photo?

He could not take any more stories. His heart felt so heavy with guilt that he found hard even to breathe. There was this woman who was talking about her private life he was sure that she had not done before and he had been dishonest with her. It had not been him. He was not like that guy who had deleted that message out of fear. Grissom wanted to be the man Sara needed and loved.

"I lied to you," he said.

Sara turned away from him, "I know."

She kissed Herbie and brought him back to his place. The little cat sat there silently observing what this man would do. He followed Grissom's every move. Herbie did not trust this man. He sensed that this big furry guy had caused the distress.

"You knew?"

"Yes, I did. I heard the message you deleted. I just don't know why you did that."

"Sara…I…didn't mean to…do that. I…can't really explain my motivation."

"You can't or you don't want to? Animals sense if you are honest with them. So do I."

"I'm honest with you, Sara."

"Really?" she became very angry all of a sudden. "I think you better leave."

"Sara, I need to know what's going on with you! You lost so much weight, you look pale and exhausted, you crossed the lines with people I am sure you know you wouldn't have had to. What's happening to you?"

"You want me to be open with you, honest with you while you can't be direct with me, not even once?"

"Enough!"

"Yes, we are on the same page finally. It's enough. I got enough. I'm not a walking carpet you know."

And with that Sara marched toward the front door clearly indicating that he was no longer welcomed there. Grissom grabbed her right arm and jerked her back. The sudden physical action surprised both of them. Grissom desperately tried to ease the situation. He did not mean to be harsh or offensive. Violence was something he hated the most.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

He cradled her shocked face between his palms. Sara's instinct told her to stay still. Grissom felt her sudden surrender and he knew immediately that his action probably dag out some kind of old fears. He swore at his stupidity.

"Look at me Sara," he said as gently as he could in his antsy state of mind.

"Sara, do you trust me?"

"Let me go!"

"Do you trust me?"

"I don't need your pity!" she grunted but her strength was withering gradually. "Especially not yours!"

"It's not pity! It's not that. Can't you see the difference?"

"Please, let me go," she said in the weakest voice he had ever heard.

"Do you trust me?"

"I wish I didn't."

This time, he pulled her into his arms and held her so close that he could feel her heartbeats. It was like thousands of little drumsticks playing at a concert. He could smell her sweet scent; feel her velvety skin against his unshaven skin. He knew he should have let her go but he could not. Just one more moment with her in his arms, just one more sniff from her unique scent. He inhaled deeply and he felt lightheaded. He needed to stay focused. As he kept her close to his chest, another thing alarmed him beside the fact that he acted in a very inappropriate way. He could palpate her spine, her ribs and her shoulder blades. Asking her why she was this skinny would have been senseless. He doubted that he would have been given other answer to that question than an 'I'm fine'. He was terrified at the possibility that she was ill. As she had told him earlier this afternoon, no one could lose so much weight over a night. Grissom was making up theories about her situation but he needed evidence. And he decided to have them. The first step was being open with her no matter how hard it would be for him. He was willing to do anything to understand and help her, to finally love her. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I'm worried about you, Sara! And I don't believe you when you're telling me you are fine. I can see you fading and I haven't done anything to help you and it's…killing me. I always wanted to be there for you but I was a damn coward. I still am. When I came to you this afternoon, I wanted to pull this strong friend on you who had answers to any problems. But I know I have none to a single one. I tried to find answers among your things when the phone went off. And when I heard that…that Woods' message, I…I panicked. I've never heard his name, and he is a doctor, and he is a…male."

Grissom could feel Sara's arms around him for the first time. Her embrace did not seem an angry one. He could feel her breath fanning his neck. Her ragged exhaling evened out a little but her body started to shake once again. Grissom hugged her more tightly but suddenly he loosened his clasp.

"Do you trust me?" he whispered into her ear.

"Intimately," she whispered back.

After some more seconds, he pulled back and looked into her eyes, "Then let me help you."

"There is nothing you can do."

"Let me help you, Sara!"

"Grissom!"

"Miaow."

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TBC**

_**Author's Postscript:**_ Well, Herbie has "great" timing, huh? As they say, you earn the love of a cat; you will earn the love of its owner… So Gilbert has much to do. :-) Anyway, we all know what will happen next, but will Grissom believe that it is all that bothers her?


	6. Past Present Future

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N:** This is the chapter I found really hard to write because the flashback part is based on a completely true story. To be honest, those events inspired this little story of Pride and Prejudice. Hope you will enjoy this chapter. Please, tell me what you think :-)

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Chapter ****Six**

_A sensible man will remember that the eyes may be confused in two ways - by a change from light to darkness or from darkness to light; and he will recognize that the same thing happens to the soul – __**Plato**_

After a short but a fierce embrace that could only be described as an outrageous river finally simmering down and at last caressing the haunted souls of the two fugitives, Grissom pulled back and looked into Sara's eyes, "Then let me help you."

"There is nothing you can do."

"Let me help you, Sara!"

"Grissom!"

"Miaow."

And at his calling, both Sara and Grissom stopped struggling. They both were ashamed of being the source of the little angelic cat's fright. Sara was about to walk up to him but Grissom stopped her.

"I'm sorry. Let me…" and without waiting for permission, he slowly went closer to the animal.

"I'm not sure you should…umm…he clearly doesn't like you…sorry," Sara said shyly.

"Herbie simply doesn't trust me but when he realizes that I'm harmless, he'll know that I only want to…help."

"I know that you want to help but…"

Grissom stopped inching toward Herbie and turned to face the stubborn woman, "Sara, don't tell me that you're fine because you are not. Don't tell me you have no problems because everybody has; don't tell me you can solve them because evidently you can't."

"Grissom, there's noth…"

"Miaow."

"See?" he pointed to the cat. "Even Herbie agrees with me," he once again approached the sitting cat.

"But…" she tried to protest but Grissom ignored her.

"Good boy, Herbie?" No answer came this time. "Herbie? Call me Grissom."

"Miaow."

"Now at least _he_ is talking to me."

"I don't understand why he decided to talk now. He rarely meows."

"Talking is essential in a relationship," he said sadly. When their eyes met, he continued. "I know _I_ stopped talking to you, Sara. I wanted to do what I thought would be the best for you but…I did the worst."

Not to give Sara a chance to come up with any kind of protest, Grissom reached for Herbie. Even though he honestly liked the cat, Grissom was full aware of him using Herbie to persuade Sara to share what burdened her heart. This action made him feel bad and he momentarily closed his eyes. Cats never associated with just anyone. Like every cat, Herbie also had extraordinary abilities for evaluating people, mainly through their body language. Herbie would have taken it suspicious if Grissom had started to pick him up and he had looked straight into his eyes. In animal body language, direct eye contact from a stranger would have meant an unmistakable sign of conflict. So Grissom's actual shame calmed Herbie a little. Grissom's "submission" was rewarded by a chance to caress Herbie's head and chin. Opening his eyes, a half contended smile appeared on Grissom's face. At least, this time, Herbie did not want to slap his hand. Soon, the tiny cat started to dare to enjoy the caresses and the affection Grissom was lavishing on him.

"I never meant to hurt you."

Sara was standing there with wide eyes and open mouth. This man had the power over her with his words and it both upset and calmed her. He seemed to have power over Herbie with his soft touches. Sara could not blame the cat, she had gone totally limp in his arms minutes earlier. If she wanted to stay strong, she had to keep some distance between them. His touch was more dangerous than his words.

Grissom was still fondling Herbie's bony head and back when he glanced up to Sara. Once again, the sight of her very slim body shocked him. Cat and owner were like twins in so many ways. _How come this timid cat was able to accept help while this fantastic woman just doesn't let me in? _Instinct versus pride. He did not blame her, though. If he were Sara, he would not have gone to himself either. One last gentle stroke then Grissom left the cat and rose to his feet.

"I'm listening."

"I've nothing to say," she quipped.

"Good, I'm interested in that nothing too."

"Look, as you said everybody has problems, so do I. But _I_ have to fix them. I'm just sorry, so sorry that I caused you problems in the Lab. I never wanted to be a problem for you and it seems I've given you nothing else but headache since the day I arrived in Vegas. I tried to…change…my attitude, my behavior…me. But I can't change who I am. I'm trying to relieve you of the nuisance that I am."

.

_Sara Sidle was dressed up in her best court suit. She __had applied minimal make-up and some sprits of perfume to complete the outfit so now she was ready to face her fate for the fifth time since Grissom's gloomy confession to Dr. Death. Only this time, the refusal was going to greet her face-to-face, she was sure of it. Sara repeated 'happy thoughts-happy thoughts' but when nothing came up to think about, she settled for 'not so negative-not so negative thinking'. Some would call her pessimistic, Sara considered herself realistic._

_It __had become a similar routine by now. The same feeling, the same strangely sad excitement just like when she had opened the letters all saying 'no'. She did not expect miracle this time either but she wanted to try. At least this little private laboratory gave her the chance for an interview. The other two labs and one university had only rejected her in writing. The reasons had been always almost the same. What once used to be her greatest pride, now it seemed to be her deepest pitfall. At first she had thought,_ "_It is okay; I'll surely get the next job with my qualifications and experiences". The second letter of rejection that had come from the university had hurt her; however their reasoning had been reasonable. Sara had no teaching experiences. The third 'no' had made her angry and she had scribbled the sheet of paper all over with pencil. Sara had erased some of the words. She rarely cursed; she had not intended to start to do so now. The fourth letter of senseless verdict had made her cry. She had made a mistake. Even Brass had warned her to beware of alcohol. And she had tried, really tried. Sara had not been an alcoholic after all, she had been only depressed. Only. The feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness had engulfed her day-to-day life, and when Warrick, Nick and she had "celebrated" Nick's almost promotion, Sara had lost it completely then. It had become crystal clear to her that she would hardly find a career inside or outside of the Las Vegas Crime Lab. Sara Sidle had been needed nowhere. That night she had ended up on a bench at the Police Department waiting for Grissom. If it had not been humiliating enough, only later had she realized what she had done. Or better said what she had forgotten in the pub before she had been pulled over. No wonder that life altering forth letter had left her powerless. That night had destroyed her both financially and emotionally._

_The aching contraction of her stomach pulled her back to present__. 'Happy thoughts' was what she chanted then Sara took a deep breath and after exiting her car, she entered the building of PrivaLab. The interview went good until a point._

"_Miss Sidle, your records are fantastic."_

"_Thank you."_

"_You've been working for the LVPD for…umm…five years now. Your crime solving rate is exceptional, your education is absolutely impressive. Can I ask you why someone in your caliber would leave the second best Lab in the country?"_

_Sara could envision the axe hanging above her head and the handle of it was held by this guy torturing her.__ Sara did not want to just stand up and leave, she always played the games to their ends._

"_I believe that every criminalist needs a change that can help them to re-evaluate their __abilities and to discover their own potentials."_

_Sara so desperately wanted to answer that she only wanted to leave because in her opinion, the only thing she had done to the man she loved was sadness colored disappointment and she could not see him hurting anymore._

"_But taking a U-turn in your career?"_

"_I can't see it a__s a U-turn to share knowledge I gained through the years."_

_Sara became agitated. Of course it would be a career killing step for her but if it did not bother her__ anymore, then why bothered this guy? Yeah, she could have applied for a position in the number one Lab in New York, but it would have needed recommendations Sara was not intending to beg for, plus, Grissom would think that she once again pulled her 'I'm not respected enough so I am leaving' card. Sara did not want to risk Grissom either to become angry at her or to pity her. No way. She realized that she should have just walked away for the first time years ago sparing so much pain and the torment both Grissom and she had gone through. So, no, Sara did not want to build a career now; she only wanted to be free._

"_I'll honest with you, Miss Sidle. __We can't offer you anything that would foster your future development. It would be unfair to you if I hired you. A brilliant mind like you deserves more than we can offer. That you are overqualified for this position is an understatement. I'm sorry."_

_Behind the mask of "honest" words, the doubt and prejudice fought against Sara. __The man who interviewed her believed that Sara had to have conflicts at work, difficulties maybe with working in team or personal problems with her immediate supervisor. This woman was too precious as a professional just to be spotless as a person._

"_I'm sorry, too," Sara said._

_Sara packed her files in order to leave as quickly as she could. __They shook hands and said goodbyes. Disappointment and hunger blurred her vision but the urge to run away was strong enough to keep her composure._

_Before her hand could touch the knob of the office door, the middle-aged man called after her, "Good luck!"_

"_Luck? You know Mr. Dekciw, maybe you're right. I better start playing the lottery because my knowledge seems to be worth absolutely nothing."_

_And then she left. __Before she got into her car, she had bended down and picked up a little round pebble. Sara closed it into her palm; closed her eyes and tried to think of something marvelous. Then she had slid it into her pocket._

_A few hours later, __Sara was walking slowly, almost tentatively toward the briefing room. She could hear Nick, Warrick and Catherine's chat about something but she could hardly get out the words or rather she could not concentrate on the topic. The slight but periodic pain blurred her vision again and Sara wondered when she would get used to this. Or more important, she was worried about whether she could keep her "situation" private, and if so, how long. She had spent her free time finding a way out of her desperate circumstances but the more she had tried, the more she had lost hope. Greg's antics cheered her up a little. But then, she heard Catherine's tirade._

"_I can imagine it happens once by chance but twice? No way. We have a fridge pirate! I want his head!" she rampaged._

_Sara was __panic-stricken by the idea of Grissom figured out that she not only had been a horrible choice to hire but also she had become a food-stealer. Grissom._

_._

"Sara, let me decide what I think about you."

"I know what you already think and I just can imagine what you will if…"

"Since when can you read minds?"

"Since I met you!"

"Okay, I deserved this. But you don't deserve the way you treat yourself because of some false assumptions. Yes, you gave me headaches and I'm sure you will but it doesn't mean I…umm…"

Grissom knew he was in trouble. He needed a good and neutral analogy to describe how he felt. And he needed it immediately.

"Look, you met Herbie, looked into his eyes and you knew he was worthy for your care. Just wait and he will eat your favorite pages of your favorite book. He will mark your favorite pillow just to test your patience and tolerance. And then what? You will be angry at him all right but you will love him just as much. Because he is special, because…because he is in your heart."

His words were as dangerous as Sara remembered. She did not dare to translate his lines from Grissom into English. It had to be the starving or the insomnia that made her hallucinate the meaning beyond his words. Sara thought that she would be lucky if he did not hate her after what she had done in the Lab earlier. But the slimmest possibility of him loving her? It had been her greatest wish in the past but now, his possible love for her scared Sara. Grissom could not love her when she had been shining in confidence, then why would he love her now when she was only a mere ghost of her former self? Sara Sidle was once again confused.

Witnessing the vulnerability in her eyes, Grissom stepped closed to her and reached for her hands. Sara remembered what his touch had been capable of. Even Herbie had let Grissom touch him and then had softened to jelly. She intended to stay strong, so she unconsciously pulled her hands back. Grissom clearly misread her move taking it as a rejection and his eyes mirrored deep pain and hurt. He was so sorry that he had hurt her in the past so deeply that she could not even stand his touch.

"Don't!" she cried out.

Sara had been wrong earlier. His eyes were way more dangerous than his words or touches.

"Sara? What's wrong?"

"Don't look at me like this!"

"This how?"

"I remember the looks, all shone sorry…pity even…so don't look at me like this" and she became even more agitated.

"Honey, what are you talking about?" Grissom was so worried by now that he could hardly breathe.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can! Tell me, Sara!"

"You'll despise me and I couldn't live with your contempt, please."

Even though her fear shocked him, he was determined to be there for her. He needed to be there for her and provide a shoulder to lean on. More than a shoulder, he wanted to be the man she desired. His heart ached for her. Grissom knew that Sara had become an essential part of him and that she would always be his fear but he was ready to overcome his dread that had separated him from this lovable woman.

He held out his hand but careful not to touch her just yet, "Can…can I touch you?"

Without words but hesitated only a little, Sara placed her hand tentatively into his welcoming palm. She could not have explained it even if her life had depended on it but she trusted this man with her life. Squeezing her ice cold bony hand, Grissom led her to the big brown leather couch. He let her sit on a separate armchair; he understood her need for space. He did not ask questions, did not prompt her. He was waiting. The light from the setting sun filtered through the darkening room. Grissom noticed her defensive pose and the slight tremor in her body. He once again observed how extremely slim she was. Her legs were like two fishing-rods. Long, well-shaped but unbelievably slim. He could hear her talking to him even though no word left her mouth. He witnessed the struggle she was going through. And he recognized the moment she let her lips move.

"It's funny ... the things that you remember and the things that you don't, you know. There was a smell of iron in the air. Cast-off on the bedroom wall. There was this young cop puking his guts. I remember the woman who took me to foster care. I can't remember her name. Which is strange, you know 'cause I couldn't let go of her hand."

"Well ... the mind has its filters."

"I do remember the looks. I became the girl whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?"

This question astonished him. _Does she really think that she would be able to do such a thing? I doubt she would steal an apple from the basket in the Lab, let alone hurt somebody._ Grissom tried to be as simple with his explanation as he could. It was about her, her! He did not want to distract her from the topic she was unfolding.

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior."

"You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights, the yelling, the trips to the hospital. I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't."

Grissom's heart went for this woman in front of him. He had always suspected that Sara had unusual past but this? He was amazed that she had achieved so much and become a strong and successful criminalist. This information about her childhood only strengthened his faith in her. Until now he had wanted to protect her, but now, he wanted to destroy anything and anybody who might want to hurt Sara, even in their thoughts. And then, his deepest fear materialized in the form of a crying Sara. Grissom hesitated what to do. Would Sara appreciate if he hugged her? That armchair was too narrow for both of them to sit on. From the couch, it was impossible to embrace her. _Oh, my god! Do something!_ And then he saw it. Or was it his imagination? Either way, he seemed to see her fine fingers secretly reaching out for him. And this time, he did not hesitate. The atmosphere in the room was so heavy that the stress was palpable.

It was usual for a timid cat to be cautious and extra nervous for the first week in their new home. Herbie was also insecure in Sara's flat. And in his short time there, he had already started to learn Sara's body language. Herbie sensed Sara's sadness and distress. Even though the cat was afraid of leaving his pillow, he saw his lady's ball-like pose. Herbie recognized it. First one, then his second paw left the safe pillow and touched the floor. Herbie still did not trust that big human with fur all over his head and face, but that furry fondler machine seemed to soothe his lady. His lady. Herbie got over his overwhelming fear and soundlessly approached the crying couple. The petite tabby cat soundlessly surveyed his options. His poor lady was sitting there with her legs up tightly to her chest. This woman was hiding her face from the big fella who was holding her hand. There was no way for Herbie to cuddle with his favorite female. He needed to draw her attention to him. And if in order to do that he had to use this weird male, Herbie decided to let him cooperate. Without warning, he jumped up to Grissom's lap and with new-born energy, he practiced his well-worked-out massage – imagining it was Sara's belly - while he was watching her with the intensity no one knew he possessed.

"Sara, look!" Grissom was so proud of himself seeing that Herbie trusted him enough to show him affection.

"Grissom, please!" she did not want to look at him just yet.

"Miaow."

**TBC**

_**

* * *

Author's Postscript:**_ Finally, the secret of her past is told. But the secrets of her present are still hidden from Grissom. Anyway, ain't it funny that neither of our investigators realized that Herbie only listens to the name 'Grissom'? But when they do…:-)


	7. Sobering Realizations

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers:** Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: Well, this chapter is quite long. The longest of all. Originally, it was split into two shorter chapters but I felt it is better this way. Hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless.

**

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Chapter ****Seven**

"_The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - __**Elbert Hubbard**_**_"  
_**

"Sara, look!" Grissom was so proud of himself. He thought that Herbie trusted him enough to show him affection this way.

"Grissom, please!" she did not want to look at him just yet.

"Miaow."

Realizing that Grissom had only intended to show Herbie's ardent massage to her, Sara glanced up from her safe barricade of arms and a shy smile formed on her ashen pale face. The cat provided Sara a great opportunity to have a break from her turmoil. She never believed that crying would help anything. Actually, it gave her a headache, made her eyelids heavy and swollen and she felt as if she had not slept for ages. So no, this form of sorrow made her even more miserable. She desperately needed a handkerchief but pulling one out from her pocket would have meant to break the contact with the man next to her. Even though it was only his hand that was holding hers, Sara felt as if his whole body embraced her. They did not need big fat romantic moves but right at this thought, Sara's mood started to sink once again. There was not a 'they', there were only 'him' and 'her'.

Before a new boat of droplets could find its way from her eyes, Sara slowly started to change her sitting position to make room for the cat if he decided to cuddle with her. She grieved already the loss of Grissom's touch knowing that she probably would not feel it again. Soon, Grissom would run away from her, from the woman who always feared of making mistakes and on the road, she had become one. At least, it was what Sara Sidle was so sure of. Just a sign or an opportunity and Grissom would be gone from her life.

With shaking arms, Sara reached for Herbie who jumped from Grissom's lap and went to his lady friend willingly. Like a furry toy, Herbie immediately sat down with a flop onto her knees. Within seconds, the feline thought better of it, and pressed his body so tightly to Sara's ribs that it almost hurt. His little bony face soon disappeared under his heroine's armpit, and then this creature of wonder went perfectly still and started purring as loud as he could in his position.

"Herbie really loves you, Sara! I read about it somewhere that animals find warmth and safety in their mothers' embraces and domesticated animals like this cat, they try to get as close to the beloved person as they can. And human bodies radiate heat from their armpits the most. Or…umm…that is one of the best places for getting body warmth."

"Where did you learn so much about animals' behavior?

"I have my sources," he told her enigmatically.

"Grissom! I…umm…" a muffled voice left Herbie's lips but neither Sara nor Grissom could get out what it had been. "I need to know…"

This time, it was Grissom's cell phone that interrupted Sara. At the unfamiliar noise, Herbie tensed up under Sara's arm but stayed there. Grissom pulled the device out of his black jacket to see who the called was. Ecklie. He simply let it ring.

"That's the Lab? Do you wanna get it?"

"No," he answered.

"Look, I already kept you longer than I am sure you intended to stay. I'm sorry."

"Sara, it's not…" but his stomach started to rumble excessively making him embarrassed.

"Oh, God! Have you eaten anything since the end of your shift?" At his expression, she knew the answer, "Have you slept at all?"

"I'm fine."

"You can't go back to work without sleep or…"

"Sara, I only have an hour till my shift but I'm fine."

"Yeah, you're feeling okay now but then…and it's all my fault, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cause you so much trouble."

"Sara! Sara, stop apologizing!"

"Sorry."

"I meant it."

Sara felt guilty again. She had lost control at work; therefore Grissom sure would have to fire her. To make it elegant, he even had had to come here to inform her and that was why he had had no time to eat or sleep. Of all people, Sara knew how it was like working with empty stomach. At first, the hunger had kept her awake, so without decent sleep and enough food, she had been suffering at work. After a while, she had gotten used to the feeling and she could sleep. She had learned soon enough that sleeping was another friend beside water. The fluid had helped her to feel "gorged" while sleeping had helped her to feel nothing at all. But Grissom did not have the luxury of time to get used to the misery Sara had just put him in. And why should he?

Sara quickly made the inventory of her precious goods she had bought earlier. Some bread, butter, one fresh cucumber and one apple as she had eaten one before Grissom had arrived, a little box of cereals, one single carton of low-fat milk, and a carton of juice. Alright, not a divine dinner but at least she could offer him some poor dinner. If it had happened on Wednesday, Sara could not have pretended that she had no financial problems. But it was Thursday evening, and on Friday she would get her salary. The last one.

"Can I get you anything?"

"You don't have to bother."

Grissom wanted to lighten their moods with a silly joke, "However, it's safer to eat here than in the Lab."

"What?"

"You know, the Lab has a fridge hacker," he smiled at her.

When Sara had thought earlier that there could not have been anything worse than to share her dark childhood with the man she respected, valued and loved more than anybody, well, she had been wrong. This was the worst moment in her adult life. What had happened to her as a child, it had been her parents and the system's fault. But her life's mistakes now as an adult, they were all hers.

"You think it is a…bad person?"

"I don't care enough to bother. I don't even want to know who it is."

"And the reasons? Maybe it was a case of necessity and maybe that person hates themselves because of what she…or he has done."

"Maybe."

"So, I can offer you some bread with butter, orange juice. Sorry, but the milk is for Herbie."

"Sounds great. I can help."

"Okay," she said with heavy heart.

Sara let Herbie sit or go wherever he wanted, that was how he found the best place to observe the happenings from a stool. Herbie was sitting like the noble Sphinx watching Sara and Grissom just like the original one was watching the tourists. He found it both entertaining and relaxing to see his lady friend fed this oversized tomcat. At the same time, Herbie checked Grissom's every motion. The man looked nice enough to serve him alright, he even deserved a meal for assisting Herbie in comforting his dark haired female, but no way would he move in here. Their home was not a shelter.

"Where is Herbie's food?"

"Under my desk in the living room, thanks."

"I better feed him; it is frustrating how he's watching me."

"Give him a cup of milk before the dry food, he needs the fluid."

Grissom went to the fridge and opened it to retrieve the carton of milk Sara had mentioned moments ago. People never knew how an empty fridge could be look like until they faced with one. Grissom knew Sara was a neat woman but this was weird. The woman in question somehow sensed his surprise and she immediately tried to sell an explanation.

"Yeah, it's empty. I didn't have time to go to the grocery. With the cases we had had lately, crazy. I guess I will have time now," she forced a smile.

"For a week, yeah."

"You said Ecklie wanted you to fire me."

"That's true but it doesn't mean I will do that."

"Why?"

"Because you didn't do anything so serious I should fire you. I'm not saying you did right and you also know that but if I have to fire you, then I'm going to fire everybody else too."

His words warmed her tired heart, "You won't fire me?"

"Never."

To hide her emotions, Sara quickly turned to Herbie and kissed him.

"_I_ saved your job, and you're kissing _him_?"

"He lets me," she smiled at him vividly.

Grissom went toward them and placed the bowl of milk onto the floor. Herbie jumped off the stool and went to drink his milk. Silence sat onto the flat. The cat consumed his meal faster than his lady and her male did the same with their bread and butter with cucumber.

Sara went to pour some dry cat food into his bowl while Grissom cleaned the kitchen. It was his duty as he had said. Grissom scooped the discarded stuff and was about to throw it away.

"Where is the dustbin?" he asked Sara who was in the living room with Herbie.

"In the corner."

He then found it easily. He smiled at the content of the dustbin. Only one thing. So Sara emptied the trashcan often. _No wonder here_, he thought. After one last glance at the plastic box and its label that said it used to be a container of a triangle-shaped ham and cheese sandwich, Grissom threw the garbage away.

Sara knew this would come soon but she did not want him to leave. And the hesitation of his steps suggested the same feeling.

"Thanks for the dinner," he told Sara.

"Well, it wasn't a groaning board."

"The company was great."

"Thanks."

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"Of course, the first door on the right."

A few minutes later, they were standing at the front door both watching intently their feet. Sara did not want him to leave; Grissom did not want her to let him go – literally, figuratively. Ecklie's rude call interrupted their silent grieves.

"I have to go."

"I know. Thank you…for everything."

This time Grissom could not resist his desire for her and he ever so gently caressed her cheek with his left palm. Sara subconsciously leaned into his touch. For a normal couple, a kiss would have followed the touch as hot as this one was but Grissom feared of making mistakes. That he dared to make physical contact with Sara was a huge step, he did not want to risk of her to believe that he might push her. With a sigh he pulled his hand back from her velvety face and turned to leave.

"Griss," she called after him. Before she could have got cold feet, she pressed a light kiss onto his cheek.

That day, a nervous and sad Grissom had arrived to see Sara long hours ago, and now a nervous but so very happy one left the same woman. Both of their faces were deep red from the contact. Neither of them dared to smile.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Within a short period of time, Grissom was heading for Ecklie's office. For a moment, he was just watching Catherine and Ecklie going over some files. For a woman who had claimed how much she despised Conrad Ecklie, she was so honey sweet with him now. Well, some position could change some people's beliefs. Already irritated, Grissom walked up to the table where the two were seated.

"You wanted to talk to me about Sara?"

"I haven't received her disciplinary action. What's the holdup?"

"Well, I'm not firing her."

It went easier than he had hoped for. It was clear that Ecklie would have been on cloud nine if Grissom had fired Sara, but it was also clear to the Assistant Director that Grissom had stood up for his protégé, so if he wanted to get rid of Sara Sidle, Ecklie would have to face with the fact that he would lose Grissom, too.

"She's a loose cannon with a gun. And she's all yours," Ecklie said to Grissom, and then he left him with Catherine. Ecklie suddenly became tired of both Grissom and Sara.

Grissom shifted his gaze from the leaving Ecklie to Catherine, who looked at him. He could not decide what her face mirrored. Disappointment? Not really. Anger? Definitely not. Guilt? Some. Defeat? That too. Maybe a little bit all of them.

"How is she?" Catherine asked Grissom. There was no animosity or anger in her voice.

"She'll be fine."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too," and with that Grissom left the room leaving Catherine alone with her conscience.

The newly promoted Swing Shift Supervisor was not sure why Grissom had been sorry for. Sorry for what had happened to Sara, or sorry for their betrayed friendship? Catherine buried her face into her hands.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Grissom was working in his office or he was trying very hard to pretend working. His mind time to time wandered back to Sara's home. It was not right, he knew that. Here, he was Gil Grissom, the supervisor; only outside of the Lab could he let himself be Sara's friend or the man who loved her. So the supervisor now decided to push the thoughts of Sara in the background. Until this night, he had been so successful in doing so but now he just could not concentrate on anything but Sara. She was a dangerous woman, he was well aware of that fact. Her touch had felt more risky, he already longed for more.

Grissom was flourishingly working on a case for the last two minutes when he heard a knock on his office door.

"Can I have a quick word with you?" Greg asked him.

"Greg, I'm covered with files I have to read, so…," noticing the young man's worry, he suddenly realized why Greg was really there. "But I can fit in a few minutes for you, so come in."

"Thanks. I've seen that you came from Ecklie's office, and…umm…I just…"

"Sara is off for a week but she'll come back."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure of what? That she's not fired? Of course I'm. I didn't fire her."

"I meant if you're sure she would come back?"

Sitting up straight in his chair, he looked directly into the young CSI's eyes, "Why wouldn't she?"

"Dunno, we just tent to take things for granted until we realize that "things" can change or got enough to finally move on."

"What are you talking about? Did Sara tell you something?"

"No. She wouldn't…anyway. I was just trained by her. I learned to walk with open eyes and learned to read what I might see."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

After the short but all the more thought-provoking talk with Greg, Grissom could not focus on the cases in front of him. He wanted to do something more productive than just to sit there pondering on Greg's words. And those goddamned criminals had chosen this night to stay clear of danger.

Having nothing to do, Grissom decided to go to the break room to see if there is something to eat. He went straight to the fridge but after opening its door, he saw that there was no food in it for him.

"Are you hungry?" Catherine asked behind him.

"What are you still doing here?"

"Don't be this overwhelmingly happy to see me!"

"Sorry, I guess I'm just cranky a little."

"Have you eaten anything at all? Hunger could cause moodiness."

"Yeah, I ate a little. But you are right, maybe I should eat something."

"Here, I can share my sandwiches. Take one of mine. Peace offer?"

"I accept your peace offer but I won't eat your breakfast."

"Look, Gil. I had time to think about what you had told me. I am not proud of what I have done; however, I still have difficulties to admit it. I think I overreacted it, I'm sorry. I really am sorry."

"Cath, I am not angry at you…anymore. I was, I truly was but then I talked to Sara and she knows she made mistakes, now I only want her to move on and clear her head so that she can come back with regained energy."

"It will be hard on both of us. I bet she hates me. I would hate myself."

"Do _you_ hate her?"

"She can piss me off so easily like no one else can, she can wake aggression in me like no one else can, her sharp mind irritates me, her stamina makes me…jealous but nope, I don't hate her."

"Sara doesn't know the word 'hate'."

The atmosphere in the room was so heavy with stress that neither of them could breathe easily. Catherine desperately wanted to lighten the mood.

"Look, I will deny everything I told you here and then I have to kill you…"

Smiling he asked, "So you have sandwiches? And by the way, why aren't you at home?"

"I have two sandwiches, I can never eat both, and to answer your other question, the only real one for that matter, I was about to leave when I saw you here."

Grissom accepted the food Catherine was holding, "You sure?"

"Yep. Here!"

Catherine handed one of her two triangle sandwiches - each in vacuum wrapped plastic box. Grissom was grateful for the food. He looked at it and smiled. This was the exact same brand that he had seen in Sara's dustbin earlier. The label said the same too. Ham and cheese sandwich from Pepe Jone's.

"Thanks. It looks delicious."

"Yeah, that rotten thief thought so when he stole my other sandwiches, I guess! Sara is lucky; no one wants to eat what only rabbits eat. Her meal is safe here."

The numbing feeling of abject fear of realization seized him with terror, unwarranted and unprecedented agitation. It flooded through his system like an untamed torrent until he felt it manifested in his heart, and then spreading to his arms and limbs right up to his neck. Suddenly, the ice cold grip around his heart was replaced by a strange warm pool of panic.

"Oh God! No! Sara is a vegetarian!"

"Yep, everybody knows it. What is it, Gil?"

Realizing he was still in the break room…with Catherine, he could only react with an 'huh?'

"Are you alright?"

"I…I gotta go," and he left the room on wobbly feet.

He forced himself to walk faster but the time seemed to slow down as if to perpetuate the moment of truth. He needed to move with more speed but he felt immobilized by his lead-heavy legs. His body was a useless flesh that did not respond to commands. His brain was so overloaded with the now obvious but until this very moment unseen pieces of information, he feared of losing consciousness due to the sudden trauma. Grissom needed time but it was exactly that he did not have at all.

Finally, he entered his office. He did not care about protocol; he locked his door and made the interior invisible to outsiders. He wanted to be alone. The broken man walked behind his desk but soon left it again. He sat onto his couch but found it uncomfortable just as well. He paced the room until he finally decided to look at this situation as if it was a real case. But to do so, he had to calm down.

Grissom started to write.

**C****ase number**: the only one I care

**Name**: Sara Sidle

**Evidence**:

- stolen food – empty box of ham sandwich in Sara's home, same brand!

- body: extremely skinny, hardly any food at home

- impulsiveness at work

- fear of genes that might define her and her actions, guilt (?), shame (?), horrible childhood

His own words was echoing in his head.

_"When murderers are waiting for us to catch them, yes, I'm not too worried about some piteous thief…. piteous thief…"_

Slowly, Grissom retreated into himself searching for some hidden strength but then he realized that he was holding his breath quickly followed by the realization that he had been so blind until now. Every little piece of evidence was right in front of his eyes but he could not or would not see it. His biggest fear materialized just now. In his crazy effort to keep the appearances and Sara away from his heart, he had blinded himself. He had let this woman sink in this hopeless state. What kind of a man was he? Grissom had just assumed that everything had been alright; Sara had been just emotional as usual.

Grissom's vision was blurred by burning tears he did not realize pooling in his eyes. Sara was so skinny. She had to be either anorexic or she had nothing to eat. Grissom knew he was getting closer to the truth, sensing more than knowing. If Sara had been anorexic, she would not have stolen food, therefore, she had had nothing to eat. No wonder there had been only one item in her dustbin. He remembered all the terrible things the team had labeled the unknown thief.

"_You all are talking about this guy as a rotten felon but you know absolutely nothing about her…or his motivation. Probably she feels as shitty about it or he feels as horrible about stealing as you all think how low she or he is. Maybe there is no other choice for him or her."_

And now, he remembered Sara's eyes. Grissom had to close mine for a moment. He had been blind and deaf. He was famous for his ability of reading evidence with no emotions involved. He had failed miserably…evidently.

_"You think it is a…bad person?"_

_"I don't care enough to bother. I don't even want to know who it is."_

Yes, he had not cared enough to bother to see what had been so obvious. Grissom could not find his way to peace anymore, because he was lost in the dark fog of panic and guilt. The present seemed so surreal to him.

Even though she had claimed that she had had no time for shopping, Grissom had just realized that the milk had been fresh, so it meant that she had been out for shopping but she had bought only bread and milk. Her childhood was more than devastating but it only could explain her attitude to some cases, it did not explain her more recent situation.

"_And the reasons? Maybe it was a case of necessity and maybe that person hates themselves because of what she…or he did."_

For the first time in his career, he was more interested in the 'whys' than in the 'whats'. He seemed to have all the information but Grissom needed to know how and why she got into this situation.

_"What kind of problem can she have? Finding enough time to select her next victim to insult?"_

Grissom had hated Catherine's words that day but he now had to admit that she had not been burdened with more or less prejudice than any one of the team had been.

Gilbert Grissom had changed that day. That Friday dawn awoke the man in him that was willing to move forward with every ounce of strength he possessed to bring his beloved woman back to the life she deserved. With her, he also could try to find his way to the surface, to breathe and live again.

Neither of them could live with constant fear. Grissom's deepest nightmare had been to love Sara and had blinded by his emotion and then as a consequence, their relationship would jeopardize both of their careers. On this sour Friday morning, he had to learn that he could not control his feelings and denying them also could cloud his judgement.

Terrified by the consequences of his crazy strategy to keep his heart untouched, newly-born doubts planted into his mind. Did he have the right to love her at all when he had done nothing else but damage her? Did he have the right to protect her when he had done nothing else but ignored her cries? What if some lunatic ever wanted to hurt her and he would not be listening? Would he be able to save her from the suffering when his judgment would fail him? What if it would be him to rush her into danger? What if his love was the greatest danger for her? Did he have the right to risk it? Could he risk it?

Grissom wanted to get out of this building. He felt as if the Lab – for the first time in his life – was suffocating him. He needed air, he needed Sara.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

It was Friday; 9 o'clock in the morning and Sara was sleeping soundly with Herbie in her bed. Probably both of them were dreaming about a better and happier life. After Grissom had left her home, Sara had been sitting in her bed wishing to fall asleep but she had been too excited. For long-long minutes she had been touching her lips. They had kissed HIM. Herbie had not understood her happy expression but he had welcomed it. Finally, it had been Herbie who had purred Sara to sleep.

Now, it was the firm knocking on the front door that had woken Sara and her four-legged gentleman. Still half asleep, she walked to the door, checked the spy hole then shocked, she opened the door.

"Hi! Can I come in?"

**TBC**

_**

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Author's Postscript: **_Who do you think it is? *a little voice whispers that it is not Grissom*


	8. Rocks of Pain

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**

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Chapter ****Eight**

_When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. - __**Barbara Bloom**_

There was a firm knocking on the front door that had woken Sara and her four-legged companion. Still half asleep, she walked to the door, checked the spy hole then shocked, she opened the door.

"Hi! Can I come in?"

Sara got a bizarre feeling of déjà vu. The previous day, Grissom had said the same but she doubted that Grissom and Catherine had been driven by the same intention. She stepped back to let Catherine in.

"Look, Catherine, if you came to…"

"You look horrible! Did I wake you?"

"Well, you once again are proven right. I don't care about my appearance…not at a crime scene…and evidently not at home."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

"Yeah, you never."

"Why don't you wash the sleepiness out of your eyes, then we can start it all over again."

"I'd ask if I can get you anything but I've just run out everything. Sorry. Umm…just a few minutes, okay and I am back. Make yourself at home!"

Sara hesitated a little but then she went to the bathroom to make herself presentable. It was unbelievable that even after a long shift; Catherine looked like a model just stepped out of a magazine. Her skin was fresh and smooth, her eyes were shining, and her hair was as silky as the women's in commercials for shampoo. But most of all, her stomach was definitely full. Sara looked into the mirror and saw the complete opposite of Catherine. Sara's skin was pale and ashen; her eyes lost all the sparkles they had once had. She touched her cheeks that were so hollow that they made her look ill. Closing her eyes for a second, she sighed but then reached for her toothbrush and strawberry flavored toothpaste. Sara dipped her brush under the water and started to wash her teeth. Minutes later, she felt a little bit more human. At least she did until she looked into the mirror again. Her hair was nothing like Catherine's. When Sara had come to Vegas, her hair had been like a princess'. Her natural wavy hair had radiated the glossy look of straight hair but more "body" and shape to it. But looking at it now, Sara's hair was way less glossy no matter that she had tried to straighten it. The healthy shimmering of her beautiful dark hair strands slowly died during the years. She decided to quickly wash her hair and let it be wavy again.

"Give me five minutes, Catherine," Sara shouted.

"Take your time," Catherine answered back.

Catherine had never been in Sara's home before, somehow she had never felt the desire to come and just as well, Sara had never felt the desire to invite the woman into her bolt-hole either. Their relationship had always been strange. No one would have guessed if they had been friends or just colleagues, maybe neither Sara nor Catherine knew the answer to that question. But at the moment, they were definitely not friends.

"Nice photos," Catherine remarked as she went to take a closer look at the photos on the wall.

The older woman kept talking, hoping Sara could hear her and while doing so, she could not overcome the temptation of mapping this stubborn and mysterious CSI's home. Catherine first went to look at Sara's bookshelves, quickly checking what kinds of books the younger investigator read. Her sharp eyes immediately spotted an entomology textbook in the middle of the row, clearly in a very precious place. She looked left, then right and carefully pulled out the book to see if it would give away anything about its origin. Opening the book, the pitch of Catherine's voice dropped significantly. She read the datum twice and the quote at least three times. Hearing some noise, she put the book back hastily. Realizing that Sara was still in the bathroom, she went on with her investigation. Catherine knew that the next room could hold the most intimate secrets and that she should not snoop but she was Catherine, snooping was in her nature. The woman opened the door to Sara's bedroom very slowly. There was only a dim light in the room but it was enough to navigate. Why she thought that she was not going to find a man in Sara's bed, Catherine could not have explained but she knew. Stepping closer to the bed, a strange noise greeted her. She first jumped slightly but then she got relieved when she saw that the owner of that weird hissing was a tiny cat. Instinctively, she wanted to caress the feline's head but just as Grissom, Catherine was also rewarded with some well-directed smacks onto her hand. With a last hiss, Herbie jumped off of the bed and disappeared under the bed. _Just like your Momma, huh?_

Catherine noticed a book on the night stand next to Sara's bed; quickly she picked it up and saw that this one was another book about bugs. Rising her eyebrows, already smiling, she opened the book and read the sentiment from the same man from who she had read one just a moment ago. _So it was for Xmas, better than a plant,_ she thought. Sensing her time was almost up; Catherine placed the book back and turned to leave the bedroom. She was about to close the door but then she ran back and within a nanosecond, she inspected Sara's wardrobe. Disappointed that she found only clothes for female, she left the room.

"You have cool books," she tested Sara's whereabouts.

"Uh-hmm," Sara said. "I'll be out in a minute!"

"Okay."

The investigator in Catherine could not rest when she heard the hairdryer. She was glad because that sound was a clear indicator when she should stop "looking" around. There were many documents on Sara's desk, even though Catherine was dying to know what they said; she did not want to go that far. She was just about to sit back onto the couch when a letter caught her attention. She picked it up and started to read. The shock dulled her every sense; she did not even realize when the hairdryer stopped working.

"Listen Catherine, when you've done with your investigation, umm…"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snoop or something," she laughed but she was clearly embarrassed. Catherine lifted the letter of rejection at Sara, "Did you tell Grissom about this?"

"I don't want to be rude but that is none of your business, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything to him."

"But, he has to know."

"Why? You should be happy; you wanted me out of the Lab from the moment I stepped into the building…oh, wait, I understand now. It's a rejection!"

"What's your problem, Sara? I'm not happy for what happened. I'm not happy that you almost got fired. I thought that it would have been good if Gil had known about your intention because he risked his career for you but if you wanna leave anyway, well…"

"What do you mean by risking his career?"

"You two are funny, do you know that? You two both are protecting each other and none of you knows about it."

"Catherine! Why are you here? If you want me to apologize, I am sorry but I won't."

"Listen, it was Ecklie who wanted you to apologize to me, I don't want you to do something I should return. Look, I know I overreacted what had happened but I only expected respect."

"Respect? Funny, all I too wanted was respect. And I know I have to work hard for it, still I never had your respect, Cath. I apologize for _how_ I said what I said but not for _what_ I said. I respect you as a professional but I can't respect you as a person when you handle people…me like a piece of shit. I understand you went through much but believe me I also went through as much. Everybody has problems to solve and maybe mine has affected my job lately more than I should have let, but…"

"Just how long you and Grissom have known each other?"

"What?"

"I asked how long…"

"I heard it but I can't see what you want with it?"

"You sound like Grissom. So how long," she smiled at Sara. And her smile was sincere Sara could feel it.

"For a while now."

Catherine recalled the quotation that she had read in the first book on Sara's bookshelves. She had to smile.

_Dearest Sara,_

_I loved every minute we could spend together. Our parting was awkward. I don't know why I find it so difficult to say what I wanted to say to you. I saw this book and I thought of you, not because of the bugs you would learn about from it but…again, I can't find the words._

_Hope you will like this book._

'_When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." – Unknown_

_With the hope that we'll meet again._

_Yours,_

_Grissom_

_San Francisco, 1998_

"Sara, it's pretty hard for me to say what I want to say but I think you have the right to know. You were right, it was that rotten dirt-bad who killed Svetlana. Sara, I know I wasn't fair to you. I had to realize it when Grissom…let's just say he opened my eyes. Then Greg stood up for you. I had time to think about what had happened and when I came here, my intention was to tell you how sorry I was but now, knowing you want to quit, I want to tell you that I believe that you're making a mistake."

"Make a mistake? How? Cath, you don't have to do this."

"Believe me, if I don't want to do this, I wouldn't," she smiled. "I still think you are the most irritable genius after Grissom, and I value him as a friend and as a colleague or a mentor. And if he trusts you this much that he was willing to quit if Ecklie had insisted on firing you, then I have to trust his judgement that much so I want to trust you."

"He was? Oh, God! He shouldn't have done that."

"But he did, so I think you owe him at least that much that you tell him if you really wanna quit. But I hope you changed your mind."

"I can't," she whispered. Sara was so confused by the new information and Catherine's unexpected support that her head started to throb.

"Yes, you can! Look, I know I can be a bitch…sometimes…but maybe we can start over with clean sheet of paper. We just have to talk to each other."

Catherine was speaking the way like a shrink usually did and that awoken bad memories in Sara again, "Don't! There were too many times that people have tried to look inside of me. And that…that…just never worked."

"I don't want to analyze you and I won't. I am just saying to give yourself one more chance. Give _me_ a chance to prove that I respect you."

"Don't get me wrong, but two days ago you wanted Ecklie to fire me and now, you try to convince me that you respect me. It's kinda conflicting."

"I can be extreme I'm well aware of that but if your outburst had not happened in front of Ecklie, then this whole shit would have never happened. I would have hated you for a while," she laughed.

Sara had to admit that they had had conflicts in the past too and true, Catherine had never gone to Grissom to complain.

"Or I would have eaten your sandwiches just like that dumb ass did but I would have never ever gone to Ecklie."

Fear once again found its way to Sara's heart and stomach. What if the team found out who stole their food? They would surely hate and despise her. Until it happened, she should pretend. But Sara believed that while she was pretending, she was creating a darker criminal than she had already become.

"What if that dumb ass is someone we know?"

"What dumb ass?"

"The one who stole your food."

"I doubt any one of us would sink that low but of course I would try to understand why he did what he did."

"Why is sympathy so selective?"

"Because we are human, Sara."

Both women became silent for a few minutes. So prejudice was blind and forgiveness was choosy. After a minute, Sara desperately needed to change the topic, so he stood up and headed for her bedroom.

"Excuse me, I want to introduce you someone."

Grateful for the break, Catherine smiled up at Sara, "Sure."

Moments later, Sara reappeared in front of Catherine with Herbie in her arms. The small animal eyed the blond female with suspicion.

"Cath, please meet Herbie."

Learning from her former mistake, the older woman only smiled at the cat. She caressed her with words instead of hands.

"Herbie! Hello buddy. You have a very sweet name."

"It suits him, I think."

"Grissom's uncle was also Herb. Did you know that?"

"Um…really? Just now that you mentioned…" Sara turned with the cat and went to his pillow and bowl. Sara bended down and placed the miniature puma onto the soft cushion. Then she excused herself and went to the fridge to retrieve the milk for her sweet boy.

Catherine went closer to him, "How beautiful little baby you are." But she again received a hissing from Herbie. "Arrogant ass," she whispered. "You're like Grissom."

"Miaow."

"Grissom…"

"Miaow."

"What the hell? Gil?"

Nothing.

"Grissom?"

"Miaow."

"Herbie?"

Nothing.

"Grissom?"

"Miaow."

"Hey Sara! Your cat listens to the name 'Grissom'!"

"Or he just reacts to this delicious milk, huh?" she said.

Sara served the drink to Herbie that he gratefully started to consume. Looking at Catherine, Sara noticed that the woman was watching the small glass bowls on the table next to the big brown leather couch. The bowls were full of tiny rounded pebbles.

"I didn't know you were interested in rocks," Catherine told to Sara.

Probably rising too quickly, Sara slightly lost her balance but reached for the wall and soon she gained back her strength.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Nice rocks."

"I had a friend…Kimberly who by the way also had a cat like Herbie. She believed that we could close our pain into a rock and if we threw them into a river, the stream would take our pain away."

"Then why are you keeping these?"

"There is no river in Vegas."

"Which rock am I?"

Laughing, Sara pointed to a tiny gray pebble, "The smallest."

"God, Sara! Your nose is bleeding!"

"Oh, excuse me!"

And she stood up to run into the bathroom but once again she felt very dizzy. Sara lumped back onto the couch making Catherine seriously worried.

"Did it happen before?" she handed Sara a handkerchief.

"No," she lied.

"Bleeding is not a game, Sara. You were dizzy twice while I am here…don't look at me like this, I noticed and I arrived less than an hour ago, and now, the bleeding."

"It's nothing. I guess I'm more tired than I thought."

"Next time your nose is bleeding, you call and we go to see a doctor!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm serious."

"I know, and thanks, really. But I'm fine."

"Sara, when you come back, I'd like to start over with…"

"Clean sheet of paper. Deal!"

"And think about what I told you about quitting. The Lab needs you."

Walking Catherine to the door, Sara murmured, "I feel that the Lab gave upon me, I've given upon it too."

"When the world says, 'Give up,' Hope whispers, 'Try it one more time.' Never forget that."

Sara's face became slack and her mouth slightly opened by the words Catherine had just told her. The young woman had not heard or read those special words for a long-long time and they caused the same electric tingle that she had felt when she had read them for the first time in 1998.

"Call me if you need anything."

"Okay, see you when I come back. And thanks."

"I meant it, Sara. You can call me."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

That Friday morning, Gil Grissom had left the Lab sooner than he had ever thought he would. He literally had marched through the hallway, had not look left or right, had not said goodbye to anybody, all he had wanted was to get away from the building that only held death, lies and betrayals for both casualties and livings.

His first thought had been to drive to Sara, to beg for her forgiveness, to pray for a new chance, the only chance he might get but then his doubts once again had dominated his feelings.

When he had arrived at Sara's apartment block, Grissom had killed the engine of his car and after a moment of hesitation, he had exited the vehicle. He had not been sure if he should have been there or not but he had been heading towards the entrance when he had seen Catherine's car.

_Why is she here? What does she want? I swear if she…no, Cath wouldn't come here to humiliate Sara._

Grissom had not known what to do. He had wanted to protect Sara from any harm but he had not wanted to interrupt if Catherine had come to fix their situation. He had needed some more time anyway, so he had walked to a park nearby and had found the most abandoned bench there.

So here he was now sitting alone on a wooden seat, staring out of his head. He hardly was aware of his surroundings but the peace of this place calmed his perturbed heart. The dark green paint on the seat was mostly peeled off, the back-rest started to rot. Grissom doubted that anyone visited this bench, it looked forlorn and unfriendly but Grissom seemed to like it. He looked around and sniffed at the similarity. This small area was just like his life. Empty and miserable. This gloomy part of the park provided him an asylum from the cruelty of world he had created during the years, but surprisingly, he liked this place, he easily could call it his. He wondered if Sara knew this place. He wondered if she had ever sat here all alone thinking about her life. He wondered if she had felt as helpless and guilty as he was feeling right now.

Grissom did not know how long he was sitting there; he long lost the track of time. It was his cell phone that made him jump. He looked at the display of his cell, it was Catherine. Grissom did not want to talk to her right now, so he just let it ring. He should have known better than to ignore Catherine Willows. If that woman wanted to talk to someone, she made sure that her voice got through to that person. Although Grissom ignored two more calls from Catherine, he finally read the message she had sent him.

_Pick up that damn phone, Gil. It's 'bo__ut Sara!_

"Willows."

"It's me."

"Wow, so the password is Sara?"

"I'm not in the mood, Cath."

"Okay, I just wanted you to know that I went to see Sara and…"

"What have you done to her?"

"Thanks for assuming the worst of me. As I wanted to say, we, I think, talked over what happened and I believe we solved our differences. But I am not calling because of this."

"Is there something wrong?"

"Sara would never tell me, but I think that something seriously wrong with her."

"Look, Sara's a great crimi…"

"I meant something wrong with her health. She almost fell twice and her nose was bleeding. Gil, she said she was just tired, but we all know what tiredness means, but…"

"I gotta go, Cath. Thanks for calling."

"Gil? Gil?" but Catherine got no answer.

For a few seconds, Grissom was just sitting there panicking. Suddenly, there were flashes of memory, images of Sara being full of life, laughing, shouting, soundlessly crying and now fading, each flash of her was building on the last until he could see the sad history of Sara Sidle in Las Vegas.

He thought back to the first day when Sara had arrived in Vegas. Until that day, he had lived a life where there had been no love in it. That special day, Grissom felt that he had gotten a second chance. By calling Sara that mournful morning, without direct words had he promised her a wonderful life. Grissom closed his eyes. Sara. He remembered the next wonderful morning.

_I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle._

So young and beautiful. He had been so sure he could care about her. And he had done but it had been not enough or even too much. He had let his fears and selfishness dictate his life, and although he had showed her a new life with him, he had made a cruel decision and taken it away from her and had turned his back to Sara.

All of a sudden, he felt very tired and old…and lost. Could he be a real help in this condition? Could he be a help at all. He desperately wanted to see Sara but he feared she would send him away. Maybe it really would be better if he first went home and slept. Grissom was nothing but a useless mess at the moment.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Sara was grateful for the visit but she had to admit that she was more grateful when Catherine left. The older CSI had been really nice and Sara had also felt that they could start their relationship all over again. But her head had started to hurt and she had started to see thousands of sparkling starts. She had known the alerting symptoms by now, so she had tried to concentrate on what Catherine had said or done. The bleeding had been new, though.

After Catherine had left, Sara locked her door and was about to go back to her now well-fed cat. Sara looked at Herbie who was sitting on his pillow watching her but she felt as if she was under the water in a pool. Everything seemed to be waving and she seemed to hear her own sounds of breathing and heartbeats. Sara knew she should find a chair as soon as she could but it was too late now to walk to the kitchen. Dizziness had never hit her this hard, it scared her. So she decided to crouch down to her knees. It seemed a good idea until she tripped over the edge of her carpet and instead of sinking to her knees slowly; Sara fell hard onto the floor. She cried out in pain, and some dirty words left her mouth, too. She tried to reach for the coffee table to help her get up but a new wave of nausea made her miss the furniture and she fell back onto the carpet. Sara did not know when she hit her head or if she hit it at all, but all the small round pebble were scattered all around her. She just needed some time to regain her strength. Sara struggled to get up but soon she gave up. She was so tired that she closed her eyes and everything went black.

Herbie was unsure what had just happened. Why was this female on the floor in that strange position? He went closer to her, meowing once or twice but he got no answer. Herbie sensed that something was wrong, so he carefully inched close to Sara who was kneeling face down, her knees tucked under her close to her chest. The frightened cat started to nuzzle his mate's hand. Again, he got no reaction. The little feline got more agitated by every passing second. His tactic that had always worked seemed to be useless this time. After a great deal of massage, he looked at Sara's face and fear flooded his entire body.

"Miaow…miaow."

**TBC**


	9. Digging Deeper

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

**

* * *

Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**

* * *

Chapter ****Nine**

_If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep. - __**Dale Carnegie**_

Grissom was walking back to his car when a strange feeling made his heart gave a painful leap. He touched his chest but the heavy thrill just did not go away. It was not a real pain, rather a thought that was born in his head and made its way to his heart. Intuition? He did not believe in such vague terms as hunches, sixth sense or instincts. Simply, he did not want to. He remembered the case of Kaye Shelton. Sara had been so upset and confused. Grissom had argued with her about intuition, he had been so sure that her feelings toward the victim had compromised her judgement and clouded her investigation. Sara had argued with him about science that in some cases could not explain or prove every tiny detail. Sara had approached the topic by describing what sixth sense could be, while Grissom had done the same by describing what it could not. He remembered how delighted Sara had been when her intuition had been proven right by his science. Grissom smiled at the memory but his smile quickly disappeared when he reached Sara's home.

Something deep inside him said to go to Sara but again, he did not believe in 'little voices' or whatever the others called them. _Sara has just had a visitor, she might need to be alone, she might want to rest, maybe she is sleeping_, he thought. He had been in her home less than a day ago, Grissom feared Sara would think he did not trust her or he just wanted to check on her.

So he turned to find his car not knowing how wrong he was with this decision. As if he sensed that he should not leave, he considered calling Sara and at least asking her if she needed something, anything. He took out his cell phone and was about to dial Sara's landline when a certain call came into his mind.

_Sara, it's James Woods. Sorry, I couldn't answer your call earlier, and now it seems you're busy. Can I call you later?_

And then Catherine's words worked themselves into his thoughts.

_I meant something wrong with her health. She almost fell twice and her nose was bleeding. Gil, she said she was just tired, but we all __know what tiredness means, but…_

Grissom finally made the connection that made his head ache and his ears buzz. So this Dr. Woods was Sara's physician. But what kind of a doctor he was exactly, he was wondering. He wanted, he needed to know. With one fluid motion, he slipped his cell back into his pocket, get into his car and raced home to trace this Dr. Woods. He would know much more and he could come back armed to the teeth with information.

The first thing that Grissom did after he had arrived home was to turn on the computer. He tapped his fingers impatiently as he waited for the computer to boot up. As soon as it was ready, he clicked on the Firefox icon and typed 'Woods, James, MD'.

About 334,000 results (0.22 sec). Damn!

New search: Woods, James, MD, Nevada.

About 172,000 results (0.32 sec). Better but not good at all. And since when was Oregon in Nevada?

New search: Woods, James, physician, Las Vegas.

About 33,400 result in no time. Grissom sighed and tried a new approach. Shutting down the computer, he went to his phone that was near the kitchen island and dialed his own family doctor.

"Dr. Rubless speaking."

"Hi Peter, it's Gil Grissom."

"Gil. Wasn't it you who told me that you didn't want to see me again?" he laughed.

"That's why I call you instead."

"How can I help you? Everything ok with your hearing?"

"Yes, everything is fine. I am calling you because I'd like to ask you something. I have a friend who is on holiday at the moment, out of town, and I was asked to bring some test results back to her doctor but I forgot how to reach him. I left the Lab and here I have no access to our database. Can you help me? Maybe you know him."

"Of course I know him," he laughed again. "Shoot his name."

"Dr. Woods, James Woods."

"Umm…actually…he must be new on the board; his name doesn't ring any bells."

"Oh," Grissom said disappointed.

"Call me back later; let's say in 30 minutes, I'll look him up in our database."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate it."

"For an old friend, anytime."

After they had hung up, Grissom went to his fridge to pour a glass of pineapple juice to refresh his stomach. He placed the bottle onto the kitchen island and started to drink. He then could not help it; he kept looking at the clock on the wall. It seemed its hands went to sleep. He checked the time on his wristwatch as well and he disappointedly realized that the time-keepers were accurate so he had to be the one impatient. Waiting did him no good. His stomach screamed at him to fill it up and that was when his heart sank again. The thought of Sara having to starve made him want to cry. When he first had suspected that something was wrong, he honestly had thought that Sara had been on a diet that went out of hand but to lose so much weight because she had had nothing to eat that shook him dearly. Grissom could not see where her money had gone. Sara had not bought a new car; she had not needed one as they all could use the Lab's Denali. She lived in the same flat that was not hers. Grissom was sure that she was not interested in gambling. But what else could zero her bank account? Bank account! Maybe he could trace her transfers. He was a CSI after all. Just a call and he was going to have all the information he needed. With newly gained energy, he went to his study and sat down to his desk. Pulling out his cell phone, he dialed Brass but before it could ring at his end, Grissom abruptly pushed the end key. All of a sudden, his enthusiasm died.

"Dammit Sara!"

He became agitated, angry even. He just could not call Brass or anybody in the Lab. Sara's situation was private, she had guarded her circumstances even from him, mostly from him. And even if he decided to insult her privacy by spying, he still would have to come up with an excuse to get a warrant and therefore her bank records. He would never compromise her that way. Grissom knew he had to find another way to have those pieces of information. He was not going to ask Sara again, first of all, what Grissom had find out was very awkward and second, Sara would not tell him anyway.

"Stubborn silly woman!"

But what worried him the most was her health condition. He remembered when he had visited her yesterday, Sara had run to the bathroom, she had looked so pale then, and now, Catherine had reported that her nose had been bleeding. Just how long had she been starving? Long enough to weaken her body to a dangerous level.

Grissom thought about forcing her to eat, pinning her to a chair even, she once had ordered him to pin her down, but he doubted she had meant this kind of a pinning down. Grissom was past worried about her, he bordered panic. Sara needed food, and needed it as soon as possible. And regularly. But Grissom needed a strategy. He knew Sara would not accept help. So Grissom could not just go there with two packs of food. Sara would take it as a humiliating action.

He became frustrated. He felt he could not concentrate; he seemed not to find a good solution. And he needed an excuse to visit her again. Grissom had only visited her when she had done something stupid. And actually, she had done one now again as she had kept her problem a secret, so it could be his excuse, but seriously, after years of faked ignorance, he did not dare to just knock on her door.

"Damn coward ass!"

No matter how nervous he was, it was about Sara and not about him. So he was determined to do anything to get her to eat. He would force her if he had to. If she got angry with him, hated him, well, he would survive that.

With a spring in his step, Grissom speeded to the kitchen to make a veggie omelet that he planned to bring over Sara's. Once he fed Sara, Grissom would have the time to cook out his next step. Now, he just wished he had a "reason" to visit her.

Grissom glanced up at the clock and was shocked to see that twenty-six minutes had passed since his last inspection. With three eggs in hands, he went to his telephone. Picked up the handset and pushed the re-dial key.

"On time as always, Gil."

"So?"

"You was fooled, my friend."

"What do you mean?"

"There is only one James Woods in Vegas and he's a doctor but defo not a human doctor," he laughed.

"He's a Vet?"

"Yes, my friend, so your kitten fooled you."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Thank you so much for your kind help."

"No problem, Gil."

"Thanks anyway, and bye!"

"Bye."

The self-fooled CSI did not know if he should laugh or not. So this Woods was a Vet. Of course, it made sense. Sara had just had Herbie; he had needed a check-up. But this new information planted new worry in Grissom. What if Sara had not been seen by a doctor? Since she was definitely not well…

He banged the phone handset back on the stand in frustration and he accidentally dropped one egg onto the table. The egg rolled off the opposite side of the table before Grissom could catch it. He walked around the island and looked at the smashed egg on the floor. Moments later he was on his knees scooping up the raw egg with his hands but some of the yellow stuff wept through between his fingers right onto his pants. He closed his eyes for a moment to prevent the obscene words from coming out of his mouth.

He washed his hands then started to pill off his pants. Before he took them into the hamper, he had emptied their pockets. Lab keys, his ID card, some change and some soft gray thing. He looked at it and his excuse to visit his Sara was born at that very moment.

"Thank you, Herbie," he said happily as he was holding the toy mouse in his hand that he had somehow managed to pocket when Sara's landline phone had rung yesterday morning. He had to make one last call, and then Grissom was ready to quickly make an omelet, even more quickly take a shower and then drive back to Sara's.

"Yes?"

"Hi, Mrs. Thomas, it's Gil Grissom…"

"How long?" the woman asked before being told anything.

"A few more hours, please."

"No problem, Hank's a great dog. My grandson will be so happy."

"Thanks. I'll call you. Thanks again."

Within thirty minutes, Grissom was on the road toward Sara's home. He was nervous, he could not deny it. In the parking lot Grissom looked into the rearview mirror of his Denali and combed his hair with his fingers, then smoothed his hand over his well-trimmed beard. He thought that he looked decent. He was surprised again that he wanted to look good. Grissom decided not to examine his motives for wishing to look handsome.

Leaving his car behind, he headed toward the entrance of the building holding two carry bags of food. He climbed the stairs instead of using the elevator; it gave him some more time to calm down before seeing Sara. At her door, Grissom had a weird feeling of déjà vu. Yesterday, he had been standing there, wondering just what condition he would find Sara in after the incident in the Lab. And now, he was doing the same, once again wondering what to say and what reaction he would get.

First he knocked on her door tenderly. He waited for a minute but then he decided that a full minute could be considered long to wait at a door, so he tried again. Nothing. His heart sank. _She must be out_, he thought. Grissom could not have explained it, but he leaned closer to the door. He could swear that he had heard some noise coming from inside. He was eavesdropping for long moments but it seemed that he had only imagined the odd noise. Grissom was disappointed as it seemed that Sara was not at home, so he turned and was about to leave when he thought better of it. He got his cell out and dialed Sara's landline phone. He leaned very close to the door and so he clearly heard the ringing. But no one answered.

"Stupid, if she is out, try her mobile," he scolded himself.

He leaned against the wall and dialed her cell number. After a second or two, the funny ringtone of Sara's mobile could be heard through the door. Although the sound was faint, Grissom realized that Sara most probably was at home as she never went out without her cell phone.

"Something's wrong, something's not right. Something's not right, something's wrong," he chanted nervously chewing on his lower lip.

Grissom rang the bell and hoped the door would be opened by a healthy and full of smile Sara. He tried for the last time, just in case but nothing.

"Sara, open the door, just open the door! It's Grissom."

And he once again heard that noise he had heard minutes earlier. Now he was concentrating on that noise. But it never came again.

"Sara, it's Grissom."

And this time he heard it perfectly. It was some kind of a desperate cry. A hopeless shout out? An excessive cry of a cat? Herbie? Was Herbie crying?

Sara would never let her tabby friend cry.

"Something's wrong, something's not right."

He dropped the bags onto the floor as he became seriously alarmed now; he looked around for a hidden spare key to her front door. Grissom doubted that Sara had one, she was too paranoid to keep a key under the mat, but he checked that place first nonetheless. He could not find a key anywhere. And Herbie kept meowing despairingly. Wiping his now sweaty forehead, he considered calling Brass to help him get inside but then an idea popped into his head.

"Thanks Herbie!"

Grissom got his eyeglasses out of his breast pocket, and with a fluid motion, he broke off one of their temples. He looked around and guiltily, he started his work he had learned from his Uncle Herb. His uncle had been a plumber and he had known lots of tricks to get into the pantry when he had been looking for some sweet treats. Uncle Herb had proudly taught little Gil how to use his wooden stick after the young boy had eaten his lollipop. Adult Gil Grissom was now grateful for the lessons. Some twists up and a few to the right and finally the lock gave up the fight.

The first thing he saw when he stepped inside was Herbie. The cat's behavior and the sight of him terrified Grissom. The poor tiny cat was trembling and shaking, Herbie looked at the big man with dilated pupils. His fur was weird, it looked dirty somehow but then the CSI in Grissom noticed the pool of urine next to the fridge close to the front door. The cat was pacing restlessly but what shocked Grissom the most was the fact that even though Herbie was clearly distressed, he was purring. Grissom did not know that cats also purred when stressed or in pain which might surprise a lot of people, but it was believed that purring was a mechanism that cats would use to try to comfort themselves. He feared to investigate the reason of Herbie's anxiety.

"What is it, Herbie?"

As if the bony cat understood that this man was here to help him and his lady, he meowed and then led Grissom to Sara.

No horribly cruel bloody crime scene had ever created so heavy dread in his heart than this scene in front of him did just now. Never in his adult life had he ever felt such a terror he was feeling at the moment. For seconds, he could not move. It felt like an electric shock, the only difference was that the caused burn marks could be found in his heart not on his skin. Sudden pain flowed through his veins, his body; numbness filled his brain conveyed by the neurons. His deepest nightmare had just been manifested in front of his eyes and he could not move a muscle.

He was just staring at Sara's body for what seemed an eternity. This pose had haunted him since the day he had stepped into Debbie Marlin's bathroom. He shook his head desperately wishing it to be a nightmare he would wake from in any minute.

As if Herbie was saying to do something, the cat restarted his cry. Grissom opened his eyes and forced himself to take one step then another one toward the woman who had stolen his heart so many years ago. After those trial and careful steps, he finally rushed to Sara and fell to his knees and checked for a pulse. Grissom tried to focus on her face and not on her entire posture. His fingers felt her pulse, she was alive and at this discovery he wanted to cry. He heaved a sigh of relief. But he had no time for crazy emotions, he needed to help Sara.

Slowly, Grissom moved her arms. One of them was slightly blue from elbow to fingers. After he positioned Sara's body by rolling her first to her side then to her back, he ever so tenderly started to massage her arm to help the circulation. Grissom checked her airway, breathing and her pulse again, both were weak but they were steady. He went to check her possible injuries. Apart from the head injury, she looked unharmed. The cut on her head was small and shallow; the amount of blood scared him at first but then it turned out that it was deceiving as it usually was with head injuries. The fact that she was unconscious worried him dearly. He looked at Herbie who was at Sara's head indicating that he was willing to assist Grissom.

The cat was still very nervous but somehow the presence of the man who once had been able to comfort his lady provided him some hope and safety. Herbie was watching Grissom with adoration as the man was calling Sara's name.

"Sara! Can you hear me? Darling, can you hear me?"

But she was unresponsive. _Just how long has she been like this?_ He wondered. Wanting to waste no more time, he went to look for Sara's purse to fish her keys out so they could rush to the ER.

"Herbie, we need to leave now. You stay here and watch the house."

Sensing something was up, Herbie moved closer to his girl and formed a little ball, and then closed his eyes and started to purr like a loose tractor.

"I'll bring her back, promise."

Grissom forced himself to be strong. If somebody had seen all the three of them, they would have sent all of them to see a doctor. Sara was unconscious for God knew how long; Herbie was more than stressed, and Grissom? He felt like a zombie who was functioning on autopilot mode.

Grissom picked up the cat who was not happy with him doing so. After Herbie had been placed onto his pillow, Grissom went back to the main part of the room. But the cat was right there again. Grissom looked down at him and sighed. Then, he very carefully turned Sara's body. Very gently, he slid his left arm under Sara's shoulder until he knew he could lift her safely. Then Grissom slip his right arm under her knees. Once he was ready, he started to lift her. His back hurt, so he decided to pick her up by lifting with his knees and not with his back, just like the weight-lifters did.

"Awww…"

"Sara? Sara?"

"My head…hurts," she grunted.

"Oh, God, you're…" he could not help it; he pressed his lips desperately to her temple.

"I…I," she mumbled so low that Grissom had difficulty with comprehending it.

"Do you know your name, Sara?" he started the well-practiced routine.

"You've just told me."

"Oh…well, at least you're not confused. Look, I'm bringing you to the ER."

"No! No!" she objected immediately but regretted it just as soon as her head hurt with lightening pain when she tried to speak.

"I did not ask for permission, Sara. You were lying here unconscious for God knows how long, so we are going."

"Take me down. Please. I'm fine," she moaned.

Sara wanted to do anything to prevent him from taking her to the ER. She could not afford a visit, and she thought that she was okay now. Grissom very slowly took her down but he never let her go completely, and as he suspected, as soon as Sara's feet touched the floor, she went white, paler than she had been minutes earlier and she closed her eyes. Grissom's arm automatically tightened around her waist. He did not need any more proof to know that they should leave for the ER right now. Without a word, he grabbed Sara's purse and key and spooned the lithe woman up into his arms and headed toward the door. He could only take a few steps when he heard a painful yell. And he knew what it was.

"Oh, sorry, Herbie. Stay, sit!"

Grissom did not really realize at that moment that Herbie would not obey orders that Hank would most probably do. He simply stepped over the worried cat and left the flat. Sweat was popping out on his forehead as he was fiddling with the lock with Sara in his arms. He had no other choice but placing her down to her feet so that he could lock the door properly. Sara kept her eyes closed and held onto Grissom's shirt. After the flat was secured, he lifted Sara once again and when they were about to leave, Grissom almost fell over something. He quickly balanced himself and adjusted his hold on Sara, and then he looked down at the offensive object that had stopped them. Two carry bags of food. He did not care about them anymore; he left the abandoned food behind and rushed to his car then with a very weak Sara in it to the hospital.

About twenty minutes later, Grissom was filling the physician in. He told the doctor everything. The starving, the periodic dizziness, the supposed fell, the head injury and that she had been unconscious for about an hour and a half, give or take a few minutes. He also pointed out that Sara had a job especially stressful.

Soon the doctor ordered MRI scans to see if the fall had caused any problem. He also hoped it would explain the young woman's condition before the fall. The frequent dizziness was a symptom. The question was to where it pointed.

"Grissom, please don't leave me here," Sara whispered.

"'I'm not leaving."

"No, I mean…take me home, please. I'm fine."

"No, you are not."

"You don't understand, please take me home."

"Ms. Sidle, are you ready?" a nurse asked as she rolled a wheelchair in so Sara could be taken to Radiology.

"Yes, she is," Grissom answered.

"Griss…"

"I'll be here when you are finished, I promise."

Grissom helped Sara into the wheelchair, they held hands but the nurse wheeled her away.

"Doctor, can you tell me anything about her condition?"

"I need to know your relationship…"

"I'm close family to her."

"All right. At this stage of the examinations, it can be anything. But knowing that she was starving…well…"

"Well?"

"I'm just wondering how come you didn't notice earlier that something was wrong with this young lady, I mean…you are close family."

"I'm wondering myself. But everything will change from now on."

"I hope so. Before the MRI, we are going to draw her blood. After the MRI, she will be given infusion. We will see then what's up."

"How long do these examinations take? I mean when can I see her?"

"It will take at least an hour and a half before she can have the infusion."

"Oh."

"You might want to deal with the paperwork and pay for the tests while Ms Sidle is at the Radiology. Waiting is easier when there is something to do."

"True. Thanks."

Knowing that Sara had financial problems, Grissom paid for the scan and for the tests. To the question of who he was to Ms. Sidle, without thinking he shot 'fiancé'. Within minutes, he was sitting in the hallway.

_I'm just wondering how come you didn't notice earlier that something was wrong with this young lady, I mean…you are close family._

That question was fair. How hadn't he noticed? Staring at his shoes, he decided not to dwell on it now. What worried him the most right now was the 'whys'. Why didn't she tell him about her financial problem? Well, he knew the answer to that question. Why did she have financial problem at all? That was what he did not know. Again, he wanted to call Brass. And again, he changed his mind. There had to be another way to figure this mystery out. He wished he could read minds, Sara's mind in particular. But he would be glad if he could read her bank reports or the account statement letters. Going to her bank and asking them to show him her account somehow did not seem to be an option. He wished he could read the monthly letters that the bank had sent Sara. He doubted though that Sara would be willing to show him.

Grissom glanced at the clock on the huge light green wall, and saw that only four minutes passed. There was plenty of time until Sara got back here.

Plenty of time.

Plenty of time to go back to Sara's and comb her apartment for those letters. He knew she would probably be very upset and insulted by his investigation but he had to know, he needed to know, he wanted to help and he was determined to do what he had to do even if Sara would hate him later. He already hated himself. Grissom had nothing to lose.

Twenty-five minutes later, Grissom was standing in the living room of Sara's home. First, he gave cat-food to Herbie and some water but he refused to eat. Grissom sighed but he had no time for Herbie this time. He had only thirty minutes to find those documents and another twenty minutes to get back to the hospital in time.

He went to her desk and tried the most obvious and - at the same time - the less likely place: the drawer. Of course nothing. With each passing minute, he felt guiltier. He had no right to do this.

He then headed to her bedroom.

"No, you can't," he said. "You're already a dead man, so get in!"

He noticed the entomology textbook on her nightstand that he had given her, he smiled a faint smile. So it was true, she had read it when she could not sleep. He opened the small door of the short furniture but found only hand creams and handkerchiefs in there.

His next target was her wardrobe. There was a shoebox on the shelf that looked promising. And it really was that. He took the lid off of the box and he finally found the official letters of account statement. He went to sit onto Sara's bed. He checked the time and saw that only ten minutes left for him to get the information he needed.

The letters were sorted by date. Of course, it was Sara Sidle's box after all. He opened the most recent one and was shocked to see that there was almost nothing on her account. Beginning balance: $3,750. Ending balance: $3.32. He opened a letter dated much prior than the one he had read a second ago. He saw almost the same. The next he read was a letter printed months ago, almost a year ago. Here, he saw a pretty impressive amount of money deposited on her account. So Grissom selected another letter closer to present.

And finally he found it. The first letter that recorded a significant withdrawal. He checked the next letter, and he found a smaller but still signal withdrawal, and then, he thumbed the rest of the letters; all documented the same smaller withdrawals. Pay to the order of: always the same.

Grissom noticed another destination to where her money had been transferred. She had started to pay that regular amount of money much later than she had done with the first payment.

He knew he had to stop spying. His time was up. Quickly, he jotted the two names marked in the description column down. He was going to check them out. He wanted to know everything about those who had made Sara this miserable.

Half an hour later, Grissom was standing in the hallway waiting for the nurse who was supposed to bring Sara back to him.

**TBC**

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Author's Postscript:**_ Well, the end justifies the means? I doubt that Sara would think that the morally wrong steps that might lead to morally right goals must be right too :-)


	10. New Opportunities

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N: **Happy New Year to all of you! I hope everybody enjoyed the festive season with their family and friends.

Sorry for the delay in posting, I don't know what took me this long. Again, sorry :)

All my thanks to my great friend, _**SweetSouthernComfort**_ for the priceless suggestions she gave me. Thanks babe!

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Chapter ****Ten**

_A little faith will bring your soul to heaven, but a lot of faith __will bring heaven to your soul. - __**Author**__**Unknown**_

Gil Grissom was standing in the hallway of Desert Palm Hospital waiting for the nurse who was supposed to bring Sara back from Radiology. He looked at his watch to see if he had arrived late as after a good twenty-minute wait, there was still no sign of Sara. At first Grissom had not minded waiting, he had been grateful for the time so he could catch his breath after the race back to this building that held so many unpleasant memories for the crime scene investigators but especially for him. But now, he started to worry. What if he came late indeed and Sara had been already taken to a room and he had not been here for her as he had promised her. He bet that Sara would not be that surprised if he had broken the promise. It had happened many times. But a promise he had specifically held out… This perspective made his heart utterly sad. Wasting no more time, he walked to the nurses' station and asked the first woman there if she could tell him anything about Sara's whereabouts.

"Excuse me, can you help me?"

The woman looked up from her paperwork, "Yes?"

"Um…about one and a half hours ago…a Sara Sidle was taken to Radiology for MRI and I'd like to ask if she is…"

"And you are?"

"Her fiancé," he said this time without hesitation.

"Give me a moment, I'll check her status in our system," the young nurse said kindly to the worrying man.

"Thank you."

"Yes, Sidle, Sara Sidle, 31…blood work…done…patient…taken to MRI…still there."

"Still there? What takes so long? The doctor said it would take only forty minutes…top. And now, she is there for almost two hours."

"Yes, it's unusual," she fed Grissom's anxiety further. "I'll call the unit if you want me to."

"Yes, please."

Grissom stepped back a little to give the lady some privacy but his eyes followed her every move. He saw how she lifted the receiver, how her lips moved, how she listened to what was said to her and how she then frowned. Normally, Grissom would wait until the lady finished the call and tell him the information he was waiting for but now, he felt as if he was surrounded by thick fog he could not see through and over the fog, something bad was waiting for him. He tried to read the woman's lips, he tried to concentrate but he could not. This time it was not a case, not some serious issue in the Lab that needed immediate solution, it was not a riddle he loved brooding on, it was about Sara he loved. And he did not know anything about her condition. He created theories about the extended examination; within seconds, Grissom's mind started to torture him in the sickest way possible. His reality became infected by flow of flashbacks again; he could not get rid of the image of Sara lying on her own home's floor, all alone, just like the victim of that cold blooded surgeon. A physician. People were supposed to trust doctors, and Grissom had had to face the fact that anybody could be a murderer. Scary and seemingly hopeless world. He forced himself to repeat that Sara was not Debbie and the doctors here were not Vincent Lurie. Still, the thought of Sara touched by some doctor was sending shivers down his spine. Grissom knew it was absurd but human brain was a cruelly playful organ. Fortunately, the nurse did not let him delve into those dark thoughts after she had finished the call.

"Sir…" seeing that the man was lost in his thoughts she tried louder. "Sir!"

"Sorry. Do you know what keeps them?"

"Well, the technologist said that they had some problem during the examination."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

The room was now getting dark and it was almost silent. The lights from the street provided only slight luminescence making the ceiling an ample stage for shadows to perform their creepy dance. Nothing could be heard, only a rhythmical but slow 'drip-drip'. On the wall, there was a picture hung off-center. It was odd, normally, it should be perfectly in place. This was one of the tiny details that could not escape the pair of sharp eyes' attention. He also saw an empty medicine bottle lay in the porcelain sink. For a while, he was just watching the shadow theater on the ceiling but soon he found other exciting things to observe. Things that were out of their place for some reason.

After the inventory was done, he looked around and suddenly, the angst won over him once again. First slight, then heavier tremble shook his body. Where was Sara? Did she not know how much he needed her? He loved that woman and he did not know anything about her. He tried to be patient, tried to occupy himself but now, it was dark and he was alone.

All of a sudden, every dancing shadow transformed into some violent and meat-eating monsters that were hunger only for him.

Fear vs. safety: 1-0.

Ever slowly, he edged closer for a better look of that mysteriously moving dark figure; he could make out the silhouette of a four-legged beast. Maybe it was the shock from earlier, the hunger or the exhaustion but that something seemed offensive and growing. The 'drip-drip' seemed to sound louder as he approached his target. Or was it his heartbeat? Left foot first, then the right one…slowly, almost tentatively. Gathering all the courage he possessed, he broke into a soundless run to chastise the unwelcomed intruder. No matter how skillfully he jumped onto the obtrusive thing, it seemed that the dark figure only laughed at him. Defeated and most definitely scared, Herbie backed off. His eyes never left the black devil. The lonely cat shivered, as though ice had replaced his spine. He just wanted his lady back. He was patient, really but it was now dark and that huge hairy human had taken the sweet lady away from him for way too long. She had been ill, Herbie could sense it. Sickness had different smell. Herbie knew that scent very well, that certain morning when the little cat smelled that aroma on himself, Herbie had hidden from everybody. He had been prepared to die. But then Sara had come along and saved him.

Hours earlier, the feline had recognized that special scent radiated from his beloved lady. No word could have ever described the horror that Herbie had felt until Grissom had arrived. The cat had not been very happy when that man had first visited them but today the small satellite-eared tabby cat had been specifically relieved to have him there. After the first shock, the furry human had seemed to know what to do and helped their Sara. From that moment, Herbie had become attached to Grissom as well. Now, he just had to bring her back.

And that shadowy demon moved again making Herbie focus on it once more. The cat gave a slight but threatening grunt, his back formed a perfect 'C' and as his last warning, he hissed as monstrously as he could but the devil did not retreat a bit. Losing his confidence, Herbie decided to hide instead. Keeping his eyes on the beast on the wall, he maneuvered toward Sara's bedroom. Carefully, he slalomed among the small pebbles scattered all over the carpet. Finally reaching the bedroom, its door had been left ajar, pushing it a little further, the door begrudgingly creaked open. Herbie silently entered the room, and without difficulty, he jumped onto the bed and scrawled under the blanket forming a cozy nest in the bed-sheet. Inhaling deeply the scent of Sara, soon, slumber found the poor frightened animal.

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GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

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Gil Grissom was walking back and forth in the hallway. The nurse had not been allowed to give further information either about Sara's condition or about the arisen problem during the MRI. It was a nerve-trying situation. If he knew what happened, then he could deal with it but this 'not-knowing' was killing him. Grissom walked to the large window and looked out of it. It was getting late and he was getting more and more exhausted. The last two days were more than busy; he hardly ate and hardly slept. He was "starving" only for two days and he already felt as if he had not eaten for a week. Grissom did not want to think about how Sara had had to feel after long weeks of starvation. _But it was going to change_, he vowed. Closing his eyes, he only could see the pale, sad and tired face of Sara. He tried to wake memories of the happier woman, her smile or her laughter. Sara's cheery voice. Grissom seemed to smell her sweet scent; he seemed to hear her voice. Faint smile appeared on his face upon hearing Sara calling him. But then some rude voice contaminated that beautiful phenomenon, some intrusive tone of a male.

"Mr. Grissom?"

Realizing where he really was, Grissom opened his eyes to investigate the source of that sound, "Um…doctor?"

"Mr. Grissom, I need your help."

"Where is Sara? What took so long? I heard there was a problem. Is she alright?" he slurred the first few questions he wanted to ask.

"Ms. Sidle was taken to a room a minute ago because I want her to stay for a day. I thought you saw her, she called your name. Anyway, the MRI didn't show any abnormality but it doesn't mean that Ms. Sidle is out of danger. In many cases when patients hit their heads, we can't see anything wrong and the examination gives us a completely normal MRI. So we need to monitor the patient if something comes up later, normally in the next 24 hours."

"So actually, everything seems okay?"

"Yes, and if nothing changes, Ms. Sidle is perfectly healthy…regarding her neurological condition at least."

"What do you mean 'at least'?"

"Her iron level is very low; furthermore, her blood test could be a perfect example for medical students. The malnutrition caused imbalances in the electrolytes. Potassium, calcium and phosphorus…are all very low. I guess Mr. Grissom, I don't need to explain to you what these or better said the lack of these can cause."

"No, you don't. Can I see her?"

"Yes, of course you can see her I just wanted to talk with you in private before you go to see Ms. Sidle."

"Is there…"

"Look, I will be honest with you, Mr. Grissom. Even though the MRI shows nothing wrong, Ms. Sidle hit her head hard, plus – what makes me worried the most – she lost consciousness for pretty long. So I would insist on hospitalizing her but Ms. Sidle refuses to stay."

"I see. And what was that problem during the examination?"

"It had nothing to do with the output of the MRI, rather with the way we had to perform so."

"Doctor! Could you please just tell me?"

"Ms. Sidle became agitated during the procedure, so we had to use mild sedation so she could stay perfectly still. That's all. She is now resting in her room."

"Oh, I see. As for the other thing, you want me to convince her to stay?"

"Exactly. This is not a game, she has to understand that," the doctor told Grissom with evident concern in his voice.

Grissom knew it most probably was already a lost battle to convince Sara Sidle to do something she did not want to do. With the knowledge of her financial state in mind, Grissom suspected what her main reason for being released from here had to be but he was determined to try to change her mind. Sara undoubtedly had insurance so it would not be a problem this time, but thinking with Sara's logic, she probably wanted to avoid any possible situation that could reveal her mournful financial state so no wonder she would rather go home. The tests were pretty expensive that Grissom had paid for before he had left for his private investigation at Sara's home.

Gil Grissom automatically followed the doctor toward Sara's room and he constantly tried to come up with a rock-strong argument. The sight of Sara with a butterfly tape over her forehead made him even more worried but at the same time, her wide puppy eyes warmed his heart.

"Ms. Sidle? I hope your fiancé could change your mind regarding our hospitality," the doctor said.

Sara's eyes widened even more if it was possible at the new title of Grissom but she suspected that he had had a reason to lie and if she wanted to completely sincere with herself, the perspective of them being an engaged couple melted her heart dearly. One thing that Sara hated in movies when the protagonist started to protest – in public - against something that was apparently not true, no matter how obvious it was that the other had had to lie for a reason. Sara saw that Grissom could not meet her eyes when the doctor said 'fiancé', she smiled at his cute embarrassment, and she could feel that Grissom was waiting for the humiliating correction. Come on, he should know her better.

"Look, you said the MRI showed nothing abnormal, I…I don't understand why I should stay here. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Sara," Grissom went to her bed and reached for her hand, "you should consider staying here. It would be only a day, maximum two, no more."

"I…I want to go home. Please."

"Ms. Sidle. We have to be sure that you didn't suffer any injuries that weren't detectable on MRI…now…but would cause trouble later. You definitely need a 24-hour monitoring."

Tears were forming in her eyes at the possibility of staying in this unfriendly hospital. She wanted to take a handkerchief out of her pocket but she found none. Noticing her intention, Grissom put his hand into his pocket in order to give her one but he took some furry toy out instead. Three pairs of eyes adored that toy mouse. Grissom knew that this was the exact moment when he lost the battle completely.

"Griss, Herbie needs me. He must be terrified and hungry," Sara sniffled. It never occurred to her to question how he had the toy in the first place.

"I'll check on him, okay?"

"No. He doesn't know you…"

"Yes, he does. Stop worrying!"

"Ms. Sidle. We are not that bad host," the doctor tried to lighten the atmosphere but evidently he failed.

"Look, I have my reasons to leave. And I will leave, so please, tell me what I have to do so I could go home."

"Well, I can't keep you here against your will but you have to know I don't think it's the best for you to do. I let you go home only if someone is there with you."

Her hope died soon, "Why?"

"That person – I guess it'd be your fiancé – must check on you every two hours. We just call it "neuro checks".

"My fiancé has to work, I'm…not sure…"

"Every two hours?" Grissom asked.

"Yes, and you have to ask numerous questions in order to make sure that Ms. Sidle didn't suffer some injury that hasn't shown up yet."

"No, Grissom…it's…"

"Choose, me or these kind people…no offense, doctor," he smiled.

"I choose…you," she whispered. _Always you_.

After the doctor had instructed Grissom what kind of questions he would have to ask Sara and had prescribed all the vitamins the undernourished woman would need to take, Grissom and Sara were sitting in Grissom's car ready to go home.

The journey was taken in relative silence. They stopped at the pharmacy to buy the medicines. Sara wanted to go inside as well, but Grissom told her to stay in the car and take it easy. Sara started to refuse saying these prescriptions were supposed to be hers, so she had to pay for them.

"You will pay for it later, just rest, okay?"

"Okay, but know that I'm making a list."

"Good but now…if you would be so kind as to let the handle go…I could…"

"Sorry. Um…Grissom! Thanks…for…everything."

"You don't have to thank me anything. I'll be right back," and with that he rushed into the pharmacy.

It was Friday, salary day. Sara could have paid for the medicines but she had to admit that she was too weak to argue with Grissom. He saved her life. Normally, it would be romantic and normally, she would be extremely happy for the care. He was so helpful, so very kind to her, it would be so easy to get used to it. But Sara was ashamed of the situation. Did he think she had been drunk? Did he think that vinousness had been the reason she had fallen? Did he regret it that he had not fired her earlier? In the hospital, they had performed blood test…had they assumed she had been drunk? But she had been not! Would Grissom believe her?

"Done!"

Grissom's unexpected return earned a loud squeal from Sara. She had been so deep in her anguish that she had not noticed the approaching man.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"No-no, it's okay," she smiled but it was obvious that there was something on her mind.

"What is it?"

"Huh?"

"Are you okay? Do you want to tell me something?"

_Here! I knew __you think I was drunk. Tell you something? Yes, I didn't drink anything. I had hardly any water…let alone alcohol. No! Get this! I still have nothing to drink…or eat._

"Grissom, I…I wasn't drunk…I don't know why I fell but I didn't drink, I swear I didn't."

"Sara! I know you don't drink. I never thought you did. Not recently anyway."

After a few seconds, both fell into silence. Grissom held out the paper bag with the medicines, Sara reached for it and doing so, their fingers touched. A gasp of breath caught in his throat as her finger gently but unintentionally brushed against his. Sara's enchanting breathing was like music to his ears. Both trembled by the contact. But just as suddenly they pulled their hands back breaking the protective proximity. Sara then attempted to concentrate solely on the bag that contained her vitamins while Grissom reached for the ignition key to start the engine.

Within thirty minutes, they arrived at Sara's apartment block. On shaky legs, Sara exited the car and followed the man toward her own door. Two abandoned carry bags of food were lying there unceremoniously in front of the door. One still on its bottom, the other one was obviously kicked over.

"Someone had to miss the address," Sara said to Grissom who held the key to Sara's home…literally…and figuratively.

"Um…no. That someone knew exactly where he wanted to take those boxes."

"You brought them? When?"

"When I found you…in that pose…in your flat."

"What pose?"

Not being able to describe those horrible images, he just said, "Unconscious."

"What a waste of meals."

"Let's go inside, okay? Someone surely can hardly wait to see you again," Grissom went to open the door.

The flat was now dark and almost silent. The lights from the street provided only slight luminescence making the ceiling an ample stage for shadows to play their creepy dance. Nothing could be heard, only a rhythmical but slow 'drip-drip'.

Sara switched on the light right next to the entrance-door so now they could see where they stepped. The sight of the living room was not as dramatic as Grissom remembered it had been when he had left it hours ago. The rounded pebbles were still lying all over the floor close to the small smoking table. The blood was now dark brown and dried to the corner of the table and Herbie's pee that had been next to the fridge was almost dried up. It was the unpleasant odor that needed immediate action so Sara went to open the windows to let some fresh air into the flat. Her next thought was Herbie. His pillow was untouched and evidently unoccupied.

"Grissom, I can't find Herbie," she whispered as she checked every place he usually hid but she did not find her newest love.

"I didn't let him out, I am sure of that. Check your room!" he said as he turned off the tap completely.

She took his advice and approached her bedroom. Pushing the door fully open, she saw a small white furry ball with grayish-black stripes all over the body snoozing on her bed close to her pillow. The bed-sheet was slightly crumpled betraying its restless occupant's struggle for peace.

Sara went to him and sat onto the bed making the small animal to stir. The woman found it odd that she had to wake Herbie. She thought a cat would always alert to any low noise around him. _You must be very tired_, she thought. Sara caressed his back, his head and his face. Herbie let out a contented and loving moan. He reached his paw out and grabbed, then released the sheet. Sara then touched her index finger under his fingers, right between the cushiony palm and the fingers, and Herbie immediately enclosed his hand around Sara's finger. Probably it was only a reflex but it made Sara exuberantly happy nonetheless. Herbie did not look up at his lady; he just knew that she was at home at last. Herbie was home now.

For a while, Grissom had just been watching the interaction but then he could not stay away. The bond Sara and Herbie had built attracted Grissom like honey attracted bees.

"You should lie down too, you know. In less than two hours I have to ask questions. You better answer them correctly," Grissom said in a low voice.

"I appreciated what you did for me, Grissom. Thanks for saving me from staying at the hospital but now, you don't have to do this. You can leave me. I'll be fine."

"What? You think I would leave you here…alone? I promised the doctor and I keep my word."

"I won't tell him. Promise. And I don't break my promises either. The Lab needs you."

Before he could tell her anything, his cell phone went off. It was still muted because of the restriction at the Desert Palm but the display showed the caller.

"The Lab."

**TBC**


	11. Promises

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

**

* * *

Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N:** I'm on sick-leave and so I had the time to finish this chapter, so here it is. I did love all the reviews for the previous chapter(s), seriously, they are better than any medicine I got, so huge thanks to all of you! And again a special thanks to _**SweetSouthernComfort**_ for her suggestion, without her, Sara probably would be back on her feet by now ignoring her head injury.

**

* * *

Chapter ****Eleven**

_Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new endi__ng. __**- Author Unknown**_

The human heart was an awful betrayer that listened to no logic or promise. As if it was not the part of the body that owned that stubborn organ. And this beating beast tortured its owner so much that the woman could hardly breathe. Sara felt crowded in her skin when the irritating sweat was soon followed by cold chill as she was standing in her small kitchen watching Herbie devouring his late dinner. For a second, Sara got distracted by the way he jumped on the bowl. The feline had to be hungry because he tried to purr as an indication of his satisfaction while he was consuming the dry cat food, and evidently, these two actions were too much for him to synchronize. The desire for pleasing Sara and getting the food into his mouth simultaneously as soon as he could created a strange noise that might only be described as 'pig munching'. This little interlude made Sara chuckle. Sensing that he was in the middle of the attention, Herbie quickly finished his meal, then sat straight and looked at his lady. His eyes were full of confusion as if he looked for someone.

"So it isn't just me. You miss Grissom, too right?"

"Miaow."

"Thought so."

Herbie then stayed still and very silent. It was amazing how fast cats could recuperate. His fur was now much more gorgeous and looked much healthier than it had been days ago. When his body had not got the fuel it had needed to function normally, it had gone into starvation mode and his body had slowed down to conserve energy and finally, his body had begun to consume itself. This state had been how Sara had found him that morning. His ribs had been both visible and easily palpable. At the memory of this innocent animal in that state made Sara's heart jump. She embraced herself and that was when she felt her own ribs, too. She wondered how much time she would need to become "normal" again, how much time her hair would need to be as shiny as it had been months ago. In her recent situation, she feared that it would take much longer than it did for her sweet pet.

Sara looked at Herbie's now empty bowl and suddenly, her stomach felt as though it was tied in knots and pangs of shuddering wracked her tortured body. _Damn Pavlov_, she thought.

"No, not again!" she became frustrated and automatically scratched her forehead. Sharp pain was the only answer she got. Pulling her fingers back immediately, she saw that there was blood on her index finger.

"Great," she said and rushed into the bathroom to see how much she had managed to tear up her injury.

Sara looked into the mirror and saw a very pale and very battered face that had to be hers as no one else was in the flat. At that very moment, she did not mind that Grissom had left almost twenty minutes ago. She was not a pretty sight actually, so she started to refresh herself. First, she washed the blood off of her hand and forehead, and then brushed her teeth with the strawberry flavored toothpaste, and finally, after a hyper-quick shower, she combed her hair. Now, she felt more human.

"Thanks God I washed my hair when Cath was here or else I would look like a homeless," she murmured but when she glanced back into the mirror, she said, "No, I still look like one."

Back in the kitchen, Herbie was still there sitting and waiting. Sometimes it could be awkward how intensely a cat could gaze at someone or who knew maybe he was just wondering about the problems of life.

Sara could not explain why she kept looking at the clock on the wall or why she checked her cell phone for any messages but she did nonetheless. She knew why Grissom had left, he had said that it had been his priority and he had been eager to do it, she knew he would come back eventually, he had promised her. Still she missed him even though she tried to convince herself not to see more into things than they really were and she also reprimanded herself for needing his closeness…him so acutely.

"Stop watching the door, Sidle! Stop this!"

But the human brain was an awful betrayer that obeyed no logic or promise. As if it was not the part of the body that owned that stubborn organ. And this dominating beast tortured its owner so much that the woman could faint. Sara felt crowded in her skin and again, irritating sweat was followed by cold chill as she was standing in her small kitchen longing for Grissom to be here.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

The Lab was surprisingly peaceful. Ecklie was out of town after he had received a call from a friend who had asked Ecklie to help him to "install" a new electronic administration system for the Police Department in San Diego. The Assistant Lab Director had snatched at the chance to show the employees of LVPD his importance. Since his departure, everybody seemed to feel at ease in the Lab.

In the briefing room, Sofia was patiently waiting for Grissom and Greg with whom she formed a team after the original one had been split up. She secretly looked at her wristwatch and noticed that there were still a few minutes until the shift started. Without Sara, they would surely have a busy night, she mused but Sofia did not mind a bit that Sara had been forced to take a week off. One female in a kennel a.k.a team was more than enough in her opinion and in this sense, Sofia and Catherine were alike. So she was just sitting and waiting; for a week, she would be the queen of the graveyard shift.

That Greg Sanders was worried about Sara was an understatement. He had tried to call her both on her landline and her cell phone but had gotten no answer. Before shift, he had even gone to her apartment to see if everything had been ok but apart from two abandoned carry bags of food, no one had greeted him. Before he had left, Greg placed one of the food bags that had been crashed over next to the other one but it had kept tipping over, so he had left it alone, and then the young friend had gone to work.

Greg thought he gave the calling one more try and if he failed to reach her, then he would tell Grissom about his concern. Quickly, he dialed Sara's cell number and listened to the dial tone.

"Sidle."

"Sara, thanks God! Are you alright?"

"Greg?"

"Did you expect some one else? Sorry," Greg cheered immediately when he knew now for sure that she was safe.

"Sorry, Greg. I was just sleeping."

"Where the hell have you been? Already on a ship toward some exotic island?"

"Sorry I was out of touch…I…um…"

"You ok? I was at your place, and you were nowhere. I just wanted to check on you, to say how much I miss you here."

"You are very sweet, Greg! I was out…um…for shopping."

"I know I'm sweet, that's why I don't understand why you don't wanna date me," he teased her.

"Give me a break, okay? I'm a saboteur anyway, you know, a reproach to the Lab, you shouldn't let the others see you with me," she laughed even though Greg could sense that deep sadness colored her voice.

"Sara! Don't let those assholes win. You are the greatest friend and the best criminalist I've ever met. Everybody who knows you knows this, and stood up for you. Enjoy the week off, and bring the light back to the Lab."

Greg always knew how to cheer Sara with his unusual words and for that she was grateful, "Thanks, Greg."

"After shift, can I drop by?"

Sara did not want Greg to see her in this poor state, it was horrible enough that of all men, it had been Grissom who had had to face her like this, "Oh…I'm planning to leave town for a few days, I'll call you when I come back, okay?"

"A boyfriend? A damn rival?"

"Thanks for calling, Greg."

"Oh…come on!"

"Bye, Greg," she giggled for the first time in days.

"Bye, babykins," and with that they hung up.

He signed long after the call. She was alright and it was enough for him to know. Now, he was able to function, he could work. However, Greg took every opportunity to court Sara, both knew that it was only a game they loved playing. Now a much happier Greg Sanders was galloping toward the briefing room to wait for Grissom.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Sara was lying in her bed with her cell phone still in her hand. Greg's concern touched her heart, it was good to know that some one thought of her, missed her. Since the day Ecklie had ruined the best team in the Lab, Nick and Warrick had been too busy with getting used to the new boss and her way of "governance". They had been walking on egg-shells every time around Catherine and it had consumed most of their energies and time. Everybody, including Sara, knew that Catherine was not a bad person, she simply could not help it, she was a control-freak; that was all, and she also had to learn how to be a boss, a good boss. This period of time was a good training for all of them. Sara turned her head to see the time and got surprised to see that only forty minutes had passed since she had come to bed. She felt as if she slept for hours. Again, she checked her cell phone if she - by any chance - missed a call or a message from Grissom, but there was none.

All at once, Sara felt a sudden pressure around her stomach, not specifically unpleasant but definitely uncomfortable. She looked down and she encountered with a soft, furry and buzzing ball. To return the sweeping gesture, Sara started drawing small circles into his fur that was rewarded with a loud concert.

They did not have much time to enjoy the silence and the peaceful slumber as two short rhymes of the doorbell interrupted their rest. Slowly, Herbie was placed onto the sheet, and Sara got out of the bed and walked to the door to see who it was. A frown formed on her face.

"Hey! Why didn't you use the key I gave you?"

"I…I didn't want you to think I insulted your trust. My Mom…she said I should knock first, only then to use the key…for the first…for the first time," Grissom said clearly embarrassed.

"Your Mom is a very wise woman, Griss but you can use the key anytime, that's why I gave it to you."

"Can I come in?" he asked now smiling.

"Ohhh…sure, sorry."

"What's the time? I think I'm late, I'm sorry but…"

"No, you're in time…as always."

"Look, I'm going to carry the bags from the car, then I'll "interrogate" you, okay?"

"Wait, I'm coming with you and I'll help," she was eager to do something.

"No-no. I'll be back in a second. Here, take these," and he carried two bags from the entrance that held several kinds of food. Before she could say anything, he was out of her home.

Sara carried the bags into the kitchen and started to pack the items out. Vegetables, fruits, diary products, different kinds of bread. Sara was amazed; her kitchen had not held so many products for months. When she took everything out, she feared to look for the receipt. No matter she had gotten the salary this morning, her financial state was practically the same as it had been before. And now, she owed Grissom, too. Sara started to chew on her lower lip. Even though she could pay for these goods, she then would have to come up with a new idea where to get money from. At the thought of selling her books, Sara was at her wits' end. _No, there has to be another solution_, she thought.

This time, only one ring pulled her back to reality. She rushed to the door fearing already to see how much money Grissom had spent on food and other things.

"Hey," she greeted him again.

"Here," he said as he gave her two more bags and he himself bended down to lift one lonely bag that was waiting for its fate at Grissom's foot.

"Holy Jesus, Grissom! Do you want to run a shop here?"

"Wait, I have a surprise for you."

"For me?"

"Um…well, not really for you. Wait, I am bringing it in. Moment," and he excitedly hurried out of the flat.

Sara could cry by now. So many foods and so deep debt did she run into. Of course, Grissom's care melted her heart; he had no way to know how desperate situation she was. Fighting the tears that threatened to flow, she packed the other three bags out. Half of the one bag was filled with different kinds of cat food products. Fancy Feast, Kitten Chow and Deli-Cat. And some cat litter-boxes. Sara read the descriptions, just to kill the time and distract herself from complete collapse. Typical Grissom, he was satisfied only with the best. He chose an odor controlling cat pad combined with pellets that separate urine from solid waste. And the anti-tracking pellets would stay in the box leaving the floors clean and litter-free.

"Hey Herbie? Come and see this!"

And oddly enough, the cat appeared at the bedroom door. He hopped onto one of the stools and with deep interest, he checked the table's contents.

"Don't be this happy, Herbert! We're in trouble."

Before Sara could hear anything, Herbie turned his head to glance at the door's direction but he showed no distress. Following the cat's eyes, Sara looked at the door and at that moment, the bell rang.

"Grissom!"

"Miaow," said Herbie from the stool but did not move an inch.

"Hello Herbie! Look at this, it's yours!" he said ignoring the worrying woman next to him.

Grissom dragged in a huge, about 45" tall cat furniture. Both Sara and Herbie's eyes grew wide. Grissom acted as naturally as he could but somehow, it was obvious that he was as excited as Herbie started to become. He spotted a good corner for the F&S Purrfect Periscope Cat Tower, and Grissom placed the furniture down.

"Hey buddy, try it!"

"Griss, what is it?" she asked the obvious.

"My present for Herbie. He needs impulses when you're not home."

"But this must be a fortune…I…I can't…"

"Sara, this is a present and it's for him. If he says he hates it, then I take it back. Deal?"

But before Sara could say anything, the question was already answered. Herbie had never been this excited; Sara and Grissom were amused how Herbie knew that this climber with roomy condo and several scratch poles and post was his. But the tiny cat definitely fell in love with this cat heaven the moment he laid his eyes on it. He marked every room, all poles, the elevated tunnel and finally he sat onto the single post.

"Griss, thank you! You wouldn't have…"

"Sara, it's not yours, so stop thanking me for it, okay? I thanked enough the boys who assembled it in the shop as it seemed a NASA project to me."

Sara hesitated a little but she felt so much gratitude and love at this moment, she thought her heart would blow up with emotion. Without warning, she stepped closer to Grissom and hugged him tightly.

"Thanks so so very much," she whispered into his ear.

Grissom's arms closed around the lithe woman of their own accord. He suddenly went weak but he hugged her back with more power in his arms. Grissom felt like he could fly, he inhaled deeply her unique fragrance. Sara's scent made his heart scream out his joy and happiness. The hug became soft then, gentle and warm that bonded the two longing souls together.

Maybe Herbie got tired of the sappy scene in front of him, or felt excluded, who knew but he clearly expressed his desire to be included in the scene.

Sara released Grissom first but a second later, they pulled apart from each other simultaneously. Both missed the other's closeness badly.

"What do I owe you?"

"I told you it was a gift for Herbie."

"For the other stuff?"

"Nothing."

"Did you rob the supermarket?"

"What? No…"

"Then you paid for the foods, so tell me how much they cost."

"Sara, I'm going to spend the next two days here, and I am not going to eat you out of home. So, I bought food for me…and well, it happens that these are enough for both of us, so you don't owe me anything."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Very good question, Miss Sidle. So I ask you the same. Why are you doing this?"

"What?"

"Let me help."

"You've done enough already, you don't have to spend your money on me."

"Jesus, Sara! Stop this! If I were in your shoes, you wouldn't help me?"

"That's different."

"Why?"

"Because!"

"I don't care, Sara. It's not up to you. You either accept my help or you can throw out the foods. You decide."

"Why are you doing this?" she turned away from Grissom to hide the forming tears. "You said two days?"

.

"_I appreciated what you did for me, Grissom. Thanks for saving me from staying at the hospital but now, you don't have to do this. You can leave me. I'll be fine."_

"_What? You think I would leave you here…alone? I promised the doctor and I keep my word."_

"_I won't tell him. Promise. And I don't break my promises either. The Lab needs you. We are so short."_

_Before he could tell her anything, his cell phone went off. It was still muted because of the restriction at the Desert Palm but the display showed the caller._

"_The Lab."_

"_Sara, I need to get this."_

"_Of course."_

_Grissom got up from the bed and went out of the room to answer the phone, "Cath, hi."_

"_Gil. I tried to call you several times, where have you been?"_

"_It's a long story. Cath, I need a favor."_

"_It's about Sara? Is she alright?"_

_Grissom knew that Catherine had been here and seen how weak Sara had __become but still, he did not want to share Sara's medical state with Catherine without Sara's consent. He knew how sensitive Sara was about it and Grissom doubted she would appreciate another gossip in the Lab. What people did not know, they made it up. So he came up with a lie._

"_Yes, she is okay, she just need sleep and quietness."_

"_Okay, then about the favor?"_

"_I need two days off."_

"_Then take them," she laughed._

"_But I want you to cover for me with the guys. It's important to me."_

"_Well, Ecklie is out of town for while so…oh, I seeee! So you want two days…unofficially…then it means it's because of a woman…"_

"_So that is a yes?"_

"_Yes if you throw a starving friend a crumb…"_

_Catherine did not suspect how her choice of words hurt Grissom…a starving friend._

"_Thanks Cath, I owe you one."_

_._

Grissom went closer to Sara, took her hands that were ice cold, "Are you cold?"

"Just a little. Two days?"

"Yeah, I told you I wouldn't leave you alone. You can pretend that you're alright for 24 hours but I want to know for sure that you will live. Now, you should lie down. I make some sandwiches and while we are eating, I will be checking if you are still as crazy as you were before the fall, okay?"

"Okay," she smiled and went to lie down.

Minutes later, Grissom appeared at the door with a tray in his hands. Sara sat up and let him sit onto the mattress. Wordlessly, they devoured the sandwiches, drank their drinks and Sara swallowed the medicine that had been prescribed for her.

"Okay. Nausea?"

"No."

"Then get up, and walk to the door."

And she did as she was told. "Now, close your eyes, and try to come back with your arms lifted in front of you."

Again, Sara did just that. "Good. Now, tell me how you feel."

"Okay. Actually, I think this is the most ridiculous and embarrassing situation I have even been. I think after we are over this, I will have to quit," she said.

"Don't joke with resigning, Sara. That can't happen…ever. Now, come here and sit down."

Sara suddenly remembered the letters on her desk that Catherine had read and the woman's words from earlier echoed in Sara's head and she felt as if she was lying to Grissom by not telling him about her plans even though they seemed to fail. Sudden fear ran through her vein making her shiver.

.

"_But he __stood up for you, so I think you owe him at least that much that you tell him if you really wanna quit. But I hope you changed your mind."_

_.  
_

"Sara! Sara, come and sit down," Grissom misread her reaction, shivering was not a good sign, even if Sara evidently looked and sounded composed and alerted. She spoke clearly and at normal speed, walked normally but she was very pale and got even more colorless all of a sudden.

"I'm fine…fine."

"Look at me. I need to check your pupils. Okay, they are equal, round and react to light normally. Stick your tongue out."

"No, it's awkward."

"In some culture, it's a sign of trust."

Sara's face went deep crimson but did as Grissom told her. He checked its midline, it seemed normal too. For seconds, Grissom was just watching her tongue, he could not explain why he did it but he found her tongue very beautiful and sexy. Silently reprimanding himself for the inappropriate direction of his thoughts, he quickly looked away.

"Okay, and now, smile at me," he asked her. "No, don't grin, just smile. Now, that's it. Okay, you still have a symmetrical and very beautiful face."

Stunned, Sara looked into his eyes, "Finished?"

"Almost, just one more thing. Cross your arms and try to grasp my hands as hard as you can."

And she did as she was told. "Whoa, whoa, enough. Hey, I told you to grasp my hands and not to break the bones," he laughed.

"Okay, now, it's time to sleep, okay?" Grissom was serious again.

"Hey, where are you going?" Sara asked.

"To the living room, do you want me to…do something for you?"

"Yes. Come and sleep with me."

She did not realize what she had just said until she looked at Grissom's face. Even though his eyes were shining, his red complexion betrayed his embarrassment.

"I meant that you also need to sleep and…and this bed…this bed is big enough for," she looked down for a moment, "for both of us."

"I can sleep on the couch…I don't want to bother you…"

"I won't move a muscle, I promise, you are safe," she laughed. "Look, you help me so much, this is the least I can do."

"I'm okay on…"

"Grissom, either you sleep here or I will sleep outside too. You choose. The couch or me."

"I choose…you," he whispered. _Always you._

He shyly undressed to his boxer and T-shirt then slipped under the blanket with Sara. Both tried to hide the smiles that were forming on their faces. Grissom set the alarm-clock.

"Why did you set the alarm?"

"Two hours later, the next neuro check…we have to wake up at…um…one in the morning."

"Oh, okay, then sleep well."

"You, too. Aren't you cold? Should I close the window?"

"No, I love fresh air."

Only a few minutes had passed when Grissom felt that something leaned against his face. He turned his head to see if Sara's hair happened to get there but for his disappointment, it was just Herbie.

"Sara, Herbie is here."

"I know. He is sleeping with me."

"In your bed?"

"Yes, he is not a dog, Griss, he won't sleep on the floor," she whispered.

"Damn!"

"What is it?"

"I have to call the sitter, I forgot my dog," and he was already getting up.

"You have a dog?"

"Yep. Moment, just call the lady and I'm back."

No later than five minutes, Grissom was back in bed satisfied with the fact that Hank could stay longer at Mrs. Thomas'. He looked at Sara and realized that she had fallen asleep. He smiled and then hustled Herbie a bit closer to Sara making more room for himself. Within minutes, the two exhausted protagonists fell asleep, as well.

Sometimes later, Grissom started to feel chilly. He woke with a start to a tender breeze caressing his cheek; he was completely disorientated for a moment, then he sat up and looked around. Sara was nowhere, however the sheet was still warm. There was some distinctive odor in the air that reminded him of a hospital. He called for Sara but even for his own ear, it sounded like a man speaking from the bottom of a barrel. Grissom then looked at the place where Herbie was supposed to sleep and he calmed a bit when he saw the cat sleeping peacefully. Grissom lay back and closed his eyes but the breeze played some eerie music on the window-sill. Grissom was about to get up to close the window when he felt something did not allow him to do so. Both his hands and feet were tied to the bed's frame with some invisible strings. He now shouted for Sara to come and help him but again, no one heard him. Herbie was purring next to him, the cat never stirred, and for his biggest astonishment, this time Sara was there sleeping in the bed that moments ago, it had been empty. His efforts to break free made no difference, and finally he gave up.

"So you just gave up," the woman muttered.

"No, help me," he said.

"I can't. I am too cold."

"Sara, help me. I'll close the window, just help me."

Ever slowly, the woman next to him turned onto her back and looked at him, "My name is not Sara."

Her voice was weird; her pain filled tone sent shivers down his spine. Herbie's purr changed into something grievous cry that got louder and louder.

"Then who are you?" Grissom asked agonizing in his trap.

"Don't you remember me?"

The woman was just like Sara, her hair, eyes, and beautiful mouth, everything except her neck. An angry cut disfigured that long neck and then Grissom knew who this woman was, "Debbie? You can't be her…she's dead…where's Sara?"

"Why can't you spy around? You're good at spying. Or you are just interested in private stuff, such as bank accounts?"

"None of your business, none of your damn business. Stay away from us, stay away from Sara! Where is she?"

"I didn't have you then, you couldn't save me then, now save Sara, do something!"

"Where is Sara? Where is Sara," he screamed.

"Grissom! Please Grissom, wake up! Gil, wake up, I'm here," Sara tenderly caressing his face, then shook him awake.

Panting from the fright, Grissom woke and looked at the woman, "Sara…you're here…you're here…please, my love, please never leave me, please forgive me, please let me hold you."

Sara encircled her arms around the distressed man, and with caring and loving words, she tried to soothe him back into sleep.

"God, Gil, you're so cold."

"It's freezing here," Grissom said.

Sara quickly flew from the bed and closed the window so they could sleep in a warmer room. She then joined the man she loved in the bed again, and they found their sleep in each other's arms.

Long-long minutes later, Grissom surfaced naturally for the second time from now a deep and restful sleep. He remembered slightly the dream he had had and Sara's loving words that had comforted him afterwards. He glanced at the bedside clock and he noticed that they still have time to wake up for the next check-up.

For some time, he was just watching Sara sleeping. Then Grissom wondered where Herbie had gone. He found his gone strange as the cat had seemed to be a perfect shadow of Sara.

Once again, he looked at the clock and saw that only a few minutes left before the offensive alarm started to ring, so Grissom decided to spare Sara the scare and instead of waiting for the alarm to wake Sara, he leaned close to her. He touched her arm and horror struck him. Her soft and velvety skin was deadly cold and her body was alarmingly rigid. All sleepiness left his eyes as he jumped.

With trembling hands, he turned Sara onto her back but she did not move.

"Nooooooo! Sara! Open your eyes!" he screamed but Sara never stirred or move a muscle.

**TBC****…soon…**


	12. Facing Death

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

**

* * *

Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**Herbie's note:** to **Peggy47**'s lovely cat

Dear Ches,

I also was surprised to see that this big hairy man brought this awesomeness here. This was the minimum he could do; he stole my mouse after all. He says the miracle is mine but I bet he only wanted to make my girlfriend happy. I can tell you that he is up to something. My lady was a little bit angsty, I don't know, maybe she doesn't like this condo that much but the furry human told her something and now, she seems calmer. I don't know what her problem was; I would let her sit on it or sharpen her nails on one of the poles if she wants to. I'll ask my girlfriend if I can have a party, and you are definitely invited. We will have a good time. This guy is pretty nice; you would love him, too. He can massage adequately, I'll let him pamper you too.

With love,

Herbie

**

* * *

Chapter ****Twelve**

_Dreams are free, so free your dreams__. __**– Astrid Alauda**_

Grissom surfaced naturally for the second time within hours. He remembered the dream he had fought through and Sara's loving words that had comforted him afterwards. He remembered the feeling of her arms around him, the sweet scent that had been radiating from her hair. He glanced at the bedside clock and noticed that they still have some time to wake up for the next check-up.

For some time, he was just watching Sara sleeping. Then Grissom wondered where Herbie had gone. He found his absence strange as the cat had seemed to be a perfect shadow of this woman.

Once again, he looked at the clock and saw that only a few minutes left before the offensive sound started, so Grissom decided to spare Sara the scare and instead of waiting for the alarm-clock to wake her, he leaned close to the young woman. He touched her arm and horror struck him. Her soft and velvety skin was deadly cold and her body was alarmingly rigid. All sleepiness left his eyes as he jumped.

With trembling hands, he turned Sara onto her back but she was very still.

"Nooooooo! Sara! Open your eyes!" he screamed but Sara never stirred or move a muscle.

No matter how hard he shook her body, it remained motionless and had almost waxy complexion. After the initial shock, the next reactions branched off from there. His frantic behavior turned into shortness of breath, then dizzying thoughts were on duty that were soon followed with sadness, nausea and finally confused acceptance.

Grissom did not understand why it was happening to him, why it had happened to Sara. He had been here with her, she had been alright or at least it had seemed that way. He looked down at her beautiful face, and if he did not know that life had left her body, Grissom could have believed that Sara Sidle was just sleeping.

He looked around in the room, it felt empty and unfriendly. The flowers that he had not noticed until now were all dry and lifeless. Everything seemed dead, even the air he was inhaling. He closed his eyes not knowing what else he could do; he touched his own cheeks and felt the moisture that coved his entire face. Grissom had never realized that he had been crying. He was watching Sara and saw only darkness where there should be light, he saw frown where should only be smile; he embraced her body and felt only loneliness when she should not be alone. He cried for help but she could not hear him. Grissom sobbed in silence for grief that had no mercy.

Ever so gently, he laid her body back down with loving care, and then Grissom lay down as close to her as he was able to and closed his eyes. He had not been with her when she had been alive because he had been a coward and now he was really too late, Grissom wanted to be with her in her death at least. The air that kept the living alive could not find the way into his lungs as the grieving man refused to take it anymore.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

In the Lab, Catherine informed Sofia and Greg that for two days, she was going to be their boss as Grissom had some private errands to run. Sofia was not impressed by the news; her theory of being the only woman in the team had just ripped to pieces. So she asked for her assignment and left. When Catherine had paged Warrick, he had accepted without any complain that he would have to pull a double, Grissom had also helped him out many times, so it had not been a question if he would stay or not. Nick had not been that cooperative at first, he had had other plan for the day but after a short snort from Warrick, he had nodded and stayed, too.

"So, what do you think they are doing together?" Nick asked Catherine.

"Who said they are together?" Greg interjected.

"Well, Sara is off for a week, and all of a sudden, Grissom has unpostponable things to do…and he never takes a day off…let alone two."

"You don't have any evidence that proves your assumption, Nicky," Catherine said but Nick definitely planted the idea in to her head.

Greg saw the speculative expression on Catherine's face and he became very angry at Nick. When it came to gossip, Nick was not better than Catherine. Sara had been struggling with some invisible demons for months now; and no one had taken the time to ask her if she had been ok. Greg wondered if any one of them had tried to call her at all to ask if she had needed something. He doubted. And what was the first thing Nick could think of? That Grissom was at Sara's place and having fun. If Greg wanted to be honest with himself, he had to admit that it had popped into his mind too, and if he wanted to be completely sincere, he _hoped_ that Grissom was indeed with Sara. The woman loved Grissom, everybody could tell, and Grissom loved Sara, Greg could tell. So, yes, the youngest CSI hoped they were together and finally sorted their complicated feelings for each other out and at last, they would confess their loves to each other that had been as crystal clear for Greg as a diamond.

Maybe the others considered Greg the youngest and the least trained CSI in the team, they were all blind to the obvious as far as Sara and Grissom were concerned. Even though Greg Sanders had no evidence either to prove _his_ theory, he was up to the mission to keep their little secret.

"Sara isn't in Vegas, so your theory failed, Nick!"

"Damn, but…"

"Grissom wouldn't let that happen anyway, Nicky, so we better go to work," with that Catherine closed the conversation.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Awww…makeitstop…makeitstop…hitthatdamnclock," Sara murmured into her pillow.

It took some time for Grissom to wake up and realized what was really happening around him. He took a breath so forcefully; it looked like he had just surfaced from a deep diving. He looked left and right to see where he was.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP…BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Griss! The clock!"

With the speed of light, he unset the antipathetic device and checked his environment. He was still panting when he slowly turned toward the woman he had been so sure was dead. Reality and the insanity of his dream messed up his senses. He sat up looking back to the clock. It said 1:02 am, Saturday.

"Give me ten more minutes, okay," Sara asked startling the man next to her.

He could not form any other word, only a subtle 'uh-hum'. While Sara sank back into a nice slumber, Grissom wiped his face that was still wet from crying. He wanted to touch and hug Sara so much, so badly but he feared he would scare the woman, so he decided to escape with his own demons from this bed. Silently, he got up and was about to leave the room when he noticed that the window was still open. Knitting his brows, he glanced around the room but he did not found the flowers or any plant in the room. Even though the room was pleasantly warm, he went to the window and closed it. He then turned to leave the bedroom only to look back for a moment. He saw the woman in bed breathing, evidently alive. He saw the cat snoozing and most definitely being there. Emotions flooded through his veins, he could not stay any longer there, he needed time to sort his feelings and experiences out.

In the bathroom, he lumped down onto the toilet-seat and only then did he let the emotions surfaced from his troubled heart and mind. Grissom was so confused; he was not sure what was real and what was only a dream. Somewhere he had read that dreams were only thoughts one did not have the time to think about during the day but he knew the truth. His dreams had been thoughts he had not dared to think about or name them. Grissom could not describe how grateful he was for Sara's well-being, for that she was alive. But he still remembered the extreme pain he had felt in the middle of his stomach when he had embraced her body. And the cruel feeling of hopelessness. He had had to experience this horror to realize how final her death could be. It scared the hell out of him. What surprised him the most was that he had been perfectly ready to die with her. At the same time, what saddened him was that his confession of love for her - no matter how lame it had come out – had been also just a dream.

Gil Grissom had not believed in signs or such vague terms as hunches, sixth sense or instincts. Simply, he had not wanted to…until now. Debbie Marlin's words were repeated in his head, her looks had been burned into his memory.

_I didn't have you then, you couldn't save me then, now save Sara, do something!_

These horrible waves of dreams opened his eyes; the man was convinced that he was given a second, the final chance. The Gil Grissom – whom everybody had known - had been died with his love in that dream but a new man was born in this bathroom. Grissom washed the tears off of his face, rinsed his mouth out and with newly-gained energy, he stepped out of that tiny room. The first thing he saw was Sara's laptop on her desk. Without thinking, Grissom walked to the computer and impatiently waited for the device to boot up. His enthusiasm soon died when he was asked to type the password that was needed to log into the system. He disappointedly closed the cover to shut it down. Grissom became agitated again. He needed the internet to check those two transferees out that he had found in Sara's official letters of account statement but obviously, he would need the password to do so. Giving up for now, he glanced at the bedroom door, and he knew that he had to take care of the woman in there first. Everything else could wait.

He went to the fridge, poured two glasses of orange juice and after he drank one of them, he brought the other one into the bedroom for Sara. The clock showed 1:22, so Grissom thought it was time for Sara to wake up. Now, the only problem he faced was the 'how to wake the woman up'. The first one that hopped into his head was pretty inappropriate but definitely the most enjoyable. To shake her would be quite rude. Grissom did not want to scare her, so he made some noise, not too loud but in his opinion just enough to wake her up. Nothing. Only Herbie looked up and his face suggested that Grissom should stop whatever he was planning. Clearly, the man in question did not get the message as he carefully sat on the mattress and was contemplating his next move. For a while, he was just watching the woman who was breathing in and out rhythmically. Grissom remembered what the doctor had told him about it. Sara should be woken easily. Well, easily was not really an exact term. To grab the mattress and rotate it would be considered an easy way to wake anybody up and surely effective. To touch her peaceful face and caress her into wakefulness seemed very appealing. Intimate and still appropriate. So Grissom reached out to gently brush a loose hair-lock from her cheek.

"Hey! I thought you got lost," Sara said with her eyes still closed.

"Jesus, Sara. Don't do this to me," he told her and immediately pulled his hand back. "Herbie took my place in your bed."

Opening one eye, Sara smiled at him, "He's used to being the only man in my bed. Jealous?"

"Herbie? Probably."

"No, you."

"I could easily take command," he played along.

"Really? How so?"

"I'm full of surprises Miss Sidle. Now, get up."

"Can't we just do it in my bed?"

"Dear, the sooner you get up, the sooner you can go back to sleep…if you meant _that_."

"What if I didn't?" she knew that she might go too far with teasing but she loved the playfulness between them.

"First I have to see how strong you are, my dear."

"Are you ill? Or am _I_ that sick to be in a delirium?"

Laughing, he took her hands and tenderly pulled her out of the bed. In the same flirtatious spirits, Sara proved Grissom that she had not suffered severe head injury and most probably, her new MRI scan would show the same image: healthy. Satisfied, Grissom let her crawl back into her bed and did the same himself. Again, he set the alarm-clock but somehow, he hesitated to fall asleep. For long minutes, he was watching her, listening to her respiration, and for one or two occasions, he dared to even touch her face or arm just to be sure that she was warm and soft…alive. Gil Grissom was a strong man but his exhaustion was stronger this time. After about half an hour, he finally sank into a deep sleep.

Sensing her time had come, Sara slowly, almost tentatively opened her eyes. She was satisfied by the fact that the stubborn man next to her was fast asleep at last. She carefully uncovered herself and got out of the bed. Herbie moaned a little to indicate that he knew what she was going to do and he did not like it a bit but Sara shushed him silent. She went to the other side of the bed and re-set the alarm. Four in the morning would come too soon and Grissom needed the rest as much or more as she did. 8 am sounded much more reasonable. She tiptoed back into the bed, and just adored him sleeping. Sara was so in love with this silly man, she could not resist the temptation and snuggled closer to him, then pressed a feather-light kiss onto his lips and breathed a 'thank you' onto them. She went very still when a small smile formed on his lips, she feared she might get caught but Grissom was definitely asleep. With love and joy filling up her heart, Sara herself closed her eyes and within moments, she nodded off.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

When the alarm clock rang at eight in the morning, Grissom blindly reached for it and unset the irritating thing. He wanted to get up immediately with a smile on his face; he did not want to give in the desire to stay some more minutes in bed, no matter how tempting it was. He decided that he would not listen to his mind, which persuaded him to spend more time with the woman he loved in bed just because it was too early. The feeling of pleasure and power he had gained hours ago demanded him to drive out of bed and start to make a nourishing and tasty breakfast.

Knowing that Sara would not wake up to the noises, he whistled for Herbie to follow him to the kitchen. For sure, Herbie peeked up and mirrored an 'I'm not a dog, so leave me alone' expression, and then he curled up more tightly.

Ten minutes later, Grissom entered the room with a full tray in his hands. He was surprised to see that both the cat and his lady were wide awake.

"Griss, you don't have to do this. I'm not disabled."

"You have to regain your strength, and I don't mind spoiling you a little."

"But I'll get used to it and then what?"

For a nano-second, the air stilled in the room. Grissom was frantically searching for the best answer to her platonic question. The memories of his twisted dreams were still painfully fresh in his mind; he well remembered the feeling of infinite loneliness. And then the determination he had felt when he had vowed that he would not let their second chance he had been given slip.

"Then, you can…you can adopt me…" he said shyly, and so, he looked down.

Taken aback by the insinuation she was sure she had just imagined, she coughed a few times but stared at him nonetheless.

"…and Hank."

"Hank?"

"Oh, my dog, he's name is Hank…" and looking up at Sara's stunned face, he got it. "Oh…"

"You call your dog Hank?"

"Um…he was already named that…Hank…before I brought him from the shelter, I…I didn't name him that way…I…"

"Hey, it's okay, it's just a little weird …I…I don't think you paid any attention to my…um…affair…so you…um…you know…"

"I did pay attention so you know. And my dog's name has nothing to do with that rotten ringworm. I tried to make him forget that name, but it was useless."

"Ringworm?" she laughed. Hank Peddigrew had earned some not so flattering nicknames but ringworm was new.

"Or worse. How could he…"

"No. Don't judge him, Griss. You don't know him…and evidently neither did I. Yes…he…um…cheated on me but I wasn't better than him."

"How could you defend him after what he did to you?"

"Look, I…I am not defending him. You and everybody else only know what _he_ did, but believe me, _I_ did the same to him. Yeah, he had a fiancée when he started dating me but…I also…ah…never mind."

"Please, tell me."

"It's funny how much easier to find excuses for those whom you like and throw stones at someone you don't. I already was in love with someone else when I went out with him. Yes, he used me but I also used Hank in order to forget that one man I really loved because he didn't love me back, so how much better of a person am I? I was a cheater, too or worse. A pretender."

Grissom was just standing there. Was Sara talking about their complicated relationship back then or had she been in love with another man? Perhaps it would have been easier and safer to think that Sara had loved someone else and not him but Grissom knew better. He felt terrible because he had known that Sara had loved him and still, he had turned her down and chased her into another man's arms. So what kind of a man was he himself?

"What kind of a dog is Hank?"

Grateful for the mercy, he took a deep cleansing breath and tried to double back to their original topic, "He is a boxer."

"Wow, a boxer. They are so adorable, when I was a young girl, I thought that their faces were like that because they ran into a wall when they were a puppy. I even cried for them."

"Have you ever had a dog?"

"A German shepherd. I loved his intelligent face."

"Full-blooded?"

"No, until there is even one animal left in shelters, I won't have a full-blooded pet."

"Hank is also from a shelter," Grissom said quickly.

"Can I see him…sometime?"

"If you wish…but now, get up, you know the routine by now. However, your communication is pretty adequate."

"Adequate?" she laughed but without complaining, she did the exercises Grissom expected her to do.

Sara once again proved that she was alright; she could walk straight and could lift her legs when Grissom tried to push them down. Both were satisfied by the results. Grissom brought the tray back to the kitchen and Sara with her cat followed him.

"Hey, it's still very early, go back to sleep!"

"Um…8:30 isn't that early," she tentatively said.

"Eight thirty?" his face was a picture when he looked at the clock on the wall. "You re-set the alarm-clock?"

"Yeah…you also needed the rest, Grissom."

"You shouldn't have risked your health for my…"

"I wouldn't have risked anything but your health…if I hadn't let you sleep longer, and I don't want you to get ill because you are playing nurse."

"Thanks but I'm fine," he said but was really touched by her concern.

"Yeah, it shows. Now, I'm in the bathroom."

But before she could enter the room, they heard a strange noise coming from Herbie's new mansion. Both Sara and Grissom looked at the direction of the noise and saw that Herbie was busy with playing with a kitchen roll…or with its remnants. Neither noticed when that naughty cat had stolen that from the kitchen counter but one thing was sure: Herbie started to furnish his estate. While Grissom was chuckling at the sight, Sara was not that impressed at all.

"Now, this is new, he has never done such a thing. And now, that he has a castle, he is insatiable."

"Sara, Herbie's here for a few days, you can't know his habits."

"Now, this is not helping, you know."

"He's just playing, he feels home here, and he's just making his home more cozy," Grissom told her.

Sara was not really angry at her little boy, she simply felt embarrassed by the present the cat had received. She did not need to look it up in the internet to know that that climber had had to be expensive…very overprized and the fact that Grissom had spent so much money on her, even in the disguise of "I just bought a gift for Herbie", bothered her dearly. Perhaps, he thought this was her standard of living as she had been working day and night – just like him - so he probably believed that she had a pretty nice amount of money on her account. Sara thought that Grissom had bought this costly furniture because he thought she expected the best. _You should know me better_, _Grissom_, she thought. Herbie had loved his small gray toy mouse, and most cats also played with small toys and kitchen rolls or had pillows or small baskets as their beds.

"Something wrong?"

"Um…Griss. This climber…this is just too much. We can't accept it."

"Nothing is too much for you…um…for Herbie."

Grissom had the brain that worked differently than others'. Even though, Sara usually understood his intention, this time she was completely in the dark.

"If you wanted to make him happy, a basket or a toy would have worked just as well, don't get me wrong, I appreciate your kindness and as you can see so does Herbie but it is too much."

Grissom initial intention had been to make Herbie - and Sara - happy indeed but his other motive had been to show Sara that she had a friend who had enough money to help her if she wanted to. He wanted to demonstrate that for him it would not be a problem to get her out of that deep hole she had gotten into. Evidently, Sara did not get the message.

"Look Sara. This animal was thrown out and he almost died. No one deserves this, no one. I'm sure he suffered enough for having a better life now, and he was able to shout out for help when he met you. And you gave him everything you could. He deserves everything and more, don't you think? He trusted you with his life and heart; sometimes I think animals are cleverer than humans. They are not ashamed of being in need of help."

Sara became utterly confused. Grissom's words sounded like a message she was too afraid of comprehending. As if he knew something about her problems. Sara did not know that Grissom had seen her letters from the bank but still, the woman had a distinct feeling that Grissom was offering his money to her.

"So you think if someone doesn't ask for help, they don't deserve it?"

"I believe that someone has to know who to trust, and that someone should know that they can count on them."

"What if that someone is too coward or proud to tell the truth to that trusted one?"

"Then I think she doesn't really trust him."

"You couldn't know that."

"What would have you done if Herbie had refused to climb down from that tree and you would have known that he was in trouble?"

"I'd have climbed up for him."

"But he would have gone higher because even though he would have wanted to trust you, he would have been afraid of you."

"I'd have followed him higher," Sara responded.

"Even though he'd have shown major resistance?"

"When animals are in stress, they do just the opposite what is right. It'd have been my responsibility to save him. Want it or not."

"And if Herbie had scratched you in return for your well-meaning?"

"Scars heal, so I still would have climbed to Herbie and forced him to accept my help."

"Exactly! Remember this, Sara!"

**TBC**

_**

* * *

Author's Postscript:**_ Well, I think Grissom is ready for the investigation he has to do. It's time to know more about those destinations where Sara's money went, right?


	13. Tidbits of Facts

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**

* * *

Chapter ****Thirteen**

_Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. - __**Author Unknown**_

Sara did not even notice the undebatable "trap" she was walking into. She trusted the logic with she was reasoning, and at this moment, nothing else mattered to her.

"When animals are in stress, they do just the opposite what is right. It'd have been my responsibility to save him. Want it or not."

"And if Herbie had scratched you in return for your well-meaning?"

"Scars heal, so I still would have climbed to Herbie and forced him to accept my help."

"Exactly! Remember this, Sara!"

"I will."

At this point, Sara was sure that Grissom had just given the words into her mouth. She felt that they had reached a conclusion on a very serious issue to where Grissom had successfully guided her. Grissom never played mental chess unless there was a problem to solve. Sara was convinced that the problem Grissom was so eager to solve was hers. And she had only one serious problem at the moment: financial.

For long moments, they were just watching each other, neither dared to say a word, however, both for different reasons.

It was again Herbie who pulled them out of their trances. The feline was busy with throwing the paper balls he had made by chewing on the kitchen roll. Neither Sara nor Grissom had noticed when the surrounding of the kitty furniture had transformed into a battle field. The cat was enjoying his running around, tumbling and catching the balls or attacking his own tail so much that he was not aware of the attention he was now receiving.

"It's all your fault, Grissom! Just look around."

"Why? You bought the kitchen roll, not me."

Grissom's almost childish expression made Sara's heart melt, and realizing how ridiculous they both acted, they started to laugh. At the sound of their laughter, Herbie stopped his parade and climbed onto the top of his condo and proudly waited for them to pick the remnants of paper up.

"Sara, you should be in bed. I'll talk about this with Herbie, and then I end this…this chaos."

"You wanna discuss this with Herbie? Now, that is what I want to see," she teased Grissom.

"Then sit and enjoy the show!"

Ignoring the giggling woman as much as he could, Grissom went to pick up Herbie's "toys" that were soaked with saliva.

"First off, Mister, next time, you should wait until I go to work and just _then_ do this disaster, let the woman there collect your trash," he pointed to the amused woman sitting on the couch and then continued educating the cat, "so when I arrive, everything will be nice, understand?" Grissom explained the cat who was calmly sitting on the roof of the condo, the busy man never realized the insinuation he had just stated.

"Secondly, when you destroy something, try to hide the evidence…postpone the embarrassment of being caught!"

"Hey, this is not how I imagined you wanna train my cat!"

Grissom knelt down to fish the shreds of paper out of the entrance of the cat home, and he looked into the condo.

"Hey, Sara? Ain't it yours?" the man asked as he held out a tank top.

"Was it in his den?"

"Um…yes. Among other things," and Grissom pulled out a plastic cup that now looked like a sieve, and a pencil.

"What the hell?"

"Looks like your boy is a collector," he grinned smugly.

"Great, now at least I know where to look for things I might not find."

Sara tried to look at Herbie angrily but in all honesty, she found it as humorous as Grissom did. She left the couch and went to caress Herbie's head and her fingers went under his ears.

"Wow, this is what I call education," Grissom joked.

"I guess he just tries to fit in. And you said he deserves everything and more."

"Oh…true. So you leave the items to him?"

"Not my top, but the others can be his."

"Lucky boy!"

The cat was safe on the top of a post watching as Grissom handled the pencil and the cup to Sara who threw them back inside the condo. She probably stood up faster than it would have been well advised, and for a moment, she lost her balance. Grissom was there in a second and held her at her waist.

"I'm okay, I'm okay now."

"No, you're still too weak. I told you to stay in bed."

"If you weren't here, I wouldn't be in bed either."

"But I'm here and you're my responsibility, want it or not, remember?"

Sara looked straight into his eyes and saw nothing else but concern and something she did not dare to name. Grissom could hold her glance for a while but then, he felt that his face started to turn red and he feared if he did not keep moving, he would simply grab and kiss the stubborn woman. So he held out his hand to Sara in order to lead her back to her bedroom. Sara accepted his guidance first but then, she stopped walking.

"Um…Grissom, I need to use the bathroom first."

"Need a hand…um…I mean…are you okay? You sure…"

"Grissom, stop worrying. I'll be out in a minute."

Grissom was camping at the door to be sure that Sara was alright while she was going through her daily bathroom routine. The noises confirmed that nothing went wrong inside, still, Grissom wished Sara would be out and in bed. But the woman had lied, it took her more than twenty minutes to shower, brush her teeth and use the toilet.

When it was obvious that Sara had finished whatever she had done, Grissom stepped away from the door. Sara entered the living room and looked at the man who acted as if he was busy with reading the newspaper he had bought yesterday.

"You should take a nap, too."

"I'm fine, Sara. And I also need the bathroom. Can I use it? I'll take my overnight bag from the car…if…if it's okay."

"Of course. Then come to bed, okay?"

The more time he spent with her, the less he could think of the bed as the furniture for sleeping. Even though, he had been in her home for less than twenty-four hours, he already felt as if they lived together forever. Normally, he would feel awkward in someone else's home but it surprised him that not only had he felt at home since the very first moment he had stepped into Sara's residence but also he did not want to leave…ever. Probably because Sara was not someone else. He felt so selfish and some kind of dirty. Sara was so weak, so in need of sleep and almost the only thing he could think about was to feel her body close to his, to feel her rosy lips against his own, and to make love to this delicate woman in that bed she was offering him. He was so ashamed of his growing desire for her.

"Um…shall I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"After I refresh myself, I need to check my e-mails. Can I use your laptop…maybe?"

"Yeah, of course."

Grissom faced a new challenge. Once he had tried to use it and it had been password protected. So how should he ask for the password without letting her know that he had already attacked that computer?

"The password is…um…password," Sara said.

"Yes?"

"Yeah, password."

When Grissom obviously seemed as if he missed a clue, Sara smiled at him, "The password is '_password'_."

"Oh…"

"Women are never as mysterious as men wish they were."

However, Grissom could not completely agree with her on this one, he found Sara's password imaginative. He would have never guessed on it. No one in his opinion. It did not slip his notice that Sara revealed her password immediately instead of typing it in so her secret word would have remained a wall against any intruder.

"Okay, I'm going to bed. I won't wait up," she said mischievously and then she left the room leaving Grissom with his mouth open.

Sara crawled under the blanket, she waited for the cat to jump onto the bed any minute but he never came. The thought of her favorite boy falling for the man she also had fallen in love so many years ago made her heart flutter. She knew she should not feel like this but Grissom was being so very sweet and caring, so different from the man she knew at the Lab, Sara feared that she was only dreaming and would wake up in an empty flat where there was nothing else but loneliness and cold darkness. It felt so easy to live with him; perhaps it was because they both respected each other and each other's privacy. There was no snooping, no pushing questions. They were perfect. Sara closed her eyes and she still remembered how his soft lips had felt under her own and she felt something familiar but almost forgotten ache in her stomach. And this time, it was not because of her poor situation. The slight pain soon transformed into a pleasant tingling sensation that decided to travel downward. Sara felt so selfish and some kind of dirty. Grissom was here to watch over her, to help her, he even had taken two days off because of her and almost the only thing she could think about was to feel his body close to hers, to feel his full lips against her own again, and to make love to this fantastic man. She was so ashamed of her unperishing desire for him.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

After Grissom had used the key Sara had given him, he had entered the bathroom and followed his habitual cleaning procedure. Refreshed, he stepped out of the room, and for the second time in the same day, he went to Sara's desk and turned on the computer. Soon, he was asked to key the password that ensured him entry. Grissom smiled at how Sara had arrangement the icons. So neat, so Sara. For moments, he was just staring at the screen. The background picture was a centered small GIF image. The picture depicted a mysterious cartoon hero who was endlessly chasing some bad people. Of course, what else?

A strange noise jerked him back from his "hypnoses". He looked at the direction of the noise and saw that Herbie was sharpening his non-existing claws on his scratching post adamantly. Grissom was happy to see that the feline made a great use of his present.

"Hey dude, no one informed you that you have nothing to sharpen?"

It seemed that the lack of his claws did not prevent the cat from performing his instinctive exercises. Was it a subconscious action of Grissom to postpone his operation to violate Sara's privacy? He did not really think as he stood up and went to give Herbie a treat. Grissom looked at the clock on the wall, and quickly sat back to the computer. He had not much time left. One thing he did not want was him getting catch by the woman being the object of his investigation. Grissom clicked twice on the icon that provided him access to the internet. As a trained CSI, he first checked the history of searching. Every folder was empty. Well, Sara had been as careful with it as he planned to be now. Good, so he would also have to delete the history after he finished his search.

Slowly, he took out the piece of paper that he had used for writing the addresses down while Sara had been in Desert Palm. Grissom closed his eyes for a moment to exclude the shame he was feeling so acutely at the moment. He felt as if he was about to rape Sara's trust. But what could he do? Grissom kept repeating to himself that he had asked her to open up, told her he could and wanted to help and still, the woman he respected so much had remained tight-lipped. And he would be damned if he let his love suffer further just because the woman was as stubborn as a mule.

…_in stress, they do just the opposite what is right. It'd have been my responsibility to save him. Want it or not…scars heal, so I still would have climbed to Herbie and forced him to accept my help…_

Mustering his courage, he started to type, he did not worried anymore about Sara's wrath, yes, she would be extremely mad at him, he knew that but then be it, he could not care now. He would not leave his colleague, his best friend and most of all his only love alone in this mess. Sara could rave with fury; he would survive it, scars healed.

His fingers entered the first name he had written down on the small sheet of paper: Murhley Est., NewSky, San Francisco, CA

Within 0.009 seconds, he had the answer he was looking for. Partly. This Murhley Est. was an estate-agency that dealt with short term and long term rentals in the San Francisco region. Getting more and more nervous at the suspicion he started to formulate, Grissom finally browsed 'NewSkyHome Apartment House', San Francisco. Soon, an esthetically colorful site came up. The pleasant-looking homepage informed the visitors about their options for renting flats. Grissom went through the links on the site. He saw the photos of the apartments, the services the House offered such as security service, or twenty-four hour support service; he checked the equipment and all. Considering the huge amount of money Sara had paid for the first time, and then the monthly payment, Grissom had to face with the fact that Sara had rented a flat there. Why did someone pay for a rental when they were still living somewhere else? And why would Sara want to live somewhere else? Was she leaving Las Vegas? Grissom was just staring at the monitor and he could not have denied that he was a bundle of nerves. His heart was in his mouth as he started to perspire a lot. _No Sara, you can't leave Vegas, you can't leave…me_, he begged silently. He swore he would change, and would be the man Sara needed, he vowed that he would convince her to stay in Vegas…and with him. Now, Greg's words made sense, Grissom did not know if the young fellow had known about Sara's plan or he had just felt that something had been wrong, either way, his words echoed in his head.

.

_"I've seen that you came from Ecklie's office, and…umm…I just…"_

_"Sara is off for a week but she'll come back."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Sure of what? That she's not fired? Of course I'm. I didn't fire her."_

_"I meant if you're sure she would come back?"_

_"Why wouldn't she?"_

_"Dunno, we just tent to take things for granted until we realize that "things" can change or got enough to finally move on."_

_._

Grissom needed further information, so with mildly shaking hand, he wrote down the contact phone number onto the paper. He was going to call this apartment house later.

He almost feared to search on the second name he had learned from those certain letters. Nervously, Grissom kept glancing at the bedroom door. He felt like a betrayal but he knew he had to know what had been happening to Sara. He was on pins and needles while he waited for the result of his searching.

He did not have to wait long. This was easy this time. The site of the 'DigiZoom Outdoor Pix' was amazing. This company hired famous and less famous photographers from every corner of the US. As the sample pieces of art-works showed, the artists were all zealous for capturing nature's beauty at its best. Its head office was located in Las Vegas. One thing was odd though. Sara had rented a flat in San Francisco but wanted to work for this company in Vegas? However, being the head office in Vegas did not really exclude the possibility that she would work in California. Grissom was now bordering panic. He could not stand the idea of Sara so far from him, not now when he had finally realized how much he needed her and finally was ready for risking everything for her. He had just received a taste from heaven, he was not ready to say goodbye. He suspected that he would never be.

One thing bothered him further. When people worked for a company, they were supposed to receive salary for their work and not the opposite. Since when did a future employee pay money to the company? Something had had to happen; something had had to go wrong. And he would find out what it had been. Quickly, he jotted down its phone number, too, and nervously, he slipped the paper into his pocket.

Before he shut down the laptop, the anxious CSI had deleted the history erasing all the tale-telling tracks he would have left behind.

For a few minutes, Grissom was just sitting at the desk contemplating his next move. He looked around, everything seemed so peaceful, Herbie was sleeping in his tunnel, and Sara was sleeping in her bed…Sara. Grissom wanted to see her, and see her immediately. He turned in his seat to see what time it was and got surprised to realize that he had spent more than forty minutes with searching, plus his bathroom time, it meant that Sara had been sleeping for more than two hours.

He went to the fridge and took out two cups of yoghurt, then two spoons from the drawer and headed to the bedroom. The sight of Sara sleeping in that bed speeded his pulse up and weakened his knees. He turned on some night lights, just to wake her up tenderly. He considered caressing her thighs, her stomach, then slowly working his way upward but he thought she would be upset by his boldness. So he settled for a light play with her hair. He ran his hand through her locks softly, and then even more tenderly, he massaged her temple. The sensation he was creating roused Sara easily.

"Hey."

"Hey, you never came," Sara said sleepily.

"I lost the track of time. Did you sleep well?"

"Not that well than earlier," she whispered.

_I wish I had been here with you._ "What's wrong?"

_It hurt that you were not here._ "I…I don't know, I'm fine though."

Grissom stared intensely into her shiny brown eyes. She looked adorable with her hair curling all over. He knew that he should say something, anything but as always, he could not find the words. Sara wanted to say something, anything but her voice betrayed the woman. Seconds later, Grissom remembered the yogurt he had brought.

"Here, you need to regain your strength," he handled one cup to her, "…before you come back to work."

He watched her closely to observe any sign of distress at the mention of work but she simply smiled at him gratefully. He opened the jar and sank the spoon into the food for her, then did the same with his. Silently, they enjoyed the food and most of all, the intimacy of each other's proximity. For Sara, it felt like her secret fantasy she had been dreaming about for so many times, for Grissom, it felt like a secret dream he had been fantasizing about for too many times. Both were in some surreal hypnotic state as they were watching each other eating their meals.

A nostalgic feeling was floating in the air giving them the sensation that this honest moment should have happened for a very long time.

"Oops," Sara whispered as a small drop of yogurt dripped from her spoon leaving an even smaller droplet on her chin, close to her lower lip.

Since her little accident, Grissom had stopped perceiving the outside world, for him, that tiny droplet had become the center of his world. Before she had a chance to wipe the naughty stuff off of her chin, Grissom had already reached to do it for her and without thinking, he licked it off of his finger. This time, it was Sara in complete ecstasy; she could not see anything, only his luscious lips around his finger. And again, that familiar warm sensation started to form in her stomach and drifted to south.

Realizing what he had just done, Grissom felt his face was burning up and quickly pulled his finger out of his mouth.

"Oh…sorry…I…it's just…I shouldn't have…"

Sara blinked her bewilderment away and she did what neither Grissom nor her had ever expected. Deliberately slowly, never breaking the eye contact with the man in front of her, Sara lifted the spoon up to her lips, and smeared the yogurt onto the lower one.

Fear of rejection lingered in her eyes and she prayed for Grissom to get the message and if so, not to run away from her.

Grissom closed his eyes and prayed that his senses interpreted her gesture correctly. Was it really a permission from this wonderful woman to kiss her? Would she really let him do such an intimate contact? What if…but he gave up analyzing the 'what-ifs' and slowly leaned in toward her inviting lips. Sara's eyes widened as Grissom's face seemed to go larger as he got really close to her. He looked down at her, silently asking if she meant _this_ indeed. With his trembling free hand, he cradled her neck so he could pull her to him and with quivering lips, he touched her yogurt covered skin and kissed the mess off her chin.

Pulling back just a little, he gave her that freakish smile that he knew she had liked since the very first day they had met. His closeness gave her so much excitement, she started to tremble. Looking at his smile suggested her that Grissom desired her as much as she longed for him but somehow, there was something that held him back. She caressed his cheek and lifted his chin so they locked eyes, their noses almost touching. Both could feel the warmth of their breaths brushing the top of their lips. The only thing that held the man back was his uncertainty of Sara's wish. He could hardly believe that he would be so lucky to be allowed to kiss this woman. Suddenly, Sara made the decision for both of them and pulled his face to its final destination. Their lips touched at last and the sensation of this woman's warm lips against his exterminated every doubt or fear he had ever hallucinated.

At first, it was not really a kiss. Nothing like the "first kiss on screen" kind of kiss when the couple jumped on each other after a pause they had spent like two statues. Only lips were playing this game, no tongues, no nipping. It could be only described as a burst of applause when their longing lips probed each other repeatedly. Becoming more passionate by every second, Grissom felt a zap of electricity.

He pulled back to see if Sara felt the urgency in the kiss as unbearable as he did, "Please tell me you want this, that you have always wanted this."

"It hurts," she answered.

This revelation sobered him, so he was about to retreat, "I'm sorry…I…"

"No, I want you so badly and for so long it hurts."

This kiss started as hard but gentle, fiery still cool, lasted only for a few seconds but seemed it went on forever. And it was true: seemed. In his pocket, Grissom's cell phone started to ring intending to break the spell. Sure, only a few days ago, Grissom would have picked it up immediately but now the new Grissom did not even hear the irritating sound. Sara hated it but started to pull back resting her forehead on Grissom's.

"Your…phone…is ringing," she panting, her ears were still buzzing.

"I don't care."

"Yes, you do."

Just when Grissom would have moved, the phone stopped ringing. An 'I told you so' kind of smile appeared on his face, and then he took Sara's beautiful, flushed face in his hands. Sara stopped breathing. He could feel her pulse beating under his palms as he let them slip down and cradled her long neck again. If it was possible, Grissom's heart was racing even more than Sara's. She moved her lips courageously against his, begging him to wrap his arms around her and never let go. Grissom happily allowed himself to give in to her desire; he parted his lips and took a deep breath then tasted her. If her scent was tantalizing, her taste was a gift from God. Just when Grissom thought that he was totally wrapped up in the kiss, Sara pulled away gently dragging a little of his lower lip with her. Grissom showed his disappointment, he wanted and needed more and that was exactly what Sara wanted him to feel.

It seemed that the caller had not given up talking with Grissom, and so, the cell phone went off again. Suspecting that it could be about something important, Grissom reluctantly pulled away from Sara. They were watching each other for a while but the undying noise forced him to answer it.

Grissom had hard time finding his cell, he fiddled with his pants, he seemed to find it difficult to discover his pocket. Seconds later, the evil phone was in his hand.

"Hello."

"Mr. Grissom, it's Mrs. Thomas. I'm calling to tell you that my grandson broke his leg and he has to stay in hospital, so…I can't watch Hank."

"I'm sorry for what has happened, when should I pick him up?"

"Um…I should leave in an hour, can you make it by then?"

"Oh…yes, I'll be there."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

Grissom sighed out his frustration. He did not want to leave Sara alone this soon, but he did not have any other choice. He would be hurry and everybody would be happy. The only question was where to leave Hank and with who.

He slipped the phone back to its place and looked at Sara who somehow suspected that he would have to leave. Grissom told her that he had to leave to pick his boy up and about his concern because he loved Hank and leaving him alone again was breaking his heart. Sara convinced Grissom to take the dog here as it was clear that Grissom did not intend to leave her alone either. Sara promised him that Herbie would not mind it either and if they would not be friendly to each other, they would still have the time to come up with another idea.

Grissom felt so happy at this moment, he could not remember the time when he could smile this freely. Just an hour, only one; and he would be here again, close to the ones he loved. Gil Grissom had not believed in signs or such vague terms as hunches, sixth sense or instincts. Simply, he had not wanted to…until now. But it could not just be coincidences. Both of their monograms were the same letters: SS and GG, Sara's cat's name was Herbie, and his boy's name was Hank: HH. Everything was in order, just how they both loved things to be.

"Grissom, you should go, Hank must be impatient," she touched his arm.

"Hank is a good boy, very friendly and…patient."

"Like his daddy," she chuckled.

"No, his daddy was an idiot."

Reluctantly, he kissed Sara goodbye and then stood up to leave. Before he went out to the living room, Grissom had turned back and made Sara promise that she would stay in bed until he came back.

In the living room, he wanted to inform Herbie about Hank, but the cat showed no interest in what Grissom had intended to tell him. Disturbing a napping cat was the rudest thing a human could do. So Herbie simply looked up then theatrically, he ignored the man.

Grissom went to Sara's desk to get his keys and glanced toward the bedroom. The thought of Sara, her hypnotizing being made his cheeks flush. He could not believe what had happened and how happy they were. He felt overwhelmingly romantic at the moment, and took his cell out of his pocket.

He typed '_Miss you already'_, and sent the message to Sara. He heard the beep-beep that indicated that the text had arrived. Soon enough, an answer came: _Hurry back! Come and find me where you left me._

Grissom noticed a slight movement from the cat furniture but he was too busy with forcing himself not to run back to Sara immediately. It was time for him to finally leave. The sooner Hank was picked up, the sooner they could come back. So he put the phone back into his pocket and was out of the flat.

After Grissom had gotten the dog back, he was now sitting in his car. The information he had learned about that rental in San Francisco and about the photographer job could not leave him alone. Now, it was the opportunity to call them and ask clever questions. Something inside him told him not to do it but his concern was stronger.

Leaning a little against the car door, he put his hand into his pocket to retrieve the notepaper where he had jotted the information down. He could not find it so he checked his other pockets too but he knew well that he had placed the paper into his right pocket. And it was now only contained his phone. Fear pierced his heart and soul. How could have he lost it? And most importantly, _where_ had he lost it?

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

_

* * *

_

_In the living room, Grissom left the irritated cat alone and went to Sara's desk to retrieve the keys she had given him. __The thought of Sara, her hypnotizing being made his cheeks flush. He could not believe what had just happened and how happy they were. He felt overwhelmingly romantic at the moment, and so, he took his cell out of his pocket._

_He typed 'Miss you already', and sent the message to Sara. He heard the beep-beep that indicated the text had arrived. Soon enough, an answer came: Hurry back! Come and find me where you left me._

_Grissom noticed a slight movement from the cat furniture but he was too busy with picturing Sara in the bedroom happily smiling and waiting for him. It was so long ago when he had seen her this happy, so he hastily dropped the phone back to his pocket and then left._

_._

Herbie was a happy cat. He had a wonderful girlfriend, a kind furry massager, some great souvenirs he had collected earlier and now, the cat had a piece of paper to play with and hide in his condo. As every cat, Herbie also loved chasing paper balls thrown toward him. Even though this new treasure had not been thrown, rather been fallen out of Grissom's pocket, the cat had run for it anyway.

**TBC**

_**

* * *

Author's Postscript:**_ Well, it doesn't seem good for Grissom…losing that paper…


	14. Opening Souls

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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* * *

Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: Well, the last part of this chapter is rated _M_…I think, however, I am not sure. I never know when my dirty imagination crosses that magic line between T and M :-) So it's up to you to decide.

This chapter got longer than I originally planned it to be, so please forgive me. But I hope you will enjoy it nonetheless.

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Chapter ****Fourteen**

_Nerves and butterflies are fine - they're a physical sign that you're mentally ready and eager. You have to get the butterflies to fly in formation, that's the trick. - __**Steve Bull**_

Normally, Gil Grissom had nerves of iron and had a calm appearance on and under the surface but now he was being rather a panicked little boy. That piece of paper could reveal his guilty mission before he could even solve any of Sara's problems. The man knew what he had done was unforgivable but he had had no choice. Although, this explanation sounded pretty lame even to him, Grissom kept reminding himself of its truth. As lame as it sounded.

A low whine reached his ears and Grissom looked at the big dog sitting in the passenger's seat. Hank was an expressive dog, from his large appealing eyes, stubby nose, and a tongue that sought continuous kisses, all the way to his tail. The way he was sitting next to his daddy, his face showed nothing else but undying love and adoration. Since the day Grissom had taken him home from that crowded shelter, Hank's ultimate mission had been to make his master happy. From the first minute in Grissom's home, Hank had been watching the man's every move and so, Hank had learned to read Grissom's every gesture. And his actual expression told Hank that his best friend was troubled and very distressed. After a few more whines, the dog leaned over and licked Grissom's bearded cheek.

"What kind of a CSI am I? I've never ever lost any evidence, Hank. Never. And now? She…I…I've never been this careless before."

As if Hank understood the problem, the dog licked his own mouth and with his huge eyes he expressed his sympathy.

"I need more time Hank. She can hate me after I helped her, but I need time. Once she is safe…"

Grissom tried to recall his every move from the moment he had left Sara's bedroom. He remembered that the betraying paper had been slid into his right pocket prior to their kisses and never taken out again. He then had walked to his car and opened the door with the key that had been in his other pocket. And finally the CSI recalled the one motion when he had probably lost it.

Without hesitation, Grissom dialed Mrs. Thomas' number. He waited for the lady to pick up but after a minute long ringing, it was clear that the woman had already left for visiting her grandson. The suspense was killing Grissom but he clearly could recall the moment when he checked his cell phone for any messages but gotten none. That was when the notepaper had had to be fallen out of his pocket. Grissom was sure of it. Or hoped.

Looking back to the worrying boxer, Grissom patted his side and with not so steady hand, he was about to start the engine when his cell phone went off. The caller ID said: Sara.

At this precise moment, him…being so sure of that slip of notes whereabouts was not true anymore. A sudden anger flooded thought him. It was not that he had wanted bad for her, so Grissom refused to be afraid of Sara's potential wrath. Okay, he had done what he had done but all of his actions had been driven out of love and if Sara wanted to shout at him or hate him, then he was going to let her. Still, he hesitated to answer the call.

"Grissom."

"Hi," a shy voice greeted him.

"Why aren't you in bed," he tentatively asked.

"I was making room for Hank."

Sara did not sound angry or upset. Grissom started to calm down, "You should rest, I'll…"

"I've just got up, found two bowls for Hank and realized that I don't have anything for him to sleep on…that's why I am calling you."

"Didn't Herbie kill another kitchen roll?" Grissom was curious if Sara had found anything "extraordinary".

"No, he was a good boy, he's sleeping in his condo," she was laughing.

Grissom sighed deeply, he could not realize until now that he was holding back his breath as he was waiting for Sara's answer. So the flat was safe to approach.

"So I'm just calling…you know, you might want to pick up some of Hank's stuff at your house…his bed or whatever he needs."

"Oh, thanks. Then I'll be a bit late."

"No problem."

"Go to bed, dear. You have to be fit by 5 pm."

"5 pm? Why?"

"We have to go back to the hospital for a check-up, remember?"

"Oh, no! I'm fine."

"Then you have nothing to worry about."

And before she could start her usual protest, he told her good-bye and hung up. Grissom could not contain his relief he felt knowing that Sara was fine and definitely happy. He wanted to drive to her as fast as it was legally allowed but Hank's snorting reminded him of his duties. Wide awake and snoring…crazy!

"Look boy, how come you haven't even kissed her and she already wants you to have your bed at her place?"

Hank sensed his master's lifted spirit, so the dog lapped Grissom's face with his huge slobbery tongue. After Grissom had wiped the saliva off of his cheek, he lifted his index finger to inform the boxer that he had had enough and when the dog calmed down, Grissom started the engine at last and drove home.

It took only a few minutes to collect Hank's things: his bed, his toys and a big pack of dog food. Hank was used to staying at someone's place, so it was not a hassle for him. Both dog and his master were about to leave the house when Grissom stopped and went back to his study. The man dropped everything onto the floor and immediately turned the computer on and now, he typed 'NewSkyHome Apartment House', San Francisco from memory.

"If you want to work somewhere else, Sara, that's fine, I can understand it but to live somewhere else, so far from here…from me, that's what I can't handle," he said to no one.

Finding the now well-known phone number, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed it right away. He was impatiently waiting for the connection to be made; Grissom did not have to wait long.

"NewSkyHome Apartment House. How can I help you?"

"Hi, my name is Gil Grissom. Can I speak to Sara Sidle?" he tried to sound natural as if to call a usual number.

"Um…hold on a minute, please. Sara Wilder doesn't seem to be on any of our lists here."

"No, no Wilder, Sidle. S, I, D, L and E, Sidle."

"Oh, sorry sir. Yes, we have a certain Sidle listed here. According to this remark, the flat will be ready for the tenant to move in the beginning of next month. So at the moment I can't take you over or give you the direct number. I'm sorry."

"That's alright. Thanks for your help."

"You have a nice day," and the lady hung up before Grissom could reply.

He rubbed his face with both his hands, pressing hard against his forehead as if to offset the pain of realization. So it was true. Sara was going to leave Vegas. And she was going to move next month. Next month. Thirty days or less. Grissom felt shaky and nervous, very anxious and nauseous. This panicked man could not believe what was happening. Not now. Grissom became extremely angry. Angry at Sara for doing it to him and mostly at himself for finally chasing the woman away.

Looking up from his bended posture, Grissom faced a pair of worried brown eyes. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. He tried to take a deep breath, this act was supposed to help the nausea but now, it seemed useless. Grissom only just made it to the bathroom and immediately he braced the edge of the basin. Even though he kept retching for minutes, nothing came out. After what seemed an eternity, he rinsed his mouth out and sat onto the toilet seat. As soon as Grissom's bottom touched the seat, Hank ran to him and insisted on lying on him as a kind of support. For some time, they were just sitting there cuddling, then Grissom tried to regain his composure and patted his dog's head, and then the boxer sensed that his friend felt better.

Within minutes, Grissom and Hank were on their way to Sara's home. Thirty minutes later, Grissom killed the engine and looked at Hank.

"Okay, boy! Are you ready to meet the most amazing woman in the world? Who by the way wants to leave us?"

No answer.

"I know, me neither. And she has no right to do this to us."

Slowly, he exited the car, gathered Hank's stuff and closed the door after Hank had climbed out of vehicle, too. And they headed up to the woman who held love with pain and loyalty with betrayal. All the way here, Grissom had been ruminating over his feelings. He could explain his sorry over his employee's possible resignation. After all, he as a boss could expect a warning in time but he had hard time to give a reason for his anger at Sara. Probably because she had always been a little more than an employee to him. Grissom was so confused. He wanted to run to her, to demand an explanation, to shake her awake from this nightmare, to shout at her, to blame her for his heartache but when he closed his eyes, Grissom only could see the Sara he loved, the woman who was so delicate, so loveable, and so in need of help and care.

Grissom knew he was running out of time in every sense of the word. Only a few stairs to reach her home, only a month to lose her forever.

In front of Sara's door, two males were nervous. One because of the new circumstance, and the other one because of the impossible situation. Finding nothing to foreslow the inevitable, he knocked on her door. Grissom noticed a sudden light gleaming through the spy hole, so he knew that the door would be open soon.

"Hey," Sara greeted him happily. "Herbie's in the bedroom…it's safe to come in, guys."

"_Why are you this happy? I know what you have done! Why did you let me kiss you when you are leaving? How could you do that?_" he thought.

Grissom wanted to unleash his hurt, his anger but Sara's sincere smile and warm eyes confused him again. Did Sara not feel the desperation he did so acutely? Did she not care? Grissom did not have the time to be in a fret as Hank took charge and rushed into the flat. The dog could down the biggest man; he was just the right height to make an impact when the dog hit the body with his front paws. This was the only trait Grissom had not been able to stop him to practice. When Hank found somebody lovable, he jumped on them. So with a thud, Sara landed on her butts. Grissom was there in a flash.

"Honey, you okay?"

Sara could not form a word; she simply lay down and laughed hard. The situation was both embarrassing and cute. At first, Grissom could not laugh at the scene unfolding in front of his eyes, he was worried about Sara. Another fall would not do any good to her.

"Hank, down boy! Sit!" And the dog obeyed instantly, however, his eyes showed his excitement.

"Poor baby, your daddy is so strict," Sara purred to the dog.

"I'm not strict but he has to learn…"

"He's just happy, Grissom. And I'm fine."

"You could have been hurt."

"You can't protect me from everything."

"But I can try!" He held out his hand for Sara to take, and she did.

"Now, Hank, come here and introduce yourself properly!" he said to Hank who come and sit straight in front of Sara's feet. "Okay, shake hands!"

With his majestic stance, Hank lifted his right paw for Sara who took it and lightly shook it. Maybe she was too close, so Hank jumped on the opportunity and kissed Sara covering her cheek with massive saliva.

"Awww, Hank! It's…oh man!" she ran to the bathroom.

"It's just saliva…um…he has a lot."

"Everybody has a problem area, mine is saliva…a lot of it actually," she said from the tiny room.

"We…um…should introduce him to Herbie. Does he like other animals?"

"He was found in a box full of other puppies and kitties, he is very friendly."

"Okay, still, hold him tight okay?"

A minute later, Sara appeared in the living room again with Herbie in her arms. The cat seemed both curious and shy. Ever slowly, Sara eased herself onto the floor holding Herbie close to her chest. The woman was whispering constantly something into Herbie's ears; the cat's attention was now divided. Grissom patted Hank's head and chanted how good boy he was. Both Grissom and Sara were checking their pets' moods. Sara then stood up and acted as if nothing extraordinary happened. She went to the fridge and took out the most delicious ham she found there.

"Hey, that's mine," Grissom protested.

"I know but Hank and Herbie need something yummy to make this experience pleasurable. Positive feedback, you know."

So Sara went back and took out two slices of ham from the package. Theatrically, she gave one to Hank and another one to Herbie. Then slowly, she approached Hank with Herbie in her embrace.

"Easy boy, good boy," Grissom said to his dog soothingly.

"Lookie there Herbie! Hank is a saliva machine, your new friend."

"Was it necessary to say that?"

With evil smile, Sara just nodded. Neither the cat nor the dog showed any distress, it became obvious that Herbie was afraid only of humans, so they moved to the next level. Sara guardedly let the two animals check each other out at less distance. Herbie eyed the dog carefully, Hank literally smiled at the cat. When Grissom loosened the leash a little, Hank suddenly bolted toward Herbie and licked his face. The huge slobbery tongue spread all over Herbie's tiny face leaving him dripping with viscous saliva. That was it; Herbie jumped out of Sara's arms and ran up to the top of his kitty furniture. His face mirrored utter disgust and the cat busied himself with immediate grooming. Hank face expressed extreme pride. He liked his new chum.

"Well, it went well," Grissom summarized their mission.

"Yeah, ask Herbie!" Sara giggled.

"Um…we should leave soon."

"Oh, the check-up. Do I have to go?"

"Definitely."

"Can you watch our babies while I am dressing?"

Our babies. Somehow, these words did not mean just Hank and Herbie anymore to him. The word 'our' meant much more than just their pets. This was the possessive form of 'we', and that was exactly what he felt, possession. Sara possessed his heart; truthfully, she had held it for many years and since that very moment, Sara had been responsible for it. It was like to tame a wild animal; they could not abandon it and leave to their fates after they showed a different life to it, right? Once again, hurt, anger and frustration with panic infected his thoughts.

Five or so minutes later, Sara was ready to leave while Grissom was ready to explode. But it was not the time for questioning Sara, he knew that.

"We should take Hank, too. I don't trust him just yet."

_Who do you trust at all, Sara?_ "Of course. He will be fine in the car while we are in the building."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Everything had gone well in the hospital. The doctor had examined Sara's reflexes, asked million of questions but finally had stated that Sara was okay. The woman had insisted that Grissom stay in the car with Hank. Grissom had not minded being alone this time. He had needed time to think. But even this word 'think' had angered him. To think about what? Everything had been crystal clear.

His self-torturing was cut short as Sara arrived back sooner than he would have expected. Despite of his frustration, hearing the news that she was relatively fine made him so happy that he automatically leaned close to her, reached behind her neck and pulled her to his lips. The kiss was light but expressed love and caring. To Sara it was a reassurance that Grissom had not regretted their kisses because even though she had not commented it, Sara had noticed Grissom's weird behavior when he had come back to her flat earlier. To Grissom it was a kiss of consolation that she was still there. Both felt that something significant had happened and so this sensation brought a flush to their faces.

"Um…are you hungry?" Grissom asked.

Yes, she was hungry but she had no money for eating out. While Grissom had been away to pick Hank up, Sara had been transferring the next amounts of money online and only thirty-two dollars had left for her for the month. But she was not about to humiliate herself by telling it to Grissom.

"No, I'm fine."

"But I am starving. So what do you fancy?"

"Grissom, we can stop by a restaurant, so you can eat, I'll be here with Hank, okay?"

"Hank is fine alone, he's used to it. Come on, my treat."

Sara started to become agitated. She would not let him buy food again for her but she would not let him starve either because of her.

"Grissom, my stomach is a little bit upset…I…I don't think…"

"Alright. Then I just grab a carry bag of food from my favorite restaurant, and we can go home."

Home. Somehow, this word did not mean just a place where humans lived anymore to her. The word 'home' meant much more than just a flat. Grissom had filled the word with meaning, with feelings, and that was exactly what she experienced: feelings. Grissom had showed her what a real home could be like, and truthfully, she had not known what it should be since she had lost the one family she had considered hers after she had been pushed into the system. Tomorrow, Grissom would go back to work, and Sara knew that everything would change. She felt like a tamed animal; Grissom was going to abandon her and leave to her fate. Desperation, sadness and excessive pain penetrated her heart.

Sara did not even notice when the car had started moving and when it had stopped. She barely heard Grissom's words but she nodded anyway. About ten minutes later, the door opened again.

"Done. Here," he gave her two boxes of food and a smaller bag.

"I…I told you I wasn't hungry."

"Yeah, but I saw a nice veggie…um…something, so I thought you might want to try it."

"You didn't have to do that. Thanks. What is it in this bag?"

"A movie. There's a store round the corner. I love this film, it's a surprise, so don't peep!"

"Okay."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

The evening went by quickly. Hank had tried to play with Herbie who had not been that impressed by the drooling goliath. His bed had been placed in the opposite corner, so both babies had their own place. They both seemed to be comfortable in each other's companion, Hank was playful but well-trained, and Herbie was friendly but nobly distant.

When the babies decided to sleep, Grissom took out the movie and showed Sara. The excitement was evident on Grissom's face; the shock was too in Sara's eyes. This was the movie she had never been able to watch. Sara knew how brilliant it was, still, this film revived so many painful memories in her that she could hardly breathe. Now, how could she tell him that this one movie pushed her limits, that this one film caused her panic-attack? He had been helping her beyond belief since her outburst in the Lab, she just could not tell him not to watch the movie he so obviously adored.

She would just have to concentrate on something else. On him. She could do it, she had to do it.

"Start the movie, okay? I'm bringing…um…tea," and she flew from the couch. She closed her eyes and was already shaking. _Relax! It's just a movie_, she told herself.

The first part of the movie had been okay but then, Sara felt more and more suffocated. For her, it was not just a movie, for her it was her true story. She knew what the characters felt; she remembered the looks, the smells. The scent of fear had been unmistakable. Sara could not take watching it any longer and ran to the bedroom closing the door behind her.

Grissom had noticed Sara's distress, her trembling but he had thought it had been because of the power of the movie. But now, he knew there had to be something more to it. He paused the film and went after her, softly knocked on the bedroom door and when he got no answer, he tentatively opened it. The sight of her knocked the air out of his lungs. Sara was curled up like a ball in the middle of the bed, a pillow hid her face.

"Sara? What's wrong?"

"Please, don't."

"Did I tell you something, did something?"

"No. It's…it's…please, just give me a few minutes."

"I'm not leaving. I won't ask questions if you don't want me to but I don't leave you alone. You don't have to tell me what's bothering you or what upset you this much if you don't trust me. I understand."

"No, you don't understand, you wouldn't. It's…"

"Don't judge me Sara. I can understand anything if I know what it is. I can't handle things I don't know about."

"I don't want you to know about it. You would come to hate me or worse, you would…"

"I would what? What do you know I would do or feel?"

"I know because…I hate myself too for it."

Grissom sat onto the bed very close to her and slowly pulled the pillow from her face. He had never seen such huge tears she was producing at the moment. The pain she was radiating was so deep and so torturing that Grissom's heart started to ache with real pain as well. He grabbed Sara gently by her arms, and pulled her close to his heart. Grissom pressed her ear to his chest.

"Can you hear it? Can you read it?"

"You're nervous."

"No! I'm in pain."

For the first time, Sara looked up at him, "I caused you pain."

"Yes. It's the kind of pain that only one feeling can create. Do you feel pain at the moment?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"In my heart."

"Why?"

"I am afraid that I would disappoint you. And I lose you."

"You would never disappoint me. Hurt me yes, but never disappoint me."

"But I still can lose you."

"Only if _you_ leave me. Because…because I love you," he breathed the last three words onto her lips.

Grissom kissed her feverishly, he stopped thinking or analyzing, he just felt and she felt like life. How could she think that he would ever hate her? Never. Could she not see how much he loved her? Well, probably he had hid it too well in the past but no longer. Grissom thought he would die of anticipation, he wanted her so badly. He kissed the tears off of her flushed skin, the world seemed distant, so far that Grissom was convinced that it ceased to exist.

Grissom acted like the adult he was but at the same time like an animal he always tried to supress. Her kisses were like fuel for a thirsty Mustang, he did not just taste the freedom of kissing her, he ate it all. They continued to kiss, nibbling at each other's lips until he suddenly stopped and pulled back from Sara. Both were panting and flushed.

"Please tell me you want it too," Sara whispered already missing his lips on hers.

"I wanted to ask the same. I want _you_ Sara, not just _this_."

"I want you too, more than you can imagine."

Now that both knew that it would happen, things slowed down a little. Kissing was a safe area for both but lovemaking was a completely new uncharted territory. Not the action itself but to make love to each other. And they both knew that it would not be only sex, it was going to be lovemaking between their bodies and souls.

Sara nodded and Grissom placed his hands over hers that were resting on the top of her breasts like some kind of last bricks from the bastion wall that used to serve as a protection. Then she moved his hands to her breasts and he almost tremulously squeezed them. Grissom then grabbed her breasts with slightly more power and she moaned. For a nano-second, Grissom feared if he did something wrong but then Sara smiled at him encouraging his ministration further. Grissom was nervous, anxious even. He wanted nothing more than to make Sara happy so he tried his best to be both gentle and eager to please her, to show her how much she meant to him.

Grissom started to stand up and pulled Sara with him, so he could press his body as close to her as it was possible at this level of their intimacy. He bit at her lips; she bit back, sucked on her throat and let her to do the same to him. Their moves looked like a dance rather than foreplay. Heartened up, he touched Sara's ass and when Sara did not seem to mind it, he started to massage it that felt as good as it looked. He wanted to touch all of her right then, wanted to feel her, all of her right now, every glorious inch of her marvelous body. He felt so close to her soul that he seemed to feel the blood rushing through her veins. Grissom longed to be inside her, letting her know how long he had desired her. He wanted her to know that. He wanted to prove his love to her.

Sara obviously got the message, so she ground herself against his body, twining her long leg around his. A little bit awkwardly, Grissom stamped back to the bed and mirroring each other's movements, they undressed each other. Grissom was grateful for the dim light in the room. Even though he did not consider himself as a shy man, it was Sara standing in front of him staring at his body and he was well aware of his age and the result of the lack of workout. Sara was thankful for the darkish in the room. Even though she knew she looked like ordinary, it was Grissom in front of her marveling her pale skin and bony body. She was well aware of the result of her starvation. Soon, both were completely naked.

Grissom took a moment or two to gasp inwardly at her lanky body. Some worship was also involved. To him, her body was tight and one hundred percent woman. He stared at the erect nipples then looked back at Sara's eyes. He had done this, Sara Sidle was here, naked and most definitely turned on. Because of him. Sara stared back at him, probably out of nervousness; she sucked on her lower lip and pulled Grissom close to her. He kissed her and she kissed him back, then she pushed his head toward her breasts. Grissom hesitated at first as to which one he should worship first. He chose the left one, the closest to her heart. She moaned so he moved down. Grissom pushed tenderly Sara onto the bed. He kissed his way down until he could breathe her sweet scent. Some perfume, maybe some soap and definitely her. She moaned and began to wriggle as he kissed her there just like he had kissed her mouth. Sara moved her hips this way and that way to help him to find the best spot and when he did, she cried out in her pleasure and her fingers were instantly in his hair pulling him up.

Sara wanted to return the pleasure he had just given her but Grissom assured her that it was too late for it. He wanted her too much and he was too close to his own climax. He slid his hand back and forth across her sex, she was so wet, he could not believe it was because of him. He positioned himself, and for the last time he asked for permission to love her. A serious kiss gave him the answer he was waiting for and he ever so slowly and carefully entered her. Sara practically rose off the bed. She was so tight; Grissom feared he would hurt her. As if to sense his hesitation, Sara grounded her hips against his and Grissom looked into her eyes, and then filled her completely. After a few slow moves, they sat up; Grissom pulled Sara into his lap and licked her lower lip before he stuck his tongue into her mouth. He had to slow down, he felt that he was going to come soon and hard, but so was Sara.

Suddenly, she gasped then started to tremble and Grissom pulled her back, forced her to stay still and he hugged her as tightly as he could without hurting her. Then they both felt it, all of it. Grissom was a hundred light years away, deep inside Sara. Alone. It was just him and then the feeling of complete devotion. Grissom felt that finally he did it well, he now could shake hands with fate, and then he would allow whatever to happen…happen. He kissed her before she tried to pull away but he asked her to be like this for a little more. Grissom held onto Sara, longing her to be this close, knowing that this was the first and definitely the only time they were together for the first time. For the first time. No way would he let her move to San Francisco. No way. He would convince her to stay. But now, he wanted to enjoy the feeling of new. Their lovemaking would be better and better, he knew that if she wanted to be with him, too. But it would never be this new, this unadulterated and fresh.

"My…" her voice broke but she went on. She needed to tell him her deepest secret. He deserved as much. "My…"

"Sara, you don't have to tell me anything," and he kissed her neck but did not move an inch.

"That movie you brought…'A Beautiful Mind'…I couldn't watch it. Because…I lived a similar life. I didn't tell you everything about my mother the other day. John Nash…in the movie was brilliant but because of his schizophrenia…his and his family's life took a turn the nightmarish. She…my mother was schizophrenic, too. That night, she got a butcher knife out of a drawer. She walked into the bedroom and while my father was sleeping, she stabbed him in the heart. Again and again. I…I just fear…what if I am like her? I can't be like her."

This new information shocked Grissom; he could not deny that, but he took Sara's head in his hands and looked into her eyes.

"You're nothing like your mother."

"How do you know that? Sometimes I act like a crazy…ask Catherine or Ecklie."

"They don't know shit! You're amazing, the most precious person I have ever met, Sara! Can you hear me?"

"We can't fight genetics, Grissom. And I fear I'll become her. I…one night, when we finished a case, I was sitting in the office between yours and the break room. We investigated a woman who let her sister's children die so she could buy a television. You know, when Sofia was so eager to read the book you showed her…anyway, that case somehow reminded me of my mother. She did horrible things but…I don't know, at that time I thought she saved me…"

"And she did, Sara."

"I…I don't know. So that night, months ago, I checked her status…you know I wanted to know how many years left for her…in…in that place..you know...there."

"And?"

"She will be released next month. She takes regular medications, she allegedly isn't dangerous to society or herself."

"Next month?" Grissom could not explain why that date rang a bell inside him but he started to feel guilty.

Sara felt that Grissom tensed up. Grissom felt she felt it, so he hugged her tighter to show her his support.

"I know you would think I am horrible. She gave me life after all but I can't see her, I can't visit her. I…I fear her."

"You don't have to visit her, not this soon if you don't want to."

"I doubt I will be able to see her in the future at all. So I thought…I thought…"

"It's okay."

"I don't want to meet her but I feel I have to help her in some way, so I gave an earnest to an apartment house, and rented a flat for her in San Francisco. For…for the next two years. I owe her that much."

"What?"

"You think I am horrible, right? It's a nice place, has twenty-four hour support service, she will be in good hands."

_Flat rented in San Francisco, twenty-four hour service, long-term rent, a Sidle moves in next month, Mrs. Sidle and not Miss_…How could have he jumped to this false conclusion?

"No! You're amazing. Not every child would do that! Honey, you are amazing!"

"You…you really think that? I can't face my own mother. She reminds me of what I might become. This is my biggest fear. And it is not her fault to be… schizophrenic, still, I hate the fact I might be one."

So she had never wanted to move to San Francisco! She was going to stay here. Grissom wanted to spoon Sara up and dance all around with her in his arms in the room. And he had judged her, blamed her when she was the most caring people. He was ashamed of himself.

"So you never wanted to move back to Frisco? It wasn't you!" he could not contain his happiness inside him.

"Why did you think I wanted to move?"

Damn! He cursed at himself, he needed a solid explanation, and he needed it now!

**TBC**


	15. Bomb in Hand

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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* * *

Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: Well, I've never done this before but I split chapter 15 in two because the original one was extra long and because it contained two crucial moments, so I decided it would be better this way. Hope you will like it.

As my sweet friend, _SweetSouthernComfort_ would say, this chapter is more a "transitional" part of the story that leads you to a more intense one, so don't let it fool you : )

Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day to you all. And to my prince…wherever he is hiding ;)

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* * *

Chapter ****Fifteen**

_Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion.__ - __**Author Unknown**_

"So you never wanted to move back to Frisco? It wasn't you!" his exuberant joy made him uncharacteristically careless.

"Why did you think I wanted to move there?"

Sara's rightful question gave him the creeps. What kind of an answer would save the situation? Grissom knew he should confess his sins to Sara at last but this moment really did not seem right. How to tell the woman in his arms after a soul uniting lovemaking that he had gone through her things when she had been in Desert Palm? He doubted Sara would accept his explanation. He could not either if he were Sara. How could he be this stupid? Grissom felt so dirty, so low. If he told her the truth now, right in the glory of their lovemaking, in the middle of the pain of her sincere revelation about her deepest fear, about her mother, Grissom was sure that Sara would never forgive him, she was naked in his arms in every sense of the word. Grissom had never hated himself more than he did at the moment. Sara had told him her heart and soul's secret and he was about to lie to her again to save her. Her or himself, he did not dare to dwell on it.

"Grissom? Wha…what's wrong?" she looked and felt insecure, so she slowly started to move from his lap.

"No, stay, please," he said desperately. To Grissom, keeping the physical connection this way meant that he still held her heart but he knew they could not stay in each other's arms forever. Even so, he hugged her closer.

His brain worked so hard, it was almost audible. He prayed for a believable explanation he could present to Sara. And once again, Greg's word echoed in his head.

.

_"I've seen that you came from Ecklie's office, and…umm…I just…"_

_"Sara is off for a week but she'll come back."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Sure of what? That she's not fired? Of course I'm. I didn't fire her."_

_"I meant if you're sure she would come back?"_

_"Why wouldn't she?"_

_"Dunno, we just tent to take things for granted until we realize that "things" can change or got enough to finally move on."_

_._

"Greg and I talked…after I told Ecklie that I wasn't going to fire you. He…Greg told me things that made me think."

"What things?"

"He questioned if you wanted to come back to work at all."

"Why? I've never told him…"

This time, it was Sara's turn to feel vile. She remembered Catherine's advice. The older woman had warned her that she should tell Grissom about her plans.

.

"_If Grissom trusts you this much that he was willing to quit if Ecklie had insisted on firing you, then I have to trust his judgement that much so to trust you."_

"_He was? Oh, God! He shouldn't have done that."_

"_But he did, so I think you do owe him at least that much that you tell him if you really wanna quit."_

_._

Sara buried her face into his neck. Shame flooded over her, she knew that she should tell him about her fights to quit but then the timing would be horrible. What she had done…the biggest mistake in her profession. If Sara told him the truth now, right in the glory of their lovemaking, after the shocking realization of the sincere revelation about her deepest fear, about her sordid family, Sara was sure that Grissom would never respect her again; she was naked in his arms in every sense of the word. Sara had never hated herself more than she did at the moment.

"Sara, are you alright?"

"Grissom, my legs…went numb. Can we…can we move?"

Smiling and feeling a bit silly, he kissed her for the last time before they carefully started to pull away. Both were massaging their own limbs to restart the circulation in them. They kept glancing at each other now and then, and both split into a wide grin at the awkward situation.

The smile soon turned into frown on Grissom's face, "Sara! That's…you're bleeding!"

"Oh, damn…I'm sorry…it's…um…" she wanted to flee from that bed and from his scrutiny.

Grissom grabbed her arm and made her look at him, "Did I hurt you? God, did I?"

"No."

"But you're bleeding, Sara, it's blood."

"Look…just leave it alone, okay," Sara was blushing immensely.

"No, how could I?"

"Okay. So…um…you know…or maybe not. So…I wasn't with anybody for long…years…and it's not like riding a bicycle…my body was just accommodating to…you."

"You should have told me, I would have been more careful."

"Look, maybe you're in practice," she started to defend herself. "But…I'm not…and I didn't feel any pain, I wanted you too much."

"No, you misunderstood me. I just can't stand the thought of you in pain. And I wanted you too much to notice that you were bleeding, it's upsetting how selfish I was."

"Grissom, you didn't hurt me. You hear me? You made me happy. Very happy, the happiest."

The man slowly stopped worrying, and got out of bed. Then, he spooned Sara into his arms and walked to the bathroom. Grissom was grateful that her bathroom had two entrances, he was not about to take his woman into the room while Hank and Herbie were in sight.

"Griss, what are you doing?"

"I think we need a shower, and I'm going to…"

Sara kissed his neck on their way to the tub. Grissom nearly dropped her when he felt the unmistakable nip of her teeth on his skin. It took Grissom a moment to figure out what to do next. He moved to the edge of the tub and placed Sara down as gently and slowly as he could muster. The friction that was created by the action gradually stirred up the passion again.

"Sara…you're so beautiful."

"Yeah…hello-hello, it's the testosterone speaking," she laughed.

"Bullshit!"

"Now, that's closer to truth."

"Sara! Do you hear yourself? Do you see yourself? I've never met a woman as beautiful as you are, no, I haven't met a woman more beautiful than you. Hell, since you stepped into the Lab, every damn guy was drooling when you walked by. I well remember David, Nick…Hank."

"Hank! Grissom, you have to check on Hank."

"What?"

"Hank, our Hank!"

"Ah," he smiled nervously. "I won't go out naked."

"Why? He knows you."

"Yeah, he knows me…but…"

"Hey, are you shy?"

"Sara…you said you weren't with anybody for years, and the feeling is kinda new…"

Quickly looking down, Sara's face turned crimson again, "And?"

"Now, the scent…we both are radiating…would be brand new for Hank, too…and I don't want him to sniff me from head to toe."

Sara's eyes grew wide. Did he say what she thought he insinuated? His scent after sex would be new for Hank?

"Just how old is Hank?"

This time Grissom's cheeks started to burn up, "He's two and a half years old."

"Oh," she said not knowing how else she should react.

Finding the humor in the awkward situation, Grissom gained some courage, "You…you know, you can play chess alone and still, it's quite entertaining."

"I'm pretty good at solitaire…" Sara murmured not daring to look into his mischievous eyes.

They were standing in the bathroom simply watching each other. In this room, they could not enjoy the safeness of the dim light they had enjoyed back in the bedroom. Perhaps, it would be easy for other people to overcome their shyness after they had made love, but these geeks full of inhibitions found it hard to believe that the other loved them the way they were. They did not love each other because they were beautiful; they were breathtakingly beautiful because they loved each other.

With care, Grissom helped Sara into the bathtub, and then he himself followed her and adjusted the water to an enjoyable temperature. Sara immediately stepped under the spray of water, and let out a low moan as the hot water rinsed her off. Grissom hugged her from behind earning a surprised yell. Sara turned around to face the man behind her who gave her a childish grin. Water was poring down over her nape, shoulders and back as she moved slowly out of the spray. Both loved the way how the other looked them over from head to toe with desire in their eyes. Normally self-conscious about their own bodies, both Sara and Grissom found that they stopped feeling that way. Minute by minute, they mapped each other's body.

Sara moved closer to him, picking up the shower gel that was on the shelf behind Grissom and squeezed a nice amount of it on to her palm. She waited a few seconds for the gel to warm up, and in the meantime, she was looking intensely into her lover's eyes silently asking permission to wash his body. Grissom could not form a decent word, so he simply nodded.

Sara placed her small palms on Grissom's shoulders then started her massage. First, it looked awkward but just like in her job, she soon found the best circular rhythm, and the lather started to be created. Grissom closed his eyes as Sara widened the circles she was ardently foaming. Her moves dangerously approached the area of his body Grissom wanted her to touch the most. Just as he suspected and deep inside him hoped, Sara's hands were replaced by her lips. She ventured lower and lower and as she was doing so, she forgot about the water that was blocked by her back but now, it found its way freely to Grissom's chest washing the shower gel off covering her face with it. Her plan to please the man she loved so much ended up in heavy coughing. Grissom realized what had just happened and helped her up to her feet and smiled at her. Sara became extremely embarrassed at her failed attempt at the less conventional way of pleasing a man.

To Grissom, she looked like a goddess with her pink cheeks, closed eyes and as she chewed on her lower lip to conquer her bashfulness. An overwhelming need to love this woman filled his heart and his other organs. He embraced her so tightly he was sure that this time he hurt her a little, so he released the lithe woman soon demanding her lips instead. The kiss was both feverish and tender, both demanding and giving. Grissom wanted to be as close to her as it was possible, he wanted to feel her again, so he pushed her to the wall and devoured her body. Sara again yelled an unexpected cry when her warm back touched the cold tiled wall. He tried to push Sara higher but unlike in sappy romance novels, the water did not offer them lubricant where it was needed and the foam ensured definite slide where they should have stayed secure. After a few almost comical endeavors, they nearly fell out of the tub that scared both of them. They stopped dead and just looked at each other.

"You know I don't know any other couples who are this clumsy! When _you_ wanted to…please me…"

"Yeah, I almost drowned, and when _you_ went into a caveman mode…"

"We're nearly killed."

"This place is not safe. We need protection," she chuckled.

Protection. Need protection. And they had not used any. Grissom paled at the thought. How could he be this careless? In the middle of the passion, he had stopped thinking; he stopped worrying about…everything. It had never happened to him before. Never. He should have felt the difference. He probably had felt it but most definitely thought it had been the difference between being with Sara whom he loved and other women whom he did not.

"What is it?" Sara asked.

"Sara, we…um…we didn't use…we didn't use any protection."

"Oh," she could not say anything else. She had not been thinking then.

"The danger of…of pregnancy…"

"Hey, relax. I'm on the pill."

"You are?" he raised one of his brows.

"Don't go there! I take it for medical reasons."

"Oh?"

"My, well, it was irregular, okay?"

"Okay."

"We better shower…as it was written in the big book, dry up and get out of it safely," she gave him a playful shove.

And they did just that. After they had dressed up into light clothes, Sara looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was Sunday already. Her life had chanced this day, no, Sara felt that her life had just started this Sunday and she wanted to enjoy it a bit longer but knew that Grissom had to go back to work soon, so he needed the sleep. Too soon. She looked in the direction of the bedroom door; she was waiting for it to open in every second to reveal the only man who cared for her the way that no one had ever done before. When Grissom had not come back, Sara went to see what was keeping him.

The sight of him with Herbie on his shoulder while Hank was sitting in front of him with huge appealing eyes made Sara's heart melt. Grissom was lecturing his baby again.

"Hank, how would you like it if Herbie poured a bowl of pee on you? You have to stop drooling on him."

Hank whined and watched Grissom as if he understood the dilemma and he was sorry about it. Maybe he really was but Herbie undoubtedly wanted his blood. The cat looked like a homeless with dreadlocks. It was hard to fight a zealous dog's love.

"Jesus, what has he done to Herbie?"

Turning toward Sara, "Oh, he is not that innocent either. I found Hank on his back…in his own bed and your "shy" cat on top of him."

"Were they fighting?"

"No, they were playing. And I can tell you, Herbie stood to win."

"Then Hank should learn how to swallow his saliva. Give Herbie to me, I'll give him a bath."

When Sara and the samurai cat got out of the room, Grissom patted Hank's head, and rewarded him with a small bowl of dry food. Well, when people said that boxers were messy eaters, they obviously meant this mess. Grissom mopped the flood quickly to get rid of the incriminating evidence. Once finished, he scratched his friend's ears and said good night. Hank dutifully went to his bed and waggled his tail to say bye as well.

Grissom checked the entrance door, and then went to join his love and her fur-ball in their bed. He sat on the bed waiting for Sara who came out of the bathroom carrying a huge towel with a soaked cat in it. They smiled at each other while Herbie's eyes suggested something else. Sara quickly dried the cat and let him jump onto bed.

"He's still wet."

"I know. You have to help me. Herbie hates hairdryers…"

"I will dry him," Grissom said.

"No, you will hold him big boy!"

About fifteen minutes later, two exhausted men were lying between the sheets. Sara caressed the one and kissed the other before she also felt asleep.

The morning came sooner than any one of them would appreciate it. Both the animals and their masters sensed that something would happen. Hank was calmer than usual; Herbie was kinder than usual, Grissom wanted to stay in bed more than usual and Sara was more introverted than usual. The fact that Grissom was going to be back to work this evening made all of them sad. Grissom was literally scared to leave Sara's home; this tiny flat represented him the life he could get used to…if he let himself to. Sara was afraid that in the Lab, Grissom would ponder on their blooming relationship and eventually he would regret what they had achieved.

Neither had mentioned his departure but both had felt it would be hard to separate after these wonderful two days. They had made lunch together, eaten it together, made love to each other and this time everything had gone perfectly, and now, they were standing at the door holding hands.

"Sara, promise me if something comes up, you will call me immediately."

"We'll be fine, Grissom."

"Miaow," Herbie reacted to the name again.

"Bye, Herbie," he greeted back the cat. "I know…it's just that I'm worried already."

"If you're worried, you will be careless and you might get hurt, and that possibility makes me worried, so please, just take care of yourself and be safe for me, okay?"

"I love you, never forget that, I love you so much!"

Sara stepped close to him and breathed a feather light kiss onto his lips and then hugged him tightly.

"I love you more," she whispered into his ear.

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"Oh, look who's back," Catherine greeted Grissom the moment he entered his office.

"Were you sitting here since I left?"

"No, I was working like a slave since you left game boy! Did you have a good time?"

"Huh?"

"You said you needed two days off because of a woman."

"No, it was you who said that."

"Was she worth the hassle?" Catherine ignored his protest.

_Yes, she was worth it and more._ "Thanks for the favor, Cath. But now, I have some work to do."

"Do you know that Sara is out of town for a few days?"

_No, she is in Vegas, Cath_. "And? She is off for a week, you of all people should know that."

"I'm not telling you so you would be this…sullen. I have my reasons."

"What reasons?"

"I better leave it to Sara to tell you."

Catherine knew something about Sara that the woman thought he should know about. This definitely caught his attention but he was not comfortable with talking about Sara when she was not here to defend herself if it was needed.

"Then I will wait for her to inform me, thanks Cath."

"But Greg said that she was going to leave Vegas for a few days. Ain't it bothering you?"

"Catherine, either tell me what you know or leave it alone."

"Okay, I know…firsthand…that Sara was looking for a new job. I'm not sure if she found it or not, I've seen only a few letters…they rejected her."

"And how can you manage to read those letters?" _Who is talking__?_

"When I was at her place…it wasn't on purpose, I didn't mean to peep or so. Though, she was pretty upset when I asked her about it."

Grissom listened carefully to the woman in the office with him. Why had Sara been upset? Because Catherine had read those letters or because she had got to know about her plan to quit? Probably for both reasons. Grissom wanted to thank Catherine for giving him a heads up and then be alone to think about this information.

He wanted to check the site of that 'DigiZoom Outdoor Pix' once again to learn more about it. But he would not do it with Catherine in the office.

"Thanks Cath. I will ask her about it when she comes back wherever she is at the moment."

"No, no! You can't tell her I told you about this. I promised her. I wouldn't mess with her trust."

"Okay. Thanks Cath."

Grissom wished Catherine to go finally, so he was thankful for the text message she got that made her leave. The night shift would start within ten minutes, so he had no enough time to surf the internet; it had to wait until the shift ended. Grissom sat down and closed his eyes for a moment to ease up the tension he was feeling at the moment. He mentally took notes about the job Sara had probably applied for. She wanted to quit – he flinched at the prospect -, she applied for this job, probably for a photographer position, instead of having it, she had to pay a great amount of money. Monthly. But why? What had happened? What had she done? His heart sank at the thought of Sara being in trouble. _But she is a CSI, she knows the laws, so what is it about,_ he pondered. _Sara, what can be so horrible that you can't tell me? I could help._

His agony was interrupted by Sofia welcoming him back. He looked at her and tried to hide the annoyance he felt.

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Sara tried very hard to occupy herself and stop speculating about what Grissom was doing momentarily. She recalled every kiss, every touch and every sigh they had shared, she went to the bathroom and could not seem to quit smiling, in the bedroom, she lay face down onto the bed and inhaled deeply pampering her senses with the scent of him. Then for long minutes, she was just sitting on the couch watching as Herbie and Hank taking a nap. Hank. His dog. His!

These two days had been amazing, given her the hope that she might have the life she had always dreamed possible. With Grissom, Herbie and Hank, they had started a new life together, a family of sorts. A family Sara had never had. She was so happy she feared it was maybe just a dream. Some said that happiness was nothing but an ephemeral emotion that had the shortest lifespan but the most significant effect on those who tasted it. Happiness did not need complex formulas to explain the stupidest or the simplest things. Euphoria was the only emotion Sara was feeling, and love, devotion and passion. People were driven to seek happiness but Sara was driven by happiness. With these three guys, Sara felt so strong that she thought she could battle with any enemy that might cross her way from now on. Looking at Herbie happily purring in his tunnel, or Hank naughtily glancing in the direction of his newly found friend, thinking of Grissom embracing her as if she was the most precious diamond in the world, these moments filled her heart with joy, she thought she would cry.

Even though Hank wanted to play with Herbie, he sensed that the young woman became extremely emotional. He stood up and lazily walked to Sara. Boxers showed extreme loyalty, charm and they needed human companionship more than anything, Hank of all boxers had a need for enormous amounts of love and attention, so he loved Sara since the moment he had been led into her life. Herbie was watching the dog's every move; the cat was ready to save his lady from that saliva factory. But Hank's intention was to comfort the woman who was sitting in front of him. Sara looked at him and smiled. Hank took it as an encouragement and he jumped onto her lap. The dog miscalculated the place available, Sara's lap was certainly smaller than Grissom's, so the dog rolled down and thudded loudly onto the floor. Did Herbie gloat over the dog's misfortune, Sara did not know but she saw that the cat was climbing down his furniture. As Hank was very alert to changes in his environment, his attention immediately focused on Herbie. The feline's eyes widened at the realization that Hank intended to kiss him again, so he turned tail and was about to climb back. But it was too late, so Herbie ran behind the kitty heaven and Hank was right behind him. While the cat was slim enough to fit behind the furniture, Hank was not. Before Sara could do anything to prevent the chaos, the cat furniture was already fallen over. Realizing the a crime that had just been committed, Hank and Herbie galloped to the dog bed and while Hank sat straight, Herbie formed a perfect ball next to him pretending they did not know anything about the catastrophe.

"Hey, are you two crazy?" Sara reprimanded her cat and dog. "Well, now you are so eminent, huh?"

Hank let out a whine that meant 'sorry' and waggled his tail to indicate that he was willing to help if Sara wanted.

"No, Hank! Stay!" And the dog obeyed.

Sara went to the kitty climber that was now lying on its side to place it onto its base again. Even though it was not a very heavy piece of furniture, a pearl of perspiration was formed on Sara's forehead.

"One more foul play guys and you will use it that way, Herbert!"

Sara placed her hands on her hips when she saw the stolen items that Herbie had collected during the last two days: her top that he had managed to steal again, the plastic cup, a pencil and some crumpled piece of paper. The young CSI sighed but started to throw the stuff back into his condo. It seemed that the cat had built a connection with her tank top, so Sara decided to let him have it. Finally, she grabbed the paper and was about to throw it to the other articles when she caught the sight of a familiar writing on it.

Sara got tired so she took the paper and sat down onto the couch and smoothed out the note in order to read it more easily.

_First transfer eight months ago, later regular smaller amounts of money; __Murhley Est., NewSky, San Francisco, CA_

_Much later, 'DigiZoom Outdoor Pix', regular, much money_

Sara had a strange feeling that started in her stomach and crawling up to her throat. She had to blink to chase the forming tears away, even though her brain could not register the meaning of the note, her heart understood right away.

**TBC**

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Author's Postscript:**_ Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!


	16. The Deal

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: Next week I'm back to work…so if you are up to it, feel free to kidnap my boss…and don't bother with the ransom ;)

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, they mean a lot! So here is the next chapter, hope you will enjoy it : )

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Chapter ****Sixteen**

_Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety or by the handle of faith__. - __**Author Unknown**_

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For long minutes, Sara could not move, could not think, could not blink, she was frozen in confusion. The woman was just glaring at the small note in her hand. These pieces of information were the outline of her pitiful financial situation. First transfer: eight months ago. Lines that were written down by Grissom. It was his handwriting, Sara would recognize it anytime. Why would he take notes about her financial state? Where were the details from?

And slowly but steadily, the picture was clearing up in her head. She ran into her bedroom and opened her wardrobe to check the box that contained the letters that had been sent by her bank. Sara took the lid off of the box and threw it to the floor but she saw nothing unusual. Still, she knew that Grissom had gone through these letters. There had been no other way for him to get those data. The bank would have informed her if anybody had been sniffing around or it simply would have denied access to her account.

Sara started to shake uncontrollably, could it be like being a suspect in a crime scene? For years, Sara had been gone though strangers' stuff without having an iota of remorse. She had never thought about it that way, it had been her job, nothing more. Now, she tasted the bitterness that the suspects or the families of the victims surely had had to feel when the CSIs had been tearing their lives apart. But they had just done their jobs, they had not been friends of the victims or suspects, not even acquaintances and Sara was not a murderer either that made a huge difference.

Grissom was her boss, her friend…her lover, and still, he had done this to her. Sara's head was echoing, her mind was replaying the scenes when she had felt that Grissom had been conveying messages but at that time, she had not understood them. If she had felt vulnerable earlier, now she felt dead.

Grissom had betrayed her privacy, violated her trust, therefore her heart and soul. Sara recalled how Grissom's embrace had felt, how his lovemaking had revitalized her soul, it had been so innocent, so honest, and so intimate. Now, she was confused, had he been thinking about what she had become? Was he pondering on how she could sink this low when he had kissed her?

"So that's how you knew about San Francisco. You investigated," she whispered while her tears started to fall.

Sara did not know which hurt more, that the man whom she trusted had investigated her behind her back and had not said anything to her, not even when they had become intimate or the fact that her shame, her failure had become public knowledge. Public knowledge. Had he shared the information with anybody in the Lab? Had he figured out that she had stolen food from the Lab's fridge, too? Were all of them laughing at her? Or worse, did they pity her?

"Oh, god!" her lips were trembling as she thought about Grissom. Did he despise her? It made Sara's blood ran cold. The shame she was feeling was eating her alive.

How cruel the life was, yesterday, Sara had learned how to fly and two minutes ago, all of a sudden, she had to realize that her wings had been ripped out and she was about to hit the ground harder than she had hit it in her life.

Last night, Sara had shared one of her deepest secrets with Grissom; it had not been easy for her. Grissom had been so caring, so understanding. Had he already known about her mother's mental state? Sara was not sure anymore. But he had seemed surprised when it had turned out that she had not intended to move to San Francisco. So she suspected that he either had not known about it or he had been close to the truth but kept it to himself. But why?

Could a heart break into two? Was it possible anatomically? Could it stop beating if its owner wanted it to? And her old companion visited her again, for the first time in days: ripping pain in her stomach and nausea, hand in hand.

Sara had not got enough strength to go to the bathroom, so she lay down next to the box on her bed and closed her eyes to exclude the spinning world. Long moments later, it became obvious that it was not going to help. She swam toward her bathroom but it seemed the door was getting farther and farther. She held onto the frame of her bed to keep her balance when she picked up on some movements from the bedroom door.

Two pairs of scared eyes watched her agony. Sara wanted to scream, to shout, to break something into thousand pieces just like Grissom had done to her heart but the eyes of Hank and Herbie reminded her of herself and her brother when they had watched their parents fighting. And Sara did not want to become her mother; she was not going to become an aggressive and abusive woman. She was stronger than that.

She decided to leave and go as far as she could, to hide from the shame forever. She did not even reach her suitcases when she burst into hysterical laugh. She could not even run away, as Grissom also knew, she had no money for doing so.

"I'm in a damn trap," she said to her friends who were galloping into her embrace. Hank was especially gentle, this time he did not even try to lie on Sara or bath the cat in his saliva, the dog left some room for the tiny cat, too.

"What am I going to do now?"

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As most Sundays, this night was quite a slow period again that provided a lazy shift for Grissom and his shorthanded team. The time went by extremely slowly so Grissom became more and more agitated. He could not seclude himself from the others and just do what he really wanted to do. To dive into the mystery that the connection between Sara and a certain 'DigiZoom Outdoor Pix' was. He could not care less about Sofia's chit-chat and her efforts to catch his attention than he did at the moment. To be honest, the woman irritated him beyond belief but he could not explained it why. Grissom was miles away from his office mentally, could Sofia not see that?

Since the beginning of the shift, Grissom had had an awkward feeling. He could not call it fear or anxiety, but it was definitely something threatening. Could it be his conscience? Or was it regret that he had finally crossed that cryptic line with Sara? That he had lost the battle after all? No! Grissom did not regret anything, only one thing maybe. That he had not taken that step earlier, that he had let both of them suffer while both could have been happy for years by now if he had not been that stubborn, if he had trusted Sara as she had always asked him to do.

"Gil, are you feeling alright? Can I help you…somehow?"

_Yes, leave me alone, please. Go and entertain Greg or whoever_. "I'm fine."

"Funny, Sara usually says the same, and look, she isn't fine at all," Sofia said.

Grissom did not like her tone at all, "What do you mean?"

"Well, we all know that she has lost her temper many times, she needs help…professional help."

"Sofia, I appreciate your concern about Sara but I suggest that you should let me decide what Sara needs, okay?"

"Of course, I was simply telling you that your team would be more effective if…"

"If what? If Sara weren't its member anymore?"

"I didn't say that. I…I just…"

"Look Sofia, I've known Sara longer than you are working for this Lab. I know her as a criminalist and as a person, as well. As I told Ecklie, too, Sara is the best criminalist and I won't let anybody…do you hear me…anybody spread gossips about her…or about anybody for that matter. If everybody makes their own business, there wouldn't be any problem in the system."

"I'm sorry if you think that…look, I'm with you and not against you."

"Then stop speculating Sofia. We welcomed you into our team, so we expect your loyalty in return. Just do your job, okay?"

"Okay," Sofia breathed and then left his office.

Grissom was sitting in his big chair and was pondering on Sofia and her intentions. Perhaps, she had wanted good but Grissom had gotten the distinct feeling at that moment that Sofia had wanted to edge Sara out of the team.

He looked at the clock on the wall and saw that only an hour left until the end of his shift. Grissom looked left and then right to check if he really was alone and pulled out his cell phone and dialed Sara's cell. He pushed the end button just as quickly. It was seven in the morning and he feared if he called her, he might wake her up. Sara needed the rest, so he decided to wait one more hour to call her. Or he simply would visit her and kiss her good morning.

The thought of Sara in bed warmed his heart and vitalized his other parts of his body. It was crazy. Grissom was not a teenager; he should be able to control his feelings and desire for Sara. But just as everything else in life, he should learn how to be in live with her without letting the cat out of the bag.

Having nothing to do – paperwork could wait -, Grissom went to the bathroom in the Lab to refresh himself before he went to see his girlfriend. Grissom grimaced, this word sounded juvenile, Sara was more than just a girlfriend to him. As the water poured over his body, he came up with other determinations that could define his relationship to Sara. Mate: too inhuman. Partner: quite momentaneous. Sweetheart: that was stupid. Date: even stupider. Intimate: definitely but too sexual. How could a man call someone who held all the descriptions he had just thought of? Only one title could satisfy his expectation: Sara Sidle. So he was excited to see his Sara Sidle.

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Even before a soft knock could be heard, Hank's tail had started to waggle crazily and Sara had known immediately that Grissom had arrived. By the time Grissom arrived at her place, all her tears had dried up, her head had cleared up and he had calmed down. Still, she did not want to go to the door and open it. Grissom had the key to her home, so she did not bother to unlock the door. After one or two minutes, Sara heard the key turning in the lock and saw how the door opened slowly, almost tentatively.

The stillness in the room alerted Grissom but tried not to be paranoid. The man walked straight to the couch and knelt in front of the woman he adored. He cradled her face with his hands and looked into her eyes that somehow lost the glint that had been there when he had left last night.

"What's wrong, dear?"

"How was your shift? What did you do?"

"It was boring without you. I brought breakfast."

"You don't have to buy food for me. I've told you a hundred times."

"It's your favorite, dear."

Although, Sara was hopelessly sad and vulnerable, she knew that Grissom hardly ate during shift, and even though she felt she wanted to run away or cry or both, she loved this man and wanted him to take care of himself. His health came first, and only after did the dilemma of her lost trust come.

"Then let's eat. I made coffee," she smiled at him sadly.

"Sara! Something happened?"

"Yes, Hank and Herbie knocked the kitty furniture over…" she said.

"Didn't Hank behave? Did he hurt you?"

"_He_ didn't hurt me," Sara looked down at their interlocked fingers.

"Will you tell me what is bothering you?"

"Breakfast first, okay?"

Sara stood up and helped the kneeling man up, too. Grissom had a very alarming feeling. Sara acted weird; she looked somber and sounded depressed. It was a completely different Sara from the one who had been so happy and full of life. He pulled her to him and tenderly touched his lips to hers but she remained unresponsive.

"I missed you so much, you have no idea how much," he whispered into her ear after he had embraced the woman to hide his frustration upon his failed attempt at kissing her.

"I also could hardly wait for you to come here," she answered. She did not notice that she used 'here' instead of 'home' they had done in the last two days. But Grissom did.

Something serious had happened he could tell but he did not know what it was. He felt the tension in Sara's body as he hugged her, Grissom's heart sank. Had she regretted that she had let him love her? Had she realized how horrible catch he was indeed?

Grissom set the table and served the waffles and the fruits while he kept glancing in the direction of Sara who was deadly silent. The man lost his appetite but forced himself to eat so Sara ate, too. Her health came first, and only after it did his worry about himself come.

The breakfast ended sooner than Grissom wished. They cleaned the table together and then went to sit in the living room. Grissom felt that he had already experienced this current situation. He let her sit on a separate armchair; he understood her need for space. He did not ask questions, did not prompt her. He was waiting. Grissom noticed her defensive pose and the slight tremor in her body. He witnessed the struggle she was going through. And he recognized the moment she let her lips move.

"Do you…do you want to tell me something?" she did not look at him; Sara was staring at her own feet.

"What do you mean? What's wrong?"

"You tell me, Grissom!" her voice was now conveyed the hurt and sadness she was feeling and Grissom could hear it, too.

When Sara did not get any answer, she stood up and went to her desk to retrieve the piece of paper that betrayed the man sitting on the couch. Sara wordlessly walked back to him and gave the incriminating note to Grissom.

Sara tried to say something, wanted to shout or yell at him but she was over her anger, she felt nothing but emptiness. She witnessed the play of shock and many other emotions over his face and waited for him to say something…anything.

The hurt and disappointment were plain to see on her face, and the extension of her possible pain made Grissom's brain stop functioning.

"How…" she broke off. "How could you?" How could you do this to me?" Although quietly said, Sara's questions were raw with pain.

Grissom thought that he could not feel more awful than he did but there he was wrong. There was a long pause while he was struggling to find the right words that could explain his motives and no matter that he knew he had only wanted good, and he had tried to make her open up to him, when the words finally came, he was aware of their inaptness.

"Sara, please, you have to understand that…"

"To understand what?

"I…I didn't mean to go through your stuff…but I thought I was going to go crazy."

"You should just…ask!" she lifted her voice a little this time.

"Sara, dear! I did ask you but you didn't want to tell me and you needed help."

"I still wish you didn't know. You should have respected my wish. You should have respected me!"

"I do respect you! I do love you and I don't regret that I wanted to help you…regardless of expense!"

"Regardless of expense?"

"Look, you can hate me as you want but you have to know that I love you and I won't apologize to you just because I didn't stand there and watched as you destroy yourself. I'm sorry I had to do that but I'm not sorry that I finally did what I had to do."

"It's my life, Grissom! My fucking life. You had no right to do that! Did you enjoy going through my things? How did it feel?" Sara was losing her countenance.

"You have no idea how I felt…"

"Then tell me. Was it good, exciting?"

Grissom closed his eyes; he did not want to recall the terror he had felt when he had entered Sara's apartment that grievous day, he hated to recall the pictures of her lying unconscious on the floor, then of her eyes begging him to never leave her alone when the nurse had taken her to Radiology.

"No word could ever describe what I felt…when I found you…I…I thought you had…died…just like…I had no other choice Sara. I…can't talk about it."

"See? You can't share your feelings with me, not even now…after we…I thought we could…," she said quaveringly. "But this," she pointed to her desk and bookshelves, "this is too much, you had no right to do this."

"I know. If you had trusted me…"

"Trusted you? I did! But can you hear yourself? You expect me to share the tiniest detail of my life but what did you share with me, huh?"

"It's not about me, not now!"

"Yeah, never about you! As much information as you shared about yourself with me, you could be Jack, the Ripper! But I accepted you the way you are, I never sought evidence or comb your office for some juicy secrets to get information about you, never."

"I've never been in this deep trouble. I have never needed help. I've never had juicy secrets."

"Really? When the whole Lab was gossiping about you and your affair with that Lady…Xena, do you have any idea how I felt? I knew you didn't love me but…"

"I loved you, Sara! Always loved you!"

"Well, that makes it even more painful. I hated listening to the whisperers that you had to go to her to…to gratify your perversions."

"You know I am not pervert…and that is an absolutely different story."

"Really? How so? I was dying inside but did nothing to embarrass you any further. I cried through god knows how many nights to get rid of the image of you in her arms or chains, whatever. I respected you so I didn't run to her knocking on her door and whipped her demanding details."

"It was just one night, Sara. I lost perspective. I made a mistake - who doesn't - but it is still private, not something I'm proud of or wanted anybody to know about. Especially not you! _I_ made the mistake, _I_ had to fix it. I hate that you know about it because…"

"Exactly! Same here! _I_ screwed up, _I_ have to fix it. Why is it easier to expect others to respect your privacy while violating mine is simply an act done out of concern? Why is your privacy more precious than mine?"

"Sara, can't you see that I only want to be here for you? To take care of you?"

"Grissom, tell me what you know…about my situation. Please, just tell me and don't lie."

"I…I know about the rental in San Francisco…and I know – from you - that it's not you who wanna move. And I know that something went wrong with the job you applied for."

"Do you know what it was?"

"No."

"How do you know I applied for a job at all?"

"I can't tell you."

"You can never tell me anything. Only one person knew about it, who by the way promised me not to tell you. But why am I not surprised?"

"She didn't want to cause problem, she was just worried."

Sara knew that she did not need to ask him if he lied or not. Grissom had many flaws but lying was not one of them. For long seconds they were just watching each other. His eyes were begging for forgiveness, her eyes were asking why he had had to do this to her.

"You know I wish it hadn't been you who did this to me. I wish it had been Catherine, Nick, Warrick or Sofia, Greg even. I could endure the shame; could live with the stigma…I could hate them for hating me, for raping my privacy. But how could I blame someone I love?"

"Do you still love me?" his voice held the slightest amount of hope.

"I think I could never stop loving you. I feel I've loved you forever but I think I couldn't bear the pity I'm sure you will feel eventually."

"How could I pity you? I do love you, and I mean it. I've never told this to any women, I know the difference between love and…and pity!"

"What else do you know?"

"Sara…"

"What else Grissom?"

"I know about the sandwiches…but…"

Sara closed her eyes, she wanted to stop existing. Her mouth opened but nothing came out of it. A strange sense of calmness took over her. It was some kind of a supernatural placidity that came with the realization that she was going to either die of humiliation or she was so miserable that her situation could not get any worse.

"It happened three times, Grissom. I…I'll pay back everything," she said with bated breath as she turned her back to him.

"Sara, no one knows. No one will…ever. I want to help you. You can't push me away."

"The way you have always done to me?" she regretted it the moment it slipped through her lips. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"Sara, please tell me what happened. Why are you in this mess?"

"I can't."

"Why? I can help!"

"But I don't want you to help. Just leave it alone."

"Do you trust me?"

"No."

"You said you loved me."

"I love you but I don't trust you…I did…but now…I can't."

Her words hurt him the way he had not known it was possible. Love without trust was like sex without love, it made him sad. How could he earn her trust back? Sara still loved him that was a start. Grissom ever slowly approached Sara. He did not want to scare her or made her think that he was going to crowd her. Sara seemed like a terrified and abandoned little animal, she wanted to trust him but at the same time was afraid of the power of trusting a betrayer again. When Grissom touched her arms, she flinched a little but did not stepped away, so Grissom hid his pain at her reaction and tenderly embraced her.

"I love you, Sara. And I won't let anybody hurt you. Not even you yourself."

"You can't solve all of my problems, Gris."

"But I can try. Please, forgive me..." he showered her cheek with kisses. "Please, Sara, please forgive me."

"I've been thinking…" she started slowly.

"About?" he asked but he somehow felt that something not so good was going to be said.

Sara pulled away from his loving hug and distanced herself from Grissom.

"I'll tell you everything you want to know. I'll answer all of your questions. No lies, no beating around the bush. But then, no matter how angry you will be, no matter how much you want to help me, you have to leave it alone and we continue our life together . **OR** You continue your investigation, I will let you do that so you will discover what I've done and its consequences, I'll let you do whatever you might want to do but then, you are going to lose me. That's the deal. You choose."

"What? You can't do this!"

"Yes, I can. At least I give you the opportunity to choose. Either way, you will have all the information you are looking for."

"So either you will tell me what happened and I can't do anything to help you OR I can help you but then you leave me."

"Yes."

"It's crazy! I won't play this game."

"You think my life is just a game?"

"No."

"I have my reasons. So decide!"

"You or justice?"

"Your choice, Gil."

**TBC**

_**

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Author's Postscript:**__Well, they say that when you are at the bottom of a deep hole, there is no other way out but to climb upward. Hmmm…maybe : ) Do you want the next chapter?_


	17. Unbearable

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N: **Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews, it's still unbelievable to me that this little story is worth your attention, I'm honored, flattered and thrilled : D So thanks to you all whom I could reply and whom I could not : )

**

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Chapter ****Seventeen**

_In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged__. – __**Hans Nouwens**_

The day when Sara was allowed to go back to work had come sooner than she wished. This last week had been like a new life to her, so much had happened, she still had to come to terms with the events Grissom and she had experienced.

Normally, it would be still very early to leave the apartment but last Wednesday she had left the crime scene vehicle at the Lab as she had believed that Ecklie had fired her. In normal circumstances, Sara would use her own car but its tank had been empty for weeks now. Sara did not mind walking; at least it gave her the time to prepare herself for meeting the team again. The young woman knew that they would welcome her back with open hearts and arms; still, she was not in the mood to joke around about how she had told off Catherine and then Ecklie. Warrick would not ask anything, she knew that. Warrick could express with his eyes more than with his words. Nick would probably congratulate her then forget about it. Catherine? She would say nothing, the woman would not mention the incident again but Sara was sure that the elder CSI would remember it for a long while. Sofia surely considered this episode as a great profile of who Sara Sidle was but Sara was sure the newest member of their team would not say anything to her. Then there was Greg. Even the thought of him made Sara's heart smile. The crazy young guy had had to work hard as hell to earn his colleagues' respect, in this sense, Greg and Sara were like twins. If she needed real support without being judged, Sara knew whom to turn to.

Sara was walking less than half an hour when she felt her purse's tremble. She stopped to fish the device out of her bag to answer it.

"Sidle."

"Where are you?"

"Missed me this much," she asked with her special intonation.

"More than you would imagine. So where are you? I'm in your parking lot and…"

"Oh, I decided to walk instead of driving," she half lied, half told the truth.

"And where are you now? We have a possible 419, a so-called F-O-S…as Sofia said and I thought I dropped by so I can fill you in on the way to the victim's house."

"What's an F-O-S?"

"Friend of the sheriff."

Sara was grateful for the unexpected situation that postponed her "reunion" with the team, she still needed time; however, she was running out of it.

"Okay, I'm at the Boulevard Mall, near the…"

"I know where it is, I'm there in 5, don't move!"

True to his promise, Brass had picked Sara up after about five-minute wait. On the way to the Kyman residence, Brass had told Sara about the abandoned car with flat tire, the few things they had managed to know about the missing woman.

Brass was watching Sara while they were driving to their destination but said nothing. Even though, the young woman looked healthier than earlier, gained hardly noticeable weight, Brass could see that something weighted on her conscience. It did not escape his attention that Grissom's mood had been like an elevator in the last few days. When he had come back from his "vacation", he had been on cloud nine. But then he had become sullen again. And tonight, the graveyard supervisor had seemed excited again. Brass loved pretending that he was oblivious, this way he could witness things that others could not while they tried so hard to. And Brass could swear that he could draw a parallel between the events.

Right after they had arrived, Sara and Brass started to interview the husband who seemed sincerely worried by the lack of news. The missing woman's best friend was holding a baby, Joey.

Sara's uncharacteristic silence worried Brass. Normally, the woman would be enthusiastic, sometimes over-enthusiastic to solve a puzzle but this time, Sara seemed to be just an observer.

Whatever had made his favorite CSI this disorganized, Brass was not about to let her make another mistake and offer Ecklie an opportunity to fire her, so tenderly, he touched and caressed Sara's back, winked at her in order to grad her back to present. Sara understood his gesture immediately and silently thanked him for his support and threw herself into the case.

"Amy, why don't you and I go into the other room?"

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The investigation went as it always did, twist and turns, newer evidence, newer suspects based on newer results. For Sara, it provided things with which she could occupy herself; she did not mind lots of work. It was like a strong painkiller, dulled the pain for a while that would make it, however, much worse when she finally felt it.

Sara turned the corner and walked down the hallway. She was holding a few sheets of paper that held new directions for their case. She glanced up from those papers and saw Grissom and Sofia inside the break room at the end of the hallway sitting side by side at the table with their backs to the door. Sara's hurry to Grissom lost its vehemence immediately. For a blink of a time, she stopped dead in her track and lowered her head to hide her face that she was sure that mirrored the acute pain she was feeling deep in her heart and soul. She hated herself for being like this…this jealous but she could not help it. Seeing the man she loved with another woman, they appeared so very comfortable in each other's company. No awkward need to hide their hilarity, it looked so natural, so easy. It felt so soon, too soon.

.

"_I'll tell you everything you want to know. I'll answer all of your questions. No lies, no beating around the bush. But then, no matter how angry you will be, no matter how much you want to help me, you have to leave it alone and __we can continue our life together. OR You continue your investigation, I will let you do that so you will discover what I've done and its consequences, I'll let you do whatever you might want to do but then, you are going to lose me. That's the deal. You choose."_

"_What? You can't do this!"_

"_Yes, I can. At least I give you the opportunity to choose. Either way, you will have all the information you are looking for."_

"_So either you will tell me what happened and I can't do anything to help you OR I can help you but then you leave me."_

"_Yes."_

"_It's crazy! I won't play this game."_

"_You think my life is just a game?"_

"_No."_

"_I have my reasons. So decide!"_

"_You or justice?"_

"_I'm not as__king you to give up who you are or choose between me and your job, you will know everything, Grissom, everything but you have to respect my wish and feelings, too, I'm not a faceless case on your desk…you have to accept my request and if you can't promise me this much then tell me what's the point of our relationship?"_

"_I'm not doing this."_

"_What?"_

"_Your deal is stupid and unfair, I won't choose. I can't choose I can't…lose you!"_

_Grissom became so upset, so agitated that he could not seem to control his steps. He started to pace the room making the animals nervous, as well. Hank started to whine, Herbie hid in his condo. __Grissom went to the dog and patted his head soothing his nervousness. Sara took Herbie into her bed after she had cooed him calm._

_Back in the living room, Grissom continue__d pacing the room. He knew he would have to pay for his actions but this was simply too much. Knowledge without the permission to do anything was like climbing a mountain without ropes. Manageable but utterly dangerous. And what if he fell?_

"_Grissom, you can hate me if you want but…"_

"_Hate you? I don't hate you! That's the problem!__ I love you and you ask me to let you struggle in front of my very eyes! Now, that's cruel, Sara!"_

_Sara was crying inside upon seeing her man in pain.__ Were those tears in his eyes? She suspected they were and it made her feel worthless. Worthless for his love and for her own respect. She wanted nothing more than to hug him and soothe his agony. Sara slowly approached Grissom who was lost in his thoughts and when she touched his cheek to caress it, he flinched. Misreading his reaction, Sara pulled her palm back from his skin._

_Grissom took it as __his last chance to make Sara change her mind, and so he pulled desperately her into his loving embrace. He begged for her forgiveness and asked her to let him help. They did not notice that they were swinging to and fro until Grissom's leg hit the coffee-table and knocked the bowl of rounded pebbles off the table._

"_Uh…sorry, nice rocks," he said._

"_Don't touch them. They are called 'rocks of pain'. My friend believed that we could close our pain into a rock and if we threw them into a river, the stream would take our pain away but no one can touch them or that one will also feel the pain. I…I know it's silly…but…"_

"_I already touched all."_

"_When?"_

"_When I found you here…you know…unconscious. All pebbles were spread over, so I put them back to their place."_

"_Oh, no!"_

"_So from now on, your pain is my pain!"_

"_No!__ I know what you're trying to do but I won't change my mind, I just can't."_

"_Sara, I love you and I don't know how I will make it without you but regardless of what you might believe, your happiness is important to me. More than my happiness and if I had to lose you so you could be happy and safe, then I'm ready to make sacrifices. One day when you're ready, when you're up to it, my actions will all make sense and you will know how much I love you and you will forgive me."_

_Grissom looked into her teary eyes and kissed her __for the last time then without looking back, he took Hank and his bed then left Sara's apartment._

_._

Sara lifted her head and opened her eyes. Sofia was laughing at something Grissom had said to her. Sara knew what sadness felt like. Probably everybody knew. Some lucky ones could get back from the dark abyss with support from close bonds of friends but Sara had nobody. And she could blame no one but herself. Sara could have said the same to Grissom that rainy Monday morning. One day when he was ready, when he was up to it, her actions would all make sense and he would know how much she loved him and Grissom would forgive her. One day all of her actions would make sense. All.

She wanted to be angry at Grissom for cozying up with Sofia so soon when their bed had not even got cold. Sara wanted to shout at the woman for so blatantly offering him her attention and probably more. But she could not be mad at either of them. It was not Sofia's fault that she was gotten here, to be honest, she was paying for her correctness dearly. And just because she also found Grissom handsome, she could not blame her. Still, it hurt like hell.

And Grissom? It seemed that he could be comfortable with any other women but with her. Still, seeing them like this hurt like nothing had hurt in her life. The pain in her chest was excruciating, it literally hurt like a skinned knee a child could get after falling to the ground, or a bruise. It hurt to breathe or to swallow the loneliness, it hurt to look ahead. It took all her energy to keep going and stay as professional as she could. Her mind went sprints then simply stopped altogether. Sara had ten steps until she reached the laughing couple. With some new intakes of air, she dulled the ache in her heart and finally walked into the break room.

"DNA from Lori's shirt came back. It matches her husband."

Both Grissom and Sofia turned around when they heard Sara speaking. Grissom was an artist of pretending that everything was fine. He discussed the findings as if the case was the only thing on his mind. And who knew maybe it was. What she did not really notice was that while Sofia remained almost in the chair with her back to her, Grissom turned completely toward Sara. If she had been more alert, she would have read Grissom's body language right away.

Sara demonstrated a theory that could explain what had happened to the victim, every detail sounded reasonable and logical.

"She pulls over to the side of the road and a stranger comes along and abducts her," she finished her assumption.

Highly doubting what Sara had just outlined, Sofia contradicted immediately, "A stranger driving a Bentley?"

Grissom was not sure if his intuition was correct but he was convinced that Sofia wanted to torpedo everything Sara said. His need to protect Sara from everything and everybody scared him but could not prevent himself from running to her defense.

"Hey, the rich are just as deviant as the poor."

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When the CSIs were busy, the end of the shift was seemingly approaching faster than usual. Everybody who worked night shift was in the break room eating their breakfast or dinner whatever they called their upside-down eating habits. Everybody except Sara and Grissom. With the leads they had found, it became obvious that they would have to pull a double. The leads were hot and they did not have the luxury to let them get cold.

Catherine had had a meeting with some big fish so she had come in early and was about to devour her breakfast, too. She opened the fridge and went into orbit upon seeing the empty place where her salad was supposed to be.

"Damn it! Just dammit, guys!"

"What's up Cath?" Greg asked the fuming woman.

"My food…it was stolen again. I'm fed up with this!"

"Again?"

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Sara was not hungry as she had eaten the sandwich she had brought from home an hour ago, so instead of just sitting in the break room watching the others eat, she had decided to do the DMV search. After she had found the data she needed, with the results in hand, she went to Grissom's office to place the papers onto his desk. She hoped the man was in the break room enjoying his food because she felt so weak in his presence.

To her utter surprise, the man of said was sitting behind his desk filling up some application forms. She could not run away from the entrance of his office, so she collected every inch of her energy and knocked on his door then walked into his office.

"Hey, oh filling out reports," she said as casually as she could but she leaned closer to see what papers they were exactly. _Are you filling out a report about me?_

"They tell me it's my job." _What are you looking at? It's not about you!_

He looked so adorable. Sara knew how much he hated dealing with paperwork but just as he said, it was his job. She looked at him for long minutes and she could not do anything but smile at him.

"You doing okay?" he asked.

Perhaps, he could pretend all day that he had been interested only in the case in hand while others had been around but now, when only Sara and he were in his office, the mask fell off. His eyes radiated concern, worry and love. His eyes communicated how much he was missing her. Did Sara not know what the opposite of two was? A lonely her and a lonely him.

"Yeah," they kept the eyes contact for long moments, neither of them could look away. "Thanks. I…uh…did a DMV search. There are only five Bentleys with red interior registered in Clark County. Two are leased. Two are privately owned. I ran the ROs. Nothing suspicious. PD is following up."

"What about the fifth one?" he asked. It took him harder this time to concentrate on the case.

"Well, that one is owned by a Boutique Rental Car Agency. I subpoenaed the rental history. Diane Hoyt, Lori's mother, had the car for the last two weeks. She returned it the day after Lori disappeared."

"Where is it now?" he asked but was interrupted by a furious Catherine.

"Exactly, I am asking the same."

"What are you talking about Cath?" Grissom asked her.

"Look, Grissom. I was patient up till now but it is absurd. I don't care how but we have to catch that bloody stealer. I won't feed anybody."

"Um…" Sara started but paled so much she thought she would die right there.

"Cath, we'll deal with it, okay? I promise," Grissom told her.

"Look, I know it's not your fault or responsibility but we have to catch him and do…whatever he needs to learn that stealing is not our type."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks," and with that she flew from the office.

When Sara dared to look at Grissom, her eyes were full of tears but she could not form a word because Catherine came back.

"Oh, and Sara. Welcome back," and the woman left the room.

"Grissom…oh God!"

"Sara, calm down."

"I swear to God, it wasn't me. Please believe me, you have to believe me, it wasn't me."

Grissom stood up and went around his desk. Without a word, he walked toward the door.

"Gil, please don't leave me here…"

He reached the door and closed it. Slowly he turned to Sara who was a bundle of nerves by now. The shame and the humiliation were plain to see on her now crimson face. Grissom approached her and dragged her toward one of his shelves that was more or less out of sight from those who might walk by Grissom's office.

Sara looked shocked at first but she thought no more reprimand could make her status worse.

"I didn't steal it, Grissom."

"I know."

"How?"

"I did."

"What? Why?"

"I took her salad on Monday and yesterday, too."

"But why?"

"If her food kept disappearing while you were on suspension, no one will ever think it was you."

New wave of trembling shook her body, "Why did you do that? What if somebody saw you?"

"No one saw me."

"You shouldn't have done that. You're much better than me…why?"

"Look, I told you that no one knew…about it…and that no one would…ever. I won't let it happen, ever!"

"You risked your…for me?"

"One day when you are ready, two suns will shine just for you, Sara!"

For a long moment, they just looked at each other, not daring to move a muscle. Grissom gave up first and dipped his head to kiss Sara. Without thinking, she kissed him back with fervor but just as quickly as it began, Grissom ended the kiss and left his office.

**TBC**

_**

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S**__**poiler for chapter 18:**_

"This is Gil Grissom's telephone. He's not here at the moment. Do you want to leave a message?" Sara asked.

"No, thank you! It's private. I'll call him back."


	18. Decisions

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N:** Wow, this week was…weird. Plus, I have been living with a spider (he lives in my bathroom) since November. He/she is NOT a pet but I didn't have the heart to relocate him (he also has a name, Mátyás) when the weather was so cold. But now, he seems to love living with me (better say in my flat) and he is growing bigger and bigger. Today I saw him moving, well, he is huge…for my liking anyway. But I learned to like him and now I fear if I change his living conditions – like taking him out to the balcony – he will die. : ( Well, until he stays in his own "net", he can stay but I will watch him closely from now on. Alright, I stopped babbling : )

**

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Chapter ****Eighteen**

_There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom__. – __**Anaïs Nin**_

For a long moment, they were just looking at each other, not daring to move a muscle. Grissom gave up first and dipped his head to kiss Sara. Without thinking, she kissed him back with fervor but just as quickly as it had begun, Grissom ended the kiss and left Sara in his office.

The fact that Grissom had "stolen" Catherine's salad or sandwiches…not once but twice just to cover her slips initially made Sara feel overwhelmingly loved but at the same time made her feel an enormous pang of conscience and torturing guilt. He should not have done that, the possibility of him got caught scared Sara beyond measure. And all this mess was happening because she had made a mistake, series of them actually.

And now this. He had kissed her in his office. In the Lab! Even though it had felt like heaven and she was already missing the warm feeling of his lips against her own, it had been insane to do it. Grissom had never done anything before that could have risked his reputation or the Lab's. At least, he had hid it skillfully. This man had been doing things that were absolutely out of character compared to the Grissom everybody knew. Sara had always feared that a relationship would suck the real self out of her personality, and that she might do the same to Grissom. And its result would be that both would be disappointed in each other or in their relationship. Grissom had already changed. A lot. Sara felt that she did not have the map to him and a compass would not help at all. He had been doing irrational things, dangerous things even. Were these changes good or bad? Sara had thought she had been ready to get close to him but she realized that she got confused. She had believed that she had known exactly what to do about _it_ but now when her most surreal dream seemed to come true, the very possibility of it scared her. Love persuaded people to do silly things but this? Why would Grissom risk his career for her? Were these changes the result of her actions? Had she subconsciously done what she had feared? Had she herself changed? Did this mean love? Would love demand sacrifices for the one who was loved? Whatever it was, it seemed dangerous.

Sara closed her eyes to get rid of the image of him with destroyed credit and accusing eyes but the picture only became more contoured. Had she made a horrible mistake when she had decided to fight her demons alone? Should she have told him the whole story so he would know what he was going to face and deal with so he would have had the opportunity to back out? Had her deal been unfair? Maybe, but she had the right to lead her own life the way she wanted if no one got hurt. No one could violate someone's privacy without their permission, not even in the name of love. Sara was not angry anymore at Grissom but she could not forgive him completely just yet. Her bleeding pride did not let the prejudice fade away.

She touched her lips with trembling fingers then forced herself to move. With heavy heart, she was about to leave his office when the telephone on Grissom's desk started to ring. Sara looked back but let it ring, it was not her office and that angry phone was not hers either. She almost crossed the door-step when she turned back again. The ringing was persistent; perhaps it was an urgent call from some high places. The woman hesitantly went back and answered the call.

"This is Gil Grissom's telephone. He's out of office. Can I help you?"

"Yes. It's Jim Sullivan. Can you tell me when he is expected back?"

"Um…no, sorry. But you can leave a message. Is it about a case or…"

"No, it's private. I'll call my old friend back. Thanks."

"Alright," Sara said as her eyebrows hit her hairline. Old friend…of Grissom.

Sara placed the receiver back to its cradle and left the office. She thought about finding Grissom to inform the man about this call but then Sara doubted that Grissom would like to see her after what had happened back in his office a few minutes ago. And they had a running case to solve so she headed Greg's minilab if he found anything useful for their case.

Few hours later, after Sara and Sofia had interviewed the two suspects in the murder of Lori Kyman, the case was finally closed. Everybody was tired and wanted to go home. Sara and Sofia were walking down the hallway when Greg walked up to them from behind. No one knew how he could do that but Greg Sanders never seemed tired. Even though it was obvious that Lori's stepmother had killed the woman with the help of a guy, Greg had had the energy to call the victim's family lawyer and finally they knew not only who had killed Lori but also why.

"Listen, you guys, I'll catch you later," Sofia said and with an all-knowing smile on her face, she left Sara and Greg staring after her in the hallway.

"Hmm, she's fitting in pretty well, huh?" Greg said rather than asked.

Sara could see this too. She just did not know where Sofia was about to fit in. With the team or with Grissom? Sara could not stay there any longer; she needed a quiet place to breathe her senseless jealousy out. She could not explain why she felt that Sofia was a threat to her actually "non-existing" relationship with Grissom but she did. Deep inside her, Sara knew that Grissom was not interested in Sofia and if he were, Sara could not blame him, after all, Sara had had the chance to call the man hers but she had made a mess of their relationship, so she no more had the right to complain. But no, Grissom had just kissed her, had said that he would be there for her when she was going to be ready; Gilbert Grissom loved her, Sara Sidle and not Sofia. Still, if Sara's eyes were green, they would have turned into a darker shade of green when she thought of the blonde woman. Sara always thought that jealousy was a major waste of time and had something to do with over-protectiveness or a kind of disrespect toward the partner. And she hated wasting precious time and most definitely she respected Grissom.

The woman gathered her things and headed home. On her way out of the building, she made a turn to Grissom's office out of sheer habit. Only a few steps away, Sara heard that the man was not alone. Not wanting to interrupt, Sara stopped for a second to guess on who might be with him. Her heart sank when she realized that the female's voice belonged to Sofia. And then she heard him.

"Let's have dinner, shall we?"

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The room was half dark and half silent. Since the moment Hank and Grissom had arrived home, Grissom was lying on his big dark leather couch. His glasses were placed lazily on the coffee table next to his couch. His eyes were closed however, he was not sleeping. He had not bothered chucking his shoes off, he simply had not cared. Here he was now, wide awake with tightly closed eyes, breathing while he did not feel alive at all. As the evening grew older, the inky darkness began to settle in stealing the rest of the light from the room. There had been times when Grissom had isolated himself to experience a sense of separation from the crowd that the others gladly called colleagues or friends. That sense of being secluded had offered him – in his opinion – the chance that could enhance and shape his personality in a positive way. Others might call it 'unique'. But now, he did not enjoy the solitude he had been so eager to create for the last few decades. Until last week, Grissom had been satisfied with the monotony that had crept into his life and caused routine. Routine he had known and been used to it. And what Sara had done to him? She had shown him a new life that had overwritten everything in his life. Now the former poetic solitude seemed unbearable aloneness.

Presumably, Hank sensed his master's dark thoughts and he walked to him whimperingly. As a well practiced movement, he jumped onto the couch and lay down on his master's limbs.

"What's up, boy?"

Although it was dark inside the room, the light filtered in from the street that gleamed in the dog's huge pair of eyes. It looked as if the dog was crying.

"Boy! I miss her. I miss them."

Hank lifted his head, did he understand what Grissom was talking about or did he just notice the changed pitch in his voice? Either way, he showed interest and Grissom took it as an encouragement.

"Should I call her?"

Grissom hesitated, he did not want Sara to think he was checking on her but he did not want her to think that he had forgot her either while she had been on his mind the whole day. And why should he not call her? It was not that they had become enemies. She had kissed him back in his office, she still loved him. Then why did she not let him help her? Grissom had always feared that a relationship would suck the real self out of his personality, and that he might do the same to Sara. And the result would be sheer disappointment. Grissom had already changed. A lot and he knew that but surprisingly enough, he liked this new Grissom more. But he felt that he did not have the map to Sara and a compass would not help at all. She had been doing irrational things, dangerous things even. She had been risking her own health. Grissom had believed for years that he had had no idea what to do about _this_ but now when his most surreal dream seemed to come true, the very possibility of losing Sara scared him. Why would Sara risk her health instead of accepting his help? Was this whole situation the result of his former ignorant behavior? _No wonder she did not trust me_, he was pondering.

Grissom was too lazy or tired to bring his coat here, so he simply stretched out to fetch the landline phone's receiver. When he realized that he still should dial, he sighed and got off of the couch to dial Sara's number.

"Sidle."

"Hi," he said.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah…I…uh…Hank wants to know how Herbie is doing?"

Within seconds, the naturally intuitive Sara could see where the wind was blowing from and her heart melted instantly. She knew that Grissom's pride did not allow him to just call her to ask if she was okay so he used Hank and Herbie's adoration for each other as an excuse.

"Wait a minute, I'll give the phone to him," she waited a few seconds to pretend that she really did what she had just promised.

"Hank?" she asked imitating a slightly different voice.

"Hi Herbie, I'm missing you so much."

"I am missing you too. How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

"We had dinner. Did you enjoy yours?" Sara flinched at her boldness. She should not have asked it, she feared she sounded jealous. She wanted to erase that feeling from her heart and mind.

_Do you know about __the dinner with Sofia? How? Is it bothering you? Is it a good sign? Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to hurt you_. Grissom wanted to explain it but did not know how to do so without accusing her of being jealous.

"This old fool was out for dinner with a colleague, so I was given my dinner later than usual. But at least he was as bored as I was when I was waiting for him to pick me up."

"Oh…why…um…why would he ask her out if he found her boring?"

"He didn't ask her out, that wasn't a date. I even told her, Sara."

"Sara is my girlfriend; would you rather talk with her?"

"Um…yes, please. Good night Herbie."

"Hey, it's me again," Sara pretended as if it was not her earlier.

"Sara. It wasn't a date."

"You don't have to explain…"

"I miss you."

"I…miss you, too. When I left the Lab earlier, I wanted to tell you that somebody had called you on the landline but then I heard you and Sofia and I didn't want to interrupt."

"There was nothing going on that you couldn't have interrupted. Ah, my cell phone was muted and forgot to…do you remember the name?"

"A certain Jim Sullivan, I think."

"Jim? Did he tell you why he called?" he was holding his breath.

"No. He said he tried your cell but you didn't answer and that he would call you later."

"Okay, thanks."

Sara could swear that she heard him exhaling dramatically, "Is there a problem?"

"No," he said a little too quickly.

Sara did not push it, "Alright."

"See you tomorrow, Sara!"

_I love you._

"Sleep well."

_I love you._

Grissom was holding the phone to his chest a little longer and just watched Hank as he was sitting straight in front of him letting his teeth show. Sara had been right, from this angle, Hank looked like that strange creature from Alien. Toothy saliva machine.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Sara held her cell phone close to her chest after they had hung up then she went back to her bedroom where Herbie was lying in her bed close to the pillow that Grissom had been using. The feline glanced up and seemed to look around as if to expect somebody else to enter the room, too. When he realized that only the two of them were going to sleep in the bed, the cat sighed and transformed into a ball. Sara watched her baby as he turned his neck the way that made funny pretence of being a spiral. In this pose, Sara could see his tiny canine teeth. Carefully, she approached the cat and touched those teeth with her fingers. Herbie opened one of his eyes and he practically smiled at the woman as if to say that his teeth were just as special as Sara's. Sara had a gap between her teeth, Herbie had two daggers.

Lying down close to the furry baby, Sara's mind traveled back to Grissom's call. She smiled at the memory; her stomach gathered all the butterflies that had not been there before. He said he had missed her. And he had kissed her…in his office. What an insane man. And he said it had not been a date. True, Sara knew firsthand that Grissom handled private stuff tactfully so if he really had dated Sofia, he would have worked out a NASA project to carry out his mission. Plus, he said he loved her and he would never lie about as serious things as love. _Oh, no! I can't trust him again this easily. _But she did, wanted it or not. She simply trusted him.

Then her bathing in memories went on and on, she smiled and sighed but one thing had caught her attention. Jim Sullivan. Sara had noticed that Grissom's breathing had changed at the mention of this name. And then, he had seemed relieved when she had told him that the guy would call him back as he had not wanted to tell her what it had been about. What it had been about…

Suddenly, the butterflies from earlier turned into something more aggressive, dragonflies rather than butterflies. She sat up and just stared into space for a moment.

_No, it's private. I'll call my old friend back._

Jim Sullivan, private, old friend. "So, it's happening," she whispered.

Sara did not even know how much she and Grissom were alike. Neither of them could stand not knowing. Within minutes, Sara was sitting in front of her laptop waiting for it to boot up. Right after the system had been ready, she typed Jim Sullivan into the search box.

An author, a footballer, a firearm inventor, an artist and so much more. 187,000 results seemed too much. Sara took a big breath and she leaned back in her seat. Was it right to search this man? Did she have the right to do that? Well, she had gotten this information directly, the man had told her his name, and she had not dig up Grissom's house to have this name. Still, she felt bad.

She tried James Sullivan but she got 292,000 results this time. There had to be a connection between him and Grissom. Sara was brooding on her acquaintances that she would consider as "her old friends"…or friend…singular. Kimberly from college. Grissom was like her, could this Sullivan be his college friend? Nothing to lose, she typed: James Sullivan + UCLA.

The result popped up within a blink of an eye. James Sullivan, graduated in 1979 as a computer scientist. Sara gradually lost her enthusiasm. A computer scientist? A dead end. What would the connection between Grissom and this Sullivan be? The datum was correct, Grissom had graduated in 1979, too.

"Last try."

Search: James Sullivan + Gilbert Grissom + 1974-1979

Sara's eyes could not get any wider even if she wanted it. They both had worked on a project together for the last two years. Computer Modeling of Insect Growth and Its Application to Forensic Entomology.

"What the hell? Even in college?"

Sara scrolled down to see the other results. 'Disciplinary action against Sullivan in 1978'. He had cracked the computer system of the university library. Sara smiled at this finding. Library…what else. This Sullivan had to be Grissom's friend indeed.

"So your friend is a hacker, Mr. Grissom."

Sara's laughter soon got softer and finally died. Grissom knew her poor financial state, and he knew that she transferred money regularly to 'DigiZoom' but he had no idea why. So how to check a company's financial state or register system without them knowing about it and without a warrant? To break into their computer system. Would Grissom go that far? Sure, there was no official case yet. So were they just sniffing around?

"You can't be this stupid, Gris! It's illegal. You can't risk your reputation for this…for me!"

Sara was not hundred percent sure that this Sullivan had been after her or better said after the 'DigiZoom' company but she had the distinct feeling that Grissom was about to do something risky and stupid.

The woman could not move an inch. She felt numb, only her heart rate speeded up so much that she could hear it pounding in her chest. She once again started shaking as if she had come out of warm water into the snow. She had told Grissom to leave it alone but if he could not then he should do it properly. By the book!

Sara buried her face into her hands and no matter how hard she wanted to stay strong, she lost it and started to cry. It was one thing to let fate and her stupidity or inability to ask for help destroy her own life but to let Grissom sacrifice or risk his shining career for her, now that was another matter.

He had already done silly things like stealing food to cover her arse or kissing her in his office and now this? If somebody ever discovered this, his reputation was going to be damaged forever. How many criminal-to-be would get away from justice if Grissom was fired. Because of her. Sara Sidle the neurotic, the self-destructive, the damaged product would be easy to replace but to mend the void Grissom would leave would be impossible.

Sara knew how misery felt but what she was feeling now was new. The desperate urge to run to Grissom and shake him to his senses, to shout at him, to jerk him back toward safe waters, to embrace him so he would not be able to move and do hasty stupid things.

"Okay, Sidle, that's enough. I won't sympathize with you anymore, stand up and fix this mess!" she was crying. The rest of her self-rescue-squad got finally exhausted.

Fear was a strange feeling. Fear of losing respect, therefore losing the man she loved and losing the only job in which she knew she could excel caused such an intensive fear that Sara felt the unmistakable sign of spasms. It was not really an orgasm but definitely close to it. Even though Sara had learned about its physiological explanation, still, it embarrassed her but at the same time, she could feel the extension of the fear she was actually feeling.

The woman shut down the computer and went back to the bedroom to caress Herbie's head and tell him that she had to leave. The cat meowed her goodbye and went back to sleep.

"I gotta end this nightmare, and I will end it…regardless of expense! I will save him from this…at any price!"

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

In the townhouse, Grissom was holding his cell phone to his ear listening carefully to what the man on the other end was saying while his hand was working busily to write every detail down. The paper soon became filled with facts, his heart just as soon with worry and sorrow.

"Jim, thanks for your help. One more thing…" he started numbly.

"Gil, my old friend, discretion is my best virtue," he laughed.

"Yeah, that's why you crack systems, right?"

"Well, discretion and curiosity are different. Don't worry! It will stay between us!"

"Thank you. I owe you one. Again."

"I'm glad I could help you. But I prefer you to call me more often, not just when you need my brilliant talent," he teased his old friend.

"I prefer you to stay out of trouble," Grissom teased back.

"Alright, I have to go. Be safe, Gil!"

"Again, thanks Jim!"

Grissom felt relief to finally know what had happened but he also felt dismay that he could not explain every little point in the story. He had all the facts; still, he could not build a complete story from the bricks. The CSI could not explain the 'whys'. Normally, he would not care about the motivation but in this case, Sara had done something she would have never done. She was a CSI for God's sake. Had she not known what she had signed was absurd, suspicious and probably against the law?

The other thing that caught Grissom's attention was that Sara was not the only one who had gotten into this mess. A certain July Harper and a Jacob Spring were also in the same trouble. Grissom listed the main points he selected as the backbone of the story.

- Three people, no connection, at least he did not think they had any

- Applied for a job but instead of getting it, they all had to pay lots of money

- All of them signed a paper that obligated them to pay compensation for a "possible" and accomplished infringement of copyright and for losing an expensive camera

So three people with the same kind of problem, all had happened in the last few months, no one had reported it. Perhaps the other two had not been aware of the laws but Sara should have known that no one could force someone to pay compensation for a 'possible' copyright violation. If nothing else, this one short word should have been suspicious for a CSI. People could not be force to pay for something that had not happened yet. Sara surely had had to know this and still, she had signed that paper. Why had she done that? To pay for that camera could be justifiable but the main part of her money disappeared from her account because of the copyright stuff, however, 7,500 $ for a camera, no matter how professional it had been seemed pretty expensive to Grissom.

There had to be something more to it that had made Sara hide this and forced her not to dare to ask help or report it. There had to be something she had feared if this stuff ever came out to light, she was going to lose something. Well, Grissom knew that for a CSI, it was essential to be highly reliable and losing an expensive camera surely would injure this credibility. And Grissom did not doubt for a second that Ecklie would jump on this opportunity to make Sara's life miserable and to prove her 'incompetency'. But hey, they all were humans after all. Everybody had lost something in their lives, right? Grissom was convinced that it had to be more to it, something he could not see. Something that only Sara could explain.

Grissom felt like crying but despised the fact that it made him weak and helpless. Instead of letting himself panic, he paced the room, pausing at the window to spy outside and to calm down if it was possible at all. Now, he could understand - more or less – Sara's position. He tried to imagine how he would react or deal with the loss of the respect or even the loss of his job. He would feel abandoned, empty and naked. Sara and he were alike; they both loved and needed their jobs. Did he have the right to take it away from her in the name of justice? As for so many times in his career, again, he had to realize that the truth or the justice could cause more pain than accepting the fact the life might be not fair.

He knew what he had to do so he walked back to his desk and tore up the paper then threw it into his dustbin. First thing, without a report, he could not start the official investigation as he did not know about it officially, and most of all, he did not want it anymore. The cost would be too high. He would have to come up with another solution to pull Sara out of this mess.

He was about to pour himself a glass of scotch when he seemed to hear his door bell. Grissom thought that his ears played tricks on him until the excited expression on Hank's face confirmed that he had heard it too. Placing the bottle back to its place, he walked to the door and after looking through the spy-hole, he opened it to reveal a shaking Sara Sidle.

"Sara?"

"Here," she gave him a folder full of papers.

"What is it?"

"The copy of my official report I made against 'DigiZoom'. The original one is on Brass' desk."

**TBC**

_**

* * *

Spoiler for chapter 19**__**:**_

"Some surely would enjoy it and would always hold it against us. They wouldn't be interested in the truth."

GSR ~ * ~ GSR

"I believe that this is the only way we can be together…if you still want me."

"I never stopped wanting you."

"Then let me tell you my story," Sara lowered her voice. "Please…please help me."

_**So**__** finally, you will hear the complete truth about her in the next chapter : )**_


	19. Truth

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

**

* * *

Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: First of all, I wanna thank you all for the wonderful reviews, each made my day…and night : ) So finally, here is the story of Sara's misery…Don't think though - just because Sara tells everything to Gilbert - everything will be happy-happy from now on. Nope. Not yet anyway : D Sometimes a mistake here and another one there can't cause big problem…but coincidence is probably fate's way of remaining camouflaged. So let the adventure begin… ; )

**

* * *

Chapter ****Nineteen**

_When it is dark enough, you can see the stars__. – __**Ralph Waldo Emerson**_

"What is it?" Grissom asked.

"The copy of the official report I made against 'DigiZoom' The original one is on Brass' desk."

Icy hand of fear clutched Grissom as he was glaring at her. Sara's eyes were slightly red from crying or from the lack of sleep or probably from both. Initially, he had been surprised to see Sara on his doorstep but his expression that had showed astonishment soon turned into something much more sullen which could be easily called shock when he saw the folder with the emblem of Las Vegas Police Department on its cover. After Sara had told him what it was, her speech deserted the woman. Realizing that they were still standing at the door, Grissom opened it farther to let her step inside. But Sara did not move from the spot she was.

"Sara, please come in," he held his hand out for her to take it.

"I didn't mean to wake you up or bother you, I just couldn't let it happen," she said as she was trying to avoid his eyes as much as she could.

Without a word, Grissom took her hand and led her inside. They had no time to sober up from the shock as a certain four-legged brown mammoth raced to Sara and jumped onto her kissing the woman ardently.

"Hank! Down boy!" Grissom disciplined the excited dog who again obeyed immediately, however, he let the woman know that even though he was ordered to sit down, he was still ready to shower her with slobbery kisses.

"No-no, it's okay, I missed him, too."

"Hope he didn't hurt you."

"No, Hank is a sweetheart. Can I wash my face…you know…his kisses are…um…wet."

Chuckling at her expression, he showed Sara where the bathroom was. He silently watched as the woman washed off the saliva. Sara blindly reached for a towel but as she was in an unfamiliar bathroom she missed it many times. Stepping closer to her, Grissom took the towel and turned Sara toward him then tenderly soaked up the water. The motions were innocent, still gentle and felt very intimate. Sara did not open her eyes even after her face got dry. The proximity of this man made her feel lightheaded but this was the dizziness she was enjoying thoroughly.

Grissom followed her every move. His eyes focused solely on her pale but still beautiful face. Sara looked like a sleeping angel as she let herself enjoy his tender strokes. Her lips, slightly parted, attracted Grissom's gaze like blood attracted a vampire. After a great amount of time, Grissom dropped the towel and with a single finger he drew small circles around her still closed eyes. He felt each tiny bump and dimple as he touched her soft skin slowly and carefully. When he first touched her lips, Sara's eyes flew open. The passion Grissom witnessed in them made his heart pounding loudly. Perhaps cosmetics would be easier to buy but Sara's most beautiful make-up was the passion in her eyes.

Sara could not stay passive in this dangerous game any longer; she lifted her hands to cradle his face and pulled him to her lips. It was Grissom's turn to see how far Sara was willing to go with this, so he forced himself to stay motionless. First, she tenderly kissed his eyes after she had said how much she was sorry, then she went lower to ever slowly kiss his nose after she had begged for forgiveness and finally, she tentatively touched her lips to his after she had said how much she loved him.

All the five senses became alive as Grissom gave upon his intention of letting her lead him wherever she wanted to take him. The sight of her was like spotting a diamond among shiny grains of sands. To touch her again felt like holding a rare flower that had been incredibly hard to find. Listening to her intake of air was like hearing the first sound after a life-long deafness. Could two senses merge into one another? He did not know but when he finally kissed her, the smell and taste of her felt like life that he had never really lived.

"Griss," she tried to form a sentence.

"Just a little more, just a moment longer," he whispered against her lips.

"I have to tell you, I need to tell you about…"

"Now I know and I wish I had listened to you, I was selfish…I…"

"Stop this! You can't feel bad about my mistakes. _I_ was selfish…I thought that maybe if I don't talk about what I have done, then no one will ever know and I can move on and live my life…but I won't let you destroy yourself, you're not responsible for my actions. I won't let you ruin what you are or who you are," Sara raised one of her hands when she noticed that he was readying himself to interrupt what she was about to say.

"I thought my life was exclusively mine. I thought I had the right to live it the way I had to because no one had cared enough to get hurt. No one has ever risked anything for me until…you. And I realized that I have no right to do this to you. My life is not entirely mine anymore, it's yours, too."

"Sara," he was fast enough this time to cut in.

"No, please, let me finish."

"Then we should go to the living room…more comfortable…less intimate."

Even though the living room provided them a less intimate place to talk, Grissom was not about to let her hands go. He needed the connection and so did Sara. Grissom sat down deliberately close to her offering the woman his real and figurative support. For a while, Sara could not speak, she did not know how or where to start.

"How could you do this Grissom?"

Not knowing what exactly she meant, "I'm so sorry about those letters, I really am."

"No. Even though it still hurts and I think I'm not completely over it I know why you did it. And now, I appreciate your concern. What I actually meant was that you should not have had to…do things you have done…in the Lab and here maybe. What if they figure out that you "replaced" Cath's food? I know that you didn't exactly steal them but for some people the truth is less interesting than some juicy gossip about the respectful Mr. Grissom. Some surely would love that situation and would always hold it against you. They wouldn't be interested in the truth."

"I don't care. I promised you that..."

"That's the problem. You say you don't care and probably feel that you don't but you would eventually and you promised me things I can't accept."

"Everybody made mistakes, Sara. All of us made mistakes more serious than stealing food and…"

"Yes, but they will judge you no matter what they have done. People tend to forget about their own mistakes. And I couldn't live with the fact that I did this to you…You would have never settled for an illusion before and I won't…can't let you sink to that level because of me. You're better than that. When you said that one day I was going to be ready to see how much you loved me, I didn't understand that. But now I do and I'm ready Gil. And I'm ready to make sacrifice, too."

"You don't have to, I understand it now."

"You talked with Jim Sullivan," Sara said without emotion in her voice.

"Yes. He is an old friend of mine, he…"

"I know who he is."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I also have computer Griss and I'm also a CSI…at least until now."

"He's the best, Sara. And I trust him."

"Again, see? You did a stupid thing because of me. What you have done is illegal and you knew it exactly, still, you did it! I'm just praying and hope I wasn't too late to wake up. Because I won't let anybody hurt you. I created this mess and you can't pay for it. I know how important justice is for you and I'll make it easier for you and most of all, it has to be investigated legally. Please, leave out Jim Sullivan, please leave out all the risk."

"Sara, did you really file this report?"

"Yes."

"Oh, no!"

"I realized what you were up to, and honestly, you were right all along. It would never stop. You would never accept the fact that you couldn't do anything about it. Maybe now you think you would but in time, you'd come to hate me or even hate yourself for it. And I am ready to lose my job so you can keep yours, your peace, so you can remain the man who you are. This Grissom is the most precious and true creature in this sick world and I fell in love with the Grissom who you are now, please don't change."

"I wish you hadn't filed that report. I don't want to lose you, Sara."

"I believe that this is the only way we can stay together, our relationship can't be built on lies and secrets…if you still want me."

"I never stopped wanting you."

"Then let me tell you my story," she lowered her voice. "Please…please help me survive this."

.

_It__ had been a trying week for everyone in the Lab. The team had investigated a rape and attempted murder of a woman who had positively identified her assailant. Although, she had done so, the team had had to release the man as the evidence had failed to corroborate the woman's identification. Their decision had had tragic consequences. The woman had been killed by the man who had been let go earlier. There had been another, most personal, if possible, drive of the last two weeks. Nick Stokes had been informed that if the money had not been cut, he would have been given the key CSI position. Grissom had recommended him. Him. Sara had respected Nick and known his ability but honestly, Nick as a key CSI had just felt odd and not right. Sara had not wanted to hurt her friend, so she had expressed her sincere sorry for his loss. But Nick – as so many times – had not paid enough attention to Sara to see how the news had hurt her feelings too, even though for different reasons. Sara had not minded his carelessness; she had been used to it. At that time, Sara had got only one true and faithful friend: the alcohol._

_She had __once asked Grissom what his problem had been with her but as always he had pretended as if there had been none. Just as he had pretended that he had been in a helpless situation where his feelings for her had been concerned. Honestly, Sara had been tired of constant excuses that had felt and been non-sense. If he had not loved her, that would have been fine, she had not been a stalker after all, eventually she would have learned not to love him but what Grissom had told that Lurie had been pathetic and stolen the last tidbit of hope from Sara. Grissom had kept his love for her in a glass jar. It had been there for her to see it but closed from touches. In the last six months, her world had been slowly but steadily collapsing, Sara had been simply vegetating. Work - some sleep at home - more work - less sleep wherever she could - only work. So there they were now, Warrick, Nick and Sara walking on the sidewalk after closing the case of Linley Parker, the woman whom they had let her be killed._

"_What a night. You guys hungry? Want to get something to eat?" Warrick asked the other two._

"_No, I think I'm going to call it a night," Sara said not kno__wing at that time she had signed her own verdict._

"_Yeah, me, too," Nick joined to Sara._

_Warrick tenderly touched Sara's arm and said, "Yeah, I fell ya. Get some rest."_

"_All right, I'll see you," Nick told Warrick as he left them._

_Sara took a deep breath and grabbed Nick's arm as they continued walking down the sidewalk. Sara thought that she might have hurt Nick earlier, so she wanted to ensure him that she respect__ed him and was not envious of him. It was not really envy but to be honest, it hurt just like that. It was not Nick's fault that he had contradicted Grissom in the right time offering him the decision easier to make. It had been Grissom who again had chosen the smoother way. And as it had been Grissom's decision, Sara was willing to accept the output as she had always done. Grissom decided, she accepted. Well-known old pattern._

"_Hey, hey, Nick. Congratulation on your almost promotion. Seriously, you deserve it."_

"_Wow, that's really hard for you, isn't it?" he teased her not noticing again that for Sara it really would have meant a lot. Not just the money but the support, a moral acknowledgement she was longing for. She had no family who patted her back whenever something good or bad happened to her. She was all alone. Her husband was her job. And it seemed that her husband flirted with others._

_Not really appreciating his teasing, she pushed Nick away, smiled at him and continue__d her way home. Sara was tired of pretending. And they all did pretend. Ecklie had acted as if the Lab had been prestigious because of him while the others had let him believe this. Catherine had acted as if she had been a heroine because she could break out of the life she had led before and the others had flattered that no one could have achieved that except her. Warrick had claimed that he had not been addicted to gambling and the others had seemed to believe him however, the man had been checked on several times. Nick had assured Sara that he had been willing to wash his boss' car to rise faster through the ranks. Sara had known that he had meant it figuratively, then why had Nick been upset so many times? And Grissom? The master of pretention. Sara herself had acted as if it had not hurt like hell that no one had waited for her at home. She had smiled when she had only wanted to cry, she had agreed to anyone when she had simply wanted to scream her protest and she had been mumbling on candies when her breath could have betrayed her. Maybe her thoughts were partly unrealistic and colored with hurt; she felt that she needed a break._

_As she was walking to her car, she passed by many bars and casinos. Sara never enjoyed crowded place__s and hated gambling so she decided to go in a nice bar to have a beer or two. Perhaps if she had eaten before or if she had not been that lethargic, she would have noticed that a man had been watching her._

_Sara drank two glasses __of beer indeed but with no food in her stomach, this amount of alcohol hit her pretty hard. For about half an hour, she was sitting at her table in the corner trying to sober up before driving._

"_Hard day?" the man asked him._

"_Hard life," she said._

"_Life can't t__hreat a beautiful lady that hard," he cooed her._

"_Well, good night," and Sara was about to stand up and leave._

"_Why…why don't you tell me about it?__ I'm a good listener."_

"_Because it's none of your business, now if you excuse me," Sara was losing patience quickly._

"_Hey, I'm just being nice."_

_Sadden__ed by her own rudeness, she answered, "Sorry, I'm not very good at chit-chatting. And I'm not here to make friends, okay?"_

"_And I'm not here to upset you."_

_Sara felt bad for her behavior. This guy only tried to be nice as he had said. It was not his fault that she was in a really bad mood. __The next twenty minutes had been spent in a nicer mood. The guy had bought her one more glass of beer and insisted on walking her to her car saying that the night in Vegas could be dangerous for a young woman like her._

_At her car, Sara thanked him for walking her to the vehicle and was about to get in it when the man remarked that she had a nice camera in the passenger's seat._

"_Well, it's not that clever though."_

"_Are you a photographer?"_

"_No. But I want to be. I have to make some special shots before I get the job."_

"_With this cam, I'm sure you can. You must really love this hobby, your camera looks expensive," the guy said._

"_It's not mine. This is their cam."_

"_Can I see it?"_

"_Well, I don't think…"_

"_I just wanna take a look at it."_

"_Oookay," Sara said._

_The guy held the camera and __watched as Sara closed her eyes. The woman was definitely exhausted both physically and emotionally. The signs of being tipsy were also evident. The young man quickly pressed the shutter-release button multiple times when he saw Sara yawn._

"_Now, these are special shots, Sara."_

"_How do you know my name?"_

"_You said that."_

"_No, I didn't."_

_Laughing, "Didn't you remember?"_

_And honestly, she did not. __But how else would he know her name? Sara was confused but she was even more tired. The double shift and the emotional battle she had failed to win made her want to go home right away. The guy helped her into her car and thanked her for the nice evening, then left._

_Sara was driving on the road and the next thing she heard was the sound of an angry siren of a police car._

_._

Sara's face was red from the shame she felt, she did not dare to look into Grissom's eyes. She was not ready to witness the disappointment in them.

"So it all happened the night I took you home from the PD," Grissom remembered.

"Yes."

"When did you find out that the camera was missing?"

"Not until the call…next morning."

Sara was so ashamed of her situation that she could not think to do anything else but to hide in the deepest hole and never come out again. She still could remember his penetrating glance as he had been walked over to her and sat down. For moments, Grissom had been just watching her then finally sighed and taken her hand. Sara could not do anything else just to lower her head. At that time, she had forgotten about the camera, about her car, about everything. She simply had wanted to sublimate.

"What call?"

"A guy from 'DigiZoom' called to tell me that I had to bring the camera back sooner because there was an SD card in it that contained special photos…taken by somebody I didn't know. They said soon but meant right now," she let out a battled chuckle. "When I was talking with that guy, I didn't even know that it was stolen until I went back to the PD to pick up my car and that was when I realized it was gone."

"Do you think…"

"Not think. I do know that I was framed. Later when I came to the office, I was told to pay for the camera I "lost" and because it contained an SD card with lots of photos on it, I…I was told to pay for them too. I knew that the SD card was empty, I checked. This is my job after all. But I couldn't prove it. It was my word against theirs."

"Do you remember the guy who stole the camera?"

"I even saw him at 'DigiZoom' and when I told the managing director that I saw the guy who had taken the camera, they all said that they had had a meeting at that time the previous day. I couldn't prove anything. They said I was drunk I couldn't remember. To my question of how they knew I was drunk, they just laughed."

"It's obvious what happened. But dear, you are a CSI, you know the laws! Paying for the lost camera sounds correct if anything in this story can be called correct. But they can't force you to pay for a "possible" violation of copy rights."

Grissom wanted to tell her that the papers she had signed were non-sense and normally, she would have never done things like that but then he remembered one of their conversation and he understood.

_When animals are in stress, they do just the opposite what is right. _Humans and animals were alike in this sense.

"Yeah, I told them that I was not a stupid ass who…well, they told me that they had some nice photos of me…being drunk or whatever and they would be more than happy to send them to my boss. They knew from my CV I had sent them that I was a CSI."

"To me?"

"To you and I guess to anybody sitting high…Ecklie?"

"Oh, no! But they haven't sent it yet…evidently, or else Ecklie would have been already after you."

"Ecklie's words were echoing in my head when I finally signed those papers. I still can hear him saying that I lucked my way out of the DUI. And ironically, he was right. Ecklie smiled when he told me that my file had a half a dozen complaints against me. And again, he was right. He said that I was making the Lab look bad and I feared he was right, so according to him, I was extremely lucky that I could get away with my almost DUI with a week long PEAP counseling."

"Wait, Ecklie talked with you on your first night back before shift?"

"Yeah. I thought you knew. He made crystal clear that one more shit and bye-bye Sara Sidle," she started to chuckle however, her laughter lacked any humor. "I was so…I don't know…afraid? Or upset? I don't really know but I went to the locker room and for the first time in my life, I had to rehearse what I wanted to tell you. I was so nervous."

.

_So I had some time to think while I was away. Enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake. I…I do not have a drinking problem, I…uh…have a 'me' problem._

_._

"But then I never told you," Sara closed her eyes as the memories flooded her brain.

"And then you signed those papers," Grissom sighed.

"Yes. Can you imagine what Ecklie would have done to me if…I didn't dare to risk that those guys start bitching."

"If Ecklie had received the info that you were drunk when you lost that camera with photos on it…"

"It could have happened at work too. On the way from a crime scene with evidence on the cam's memory card. Ecklie wouldn't have been interested in the truth. Being robbed, being framed or losing that device…no difference for him. I was drunk when it happened. Drunk. I'd have never got a job as a CSI after what had happened. And guess what? Days later 'DigiZoom' said that two photos from the "lost" SD card had been published in a magazine and that they believed that I had sold them to that magazine."

"Ah, so since that moment, it wasn't just a "possible" infringement of copyright. Still, they can't prove that those photos were on the memory card of the camera you used. This is circumstantial evidence or not even that. This is bullshit!"

"I told them the same but then they said that the photos they would send to my boss wouldn't be circumstantial."

"What kind of photos did that guy take of you?"

"I…I've never seen those photos. I know that I didn't do anything…those photos can't be compromising but hey, with the techniques they have, I can be Queen Elizabeth in those photos."

"They have techniques but we have Archie to tear the fake pix to pieces. We can easily prove your innocence, dear."

"Yeah, but by the time we've fought the entire procedure through, no one wanna touch me, Ecklie will fire me all the same and I'll never get another job in this field. And I'll have to live with the stigma. Plus, I've just come back from a week-long suspension…again. Ecklie will eat me alive and he will be right. I thought I couldn't live without my job but I realized that I could never live with the guilt…"

"What guilt, you are framed, you did nothing wrong."

"I already am feeling guilty. You are more important to me than any damn job. And I already caused more trouble for you than…"

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have understood."

"Would you?"

"Yes. I'd have understood it, even…your desire to…to quit."

"I love my work Grissom as much as you do, so I thought until you didn't know about it…but then I thought…I think you would be better off without me."

"Why?"

"You said your life was your job. And that you didn't know what to do about us. That you couldn't risk your work for me. I couldn't stand seeing you in pain. And I cause nothing for you but pain. So I decided to quit but it seemed that I was not needed anywhere. The only one I had found tricked me into this mess. And now that Ecklie will surely fire me…my chances to find a good job are slim to none. But I'm willing to accept anything. This country is huge with opportunities. I'm not afraid anymore."

"I won't let him fire you."

"There is nothing you can do. I was lucky once, I can't be again. Not after this. Let's just be impartial. Wouldn't you fire someone who makes mistakes…serious ones in every five or six months? And you know I don't mind being punished. At least, finally I'll be free of fear and self-disgust."

Sara saw that something was on Grissom's mind. Something that was still foggy. "What?"

"Um…can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if…"

"I'll answer."

"When I read those…letters," he was so ashamed of his own actions that he had to look away for a second. "They said that you started to transfer money to 'DigiZoom' later than you did for the rental in San Francisco."

"Oh. Yes. I had some money for urgent cases on a different bank account. I didn't want to touch that money because…"

"Okay, you don't have to tell me."

"This is the only one thing that I am proud of…and my job. I have been working since I was ten. First I did physical work like cleaning and so on but in college, I started to snap abstract photos with my camera and it turned out that the photos I had taken were good. So for a while I worked as a natural photographer. I could catch moments of nature beauty and human loneliness. Just moments. People seemed to like them. You can see some of those photos on my wall. Hey, you've already seen them. So I saved some money…but I lost it to 'DigiZoom'. When that account had run out of money, I started to pay from my other one."

"So you were already in debt and you still rented a flat for your mom?"

"I thought I could handle both. She is my mother, Griss. I can't let her live under the bridge…"

"Everything will be okay now, Sara."

"Define 'okay'," she smiled for the first time she had stepped into his home.

"Okay means that I'll do everything in my power to help you. I need you. Need you at work…I need you in my life."

Grissom ignored Sara's need for space this time; he pulled her into his arms and started a slow soothing massage. He wished he had just let it go when Sara had asked him. Grissom felt that he had chased her into this impossible situation. He felt as if he offered her on a silver tray for Ecklie to do anything he wanted. Both Grissom and Sara were two damn fools. Their prides had blinded them and created such a delusive fallacy that had tricked them into prejudice that seemed had no exit. One thing he was sure: he wouldn't give up without a fight.

"Do you trust me, Sara?" Grissom knew she had told him that she could not trust him.

"Only you," she answered without hesitation.

"Maybe…maybe there's a way out of it."

**TBC**

_**

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Author's Postscript:**__Well, now Grissom knows every tiny detail about that_ _misfortunate night and its consequences. They think that they couldn't face worse than Ecklie to fight but neither Grissom nor Sara knows what they started with this investigation. Sometimes there is worse than an angry Lab Director or a corrupt company :D Oops, I shouldn't have said that XD_


	20. Dead Baby Boy

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N:** Tomorrow I'm leaving town for a while so I thought I was going to give you the next chapter before I leave. Hope you will enjoy it. : ) Take care everybody!

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Chapter ****Twenty**

_You are your own judge. The verdict is up to you__. – __**Astrid Alauda**_

"Do you trust me, Sara?" Grissom remembered that she had told him days ago that she could not trust him.

"Only you," she answered without hesitation.

"Then maybe…maybe there's a way out of it."

"I…what way?"

Grissom looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was already eight in the morning. People who worked day shift, the graveyard timetable might seem weird and hard to follow. After the busy days with their latest case, some of them had a night off; Grissom was scheduled to be back to work later this afternoon while Sara and Greg were supposed to start their shift only at 10 pm. For them, eight in the morning was like dawn for "normal" people.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to keep you for so long," Sara said when she noticed that Grissom had checked the time.

"Sara, stop apologizing. I was only wondering if I could call my friend at this hour in the morning but unlike us, he must have just arrived at work, so I'm going to call him right now. If anybody, he can save the situation…or help to get out of this."

Sara did not say anything just watched as Grissom stood up hesitating to break the contact with her hands that he had not let go since the moment they had left his bathroom almost two hours ago. He gently lifted her hand to his lips and tenderly sucked on every slim finger then released her hand and went to the telephone.

It was said that the truth could liberate the heart and energize the soul. True, Sara could not remember the last time she could breathe this freely even though, her situation was far from optimal. However, her heart was fluttering, the extreme level of exhaustion of her body could not be described. At this level of tiredness, normal people would lose the will to live but this woman felt that her life had just started afresh. She no longer had to watch every word she might form in front of Grissom. He knew everything now. Sara simply needed to rest her eyes for a moment, just for a nano-hyper nap…only…

Grissom was talking with his friends for about twenty minutes. Most of the time, he was just listening to the man who – just as Grissom had hoped –suggested a neat solution for a huge part of Sara's problem. It was not going to solve the issue but surely was going to help a lot, and for that Grissom was more than grateful.

After that lengthy call, Grissom turned back to Sara who had fallen asleep on the couch where he had left her. He carefully approached the woman, he did not want to wake her; she had looked so troubled when she had arrived here hours ago. Grissom was almost at her feet when Hank galloped to the couch too and jumped on the woman's limbs.

"Hank, no!"

To Grissom's utter surprise, Sara did not even stir from her sleep. It was rather a black out kind of sleep than a normal slumber. He tried to softly order Hank to his own bed but the dog seemed to feel more comfortable on Sara's legs. Grissom sighed and tried another method to get rid of the big boxer. He left the stubborn dog on the couch and went to the kitchen to retrieve a dog biscuit for Hank. Grissom walked back to the dog and showed him what he was going to have if he finally left the woman. The biscuit definitely impressed Hank, immediately he smelled the delicious snack, the dog started to produce extra amount of saliva but did not move a muscle. On the contrary, he laid his head deeper between Sara's knees while he tried but failed to swallow more often than before.

"Oh, no! Hank, see what you've done. She wakes up and we both are so dead. Get off her!"

The dog lifted his head and watched his daddy. Hank blinked a few times at Grissom and started to sniff at Sara's jeans then whined a little. The boxer did not seem as if he was not about to move. For a while Grissom did not understand his message, normally, he obeyed his orders but now, he seemed…nostalgic…wistful?

So Grissom knelt close to his woman and dog and tried to sniff what Hank had sniffed moments earlier. The man prayed for Sara to remain asleep. How he would explain his "sniffing" in case she woke up he did not know; it looked pretty extreme. After a second or two, Grissom understood. He smelled the wonderfully sweet scent of Sara, Hank and some sweet aroma that belonged to Herbie.

"Jesus, boy! Do you really miss that cat, huh? But he isn't here."

With a low whine, Hank confirmed Grissom's assumption. Knowing how heavy Hank was, Grissom wanted to entice the dog to get off the delicate woman. He combed his hair with his fingers but the right idea just did not come. Grissom contemplated to remove the love-bitten dog physically but then something clicked.

He hurried to his study and grabbed something from his desk then rushed back to the silly dog.

"Here," and Grissom held the small gray toy mouse that he had accidentally stolen from Herbie to the dog's nose.

And it worked. Hank's eyes instantly filled with happiness. He carefully took the mouse between his teeth and jumped off the couch, walked into his bed and placed the "it could be Herbie" onto his pillow and then he lay down to sleep.

Grissom just shook his head at this interlude but at the same time, he smiled at his dog's gentle feeling for the cat. Now Grissom had a more sensitive task at hand. He would have to take the woman to his bed without waking her. For a silly moment, he imagined a more passionate way to get her in bed but he soon sobered up from his daydreaming. Just how long had she not had a good sleep?

First, Grissom wiped the loose locks out of her face, not that they would have kept him to spoon Sara into his arms but he did anyway. He was about to reach under her arms and knees when he thought to do something else. He decided to take her shoes off first and just then carry her into his bedroom. When the shoes were taken off, he thought to get rid of the jeans, too. Once or twice, Sara seemed to stir but after some soothing words, she fell back into a deep slumber. Ready for bed, Grissom carefully slid his left arm under her shoulders until he felt her secure in his lopsided embrace. Then he did the same with his right arm and her knees and then he lifted her. This time, Sara felt a little heavier than she had felt the last time he had had to lift her the same way. Well, regular eating made miracle.

In the bedroom, Grissom placed her down slowly and tenderly. After covering her with the quilt, he himself undressed and slid under the cover then inched close to her body hugging her from behind. He did not notice when she had turned onto her left side but this new position of her offered him the opportunity to cuddle. He had his head resting against her back. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He knew this peace that he was feeling at the moment was only illusion, they had a battle to win, no, they had a complete war to win. Grissom was brooding on if Sara knew that she was not the only victim in this foul play. He guessed that she did not. Or else she would have done everything in her power to help those people. There were too many questions and so few answers. Would Ecklie listen to them? Would he be interested in the truth or just see red? He tried to chase the fear away; he simply wanted to enjoy the silence. Soon, dog and humans were asleep.

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The baby was crying in the playpen after his favorite game had been taken away from him. He was tired and a little bit fussy because the playtime was over. Him mommy knelt down and made smooching noises to her baby boy who mirrored the gesture. The cute baby hat somehow looked funny on his head but he loved it that way. Bouncing with excitement, the fatty boy laughed as his mommy primped her lips.

The baby's laughter soon subsided when the young lady wrinkled her nose.

"I smell a smelly," she said playfully to the boy.

Within minutes, the lady was wiping the doo-doo off of his backside while the baby was sucking on his thumb. After the diaper had been thrown away, the lady put some ointment on her hand and rubbed it on his buttocks.

"There you go. That feels so good. Mommy's got a special treat for you. It's extra special today," she cooed.

Minutes later, she was sitting in a huge armchair with the baby in her arms. She was singing a song to the smiling boy.

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An irritating text message alert woke the couple. Grissom blindly reached for his cell phone to see who had sent the message.

"Ecklie?" Sara asked throatily.

"No. It's from Brass."

Sara heaved a sigh of relief but soon woke up completely when Grissom continued.

"Brass said that Ecklie wanted to see me in his office asap."

"So I guess he's already read the file and sharpened his teeth," she mourned already as she sat up in the bed looking around for the first time. "Oh."

"You fell asleep on the couch so I thought it was going to be more comfortable to sleep in bed so I took you to here," he explained the obvious.

"Well, this is not…"

"Sorry, if I crossed…"

"I was saying that this is not how I imagined our first…um…night together in your bed…sleeping was nice but…"

Grissom listened to her babbling but heard a hint of nervousness in her voice, too. He knew Sara well and it was obvious that behind this calm façade, she was more than anxious about the next shift. He knew her every gesture. And actually he could not see any as she hid her beautiful face behind her hair to mask her embarrassment. Honestly, he was not calm a bit either. He could envision Ecklie as he was reading that report. But come on, Ecklie was supposed to be an officer, a CSI primarily and just then a vindictive man who considered Sara as a weak point of Grissom. However, it sounded questionable even to him, Grissom tried to trust their good luck. In this story, Sara was the victim and not the bad guy; she deserved justice and not more punishment.

"Nervous?" he asked as he touched Sara's shoulder.

"Very. Scared…terrified."

To Grissom, the fact that Sara admitted how afraid she really was showed him the level of her apprehension. It made him even more worried. Worried for her and for both of them.

"Me too but you did nothing wrong."

"I was drunk when it happened and…"

"And you expiated."

"Expiate…expiate…too nice word for its meaning. Do you think Ecklie knows this word? Or he will just use guilty?"

"He has to be unbiased, he mustn't judge you because he has a problem with you as a person or with me for that matter."

"The worst that can happen to me is that he fires me."

Grissom tried to convince her that it was not going to happen as long as he was there but he knew Ecklie could easily fire her. The Lab Director could create a complex file against her that would be based on facts without difficulty if he really wanted to. But the day when it happened, he was not going to stand there with his mouth closed. No one could be punished twice for one mistake.

"I think I better go home and prepare myself for whatever is waiting for me," she smiled at him.

"I'll talk with Ecklie and Brass and will call you, okay? Just promise me you won't do anything without letting me know first, alright?"

"I promise but you also have to promise me that you won't do anything that might jeopardize your job. It's not worth it."

"But you're worth much more."

"You should leave your armor here, Ecklie vomits acid and you might get hurt," she winked at him but neither saw the humor in the situation.

"Well, at least I have one to leave here but the other victims who…"

"What other victims? Are there…"

"Yeah, two. That I've known of."

"And they haven't reported it either," she was thinking loudly. "I can imagine they tried to protect their lives, too. At least what remained of them."

"We'll see who they are and why they haven't reported it. They must have their reasons, too."

"I wish I hadn't been this stupid and selfish. Maybe those people could have…"

"It's true the other way, as well. If one of them or both had filed a complaint against 'DigiZoom' then you wouldn't be in this situation. You can't blame yourself. You're not responsible for all sins of humans."

"No but I'm responsible for the mistakes I made and I was drunk, I have no excuses."

"Speaking of being drunk. Do you trust me?" Grissom asked Sara as he cradled her face between his palms.

"You know I do."

"Then Sara, you have to listen to me very carefully."

"Okay," she answered but feared what he was going to tell her.

And she did what she was told. For the first time in her adult life, she did not interrupt him, only her eyes betrayed what she was feeling. Grissom explained her - point for point - what his friend had told him via telephone. It was obvious that Sara did not like the idea a bit but Grissom told her that it was going to be her only chance against Ecklie and the gossipers.

After their odd "pillow-talk", they both pretended that everything was alright and neither of them mentioned the upcoming meeting. After a nice lunch, Grissom "installed" a toothbrush for Sara, she fed the dog then the woman was about to put on her jeans when she noticed…

"Is this…what I think it is?" she asked while pointing to the "used to be glossy" strips on her clothes.

"What is it?" he tried to sound innocent.

"Ah-ha, you know it! Hank stole my jeans and…"

"They were still on you when…well, he missed you."

"Missed me…or he simply doesn't know what napkins are for…then, I really should go home and change," she laughed. "What about him when you are at work?"

"Oh, damn!" Grissom exclaimed when he looked at his watch.

"I can drop him at Mrs. Thomas' after I fed Herbie if it's okay."

"Would you?"

"Sure, just tell me how I can get there."

Grissom quickly wrote down the address and gave it to Sara who looked at it and cheered when she realized that she knew that part of Vegas pretty well. Mrs. Thomas lived close to the Pet Clinic where Dr. Woods worked who had treated Herbie after his sudden sickness weeks ago.

Sara, Grissom and Hank were ready to leave when Sara stopped abruptly and ran back to the toilet. According to the noises, she was nervous…very nervous. When she finally came out, her embarrassment was so evident that the sight of her touching her still sensitive belly made Grissom smile. When he joked that Ecklie seemed the best laxative, Sara faked a new wave of diarrhea but at Grissom's worried expression, Sara just winked at him.

At the front door, Sara stopped again. It was as though she feared to step outside. And in some respects, Sara was afraid of leaving this safe place indeed. She grabbed Grissom's jacket and pulled him back inside. Sara hugged him so tightly she was worried she might hurt him but she could not care this time, she needed to feel him as close to her as it was physically possible.

Grissom pulled back a little and looked at her face so very close to his nose. He was searching for any signs of stress. Sara's eyes were wide open almost begging for them to stay here instead of going to the Lab but she did not say anything. Grissom understood her without words. He ran both of his hands up Sara's arms until his soft palms rested gently under her ears then snaked around her neck. He pulled her face close and whispered into her ears.

"Everything's gonna be alright, you will see, try not to worry," he soothed her but neither knew how wrong he was.

"I don't know but I feel that something…bad will happen, I can't explain it," she said not knowing at that time how right she was.

"Honey, one thing you have to keep in mind. You are the victim in this case and you deserve correct and equal treatment and justice as anybody else. You made a mistake…who doesn't?"

"I'm not worried about myself I am worried about you. Please don't quarrel with Ecklie, he can do harm to you, please, just promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Don't let Ecklie provoke you into a situation that might jeopardize your position, okay?"

Not wanting to disappoint her, he agreed. Sara's arms lifted without conscious thought and embraced the man again desperately needing the feel of his body. Sara had a strange feeling that she could hug her lover for the last time and this weird, scary feeling terrified her. She looked into his eyes and her lips demanded his. Grissom gave this woman willingly what she wanted. Grissom's senses were being hopelessly overloaded. He wanted to capture every bit of this moment. Sara's soft lips and body against his made him aroused the way he had been the first day when they had made love for the first time. Sara had one of her hands in his hair softly massaging his scalp. To be honest, Sara had only intended to reassure herself and Grissom that they were still real, that they still had time together and that nothing was going to happen that might ruin their life but feeling his desire against her belly drove her crazy for this man. Both were deeply moved by the desire they were feeling for each other. Hank realized that his walk had to wait so he went back to his bed, licked the toy mouse and lay down next to it leaving the cuddling couple at the door. Grissom noticed that something had happened but could not care less at the moment so he simply kicked the door closed and his mouth moved possessively and hungrily over Sara's. Just when Grissom believed that his heart and mind could not survive another moment of this sweet torture, Sara's hand slid down to the opening of his pants. She felt him shudder at the contact. The man gave upon trying to slow their ministration down; he was lost in this woman's spell. He bent his knees and picked Sara up by her buttocks. Grissom headed to the bedroom but he kept bumping into some chairs or other furniture. It took him longer than usual to get into the room but neither minded it at all. Sara was nibbling at Grissom's neck when he felt some artificial buzzing in his pants apart from the natural one he was producing on his own. They tried to ignore it for a while but then the fog that covered their brains started to clear up. His desire for her was sure throbbing but this buzzing did definitely not belong to him.

"Ah, no," Grissom said still panting.

"Who is that?"

He took Sara down and flinching from the uneasiness from the situation, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Ecklie," he sighed.

"Well, so Ecklie is not only a great laxative but also a sure contraceptive…"

Grissom sat down onto the bed and concentrated hard on his miserable condition. Sara was not in better physical shape either but for a woman a situation like this could be easier to handle.

"Just give me a minute," he said.

Sara caressed his back as she also tried to control her breathe, "I always hated Ecklie's timing."

"Yeah. But I better go, now I feel as if he was here and watching us," he looked at her and saw that Sara found the situation both irritating and funny.

"Just remember what we were talking about, alright?"

"At the moment I can remember only what we were doing…but you also should remember that things will improve."

"Improve?"

"Sara…don't start…I'm just getting better," he smiled at her but begging for mercy.

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The Lab was dark as usual; the laboratory technicians worked in silence as usual but Grissom's hands were sweating and that was unusual. His colleagues were like a strange tribe, everybody had their own special expertise but there was one thing common in them. All had sensitive radars that were able to catch every bit of extraordinariness. And a nervous Grissom who headed toward Ecklie's office was sure a rarity. The man had talked a little with Brass who had informed him that the Lab Director had not been happy about the report Sara had filed no matter it had been her who had filed a complain against someone else. Ecklie had seen red.

Only a few more steps and Grissom was going to reach the door of devil. This was so typical of the administrator. Ecklie had a problem with Sara but was going to ask Grissom to do the dirty job. Why could he not have ordered both of them in? Formalities.

There was nothing else to do to postpone the fated meeting as Grissom arrived at the door and saw that the bald man had already spotted him so as usual, he simply waved him in.

"Take a seat, Gil. Thanks for coming."

"Should I also say the same? Thanks for inviting me?"

"Gil, you probably haven't read what I did, so please, let me inform you about your subordinate, Sara Sidle."

"You mean the report she filed?"

"How do you know about it already?"

"Regardless of what you might believe, we communicate within the team. And I know about what has happened to Sara. And I expect a correct investigation without letting any gossips flow around."

"Cut the crap, Grissom. Of course there will be an investigation but the "victim" isn't going to be a CSI anymore in that case."

"I'm pretending that I didn't hear the negative intonation when you said 'victim'. We have no rights to decide who is a "victim" and who is a victim," he pronounced the words differently.

"Look, Grissom. I know that you treat Sara differently…everybody knows that…"

"Differently? Now, you're right, Conrad. I've treated her differently from the moment she arrived here. Yes, I've always tried to be fair to the others. Only to the others but not to Sara. Yes, everybody knows that we've known each other prior to I asked her to help us out and yes, everybody seems to know everything and if not, then they make things up. Sara had to work harder than anybody else to prove that she was here for her merits. And you seem to forget that Sara helped _us_ out when we messed up and Holly Gribbs died and now that she has been abused, you are implying that she is not worth _our_ help?"

"Stick to the facts, Gil. She had a DUI…"

"She wasn't reported, so no DUI."

"You can call it whatever you want; the fact is that Sidle was driving drunk and to top this extremely careless act, she lost a digital camera…a digital camera, ring a bell?"

"This is exactly what makes you the number one CSI Conrad that you pay close attention to details. Sara did not lose that camera, it was stolen. Stolen. You know…taken without permission. The two verbs are not synonyms. And then, she was forced to sign an absurd contract."

"Sara let them steal that camera, she was drunk!"

"Jesus! It's just a camera, it isn't about that camera. They stole that thing to blackmail Sara."

"Sidle should have been alert but her senses were dulled by alcohol, that's why it could have happened. She lost it in every sense of the word."

"Conrad, can you hear yourself? If it had happened to someone else, you wouldn't be this hostile. You judge her by something you don't really know about. She was robbed but you lost a body, remember?"

"What? It happened in our first year here…and I didn't lose it…the coronel took it to another morgue."

"I see. You can call it whatever you want," Grissom used Ecklie's words. "The fact is that you didn't know where it was for a whole day. You reported it 'lost'. A body!"

"I wasn't drunk when it happened."

"Yeah, you could manage it soberly. What does it tell you?"

"But now it's not about me. What do you want? To keep a woman who has drinking problem and makes mistakes? What if it happened at a crime scene with irretrievable photos on the card then those photos appeared in a newspaper? It could kill a case and you know this. A reliable CSI wouldn't make such a mistake. But wait, no one has drinking problem."

"Now let's get it straight. Sara wasn't at a scene, she didn't lose that camera, she was robbed. Outside of this building she doesn't deserve justice, Conrad? However, she should be used to this by now, she never got justice inside of this Lab either. And most importantly, she was not drunk when it happened she wasn't drunk when she later got pulled over. She doesn't have drinking problem."

"What do you mean by she wasn't drunk? She was pulled over and blew God knows how high…"

"Yes, but there…"

Grissom was about to explain Sara's weird condition when the telephone started to ring furiously. Ecklie sighed but answered the phone nonetheless.

"Conrad Ecklie."

After a short call, Ecklie sank back in his leather seat. His face looked bothered as he closed his eyes. The tall man wiped his forehead with his hand and then looked at Grissom.

"We're not finished. Sara is officially suspected until we decide what to do."

"Suspected? Because she reported a crime?"

"Suspected because I said so. She is irresponsible who can lose evidence. I won't risk it. Period. Now we have a more important case. Bruce Eiger, the casino owner died an hour ago. Catherine is at the scene already but it's a high-profile case, you will lead the investigation. We need all hands on deck."

"Then we need Sara's help, too. She is a great criminalist, like it or not, we need her."

"Or you need her…anyway alright, but she can't touch the camera, collects samples, takes them back to the Lab and stays here until…"

"Alright. And Conrad, I want Sara's case confidential. Her case is officially a running one, so I expect discretion."

"Be it but Gil, don't push it. Sidle is dancing on my last nerve. Now, come on, we have a 'case' to deal with."

This time, Grissom did not correct the man that he used an inappropriate tone again.

**TBC**

**

* * *

From chapter 21:**

"What's wrong?" Warrick asked the horror-stricken Catherine.

"You didn't touch my camera, did you?"


	21. The Way Animals Can Love

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

**

* * *

Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**

* * *

Chapter ****Twenty-one**

_We loved with a love that was more than love__. – __**Edgar Allan Poe**_

The journey to Sara's place with Hank had been fun. The big dog had openly adored the woman and obeyed her every command. To him, Sara was like his second daddy or in this case mommy. Hank had sensed from the very beginning how important this lady to his daddy had been, therefore, she had become important to him, as well. Only one thing though that Sara had not been able to achieve: Hank had not wanted to sit in the back-seat. As Sara had opened the door for him, Hank had been watching her with his huge sweet eyes clearly pretending that he had not got what she had wanted him to do. After several tries, Sara had given up and let the dog show her what he had really wanted.

So that was how Sara and Hank were heading home, Sara in the driver's seat while Hank in the passenger's seat. The woman kept glancing at the dog's direction to see how he behaved and found pretty weird how intensely he was watching her. It was obvious that Grissom had trained his baby well. Hank was only sitting up in the seat like a statue, no stolen kisses or naughty touches. He let his mommy drive.

Soon, they arrived at her place and Sara stopped the vehicle in front of the apartment block. Knowing she was not going to stay long, Sara parked the car in the public parking lot.

"Okay big boy, let's feed your friend, alright?"

To her surprise, Hank placed his heavy paw onto her limb and he definitely smiled. Sara loved animals and knew that they could communicate but still, getting this kind of response from a dog she had known only for a few weeks made her both happy and scared. Scared of being loved. Herbie had fallen in love with her in a minute that rainy day; Hank had worshipped her since the moment they had met. Why was it so easy to make friends with animals while so hard with humans? Why was it that people only noticed her faults while animals wanted to notice her, the person who she was and accepted her with faults and merits? Maybe Hank sensed that Sara's spirit was sinking so he once again tried to shake hands with his new girlfriend.

"Yeah, I know. We should go."

Sara exited the car and went to the other side of the vehicle to let the eager dog out. Side by side, they walked to the entrance of the building when Sara stopped and turned around. Hank looked up at her silently asking 'now what'.

Sara looked at the ATM she rarely used that was opposite her building then glanced down at Hank. She needed cash but she also wanted to feed Herbie as soon as she could so after a few moments of hesitation Sara decided that they was going to take care of the cat first and just then use the ATM. They just had to keep it in mind.

Like an old veteran, Hank led Sara inside, straight to the elevator. Even though, Sara lived on the third floor, she also preferred traveling by elevator to climbing the stairs. The woman smiled at the thought of Grissom training his dog to find the first elevator in a building. Well, Darwin would be proud of them. Accommodating to new circumstances was the key to survival. Or were they simply lazy?

Sara did not have the time to dwell upon this theory as the typical sound of 'bimm' alerted her that they had reached the third floor. All of a sudden, Hank became excited once more and ran to Sara's door. Again, Sara found it amazing how he could remember the right door after so many days he had not been here.

Sara was sure that Hank had been missing Herbie but was not that sure if the cat had missed the big road-roller as well. So she grabbed Hank's leash tightly and slowly unlocked the door.

"Easy Hank, easy boy!"

When the door opened, Sara's jaws almost hit the floor. In her shock, she automatically dropped the leash allowing the dog to move freely but somehow, he was also frozen to his spot.

"Oh God! Oh, no!"

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Catherine Willows arrived at her new scene with Nick and Warrick in tow. The policemen had secured the scene so all the three of them could start to process the scene and collect the evidence. There was nothing unusual, they had seen almost everything. Catherine was silently watching the big half naked man. Probably only one thing was strange. It was Bruce Eiger lying here…dead…half naked…in a pool of blood. He had had to die a horrible death. As the big casino mogul was lying on the stairs, his only pillow was his own blood, he looked so vulnerable. Everybody knew that Eiger had been the man whom people had never dared to mess with and now he was just as dead as any homeless could be. No difference, no power in him anymore. Catherine went closer to the lifeless body and watched his face. Were they traces of tears? Had this fearless man been crying before he died? His face showed utter sadness. Had he committed suicide? Would a powerful man commit suicide at all or would short out the reasons for his sadness instead? Had his death been suicide or homicide? The supervisor could not help but thought of her own father. Sam Braun was as dangerous and powerful as Bruce Eiger had been. Was _this_ her father's fate too? She could not explain why but this case suddenly became especially important and maybe personal to her.

"Hey, Cath. Are you alright?" Warrick asked his boss.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's…let's just get it started. Would you please give me my camera?"

"Sure. Where should I start?"

"Nicky will talk with the paramedics to see if they knew anything, you're with me here."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

The sight that was waiting for Sara in her living room made her eyes grow wide. The floor was covered with tiny pieces of paper that used to be part of a kitchen-roll. The entire room looked like a snowy meadow. Sara was sure that she had hid the kitchen-roll in the cupboard…then how?

Her eyes traveled to the furniture and she understood even though she could hardly believe what she saw. The cupboard door was half open and some items were rolled over. Herbie had definitely figured out how to invade the construction. But Sara had hid the item when Herbie had been sleeping in her room and still, the little cat found out where it had been and taken it. How? Well, Herbie lived with a CSI after all, Sara tried to find the humor in the situation but when she looked at the mess in her flat, somehow, the laughter just did not come. And there was no sign of the naughty cat.

"Herbie?" she called.

Nothing.

"If you could be this bold, then be it now as well!" her words were serious but the tone remained gentle.

Nothing.

Wherever Sara went to look for her tiny guilty feline, Hank followed her. They checked the bedroom, the bathroom and the hidden places in the kitchen. Nothing.

"Herbie," she said now a little worried. "It's not funny. I'm not mad just please come out…anyway, why always that damn paper-roll? Grissom bought you…"

"Miaow."

Immediately Hank heard the sweet voice of his friend, he ran to the most obvious place Sara should have looked for the cat, to the kitty furniture. Sara did not know how to interpret his reaction Sara did not want to risk anything so she ordered Hank to sit. And he did as he was told.

"Good boy!"

Sara knelt down but she could not find Herbie in the condo. She sighed and sat down onto her heels.

"Herbie? Hank is here…"

Nothing.

Hank was sitting close to the woman but did not move a muscle. He was a great dog after all whose daddy was a man of good manner. Sara knew that Herbie was playing with them. Moreover, she could imagine that it was even Herbie who was hunting them down at the moment. The former hunters were being hunted. Poor thing had some serious identity confusion. Herbie was so tiny; still he had imagined that he was some fearless tiger. Sara had to laugh at his antics. Finally finding the fun in the situation, Sara placed her arm onto Hank's shoulders. Most likely it was the sign Hank was waiting for so he turned his head toward Sara and within a blink of an eye, he dropped a slobbery kiss onto Sara's cheek.

"Awwww, I'll tell it to Grissom…"

"Miaow."

Neither Hank nor Sara heard Herbie as they wrestled playfully on the carpet. Hank did everything to kiss the woman while Sara did her best to keep the dog's mouth as far from hers as she could. Feeling that he was left excluded, Herbie came out from behind the kitty climber and tried to take part in the strange game these two played.

Since the first touch of Herbie, Hank left Sara laughing on the floor and all of his attention now focused on the soft furry cat. Sara had never seen a big dog as gentle with another creature as Hank was with Herbie. He simply lay down and let the mini tiger attack him. Herbie jumped onto him and with his wee paws, the feline started his massaging and kneading. Sara sat up and just watched how much her two babies love each other. They were so free of pride or prejudice, they did not care that one was a cat while the other was a dog, they ignored that one was smaller than the other's head. They worshipped each other for who they were, friends.

Sara left them to play while she was cleaning up Herbie's crime scene. She threw away three scoops of scraps of paper already. The woman went to her kitchen to broom the rest of the mess when her land-line started to ring.

"Sidle," she answered.

"Sara! Where is your cell phone? I tried to reach you but…"

"Oh, I think I left it on your night-stand."

"Oh…okay…so…"

"Something wrong?"

"Depends on how we look at it."

"Ecklie…fired me…"

"No, he was…he was Ecklie and wanted to suspend you but we have a high profile case, so you can work on it…"

"I sense a but."

"But you can't touch our digital cameras and after the field job, you have to stay in the Lab…"

"It's worse than a suspension. It's humiliating. I'm good at my job…I have never ever made a mistake at work…let alone risk a case…"

"I think it's not about the camera or your case, it's about…"

"It's about power…I know. Still, it's unfair and…discriminative."

"We knew he would react this way, try to calm down. One step at a time. We do what we need to do, clear your name and then we can ignore him as we have always done."

"I'll do it for the sake of justice, for the sake of the other two victims and for you but if this Lab works this way, I'm not sure I want to work for it anymore."

"You promised me you wouldn't do anything without letting me know first, please, ignore what Ecklie might tell you, please, don't do anything hasty. Trust me, this is the only thing I'm asking for. Just trust me."

"I trust you."

"Okay, so listen up. Take Greg and come to Eiger's. Meet me there."

"The casino owner Eiger?"

"Yes, he owns nothing anymore."

"Okay, I can be there within an hour. Is it okay?"

"Good. Does Hank behave?"

"Hank yes, Herbie thought he was an interior decorator…ah, long story."

"Kitchen-roll?"

"Yeah," she laughed.

"Oh, one more good news."

"One more? Until now I didn't hear any…"

"Brass froze the bank account of DigiZoom. No more money transfer."

"Oh. Thanks," she did not sound relieved.

"When did you transfer the last amount of money?"

"A week after I received my salary this month. But…but it's okay. Next month will be easier. Hopefully."

"This month you got less money because of your suspension, right?"

"Stop this, Grissom. I'm fine. On Friday I'll get the next salary."

"How much money do you have?"

"Enough."

"How much?"

"Why don't you stop by and see for yourself?" she regretted it immediately. "Sorry, I'm sorry. It's just too hard for me to let you see what a loser I am."

"Do you see the victims as losers, Sara? I don't think so."

"That's different."

"That's all the same. Do you think the victims of other crimes don't think constantly what would have happened if they had done this or that differently? But crimes happen, a careful victim isn't any less of a victim."

"Okay, I have 7 dollars. And before you start, you stoked my kitchen so well the last time; I have more than enough food."

"Okay. I'll meet you at Eiger's. Drive safe!" he was not convinced that she was fine but he had some more ideas to help her.

"You, too."

As soon as they hung up, Sara left the cleaning of the mess for later; she ordered Hank to stay put and gave him a biscuit to chew on while she served some dry cat food for Herbie. She poured fresh water into the bowl, too. Short minutes later, Sara was ready to leave but it seemed that neither Hank nor Herbie were ready to say goodbye. It took Sara longer than she thought it should have to pursue the cat that the paper-ball was going to be a funnier toy for him than Hank. The dog was also unconvinced that Mrs. Thomas would be a more skillful massager than Herbie. At length, they all said goodbye. At least, Sara took Herbie's meowing and Hank's whimpering as consent to leaving.

Finally in Sara's car, she looked at Hank who was again watching her. She caressed his cheeks to comfort the big boy then started the engine and drove away. Mrs. Thomas lived relatively close to Sara's home but as she had to be at the crime scene soon, she decided to take the road by car. To save time, Sara activated the GPS in her car at a stop-light. When the device asked Sara to type the entry code in, she let some dirty words leave her lips.

"Hank! I told you I had to use the ATM, didn't I?"

At the silly expression of the dog, she just smiled, "Anyway, I saw better times, my hair is a mess anyway…I wouldn't look great on the surveillance video…so thanks."

With the help of the modern GPS, Sara found Mrs. Thomas' house easily. For the second time today, she opened the door for Hank but for the first time, he did not want to get out.

"Hank, baby. I will be late…really, please move your ass."

"Problem?" a familiar voice could be heard from behind Sara.

Turning around right away, after the first fright, Sara smiled at the man she had known for a while now and had helped her tiny tabby monster.

"Dr. Woods! No, we don't have a problem, right, Hank?"

"Just call me James. Dr. Woods is too…official," the vet said.

"Okay, James. Just finished your shift?"

"Yeah, and I bet you will just start yours."

"Yes. It's like murderers are vampires. They don't seem to sleep."

"Sadly. How is our little fugitive?"

"Has a thing for kitchen-rolls…and this big guy."

When Dr. Woods touched Sara's arm in a friendly way, Hank suddenly jumped out of the car and threateningly stood between his girlfriend and the man who – in his opinion - was too close to this lady and definitely was not his daddy. The dog's reaction surprised Sara and made James smile.

"He is a good dog. Very protective, typical boxer. He must love you very much."

"He was never aggressive."

"It's not real aggression. He protects you. He thinks I am some kind of a threat for you. Your dog?"

Sara was thinking who Grissom was to her. Boyfriend? She grimaced, this word sounded juvenile, Grissom was more than just a boyfriend to her. As it felt the time stopped, she came up with other determinations that could define her relationship to this special man. Mate: too inhuman. Partner: quite momentaneous. Sweetheart: that was stupid. Date: even stupider. Intimate: definitely but too sexual. How could a woman call someone who held all the descriptions she had just thought of? Only one title could satisfy her expectation: Gil Grissom. So she was going to call him what he was to her.

"No…um…he is my…love's dog."

"Then Hank is a very loyal dog. He can become very jealous of the attention you – as his master's girlfriend - might receive from another human…resulting in head butting. He is actually protecting both you and your boyfriend."

"Wow…I hope he is not very into this terminator mode," she laughed.

"His "aggression" is based on pure love but sure, you two should observe his behavior."

"Thanks. Sorry but we really have to hurry. Thanks again for this interesting talk."

"My pleasure, Sara. Take care!"

He was about to shake hands with Sara but Hank expressed his displeasure by growling slightly.

"Hank, it's okay. Easy boy!"

"What a bodyguard," James chuckled but he was not about to feel those teeth in his flesh.

After the vet had walked away, Sara kissed the dog. It was not often when a guy – dog or not dog – protected her. Sara was in love.

It was even harder for both of them to say goodbye at Mrs. Thomas'. The old woman was very kind and it was evident that she loved Hank and the dog also accepted the lady but she was not Sara and her grandson was not Herbie. Sara's heart went for the dog when she turned her back to him. She heard him whine or was it her own cry?

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Sara and Greg were heading to the scene of Bruce Eiger. The young man was chatty as always, Sara tolerated his jokes as always. But the latest gossip he had shared worried her.

"How do you know this already? Who is your mole?"

"I have my sources, Miss Sidle," he purred mysteriously into her ears.

"So we have to face a Cath in rage…just what I needed…"

"Well, she thinks Grissom wants to supervise her…to steal her precious scene, blablabla…you know how important to her to be the lead CSI…"

"I don't care. Play their stupid power game as they want, just leave me out of it."

"You look nervous. You ok?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just tired of this "my scene-your scene" crap."

"Now I know something is up. You swear…"

"If everybody made their own business and did their job, there wouldn't be…"

"And now you sound like Grissom," he smiled.

"Soon, you can make the comparison," she said as they arrived. "Where is the entrance?"

"Look, the garage door is just opening," Greg pointed to the opening garage door that revealed Grissom. They walked up to him.

"Question. You come home, see your husband lying in the driveway. What do you do?"

Greg simply shrugged, he smelled trap in this one, "Is that a trick question?"

For Sara, it was much easier to imagine what she would do in this case, "Stop, jump out, run over to him."

For Grissom, it was absolutely believable that she would do exactly how she had described it. Had her eyes softened at the mention of husband? Or had he only hallucinated it? Would she ever accept him as her husband? Would he ever be as brave as to propose marriage to her? Grissom had to force himself to concentrate solely on this case instead of daydreaming about something that might never happen.

"Or take the time to pull into the garage and park and lock your car?"

Sara shrugged her dreams off her mind and looked at Greg. He smiled smugly at the two of them," Well, I guess it depends on the car…"

"Don't forget to mention this to your future-wife," Grissom said astonished.

"She has just heard it," he joked further.

Grissom could hardly believe his ears. Greg was openly flirting with _his_ woman. How dared he? But of course, he did not know about them. But could it be the youngest CSI's excuse? Grissom took out his clipboard to hide his jealousy. When Sara smiled at him to let him know that she knew exactly what he was doing, Grissom started to write something on the board and tried very hard to ignore the woman so close to him.

Then Sara found an oil spot on the driveway. She knelt down to examine the material and found out that the oil had to be fresh as it had not absorbed into the stone yet. Back to business, Grissom asked Sara to check out all the cars for any leaks just in case. Before he left them to their work, Grissom stepped closer to Sara and said that she should stay in the Lab after she had collected the samples from the cars and that she should stay calm.

"I'll be fine."

"Just don't do anything out of anger, okay?"

"Ecklie?"

He did not have to answer her. Who else would insult Sara? They did not have more time to talk in private as Greg had already got back from the car with the CSI kits in his hands.

"Where should I start?"

"At the beginning," Grissom said.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Everybody busied themselves with collecting evidence, taking photos and registering every tiny detail to solve the case and satisfy the Sheriff's wish. The fight that Catherine had started with Grissom was continued with Ecklie. The Lab Director was not sure if the lady supervisor had meant 'I smell crap' literally or figuratively. But he suspected the woman meant it both ways.

"I saved you from putting your foot in it," pointed to the crap but her tone expressed the double entendre.

"I appreciated that," he nodded.

Catherine wanted so badly to ignore the tall man but she was not famous for her patience or tolerance. Lab Director or not, Ecklie dirtied on the woman's territory, and this was something she just could not digest easily.

Ecklie tried to maintain a normal conversation with Catherine or even mollify the pressure between them but the woman was silently taking photos. Becoming the situation quite embarrassing, Ecklie turned and left the arrogant woman behind. He was walking farther and farther but still heard Nick who said he thought that he had found the launch point. Catherine shouted back that she was right there. She went back to her kit and placed the Lab camera down on the bag and headed upstairs.

Shaking his head, Ecklie was about to leave the scene and go back to his empire when he noticed Sara collecting oil samples from several cars. His frustration at Catherine's behavior surfaced with dangerous speed. He approached the guileless woman with growing illogical anger. He just needed someone whom he could reprimand.

"Sidle!"

* * *

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* * *

Catherine became extremely mad at Ecklie, at Grissom and at everybody who lived or moved and crossed her way after she had faced the fact that Grissom and Sofia had finished the autopsy of Bruce Eiger without her. The blonde woman rushed into her office and threw the report and her watch onto desk.

After she had hooked up her camera to the computer, the message she could read on the screen of her laptop made her numb. If she had been mad before now she became deadly scared.

CARD CONTAINS NO IMAGES

Catherine immediately checked the memory card in her camera and then she realized. She had royally messed up and most probably just jeopardized the only priority case.

When Warrick stepped into her office, at first she did not even hear what he had said.

"What's wrong?"

"You didn't touch my camera, did you?"

"No."

"I have a 256 memory card. This is a 32. Somebody switched it out and took my crime scene photos."

Catherine closed her eyes and grimaced when she thought about telling it to Grissom and Ecklie. Leaving Warrick in her room, she went straight to Grissom's office. She knocked slightly on his door but not waiting for an answer, she stepped inside.

With sincere guilty expression on her face she said, "We have a problem."

In the last two hours, Grissom had become more and more worried about Sara as he had not been able to reach her or found her in the Lab. He had suspected that something had had to happen but he could not leave the Lab just yet. He had tried to calm himself that she had probably busied herself with processing the evidence they had collected at the Eiger residence. So Grissom had been already stressed when he looked up at Catherine.

"Oh, no, not again," he murmured.

"The memory card from my digital camera was stolen and switched with a blank. The only time the camera was out of my possession was at the crime scene," she answered but somehow her tone lost the former arrogance.

"Well, how can that be? It was a secure scene."

"I don't know. I dusted the camera and the card. There weren't any prints. All of the crime scene photos of the body and the blood evidence were on that card."

Grissom sighed defeated and sat back in his chair, "We do have a problem."

"Yes, we do," Ecklie said and nodded at Catherine as he leaned against the door jam. Oddly, he looked more troubled than Catherine and he did not rave with fury. He looked guilty? Why?

"Get back to the crime scene. Get what you can," he ordered Catherine.

"Well, I know that the scene's been released."

Losing patience quickly, "Well, go quickly!"

"Okay," the woman said and rushed out of the office.

After the woman had left, Ecklie still remained at the door. Grissom sighed and looked at the administrator waiting for him to analyze how incompetent his former team was. But the harsh words never came. On the contrary. The former CSI was just standing there guilt all over his face.

"Gil? Do you know where Sara is?"

Did he say Sara? Not Sidle? Since when did he call her Sara? He was wondering just what had happened. Was he the reason that Grissom could not reach her?

"What have you done, Conrad?"

**TBC**

_**

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Author's Postscript:**__Yaya, what has he done? Where is Sara? Has Ecklie anything to do with Sara's disappearance at all? And what's now? The team could lose a memo card…even from a secure scene…_


	22. Rage, Guilt, Memories

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

**

* * *

Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N:** Thank you…all of you for the continued and wonderful reviews, they always make my days : ) Thanks!

**

* * *

Chapter ****Twenty-two**

_Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.__ – __**Buddha**_

"And then something has changed, Sara changed then she drove away," Ecklie finished his mournful monologue.

Grissom was sitting in his chair and he could not really believe what Ecklie had just told him. What the administrator had done was both unprofessional and cruel but most of all gratuitous. The graveyard supervisor rarely felt the insurmountable desire to hit somebody but at this moment he definitely could forge Ecklie's bald head into a new shape.

"Why did you have to do that? Did Sara do something?"

"Look, I admit that I was wrong and unfair but I don't know, Catherine drove me crazy with her arrogance…you know her, she ridiculed me in front of my subordinates, in front of the officers and well…"

"You unleashed your anger on Sara," Grissom seethed with anger.

"I did, yes," he admitted.

"If I recall the last event correctly when somebody was as angry as that certain person spoke out in public, you suspended that person in the blink of an eye, even though she might have been right. So what should Sara do now? To file a complaint against you, too?"

Ecklie knew that Grissom was talking about Sara's last suspension when she had crossed the line with Catherine in the hallway and even though that case had been entirely different, the Lab Director did not try to convince Grissom about it. What he had told Sara hours ago had been low even to Ecklie.

"I'll apologize. That's why I asked you if you know where she is."

"The question is why you want to apologize all of a sudden? Because you realized how unfair you were or because Catherine created a touchy situation?"

"I would have apologized anyway…"

"Somehow I can find it hard to believe. You were always a great politician Conrad…_that_ ability of yours helped you to perfect the art of climbing the ranks, so actually I can believe that it is a pretty tricky situation for you. You wouldn't dare to fire Catherine…however, she made a serious mistake _at_ work…she's just too hard of a player for you. Therefore, you can't fire Sara. It would be difficult to explain. Now _that_ must be hard on you."

"I want to talk to Sara right after she arrives here," Ecklie tried very hard to ignore Grissom's barbs. "Please, page me when she is in."

"You know you still can't see the point. Sara does deserve fair treatment not because you are forced to do so but because she is a worthy member of this team…of the society."

"My job is to protect the reputation of the Lab," Ecklie said with remorse in his voice.

"Then I suggest that you should read the job description for Lab Directors again because humiliating employees isn't written in it. Your job is to coordinate and administrate the day-to-day technical and scientific operations of the Lab. But just because you let your personal problem with an employee color your judgement and Sara may get hurt in any way…I'm going to help her to find the appropriate form to report it."

"Where are you going?" Ecklie asked when he saw that Grissom left his chair and headed rapidly toward the door.

"I have to find Sara."

"But the Eiger case…he's…was the friend of the Sheriff."

"And Sara is the friend of _mine_."

"Gil?"

Without a word he turned and looked at Ecklie, "Anything I should know?"

"Before Sara drove off, she collected the evidence…"

"For an unreliable CSI as you called her, it was quite unusual, don't you think? Or has she just proved how reliable she really is?"

And without another word, Grissom left Ecklie in his office and tried to figure out where Sara could be or where she could go after the fight with the rude administrator.

He tried her cell phone but there was no answer again. It worried him beyond belief. He dialed her number for the last time before he sped to his car intending to head back to the crime scene.

"Come on, Sara, pick up. Please pick up," he muttered but he got no answer.

It started to anger him. Why could she not answer the damn phone? He then tried her land-line telephone at home but he could not reach her there either. He hoped that she had gone there. Did she have an accident? No, that could not happen he chanted to himself but Grissom quickened his steps nonetheless.

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Catherine Willows left the Lab immediately she had fled from Grissom's office. It had been one thing that she had had to admit her serious mistake to Grissom but the fact that Ecklie had been also there to hear it, well, that had been even more humiliating. Now that she thought about it, one momentum surprised the blonde supervisor. Ecklie had been just standing there. No sarcastic remarks, no barking or threatening with suspension. Catherine was pondering on the length of her carelessness. Had it silenced the big Mr. Conrad Ecklie? The more Catherine was thinking about it, the surer she became that something had had to happen besides her losing that memo card. But what could it be?

She looked into the rear-view mirror and saw that some drops of perspiration had appeared on her forehead. Normally, Catherine never sweated this way. Could it be the rising Sun or the guilt she was feeling? Once she had said that she had lived her life without regrets, well, in this strange chilly morning, she was about to rethink her earlier statement. She knew that the way she had acted earlier with Ecklie had been especially unprofessional and disrespectful but she had been angry and felt that all of them had betrayed her, wanted to supervise her, to check on her. But Catherine realized that she had just proved that she might really need supervision. Her arrogance and pride colored her judgement and distracted her attention from the task at hand causing slips she normally would have never done.

Catherine closed her eyes for a second in shame and guilt. Sometimes wrong things happened and people could do nothing about it and still, they felt undeserved guilt. But most of the times, wrong things happened because people did something stupid. Catherine's guilt was fueled by thoughtless actions she had taken during this investigation. With guilt always came the implication of choice and responsibility. Could she prevent this mess? Definitely, and this was what was eating her alive.

The woman was rolling down the window to receive some cool fresh air when she noticed a deserted CSI Denali on the other side of the road. Catherine slowed down and checked the traffic then when it was safe, she took a U-turn and parked in a safe distance from the CSI vehicle. For a moment, she simply inspected the car from the safety of her huge car. Catherine chose the shorter route to get back to the Eiger's and obviously, someone had done the same to get away from it.

The Denali's door was open but no one sat in the car. Catherine checked the license plate number and she reached for the radio. Within minutes she learned that this car belonged to Sara but the dispatcher said that her radio did not response.

Catherine ever slowly exited her car and pulled her gun out of its cradle. She stepped closer to the Denali.

"Hello?"

When she reached the back of the car, she noticed a pair of boots. Her heart was throbbing in her throat as she followed the traces.

The boots also belonged to Sara who was lying on the ground.

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July Harper was a very successful young woman. She was the only child of the Harpers and her parents did everything to ensure a wonderful life for their daughter. The Harpers never had financial problem but Mr. Harper hated wasting money on things he thought were meaningless. Charity, entertainment or hobbies like photography all fell into that category. But sometimes, people wanted what was considered senseless and superfluous. And July Harper loved photography and because her father did not approve it, she lived for this hobby in secret. She was not really a talented photographer but she loved catching moments of nature nonetheless.

July had a nice and well-paid job. She worked as a secretary in the Mayor's Office. Her father's influence had helped her to get the job even though there had been hundreds of applicants for that position more qualified than Miss Harper. After two years of "hard" work, July was about to get promoted. His father was very proud of his little girl. To Mr. Harper, being able to embrace the opportunities that life offered meant more than being eligible for a certain position. And July Harper had been trained well to grab the opportunities at any cost. So here she was in her airy living room checking her outfit in the mirror. She was going to be promoted today. July Harper was going to be the personal assistant of the Mayor of Las Vegas.

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Ecklie was sitting in his huge and bright office. In the last half an hour, he had had the time to think about what had happened at the Eiger's palatial estate. Grissom's words were also echoing in his head. His job.

_Then I suggest that you should read the job description __for Lab Directors again because humiliating employees sure as hell is not written in it. Your job is to coordinate and administrate the day-to-day technical and scientific operations of the Lab._

Ecklie had disliked Sara Sidle since the moment she had stepped into the Lab, it had never been a secret however, no one had known why the antipathy. But Ecklie had been always a disciplined man; he had always followed the rules even if they had been unreasonable. He had always wanted the best for the Lab. Probably he was going to protect the Lab or as he loved to call his Lab until his last breath. He knew the job description word by word.

…_humiliating employees sure as hell is not written in it…_

Perhaps the first time in his adult life, Ecklie felt remorse. For the first time in a long time, he started to become consumed with thoughts about what he could have done differently, which might prevent the incident from occurring. He had camouflaged his inability and cowardice with aggression. And this was not the attitude that a responsible Lab Director should possess. So in this case, Ecklie felt the need to take responsibility so he had to accept that his actions most likely led to the occurrence of series of events.

Ecklie closed the files that were on his desk and decided to overcome this guilt. After he had faced the full reality of what he had done and understood why he had done it, he was ready to minimize the harm he had caused. He was willing to give Sara the only thing Ecklie was sure the woman valued: respect and justice.

Within minutes, he called for a warrant to get the bank records of 'DigiZoom' based on the statement Sara had done in her report. After some more calls, Ecklie sat back in his chair and smiled. He was going to show Grissom that he did protect both the Lab and its employees. He was going to prove that he could use his influence to give justice to Sara. He was going to demonstrate that he knew his job. And perhaps, they all could forget this incident without incident.

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After Catherine had called Grissom and informed him about Sara and her car, the worried man immediately headed to the place where Catherine had found them. The blonde woman had ensured Grissom that Sara had been alright so she would leave her there to wait for him as she had had to rush back to the Eiger's manor. Grissom had not been happy about that Sara would have to be alone waiting on the side of the road but he had also known that time had been their enemy in this touchy case. Time worked against them and probably so did Mrs. Eiger.

Grissom was driving faster than he was comfortable with but he could not calm down until he could see with his own eyes that Sara was fine indeed. About ten minutes later, he could spot a lonely car and a lonely woman sitting on the curb. He pushed the gas pedal lower but then just as quickly slowed his car down. Not wanting to startle the woman, he honked the horn twice then parked the car behind the broken-down one. He jumped out of the vehicle and ran to Sara who by then stood up and already started to apologize.

"Sorry, I thought I could fix it. I was under the car when Cath arrived…I tried to fix it…I tried twice and I thought it was going to…"

"Why didn't you answer your cell phone?" he asked as he checked her out from head to toe then turned her around to repeat the action.

"I left it at your place, remember? And the radio just didn't work either."

And really. How could he forget that? He had wanted to call her earlier, too and she could not answer him at that time either. Probably, he had forgotten about it because he could reach her at her place before she had taken Hank to Mrs. Thomas. Anyhow, he decided that he was going to buy her two more cell phones. One into her car, one with her…all the time. He was not going to age ten more years again.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Grissom! Stop worrying! Only the car broke down…not me," she smiled at him.

"Yeah, I know by now but I thought…"

"What? I only waited two hours or a little more. It's not that I was gone for a whole day or so."

"I…I was still worried. I couldn't reach you…and what Ecklie has done to you…"

Suddenly, Sara's face went deadly pale and she began to tremble. Grissom also noticed the change in her. Anger flooded over him again. He did not care that Ecklie had seemed to regret what he had done, he only could see Sara's broken soul mirroring on her face. Even though it was a safe area in respect of being seen, the man looked around then embraced her immediately to comfort her.

"He wants to fire me, huh? But you know what? I don't care anymore," Sara started.

Grissom pulled her back a little to see her face, "What? You think he has the right to be angry after what he has done?"

"You…you don't understand…he actually helped me to see who I might become…"

"What are you talking about?"

.

_Sara saw that Ecklie __was trying to maintain a normal conversation with Catherine or it seemed to Sara that he wanted to mollify the pressure between her and Grissom's team…or simply between her and himself but the woman was silently taking photos. Sara even chuckled at the situation that quickly became quite embarrassing but when Ecklie turned and left the arrogant woman behind, Sara knew that she also had to return to her own task. Ecklie was walking farther and farther but probably still heard Nick who said he thought that he had found the launch point. Catherine shouted back that she was right there. She went back to her kit and placed the Lab's camera down on the bag and headed upstairs. In Sara's opinion, it was not a very wise thing to leave the camera there. It contained lots of crime scene photos after all. But she was not about to interfere with Catherine, she was upset enough already._

_Sara saw Ecklie shaking his head and that he __was about to leave the scene presumably to go back to his empire when Sara noticed that Ecklie's attention suddenly focused on her. His face presented frustration at Catherine's behavior that surfaced with dangerous speed, Sara could feel it. He approached the sample collecting woman with growing anger. Did he just need someone whom he could reprimand? But Sara did not have to wait long to figure it out._

"_Sidle!"_

"_Ecklie?"_

"_I understood you had managed to get into trouble again. Why am I not surprised?"_

"_I wrote__ down everything into the report and I don't think it is the appropriate place to discuss another case."_

"_What case? That will be a disciplinary action…a drunk CSI compromises the Lab every damn day she wakes up. Thanks God you weren't on a case when you kissed the bottle."_

"_Do you always act like this when a crime happens?"_

"_You know what the crime is? That Grissom hired you years ago. You did nothing but shame him and the Lab."_

"_Sorry if my records offer only shame. My __crime solving rate is the highest and…"_

"_Of course, every criminal admits their sins just to get rid of you. Maybe they can't stand your alcoholic breath."_

_Sara knew that Ecklie was provoking her into something he __then could use as a reason to fire her but his words hit her hard. She was not a festering mistake Grissom had made years ago; she was not, wasn't she? She had always worked hard to get there where she was now, how dared he…how could he say otherwise? She would ridicule the Lab? She lived for this cursed Lab, she had sacrificed her private life for the Lab so how could this man tell things like these to her?_

"_I don't have drinking problem, I wasn't drunk when…"_

"_Yeah, Grissom was trying to sell the same shit, too."_

"_Did he tell you?"_

"_We got a call. You know this one where a worthy man died," he stressed the word 'worthy'._

"_Ecklie, let me do my job," she desperately wanted to go back to her __task; she felt that both her composure and patience were slipping._

"_Yeah, I'll let you one last time play CSI…so you can see how real CSIs work. Just watch Catherine or Nick or even Warrick! They all know what this job requires! Maybe you'll learn something from them."_

_And this was it. She could let him hold her weird personality and weaknesses against her but she was not going to let this __retarded man degrade her ability as a CSI when her records spoke for themselves. This man said she should learn from Catherine who was responsible for at least one person's death? Come on, once the Lab had blown up because of her negligence. Or from Nick who had dropped a case willingly to please his boss rather than stand up for the case? Or from Warrick whose hands were not so clean either? Sara knew that only those could make mistakes or make wrong decisions who were working but they were not saints and she was not the devil either. She did not know what she wanted to do more: to cry or to run or to hit this man with all of her strength. She felt so intensive pain in her stomach and heart she had not felt since she had been removed from the home where her mother had killed her father._

"_What? Nothing to say, Sidle? I think you're right. You don't hav__e to say anything; you can simply hand in your resignment. You would do a huge favor to Grissom. He pities you, that's why he doesn't fire you. And he wouldn't admit that he made a mistake years ago anyway."_

_Sara knew she should leave as soon as she could. She had collected all the samples she had wanted to, there was no more reason to stay here and listened to __the crap Ecklie was pouring onto her. Silently, she packed all of her equipment and loaded them into the Denali. Ecklie followed her to the vehicle and leaned against the side of the car._

"_Are you sober __enough or should I send an officer to drive you back to the Lab?"_

_And finally, Ecklie reached her limits. __Like a leopard, Sara advanced the man so fast he had no time to react. What Sara saw at that dark moment terrified her so much she felt she was going to faint. She released Ecklie immediately and backed off a little but never diverted her eyes from what she had seen. Blindly she reached for the door handle and sat into the driver's seat then took off._

_._

"You didn't hit him, Sara. Even though he crossed every line possible, he was inappropriate and still you could keep your feelings in check, I'm so proud of you."

"I…I wanted to punch him. I really did. But…"

"What did you see?"

"I don't want to talk about it…I can't."

"You can trust me, you know that."

Sara looked into his eyes and saw only sincerity. If this man did not run away from her yet, he would now when he heard what she had seen, she was sure of it.

"You'll think I'm crazy."

"Do you…um…do you love me, Sara?"

"Yes."

"Then you are crazy, so no new realization can come," he smiled at her. Seeing that he did not really convince her, Grissom pulled her to sit down on the curb. He took her hand and waited silently. Patience and silence were the keys to Sara's soul.

"Ecklie…was an ass. I knew what his intention was. I…I know I'm not a model, not a blonde beauty, I know I have flaws…maybe more than normal people have. But I also know that I'm good at my job. But he wanted to take away from me the only worthiness I have ever had. My competence…"

"He said he wasn't really angry at you…he didn't mean it."

"He was very convincing…and I lost my patience. Never felt that grudge before. Never and it scared me. But I wanted to vent it on him at last. I wanted to hit him in the face."

"I can't blame you."

"But you should!" Sara kicked the dust as she got upset again. "When I pushed him against the car…I clenched my fists…I was ready to break his nose…"

"I think I would have hit him," Grissom said caressing her back.

"No, you wouldn't and you know that."

"What did you see?"

She struggled with finding the words to describe what she had seen. Sara buried her face into her hands and sighed heavily.

"I saw my reflection in the window…it must have been me…who else but at the same time…it wasn't me."

For a moment, Grissom got confused but then Sara continued.

"The woman I saw was like a lunatic. She terrified me. Her eyes were huge…filled with animosity…hunger for blood. The expression of her face was what made my heart stop. After a second I realized I knew that woman. I realized I had seen that woman before. With her fist ready to smite…her eyes…getting glassy…her face turning into stone…I saw…I saw my own mother…it was the last image of her in my memory. When I rarely think about her…I can't really see her face, I mean in my memory, she is only a photo. But this morning…in that window…she came to life. My reflection…her face."

"Sara," he wanted to say something but he did not know what word would be good.

"I knew I probably hurt Ecklie but I didn't care. I could only focus on the woman reflected in the window. I could even hear my mother saying that 'pain is when weakness leaves the body'…I became my mother…but I don't want to be my mother."

"You're nothing like your mother. You didn't hit Ecklie even though he would have deserved that."

"No one deserves hitting. Not a dog like Ecklie. When I begged my mother to stop hitting me or my father to stop hitting my mother…when I told them that the strikes hurt…my mother said that pain was when weakness left my body which I still don't know what it means but she continued hitting me or my brother."

"You're nothing like her, Sara. I can tell you, nothing like her."

"Ecklie made me realize who I might become if I let them break me but I can fight against it…I want to fight against it, so I left him there and left."

"Believe me, I hate nothing more than violence and when I see you I can forget what that word means, with you I can forget that that word exists. Maybe it's time to consider a visit. Maybe it would help you to leave the past behind."

"I don't think I could do that."

"Who says you have to go alone?"

"Um…don't know, Grissom, really I don't know."

"I don't say that we have to leave town right now. When you're ready…we go, okay?"

"Okay."

"Just remember one thing. You're wonderful, loving and gentle…"

"You don't pity me?"

"Pity you? Why would I? I'm proud of you how strong you are! You have morals I admire."

"We…um…we should go back to the Lab or else one more word and I can't guarantee your morals…among other things will remain…untouched…I want you Gilbert Grissom…I really want you now."

**TBC**

_**

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Author's Postscript:**__Okay, Sara is safe…for now. Well, it seems that everything will get better…Grissom hopes that, Sara hopes that, even Ecklie hopes that…but don't let me fool you : )_


	23. Suppressed Feelings

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N:** Well, again, the original chapter got way too long, so I split it into two. Here is the first part. Let me know what you think. : )

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**Chapter ****Twenty-three**

_You know when you have found your prince because you not only have a smile on your face but in your__ heart as well. – __**Author Unknown**_

Catherine Willows was taking pictures of the already disturbed scene with never seen speed. Mrs. Eiger was everything but cooperative or nice. Catherine's tactic of being sympathetic had not moved the older woman. Not pushing her luck, Catherine recorded as many details of the scene as she could. After she had realized that there was nothing more to archive, she headed back to her huge car when she noticed the overflowing trash. Catherine went closer to the cans and lifted their lids to get a better look into the containers. The rolled up carpets literally invited themselves to the Las Vegas Crime Lab.

The woman took out her cell phone and dialed Warrick's number to ask him to send some help here. She also asked the man if Sara and Grissom had arrived at the Lab already but Warrick could not answer that question.

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As if the weather found the humor in the situation, the sun was shining so intensively that it made the sky as bright as a bucket of dreams. It looked rather white than blue even. There were no sunglasses that could protect Grissom and Sara's eyes from the eager sun rays. Or were those the simple the results of their dilated pupils due to the passion Sara had woken up in the old good supervisor? Neither had dared to name it. They were still giggling when they arrived at the Lab. With a mischievous smile on his face, Grissom exited the big vehicle and was about to walk around the car to the passenger's side to help Sara out of her seat when he realized that she had been already out reloading the evidence she had collected at the Eiger's residence earlier.

When Sara looked over her shoulder questioningly at Grissom, he pretended that he only checked the door. Would it be that surprising if he had wanted to help the lady out of the car? Anyway, he shrugged off the momentaneous shame at his failed attempt at being a gentleman, Grissom went to Sara and wanted to take some of the evidence bags from her but again he received that 'what do you want' look.

"You don't want me to help?" he asked.

"These are not heavy, thanks!"

The parking lot seemed deserted enough, so Grissom tenderly caressed Sara's back. She felt hypersensitive with an extra awareness about her own body's reactions to his touch. Sara could feel the way his palm touched and rubbed on her clothes. The only similar feeling that she could think of was when a warm breeze was caressing her face on a clear spring day. On top of that Grissom's proximity was - as always - making her instantly aroused. Again. It was crazy; they both were adults so why were they acting like two insatiable teenagers? But she did feel like a teenager when Grissom was anywhere near her. Her nipples peaked, she shivered all over her body in delight while her velvety skin was covered with goose-bumps and she clenched her fingers tighter around the plastic bags she was holding. Grissom recognized the unmistakable signs of her arousal and grinned widely. He felt immense pride. Sara also recognized the unambiguous indication of his naughty and very dangerous game. Their eyes met and held. Suddenly, Sara released one bag that fell onto the ground. Immediately, Grissom bent down to pick it up but Sara mirrored his motion. When both were crouching behind the vehicle, Sara grabbed Grissom's jacket and placed her lips next to his ear.

"I wish we were at home…I want you so badly."

A few words…that was all it had taken and he came undone. His arms went automatically to close around Sara before Grissom had even thought about it. Sara was definitely taken aback by his unconscious adventurousness. They should be more careful with their passion; they had to be more discreet, she thought.

"Grissom!"

Sobering up in a second, Grissom instinctively let go of Sara in the ancient reaction to threat. And the threat was the Lab itself. Since when did he become this careless? Hugging Sara in the Lab's parking lot? They should be more careful with their feelings for each other; they had to be more discreet, he thought.

"Oh…I'm sorry…"

"Don't be…just wait…until we go home…"

"This didn't help much the recent situation…you go ahead. I need some more time to…um…," the way Sara was grinning at him did not help either, "to…um…lock the car and some, so go!"

"Yes, boss!"

Sara gathered the bags and headed toward the entrance. For the last time, she turned back to look at him and she saw that Grissom was fiddling with some stuff in the car definitely stalling. She was smiling when she looked at the man she loved but her smile had died slowly by the time she turned back toward the door to hell. With a sigh, she pushed the big door open and stepped inside.

She was walking in the hallway to drop the samples off at the proper labs for further examination when she saw a bouncing body approaching her.

"It's about time, Miss Sidle," Greg greeted her.

"Why are you speaking in whispers?"

"Because the ugly boss is on the hunt for you."

"Ecklie?"

"Do you know any other ugly man in this Lab?"

"Well, let me think…"

"Nah, my heart is as brittle as glass, you know," he imitated heart ache but then he reached for the bags in her hands to help her and Sara gave them to him willingly.

Neither Sara nor Greg noticed the man standing with open mouth at the entrance watching the entire teasing scene between them. Grissom saw as Sara let _Greg_ carry the evidence bags for her while she had not let _him_ do the same minutes earlier. Why was Greg Sanders more capable of being a gentleman than him? And just did he not have enough tasks to work on? Why was he following Sara like a shadow? Quickly losing his former exhilaration, Grissom marched into his office closing the door behind him excluding the rest of the world. He tried to convince himself that what he was feeling was not jealousy, he was simply curious. Really. Greg was her colleague and best friend, friend…who had walked Sara toward the bathroom. Bathroom. Shower. Naked.

"Why were they going there anyway?"

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* * *

Ecklie was sitting in his office signing reports and managing some important calls in relation to the status of the Eiger case. After he had informed the Sheriff that everything went as they should, the administrator called Judy, the receptionist.

"Judy! Has Sara Sidle come in yet?"

"Yes, sir. About ten minutes ago."

"Page her that I'm expecting her in my office asap!"

"Yes, sir."

Ecklie was not looking forward to seeing the woman at all but he knew they had to get over with this conversation. The sooner, the better. In his opinion, Grissom had been right at one single point: their priority must be the reputation of the Lab. And they had to protect its employees if they were abused in any way. Grissom had been also right when he had emphasized that they all had to be objective and free of prejudice. The fact that the only rock stable chance against Sara had been ruined by Catherine was definitely a bitter pill for him to swallow. Ecklie also lamented that Catherine's bad break had not happened before his thoughtless act with Sara. However, he could not deny that he had enjoyed every tiny moment of that "talk".

Either way, he was the Lab Director and he, of all people, knew his job. So he was willing to make amends in the name of the beloved laboratory. Ecklie did not dare to say it out loud that a complaint against him would not show well in his own personal file either. He had not been the big man of the lab that long that he could let it happen. So his sense of remorse was rather about self-protection than true repentance of his unfairness to Sara Sidle.

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"Come on, Sara! I know you want to tell me about it."

"There is nothing I can tell you about, so would you please leave me alone? I need to shower!"

"Exactly! Why do you need a shower?"

"Greg, my car broke down and I tried to fix it so I…anyway, this is the ladies bathroom…and I guess you're not a woman, right?"

"You two were out there way too long…so confess my friend. What happened?"

"Nothing happened and Greg, I'm sick and tired of me being this dirty…"

"I love dirty girls…"

Sara was about to tell him that she was tired and hungry but it was obvious that the young man was in a playful mood. The human body was a tricky and not so well-structured organism. If one gave it little food, it was starving. If one started to nourish more properly, it needed more food and more frequently. Since Grissom had loaded her kitchen with different kinds of food, her body had become greedy. Now, she could get hungry much sooner. Her body became her betrayal. And a hungry woman was dangerous for any men.

"Okay, Greg. I'm gonna take off my clothes…"

"A bonus, very good idea. Want me to wash your back?"

"Not even on Doc Robbins' table."

"Never say never. We'll have a shower together…eventually. Trust me!"

"Dream on, Greg. Now…out!"

"Okay-okay. But you don't have to be this rude. You can just ask me to leave."

"Alright. Please, leave the bathroom."

"See? Just one suggestion…you mysterious girl!"

"Shoot then leave!" Sara said knowing too well that Greg would not leave until he said what he wanted to say.

"Wear scarf or something…you have a nice hickey on your neck!"

Sara's eyes widened at the mention of a hickey. Would Grissom have really given her a beard burn? Had they been kissing and necking that heatedly? She knew they probably had but still, hickeys were embarrassing and indiscreet, vulgar even. How was she going to hide it? Sara subconsciously touched the skin on her neck where she suspected the hickey was and her cheeks turned crimson immediately.

"B-u-s-t-e-d!"

"What?" she was still in a kind of trance.

Suddenly, Greg remembered his work very important to ignore any further so he speeded up toward the door. He would not call it run but beyond any doubt, it was a kind of jog. Behind the safety of the door, he turned back and winked at Sara who was standing there dumbfounded.

"Relax, I'm not gossiping. Your secret is safe with me," there was something in his voice that suggested that Sara could trust him. His candid smile told Sara that he was even happy for them. Anyhow, the fact that his best friend had noticed the change in her relationship with Grissom upset her. She trusted Greg, still, it was disturbing that they let him notice the signs. But again, it was Greg who paid enough attention to her to notice the signs of any signs at all. She loved him for it even more. Greg was a great guy with a heart uniquely clean. If it were legal, she would recommend him for cloning. The world needed more Gregs.

She walked to the sink to see with her own eyes how bad the bruise looked. Sara turned her head to the left then to the right but there was no hickey.

"Son of a bitch!"

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* * *

In the CSI garage, Catherine and Warrick were looking through the trash bins that the woman had discovered a few hours ago at the Eiger Manson.

"Is that a diaper?" Warrick asked but did not really expect an answer.

The two CSIs thought that they had already seen everything but this case was something unique. It started to be clear that Bruce Eiger had used that diaper and not just because he had been incontinent.

"…a freak," Catherine finished Warrick's theory.

Both were sniffing at the smell and at the sight of what they found in those cans and in the end, they agreed that they should take the carpet back to the house and look at that in its original context. Neither was happy about the new twist. Catherine was about to call Grissom to inform him about the development but the man in question had just appeared at the garage's door.

"Hey guys! In twenty minutes, pizza will be waiting for us in the break room."

"Who has birthday today?" Warrick asked.

"We better hurry before that damn beggar steals it again," Catherine added.

Grissom did not comment her remark. She was right after all. Catherine just did not know who she was talking about and what Sara's reasons were to steal food. What Grissom did not understand was the reason how come that no one noticed her suffering. No one but Greg Sanders. For so long, not even him. The young man usually annoyed Grissom but he had to admit that the ex-punk was a loyal friend to Sara and the youngest CSI had tried to open Grissom's eyes on many occasion. The graveyard supervisor simply had not been listening. There was none so deaf as those who would not listen. How cruel life could be sometimes. He had been deaf when his ears had been the healthiest. This would haunt Grissom for the rest of his life.

"I'll be there in a few, too. I just have to see Ecklie before stuffing."

"And you think you will still have appetite after that meeting?" Warrick joked but no one was laughing.

* * *

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* * *

Even though Ecklie had not told Grissom that he would expect him to present himself in his office, Grissom did not want Sara to be there alone. The previous conversation if anybody could call that one-sided barking a conversation, had traumatized Sara enough; Grissom did not intend to let the Lab Director insult his woman again. This time, he was going to be there for her. But again, he was too late. He checked his watch and cursed silently not that the meeting had been scheduled. Sara had already been in Ecklie's austere office for about ten minutes as Grissom was informed. Sara did not seem distressed but Grissom knew that she could sit with stony face while she was dying inside so without much ceremony, he knocked on the door and entered the room.

"Gil! Take a seat!"

"Thank you."

"We just talked about the report Sara filed yesterday. We went through it…thoroughly," Ecklie said calmly.

"Then I'm sure you concede that Sara deserves a correct and watchful investigation."

"This Lab offers justice to everybody, no exceptions. One more thing I have to know about."

Both Sara and Grissom knew what was coming but neither of them was unprepared. Sara hated this part of the conversation but Grissom had told her that it would be something like a white lie. Necessary and would not hurt anybody but could save them.

"The DUI?"

.

"_I wish I hadn't been this stupid and selfish. Maybe those people could have…"_

"_It's true the other way, as well. If one of them or both had filed a complaint against 'DigiZoom' then you wouldn't be in this situation. You can't blame yourself. You're not responsible for all sins of humans."_

"_No but I'm responsible for the mistakes I made and I was drunk, I have no excuses."_

"_Speaking of being drunk. Do you trust me?" Grissom asked Sara as he cradled her face between his palms._

"_You know I do."_

"_Then Sara, you have to listen to me very carefully."_

"_Okay," she answered but feared what he was going to tell her._

"_You know I called my friend earlier."_

"_Yeah."_

"_He is a doctor. A good friend of mine. I asked him if there was a way out of this mess."_

"_And he said I should admit the truth?"_

"_You'll admit a truth…it's just not yours. So."_

"_So," Sara prompted._

"_That time when you were robbed, we had been working on a case…"_

"_The Coombs case, the chimera guy…yeah as if I could forget about him."_

"_Okay. Coombs vacuumed his car before we could get a warrant for fine combing his car. But Nick went through the contents of the vacuum bin."_

"_Yeah, then left the entire dirt on the table for me to clear up. Again, hard to forget."_

"_And that's what save__s your otherwise well-shaped ass."_

"_How?" Sara got very interested in the theory Grissom's friend cooked up._

"_Peter…Peter Rubless…is my friend. He said there was a mite of sorts, very common in the States and in Europe by the way, so the excrements of these mites contaminate the grass we are walking on, our dogs' hair or cats' furs, our cars, practically everything. These particles get into the air if they are disturbed. These animals prefer the dark warm places to open aired habitations."_

"_Like trunks of cars, in this case after the vacuuming…the dust Nick examined. But why mites…why them?"_

"_Because they are the most common organisms that __could affect vegetarians…you in a unique way."_

"_Only veggies?"_

"_According to Peter,__ because of your special diet – that he thought was crazy anyway –a special reaction can start that converts some particles of the excrements into ethanol and this could raise the level of alcohol of your blood."_

"_No one will buy this."_

"_First of all, this is a scientific fact. Documented and proven. Secondly, it sounds complicated enough __for Ecklie to buy."_

"_Well, now the saying 'eat shit and die' earned a new meaning for me. Who is this Peter Rubless?"_

"_We graduated from the same University."_

_._

"You are saying that you got infected by those…mites? In the Lab?"

"It can also be considered as a job accident. But Sara didn't want to report it."

"A mite?"

"An army of them actually. Leptus Autumnalis Holocerineum," Grissom pronounced it proudly.

"Shit!" Ecklie did not know what else he could say.

"Literally," Sara added.

"How did you think about the mites at all?"

"You know when Sara told me she didn't drink; I did believe her so I came back to the Lab and went through the chemical compounds she might contact with. Everything."

Sara wished the ground opened under her. Both Grissom and she hated lies and now, the truest man had to lie for her. Could she sink lower?

"I see. Alright. I wanted to tell you, Sara, how much we all are sorry what happened to you and I also made some calls to speed up the process. Brass and Greg are on that case. Grissom and the others are needed on the Eiger case. Brass and Greg already have two more names. Looks the same mess you are in."

"This quickly?" Sara asked. She was utterly surprised by Ecklie's cooperation.

"This is my Lab and I protect the employees of the Lab. This is my job!"

"Thank you."

"Thank you, Conrad!" Grissom said, too.

"Sara? Recharge your pager!"

* * *

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* * *

Warrick, Nick, Catherine and Greg had already been in the break room by the time Sara and Grissom arrived there. The huge oval table was covered with three big pizza boxes. One Chicago pizza, one Sicilian pizza and one Greek pizza. The latter did not contain meat at all. When Sara saw the pizzas, she knew immediately why Grissom had ordered so many meals. This way, he could buy breakfast for her without being blatant. Crazy guy and Sara loved him but she would have to talk about this with him. He could not keep doing such things.

While eating, Catherine filled Grissom and Sara in about the case. Greg and Sara were then sent home, the rest of the newly "reunited" team decided to go back to the Eiger palate before going home themselves.

While eating, Sara stole some loving glances at Grissom and he stole one or two at Sara. While eating, Greg was watching them and almost could not contain his own smile.

Twenty-five minutes later, the CSIs got rid of all the evidence that could prove that this table used to hold three boxes of pizza. Sara volunteered to throw away the boxes and wipe the table clean. Catherine was the first who accepted her offer and therefore, the older woman was the first who left the room. Nick followed Catherine then Warrick also left the break room after thanking Grissom for the nice meal. Grissom handed Sara a box and "accidentally" touched his fingers to hers. The seemingly innocent contact woke the dormant passion in them. Grissom's eyes darkened to the deepest shade of azurite and stared at her possessively. Remembering suddenly where they were, Grissom broke both the eye and physical contact then without a word he left the room and the very aroused Sara behind.

After Sara had finished cleaning the table, she walked down the hallway and saw that Greg was waiting for her.

"You know Sara, I've already seen two kinds of hunger in your eyes today."

"Is this a new game or have you fooled me with it?"

"You were my master, Sara. I learned how to be observant. First I saw a hunger for the pizza…but then I witnessed a kinda hunger for something…someone else…"

"Stop this, you're horrible."

"Then give me what I want…some fraction of reality, so when my grandchildren are gonna ask me if you even did say anything to me about you and Grissom I could say…'not in so many words' but she confided in me…only in me."

"Well, before I do that I have to discuss this with my boyfriend…you understand this, right?" This did not discourage Greg a bit.

She was about to leave the building but Greg followed her again. Sara stopped and this sudden pause in her track made Greg bump into her.

"Oh…lucky bump."

"Lucky, huh?"

"Wait, I want to give you something," and as he said so, he pulled two scratch cards out from his pocket and gave them to Sara.

Laughing, Sara saw the tickets closely. "Come on, Greg! I didn't know you are playing…"

"I'm not but you will."

"I'm not a lucky type, you know."

"This time you will be. Have a nice day!"

And then Greg turned and left Sara at the door holding the two tickets that he had "fluoroscoped" with one of his clever equipments. When he had read the report Sara had filed against that photo company, everything had become crystal clear. The weight loss, the frequent sickness and the loss of her smile. He had wanted to help but he had known Sara enough to know that she would not accept any help. He had needed a strategy. So he had bought about twenty scratch cards and seen which ones would be the winners. Greg had not been a lucky type either as he could choose only two winner tickets.

Sara chuckled at Greg but she put the tickets into her pocket nonetheless. She would never know this guy completely, she thought. The young woman was still smiling when her cell phone started to buzz. She fished out the device to see who was calling. Grissom. Sara's smile grew broader.

"Hey," she greeted him.

"Hey! On your way home?"

"Yeah. Just Greg…but I'm on my way home. Why?"

"Greg what?"

"He was just him," she laughed.

"He's very helpful, huh?"

Frowning, Sara suspected that Grissom did not call her to ask her about Greg's chivalry. "Yes, he is. He always was."

"Yeah, I could see it myself."

"Grissom?"

"I wanted to help with those bags but you wouldn't let me but Greg could carry those bags…how come?"

Sara bordered laughter and anger, would this silly man be jealous of Greg? He should know better.

"Griss, you never carried anyone's bags or kits, never. How would it have looked if you had carried some feather light evidence bags now? But Greg always wanted to be a gentleman from the very beginning. No one would think that his eagerness is extraordinary."

"So I'm a jerk."

"Nooo! But you never…um…so you let everybody make their way in the world."

_Okay, one more thing I have to do differently_, he thought.

"Oh."

"Why did you call?"

"Ah, yes. I'd like to ask if you could…if it's not too much of a hassle…pick Hank up from Mrs. Thompson?"

"Sure, no problem."

"Okay. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, you will."

About forty minutes later, Sara was pushing the doorbell at Mrs. Thompson's house. She could hear the excited Hank barking and as his voice was getting louder and louder, Sara suspected that the big dog was approaching the door, too.

The woman did not have to wait long to see if her theory had been right or not as the door opened and Hank jumped right on her kissing Sara wherever he could. After the first wave of excitement, Hank sat down next to Sara waiting for her to say goodbye to the older lady.

Minutes later, Sara and Hank were walking to the car when suddenly Hank became nervous. He pressed his big body tightly to Sara's limbs and he released some anxious whimpering. The woman stopped and looked around but did not see anything that might upset the dog.

"Hank? What's up big boy?"

The answer was a shy whine that soon turned into some threatening growling. Hank's obvious fear worried Sara so she knelt down to the animal and looked into his wide eyes.

"Hank, no one's gonna hurt you. See? There is no one here. Come and you can play with Herbie. He was waiting for you, big boy!"

Hank seemed to calm down but he definitely did not feel safe where they were at the moment. He looked healthy so Sara thought it would be unnecessary to take Hank to the Vet Clinic, no matter the building was on the opposite side of the road.

After that rather strange interlude, Sara led Hank to her car not noticing the dark car that had a man sitting in it and just gathering his stuff to exit his car.

In her CSI car, Sara was comforting the still upset dog when she received a text message.

_Sorry I've so often asked you to pick Hank up lately. I should have gone for him. G._

Quickly, Sara texted back: I love Hank, he's with me now, so stop this! S

"Your daddy was worrying too much!"

Did Hank recognize the word 'daddy'? Who knew but licked Sara's cheek anyway. After Sara wiped the saliva off her face, she pulled the scratch cards out of her pocket.

She had to laugh at the name of the cards: Follow Your Fantasy.

"Do you have a quarter, Hank? No? Then what do you have apart from that huge tongue of yours?"

Sara started to scratch the surface of the card. The rule said that the card required the player to match three of the same prize amounts. When Sara found two already, her pulse quickened. Could this be possible? She was scratching the rest of the area zealously. And yes, she won $20.

"Hank! Lookie here!"

But Hank was preoccupied with the by-passers. Sara scratched the last card, too and was amazed that she again won $40.

"Hey! We have $60. Now, we don't have to use the ATM at my apartment. $60! Hank! Oh my god!"

Now, the excitement of the young woman next to him picked Hank's attention. And as a response, he offered his paw for shaking hands.

"Let's go shopping, Hank. We'll make a nice dinner for your daddy. Are you in?"

* * *

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* * *

In another part of Las Vegas, July Harper was not that happy at all. This morning she had dressed up in a very elegant skirt suit designed by Donna Vinci. This morning July had wanted to look especially attractive. She had wanted the other women to be envious of her delicate style and luck. This wonderful morning, July Harper had been supposed to be the personal assistant of the Mayor.

But then, a few hours later, her dreams had been shuttered by an official letter from the Las Vegas Police Department. It had not mattered to the Mayor that July had been simply asked to present herself at the LVPD as she might be a victim of a defraudation and a possible blackmailing. Minutes prior to July's promotion, Peter McAllister – a fellow secretary - had handled the letter to the Mayor who had immediately canceled her promotion. He had said that he had needed a person as his assistant with "snow-white" background. July had tried to explain what had happened but her words had fallen on deaf ears. One of her colleagues had even told her that she had been lucky that she could keep her job and that now she could feel what the others had felt when she had marched though other people's lives.

So here she was now in her room. She was not crying, was not cursing. July Harper was sitting on her queen sized bed and was digesting her father's words. Evidently, the police had sent a letter here, too.

_Didn't I g__ive you everything? You just had to screw up? For years, your mother and I fought to offer you a wonderful life, seated you in a prestigious job, you didn't have anything else to do just wave and smile. Photography? Really? You've gotta be kidding me! July, being a photographer is not a real profession, just a hobby. What will I tell my friends? Shame! My daughter can't be a loser!_

July stood up and went to her dresser. The expensive dress did not look as nice as it was anymore. She wanted to take them off but her nervous fingers did not seem to undo the buttons. She desperately tried to get rid of the dress of shame but the buttons did not cooperate. July ran to her desk and grabbed the scissors. Within minutes, every button was landed on the floor. Was July in a kind of trance? Maybe. For the first time in her adult life, July Harper held such overwhelming grudge against the world, she felt she could kill. She turned and threw the scissors to the door with such a force that the cutting instrument lodged into the wooden door like a darts arrow.

**TBC**


	24. Closing Circle

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: So here is the second part of the originally too long chapter : ) I'd rate it a strong T+ : ) for a reason : )

* * *

**Chapter ****Twenty-four**

_You know __you are in love when you do not want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. – __**Seuss**_

Sara was deliriously happy and she wanted to share her happiness with the man who was responsible for her delight. After she had playfully given a good tug on Hank's wrinkled face, the woman dialed Greg's number.

"Hey Greg!"

"Any luck with the lottery tickets?"

"Get this! I won $60…altogether!"

"Both tickets were winners?" he pretended how surprised he got upon hearing the news but could hardly hold in his laughter.

"Yeah…so I'll buy you a coffee tomorrow," her voice was like a cheerful song.

"A kiss would work too."

"You never give up, huh?"

"Look, I didn't win a penny on these tickets…so I thought a kiss would be a generous compensation."

"I'll think about it," she chuckled but Greg knew Sara would never kiss another man but Grissom. And Greg loved her loyalty and undying love for that weird man. He just wished there was a woman somewhere who would love him with the same passion sometime.

"No, you won't but it's okay…this is my fate."

They teased each other for some more minutes but then Sara said goodbye to the young crazy man and Greg said goodbye to his best friend, too. On his way out of the Lab, Greg gave Hodges the tickets that he had not given Sara earlier and wished him good luck. In her car, Sara smiled at Hank and got the car key into the ignition to start the engine when a soft but firm knocking could be heard from the other side of the window that startled both her and Hank. The dog licked his lips again and again as an unmistakable sign of his growing discomfort.

It seemed that the world was not as big as people would think when Sara turned her head and find herself face to face with a familiar figure.

"Sara, what a pleasure to see you again," Dr. James Woods greeted Sara through the car window.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Sara asked while she tried to mask her surprise upon seeing the veterinarian at her car. It seemed the man showed up from out of nowhere.

"Actually, I work here, you know," he said as he pointed to the Pet Clinic. "Nice coincidence or you can call it fate. But as my father used to say, a person who believes in fate, they don't believe in coincidence.

Feeling a little strange at the insinuation the man might refer to, Sara arched an eyebrow, "And if a man believes in coincidence, they won't hold their fates in their hands."

"And what do you believe in, Sara?"

"I believe that Hank wants to go home," she chuckled but looked embarrassed when the big dog let his voice be heard again.

"I start to believe that he doesn't seem to like me."

"I'm sorry. Hank is friendly…toward others…I can't tell…"

"Maybe he knows something that we don't. Have a nice day, Sara."

"You, too. Bye"

After Sara had rolled up the window, she watched the man walking into the building of the Pet Clinic. It felt weird to meet him twice in this short period of time. However, it was Sara who walked this route more frequently because of Hank. Still, it was strange. _Coincidence_, she thought.

The young woman looked at Hank who again offered his paw for her to shake. When Sara took it willingly, the heavy boy took her gesture as encouragement and immediately went to place both of his paws onto Sara's shoulders. As the space between the wheel and Sara's body was obviously too small for them Hank's right paw slid off of Sara's body right onto the horn.

"Hank! Stop it!"

Even though the dog obeyed right away, Sara could see it in his eyes that the voice of the horn picked the dog's attention.

"Don't even think about it. Or you will walk home!"

"Woof," Hank barked once his agreement…or disagreement.

"Deal, now, go for shopping."

* * *

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* * *

After Grissom, Catherine and Warrick had crawled through the passageway and into the nursery, they looked around and Grissom turned on the light. As the light flooded the room, Warrick started to laugh. No one had suspected that the Eiger palace hid a place like this. If the CSIs were dwarfs, the room would have looked like an ordinary nursery. But for them, the sight was pretty extreme.

"Wow. Just when you thought you'd seen it all," Catherine said it in a monotone tone.

"People lived in fear of this guy?" Warrick asked clearly dumbfounded after what he had witnessed. For him, the life Bruce Eiger had lived was some kind of sick perversion. Some kind of activity that only bored and stinky rich people sought for killing time.

"Imagine the fear he lived with," Grissom added wisely well understanding the mortifying part of the past of this man.

In the meanwhile the CSIs were processing the bizarre room, a dark Chevrolet Camaro was racing along one of Vegas' streets. The driver was squeezing a letter and tears were falling down his face. What did his face revealing? Desperation – maybe. Hopelessness – not really. Fear – definitely.

The young man stamped on the gas pedal and drove as fast as the car was capable of. He did not spare a glance for the speeding scenery outside of the car, he only see his destination. He simply wanted to get there as soon as possible. He rehearsed the possible outcomes of the awaiting conversation but one momentum was just always there: chagrin.

For one tiny moment, just for a blink of an eye the miserable man closed his eyes to chase the tears away. It was only a fraction of a single second but it was enough for him to miss a blur of something black ran across the road in front of his car. A small animal probably. Whatever it was, the young man instinctively put his foot down on the brake. But it was too late. He lost his control over the car and with disastrous speed the car collided to a concrete block. There was no explosion though, no screaming and there was no more breathing.

It was not the car accident, however, that killed this man. He had started to die with giving up his dreams and forgetting his hopes.

* * *

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* * *

After Sara had cashed the winner lottery tickets in, with $60 in her pocket she drove to the closest grocery store to her apartment. Suspecting that the woman was going to go inside of that building, Hank also wanted to go in for shopping but Sara said no. Neither his sparkling eyes nor his whining moved Sara a bit. The dog did not seem happy with being left in the car alone but his girlfriend had left the window rolled down a little for him to get fresh air. Sara tried to pretend that she was confident and Hank's "tantrum" did not affect her but when she risked a glance back from the grocery door, the sight of Hank stuck to the window watching her almost made the woman run back to him. With heavy heart, Sara entered the shop. The faster she managed to get everything she wanted for the dinner, the sooner she could go back to Hank.

Within ten minutes, Sara was standing in line to pay for the goods she had selected when a heartbreaking barking could be heard from outside. While most of the people were just laughing at the dog, Sara was alarmed at his cry.

"New dog?" an old man asked Sara.

"Yeah, sort of."

"Don't worry! They usually do this to put you to the test…or to see if you still love them."

"Of course I love him."

"I'm sure you do. But he needs feedback that you will come back to him."

In five or six minutes, Sara was outside of the grocery rushing toward her car and the abandoned boy. Even though Hank stopped howling the moment he saw his girlfriend approaching, it was obvious that the dog was in distress. The window was covered with massive saliva and the dog was panting as if he had run hundred miles. Sara could fully understand what the dog might be feeling. When Sara had been a little girl, she also had been sitting in several cars not knowing whether the actual couples would come back for her or not. The suspense could kill the soul. At the very moment their eyes met, the dog calmed down completely. She came back to him, she loved him.

Before Sara got into the car, she turned and waved at the people who had let her go ahead so she could comfort her boy sooner. In the car, Hank showered Sara with slobbery kisses but this time she did not mind it at all. Looking at the happy dog and the full grocery bags in the back seat, Sara became very excited about the dinner. Now, she just had to go home, make the dinner and wait for Grissom to arrive.

Sara and Hank were almost home when she saw some police cars. An accident maybe she thought but she followed the directions the signals showed anyway. The detour took every vehicle off that road onto another one. It made the normally five minutes drive longer but a few more minutes would not change her plans.

When they arrived, Hank happily jumped out of the car and went straight to the entrance door then sat down waiting for his lady to let him in. He lifted his cute head and started to sniff the bags Sara was holding. Was that fish and the other one meat? Well, Hank loved both. The thought of a huge pork chop in his bowl ignited his secretion of saliva. But Hank was a well-trained dog so he was going to sit his turn out.

The big boxer knew the way to the elevator by heart now; he did not even glance to the stairs at all. He had even learned how to call the metal box and how to have its door open by placing his big paw onto the blinking button next to the door. As soon as the door opened, Hank sprang into the windowless cubicle and sat down in one of the corners.

It did not take two minutes and they were standing at Sara's door. She placed the bags onto the floor so she could take out the key from her purse and could let both of them inside. While Sara was busy with finding the key, Hank was busy with spying inside the bags to see what the woman had bought.

"Hank! Don't!"

He left the bags alone immediately. When she opened the door wide for them to enter, Sara was prepared to find some naughty mess in the room again but she was surprised to see that everything seemed to be where she had left them. Was Herbie ill?

Hank did not care about Sara's pondering; he galloped into the living room, straight to the cat furniture and pushed his big head into the condo to see if Herbie was there. But the cat must be somewhere else because Hank pulled his head back and his face showed disappointment.

"Herbie?" Sara called for the cat but got no reaction.

It was Herbie's creepy game he usually played when she arrived home. Sara knew that they were being watched, she just did not know from where. Even though Herbie was one of the most sensitive and tender creature Sara had ever known, still, she was shivering at the thought how it would feel to be the prey of this mini predator. Sara remembered well the conversation between Greg and her.

.

"_You know you have to watch out if you have a cat," Greg teased Sara knowing how much Sara loved animals especially cats._

"_Because?"_

"_You have to watch the signs. He's plotting to kill you, babe!"_

"_My cat wants to kill me, huh? You're crazy."_

"_Just read it on the internet. When your cat was hiding somewhere and watching you…he studies your habits."_

_Laughing, Sara played along, "And when he is caressing my face while I sleep? This is the more gentle gesture of him."_

"_Don't trust him! He is just not good at smothering but the intention is there!"_

"_I won__'t listen to you bitching Herbie!"_

"_I'm just saying you have to be very careful. When he will bring you a dead body – I'm not saying you have dead body in your flat…"_

"_That's a gift, Greg!"_

"_No! That is a message: Don't mess with me. And when he is massaging you…Herbie is simply looking for your weak spots," by this time, Greg was laughing too._

"_I know why you are doing this. But I won't invite you to meet him…"_

"_Oh, I'd cook for you…"_

_._

Still smiling at the memory, Sara went to find her murderer feline. Normally, it took her almost ten minutes to find him but this time Herbie came out from his hiding spot and walked gracefully to Hank whose eyes were sparkling already but did not move as Sara had ordered him so.

"Well, good afternoon to you, too, Herbie!" Sara faked a hurt voice.

Herbie stopped, looked at his girlfriend and after a short hesitation, he quickly walked to Hank and rubbed up against the dog's legs. Hank did not really understand this kind of greeting of the cat but as it felt very good, he greeted the cat with a kiss that covered the entire surface of Herbie's head and back. Then as if this interaction had never happened, Herbie slowly walked to Sara and pushed his head against her leg while he turned his head a little to see Sara's reaction. This was Herbie's way of showing affection that melted Sara's heart every time Herbie practiced it on her. Sara reached for the tiny cat who had gained considerable weight since his arrival. His fur was now shiny and velvety, he did not look so miserable anymore. Sara lifted him so they were face to face and she kissed the cat on his cheek. The cat showed a 'don't overdo it, okay" expression.

"I love you..." she said to Herbie while she looked at Hank who was watching the whole scene, "and I love you, too, Hank."

After petting both of her beloved favorites, Sara asked them to behave while she was changing into something more comfortable.

When Sara came out of her bedroom, Hank was alone again. He was sitting next to the kitty climber wagging his tail.

"Where is Herbie?" she asked the dog and got a happy yelp as an answer. "Playing again?"

The woman picked up the bags and put them onto the counter in the kitchen. She started to place the items where they belonged. After the first bag had been emptied, Sara was about to take the vegetables out of the second bag but when she put her hand into the paper bag, she felt something soft and warm. She arched her eyebrow but when that warm thing started to "vibrate", Sara yelled and jumped away from the counter. As the bag fell with a whop, Herbie shot from it. It was not only Sara whose pulse hit the roof.

_And when your cat is sprinting out of the room you entered…you know that it was a failed attempt…_

Sara had to laugh. She imagined Greg's face when she was going to tell him what had happened to them today. If Greg were here, he sure would frame the poor cat. But Sara knew the crazy guy also loved animals so Herbie would be safe in his care.

Sara stepped back to the counter after she had told Herbie that he better behave. Soon, Sara was preparing dinner while Hank and Herbie were playing with each other. After a while, the flat went silent, only Sara's moves could be heard. Hank was snoring ridiculously and Herbie was purring at his chest. The sight of them brought happy tears into her eyes. Unconditional love. She needed to talk to Grissom. Now.

"Grissom."

"Hi," she said.

His voice immediately went gentler, "Hi. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just…I wanted to ask something."

"Yes?"

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" she held her breath back as she was waiting for his answer. She remembered their bitter conversation more than a year ago and she knew Grissom remembered it, too. She was curious if his response would be different this time.

"No."

Sara felt the air was slowly leaving her body and so was her strength. As simply as that: no.

"I want you for dinner," he quickly added when he heard her anguish.

"So…you know what to do about _this_?"

"No but I let you show me what to do about…this. Because I love _this_."

Grissom could envision Sara grinning and this made him want her even more. He was hungry but not really for food.

"Then hurry…we are making dinner."

"We?"

"Yeah, Hank, Herbie and me."

"I'll be there in two hours. I can't wait to taste you…I mean the dinner."

"If you are a good boy…you can taste both. Damn, did I say this out loud?"

Grissom was unable to keep a straight face, his lips were fighting the suppressed laughter, "I'll be there in an hour."

"Just drive safe!" she told him remembering the car accident that had happened hours ago.

"See you!"

After the call had ended, she kept the cell phone close to her heart for a moment. God bless Mr. Bell for inventing the telephone. This wonderful device had conveyed the most sensual voice to her ears. His warm voice…not this strange noise. Noise. Strange. From the kitchen!

Sara suddenly turned toward where Hank and Herbie were supposed to be sleeping but only found their cold traces. She then looked at the kitchen counter where she had chopped up the meat for Grissom and had seasoned the fish for herself before she had called the man she loved.

What Sara witnessed was a real team work. Sara would not believe this if she did not see it with her own eyes. Herbie was on the top of the counter while Hank was waiting patiently close to the kitchen furniture. Herbie fished a piece of meat out of the bowl and threw it for Hank then repeated the motion and ate the food himself.

When they had sneaked there she did not know but their cooperation amazed Sara more than she got angry at them. Two little monsters!

"Hey!" she ran there then.

Both Hank and Herbie pretended that they were simply watching what was going to happen but Sara saw everything, they could not fool her. She ordered Hank back to his place and then took Herbie– who was purring as loud as he could…thinking he could get away with this – to his climber. Sara was thinking what she should do with the meat. It would not bother her that Herbie touched it if she ate meat. But she was not going to serve Grissom any meals that were made of some contaminated ingredients. So Sara bagged the meat that she had leached and put it into the freezer. She would decide what to do about it later. She took another portion of meat out of the fridge and started the process all over again.

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GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

After Grissom, Catherine, Warrick and Nick had finished processing the nursery at the Eiger residence, everybody was happy to call it the end of their long shift. Warrick and Nick left together; Catherine was in a fret over her cell phone.

"Gil, my fucking cell phone went dead…probably its battery…can you give me yours to send a message?"

"Yes, but cut it short, I am in a hurry," he was impatient to get to Sara's.

Catherine did not comment his remark; she could not imagine what it could be so important to Grissom that he wanted to rush away.

Catherine was maneuvering through the menu system of Grissom's cell phone then she finally found the messaging department. She navigated herself to the icons of inboxes, outboxes and compositions. She did not know why, probably out of habit but she selected the inbox icon where the last message was from Sara. Catherine did not want to insult Grissom's privacy by reading the message so she was about to leave that place when she caught the fist few words of the message. She did not want to read that, she really did not but she was Catherine Willows, she had to know what that text said. So she opened the message and her jaws hit the floor.

_I love Hank, he's with me now, so stop this! S_

Catherine then quickly typed her own message for Lindsey and gave the phone back to its owner. She had to know what it was about. Sara had been with Hank again? Grissom had finally found his voice but it was too late? Catherine needed to be alone to figure this riddle out.

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GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Sara emerged from the bathroom and tower rubbing her hair to prevent the water dripping from it down to her neck. She kept looking at the clock on the wall to see how much time she had before Grissom would arrive. She had set the table way before she had went to shower, had fed the pets so they would sleep indeed this time. As she was drying her hair, she glanced frequently at the associates in crime. No more risks. Both Hank and Herbie were sleeping peacefully in their own places. The feline on his pole, Hank on a huge pillow that Sara had given him as a present. Sara knew that Grissom was coming from work but she wanted to dress up nicely. She chose a black pair of slacks and a deep red silk tank top. The top was a simple but charming design. Elegant but not too formal. Just perfect. Some sprits of perfume made the already beautiful Sara Sidle even more glamorous. She did not have more time to wonder if Grissom would like her style or not as a soft knocking broke the silence in the flat.

Sara's heart was beating louder and faster but she did not go to open the door, instead, she texted him to use his key as he was at home here. Moments later, the door revealed an elegant Grissom. He had had to be at his place first because Sara definitely remembered that he had not worn these clothes at work earlier. Had he wanted to dress up nicely, too?

Sara cast a critical eye over the whole room. She could not see anything amiss; the woman wanted so hard this evening to be flawless. The dining table was laid out formally; the white damask tablecloth provided an elegant atmosphere to the evening. The way Sara had placed the plates and glasses showed Grissom how much effort she had put into this date.

Grissom could not say a thing, he had not even moved from the entrance since he had stepped into her home. The sight of this apartment with the sleeping cat and dog, with the table set stylishly and with the beautiful woman who seemed happy to see him arrived…it felt like home. As far as Sara could tell Grissom was pleased with what he could see.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" Sara asked reaching her hand for his.

"There is nothing I would love more," he said taking her hand. "But how?"

"Greg gave me two lottery tickets and…what?" she asked when she saw a pang of jealousy in his eyes.

"Greg?"

"Yeah, you know the guy from the Lab who is my _friend_," she pressed the word 'friend'. "And actually, I won $60."

When Grissom tried to hide his bubbling jealousy, Sara stepped close to him and placed her hands over his chest, taking great pleasure in the rapid beat of his heart, and smiled up into his eyes then took his hands in hers and placed them above her heart so he also could feel her mercurial beat of heart.

"Only you could move me this way, only you!"

Grissom pulled her closer to him if it was even possible and wanted to kiss her but Sara knew if they started kissing now, they would never get to the dinner. Dessert could not come before dinner.

Both would have needed a bucket of ice to cool their passion down but they had to settle for their inner control. Grissom was surprised to see that the menu contained meat and it meant a lot to him that Sara had touched it even though she did not like making physical contact with raw meat at all. The meals were delicious and well-done. The salad was just perfect and had been made the way Grissom liked it. The wine Sara served with the dinner was a really rare one. She said she had been given when she had graduated but until now, she could not find the right occasion to open it. Grissom did not want her to open it now either, but Sara insisted on it.

Grissom loved the look and taste of the spinach meat loaf but he could only see Sara's neck and chest and desired the taste of her kisses. The wine was heaven in glasses but he could only think of drinking the nectars of this woman. The salad was so fresh but Grissom was longing for Sara's fresh skin under his teeth. He could not help it, he was aroused and he wanted her.

The passion in his eyes betrayed him and therefore, his adoration for her woke up the never dormant fire in Sara, too. She did not even ask him if he fancied any kind of dessert apart from the one both had wanted since the moment Grissom had arrived. They washed the dinner down with the rest of that special wine but never broke the eye contact. They vaguely registered that Hank was snoring and Herbie seemed to sleep peacefully as well, Grissom could not wait any longer and he picked Sara up then carried her like a husband carried his bride over the threshold of the bedroom. Neither realized at that time how the ancient belief failed their situation. According to that two-thousand-year-old belief, a newly married couple – or in this case a new couple – would be very susceptible to evil spirit. By carrying the woman in, the strong man would establish a protective layer between his loved one and the ground monster, so the young woman would leave any evil sprits behind so they could not follow her into the new home. No matter how strong Grissom was or how high Sara was lifted from the ground, in this modern world, people could be more dangerous than any ancient sprits.

In the bedroom, Grissom was hesitant to take Sara down. It was so good to keep her this close to him physically and emotionally. Sara touched his arms making him stop hesitating. Both shivered at the touch and their hearts picked up their pace, from steady to skipping, then thumping, pounding until they swam in their heads. For a moment, all they could think was her hands on his arms and how they felt being there.

Sara sighed. It felt so good to finally be in his arms again without anyone else around spying. His big arms just enveloped her making her feel so small, warm and secure. The desire both were feeling for each other created such a dense tension that neither seemed to cope with anymore. This evening was different from the first time they had made love. This evening, there was no desperation to show the other how much they meant to each other. There was no dark secret that fought to stay hidden, there was no suppressed longing that struggled to keep inside. There were only them, a man and a woman who had the luxury to express their feelings, to share their desire and to make love with open hearts and souls.

Grissom leaned in toward her and slowly let Sara slide down on his body then took her hand. Her heart seemed to jump up inside of her chest and began to thump madly even more. Neither needed a medical book to understand what 'tachycardia' meant. They were in a nervous titter. Sara felt as if it was like the first time she ever made love, like she was a virgin. And in a sense, she felt like a virgin. She felt so clean in his arms and every time seemed the first one with this man. Grissom looked at her mesmerized. He had already made love to her; still, he was nervous to be the only man she desired. He felt that his face was starting to flush but he did not care. He trusted Sara with everything he was, he was not shy in front of her, he dared to be the man he really was only in front of her. Grissom let this woman see his soul and she was eager to read it from beginning to the end.

Grissom leaned in and brushed his lips against her cheek and breathed, "You're so beautiful."

Tears threatened Sara to gather in her eyes at his words. Such a nice thing to hear when Sara was on a constant state of self-doubt. She needed to sit down onto the bed that had been vacated for so long. Grissom got out of his trance; he could stay passive no longer. He went down to his knees in front of Sara and he began at her hand, just tender-gentle kisses, then up her arms, her neck and her face. Finally, he reached her lips and when her tongue touched his, both sucked a mouthful of air. They kissed. It was a nice loving kiss; neither was in a hurry even though their body would have dictated a much faster pace. Their mouths moved against each other's for long moments and just then began their frantic dance to explore. The kiss grew lusty and both were panting heavily. Grissom and Sara got turned-on enormously simply from the way they kissed. It was crazy and almost frightening that they wanted more of this kiss. Always more as if they never could get enough of it. Grissom took his time but he got more and more forceful. The way Sara loved it. They were like two wet birds after a heavy rain who finally found each other and neither was about to move away in fear of the mood might change.

Grissom laid her down on the bed and then ever so slowly he started to undress her. Sara was not lazy either. The entire time, their lips stayed on top of each others. Sara closed her eyes; she still could not really believe it was happening. Not even after that they had made love that gloomy day. Sara tagged at his underwear but he pushed her hands away. She opened her eyes in disappointment and for a split second, she felt very vulnerable so she closed her eyes again. But then he took off the remainder of her clothes and kissed her neck while asking her to open he eyes.

"If you touched me now, I couldn't hold back…"

"If you don't touch me now, I couldn't hold back and if you touch me there, I couldn't hold back either. I'm yours," she whispered into his ear.

Grissom did not appreciate her words; Sara used her voice and words to caress him instead of her hands that were denied by him. He had to distract himself from the intense sensation she was creating in him. So he started to touch, lick, admire and worship her now naked body until Sara began to groan, pant and squirm. After a while she was begging him to make love to her. Sara was dying to feel him in her again. That was the part now she wanted most.

Sara helped him out of his underwear then pulled Grissom back on her. And at last, he made Sara his. They became one by their bodies and their souls. Both gasped a little from the pressure and the contentment they both felt was almost too much.

Their lovemaking started slowly as they adjusted but soon they found the right rhythm. The tentative moves soon got replaced by passionate strokes. But then he stopped. Sara could not do anything but look at him silently asking what he wished. Grissom sat up and pulled her into his lap then reunited with his woman once again. He moaned in ecstasy as Sara kissed his chest, his neck the way he had done to her minutes earlier. She had a way with her tongue that almost knocked Grissom out. Her tongue slid along his skin so gently he was about to beg her to stop or else he was going to come there and then. But then she changed the intensity of her sensual torture. She suddenly stopped licking his skin but then sucked tenderly then harder. For an absurd second, Sara remembered Greg's trap about love-bites so she tried to moderate herself so Grissom would not wear hickey either. Sara repeated her lick-suck-suck harder practice. This was the combination Grissom could not deal with any longer. He needed more time.

He laid Sara back again on her back so she could wrap her long legs around his waist. The sensation just escalated then. Both let the feeling flood their senses, Grissom began to forget about everything and Sara began to learn how true love felt.

They were all over each other, kissing, touching and feeling. Before Sara knew what was happening, she was bucking up against Grissom and she was coming. Her orgasm came sooner than they expected so Sara could not do anything but hang on for it. She shook with the feeling and its intensity so the woman held her man as close to her as she was able to. As she came back to reality it was Grissom's turn to give into the feeling he had been fighting. He fell on top of her panting heavily as if he was in pain. And true, it was almost painful to slip out of her warmth.

For long minutes neither of them said a word, they were just watching each other. They looked the same but at the same time they saw a new Sara and a new Grissom.

**TBC**

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_**Author's Postscript:**__ Hey everybody, hope you're ready for some delicious angst! Because it's coming unstoppably : ) With some new secrets…_


	25. One Is Out

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N: **I thought I added the next chapter to the story as I'm going to be out of touch for a week or so. Um…or so : ( Now, here we go, hope you will enjoy it.

* * *

**Chapter ****Twenty-five**

_Before you beg__in on the journey of revenge, dig two graves. – __**Proverb**_

Could an already bothersome evening go even worse? According to the Harpers, the answer was yes. Even though neither of them had much appetite after the conversation that William Harper had had with his daughter in her room an hour ago, eating together was symbolic to them. It symbolized the unity of them as a family.

After July had wiped the angry tears off of her beautiful face, she headed downstairs to join her parents. She counted the stairs in order to control her ire but it helped little. She clenched her fists until she could feel the warmth of her blood.

In the dining room, the table was set elegantly as always. The sight of the expensive china dinner set and just as exclusive silverware did not impress July this somber evening. Her father was sitting there waiting for his only child, however, he did not raise his eyes toward her at all. Marjorie Harper was silently sitting there, also waiting for July to come and sit down. The fifty-two-year-old woman always wished she had been able to look at her daughter but she had lost her sight in a car accident more than thirty years ago. She had never come to see the babylike face of her only child but maybe Marjorie Harper was the only one who was able to see July's real face. Sometimes, the eyes could deceive their owners but the heart could see without these organs better.

"Come, my child!" she said and reached her hand toward July.

"Yes, come, you deserve your dinner anyway, right?" her father told July sullenly.

"Do you want me to go back to my room instead, father?"

"No," he sighed then looked at his daughter. His eyes radiated anger and disappointment.

The dinner was spent in almost complete silence. Marjorie tried once or twice to start a conversation but her husband's short answers suggested that she should eat instead of talk.

When all the three of them finished their meals, July asked her father if she could go back to her room as she would have to get up early to drive to the Las Vegas Police Department, so she wanted to go to sleep sooner than usual.

"I'll go with you. I don't want you to mess things up more than you already did," Mr. Harper told her but did not look at July.

"Thank you, father."

Before July could have fled from the room and from her father's humiliating stares, Marjorie grabbed her arm and pulled the young woman to her face and kissed July's cheek.

Back in the safety of her room, July sat down in front of her computer and opened her journal that was protected by multiple passwords. Soon, she began to type.

.

_**February 18th, 2005**_

_I wish I had a sister or a brother to whom I can tell what's happening to me day by day. A sister, yes a sister. A man would never understand me.__ My mom told me that I had her. True but sometimes it would be so good if I could share my secrets with someone else but her. I guess she is as lonely as I am. I know she is._

_Can it be possible that one of our parents love__s us more than the other one? Because I feel that my mom loves me more than my father. I think my father doesn't love me at all. I don't know why. I always tried to please him but I think I rather annoy him than make him happy. After a while, I realized what he wanted and I acted that way. I tried to forget my dreams and I tried to accept that photography – among other things - is just a hobby that doesn't deserve more than five minutes of my life. I really tried but I couldn't stay away. For once in my life I followed my dream and I failed. I always fail. So I started to lie in order to stay the daughter whom my father seemed to love. But again, someone messed up my dream. Someone. If I knew who it is… I hate that someone!_

_I thought I had many friends__ and I had…until today. But it seems that suddenly all of them have some very important programs that cannot be delayed since I received this damn letter. Since my promotion got canceled. Coincidence? I don't think so. Some didn't even answer my call. I'm feeling so alone. I have no one to talk to. Again because of that someone. That faceless person took my friends and my father away from me. That one man or woman destroyed my…I don't know._

_One thing I know__ for sure. The biggest lie in this life is family. I had to be someone else to be a part of this…family? I had to lie. And when my father learned my true face…he stopped loving me. So what is family? The biggest…I don't know…face to face fight? My father never showed his real face to me and it seems he can't stand my real face either. He is preaching about the sacredness of family, about what I should do to be a worthy member of this family but I know what he did. I know. I heard them that night. I heard my mom crying. He is the only one here who is not worthy for this family. I know he cheated on my mom and still, after what he did, she gave him a child…me. I don't blame her for not having another child._

_Love__ is the biggest lie in this lie. People would do anything to be loved. I did too. And what did I have to do to be loved? I had to lie. Love is weakness. Life taught me this. I'm so tired of this life. If you want to start from the beginning, you have to be strong. You have to forget the ones you love. I don't know if others have ever taken the guts to start all over again, or even wanted to change and be someone else. Believe me, I wanted to. I still want to._

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GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

There was a slight snoring coming from the foot of Sara's bed. At first, Sara thought that she was just dreaming as she knew that Grissom did not do such an awkward thing like trumpeting. The woman rubbed her eyes and opened them wider in order to see more in the dark but Sara did not see anything out of place. Sara was like a watch-dog, she would wake up to any low noises but it seemed this night she had been sleeping much more deeply to notice anything around them. Slowly, she leaned into the direction from where the snoring was coming but still, she could not recognize the figure lying on the floor. Maybe it was because she was still half asleep or maybe her dream had not really let her go yet, still, she did not really get who was making the irritating noise. Not really caring for covering herself with anything, Sara got out of their bed to investigate the source of that noise. She could not take one single step when a sharp yelp could be heard that was soon followed by Sara's screaming.

"What?" Grissom asked as he woke up to Hank and Sara's screaming.

"Oh, sorry, I'm so sorry," Sara said.

"No, it's okay."

"Not you, Griss. I stepped on Hank!"

"What is he doing here?"

"Evidently, he was sleeping. You didn't close the door."

"My hands were full…"

After she had comforted the sleepy dog, she inched back into the bed in the dark room.

"Do you think he saw us…you know."

"How would I know? But if he saw what I saw then Hank is a happy dog."

"Awww, that's not funny," but she laughed anyway.

Grissom had gotten wide awake by the time she slid back under the blanket with him. His hand started to search and visit the secret places he had re-discovered hours ago. He had been amazed how many more naughty spots Sara had that he had not found the first time they had been together. Now, he wanted to know if he had missed any. Unfortunately, Grissom met one of her ticklish spots and Sara started to laugh uncontrollably.

"Nooo, please, stop this." But he continued his game.

"Grissom! Grisssssom!"

"Miaow."

And suddenly, both Grissom and Sara stopped dead. Grissom's hand left Sara's body and tenderly he palpated the bed-sheet and then the pillows but did not find the cat.

"Herbie?"

Nothing.

"Hey, Herbie?"

Nothing.

"Switch on the light!" Sara told him.

"Yeah, and I will go blind."

"Grissom!"

"Miaow."

"Your cat listens to my name?"

"Of course, not," Sara protested however, she had noticed it too.

"Hell, yes. Grissom?"

"Miaow."

"See?"

"No, I don't see anything, switch on the light Gil."

"Now, I'm Gil?"

But this time, Grissom blindly reached for the lamp's button closing his eyes immediately as the light flooded the room. The next moment when they opened their eyes, they were looking for the cat but they found him nowhere.

"Let me try my name, okay?"

"Okay but you have to know that his name is Herbie and not…"

"Grissom?"

A sweet meowing could be heard from the top of the headboard. There was Herbie sitting and purring on the narrow sill of the headboard. He was watching them. All of a sudden, both Grissom and Sara felt pretty awkward. Hank was watching them from the end of their bed while Herbie was doing the same from the opposite direction.

"Well, we are crowded here, don't you think?"

"We have to work out a plan for occasions like this," Sara suggested.

"Yep, they can't sleep with us…particularly when we don't really want to…um…sleep."

"Oh, poor babies. They will feel lonely. We are their family. Finally, Hank has a little brother and Herbie loves him, too. They love us even more. But yes, they can't be here when we…um…are expressing affection…"

"We will love them before and after…our intimate moments, okay? They will be fine in the living room."

"Okay. But now we should go back to sleep. I have to get up in four hours."

"Why so early? Your shift starts at 7 pm."

"Yeah, I know but Brass and Greg will question the two people who…you know who were blackmailed, too. Probably."

"You don't have to be there."

"I know but I want to see those people."

"You have to stay away from the case…as a professional."

"I know Grissom, I know. I just…I can't explain it I just have to be there."

"Okay."

"Will you take Hank to Mrs. Thomas?"

"Of course."

"Grissom?"

"Miaow."

"Not you, Herbie," she laughed. "I'm so happy I have you here…I have you in my life."

"Our fates were written in San Francisco years ago when we met, we simply needed four years to accept it."

"Speak only for yourself. I knew that we would be great together all along! I just hope fate won't laugh into our faces."

"It's not fate that breaks up relationships, people leave each other."

"Then I'll write my own fate."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Catherine was in the locker room packing her stuff to leave the building when Mia entered the room and saw the elder woman there. After they had greeted each other, Mia took off her jacket and put it into her locker. They were talking about the Eiger case as everybody else did in the Lab when Greg peered into the locker room through the hall clearly breathing easier again upon seeing Catherine there.

"You gotta see the TV," and he was gone.

Catherine hurried after Greg suspecting that something serious happened. As Catherine was approaching her destination, she saw Sara leaving the tiny room that was for visitors to wait for whatever reason they were there but actually, Catherine could not deal with her. Her full attention was soon on the TV screen in that tiny room and on the man standing there and watching the TV as well. Ecklie.

_THE PHOTOS YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE ARE THE LATEST EVIDENCE IN THE STRANGE DEATH OF CASINO MOGUL BRUCE EIGER._

Ecklie did not say a word; his face did not give away anything. Catherine risked a glance toward him but the newscaster's words pulled her eyes back to the screen.

_WE WANT TO WARN YOU THESE ARE GRAPHIC IMAGES OF A BLOODY CRIME SCENE. IN THEM, MR. EIGER CAN BE SEEN LYING IN A POOL OF HIS OWN BLOOD IN THE __DRIVEWAY..._

"Those are mine," Catherine said.

"I'll have our public information officer contact his counterpart at the station. We'll also call Judge Anderson and get a warrant for the memory card, any copies, and the name of their source," Ecklie told Catherine and Greg in an unusually calm voice.

"Thank you, Conrad," Catherine thanked the man for his support. Her voice could not hide the surprise she was feeling at his cooperation and attentiveness.

Without any words, Ecklie headed toward the door passing the wide eyed Greg and the same astonished Catherine along the way. For a moment he was about to leave without paying attention to them but when the conversation between Grissom and him came back to haunt him, Ecklie turned back.

.

"_My job is to protect the reputation of the Lab,"_

"_Then I suggest that you should read the job description for Lab Directors again because humiliating employees isn't written in it."_

_.  
_

"It's my job," Ecklie said then left the room leaving the two CSIs with bewildered eyes behind.

"He took this whole situation pretty cool, huh?" Catherine winked at Greg.

"I don't think so. Maybe things happened and opened his eyes finally," Greg answered well knowing what those happenings could have been to have this man react differently as everybody would have expected. But he was not about to reveal those things to Catherine. Her behavior lately had re-evaluated Greg's trust in her as a friend. The image of Sara almost being fired because of this woman, of Sara's eyes being red from crying…the image of her being betrayed by her colleague were still fresh in Greg's memory. He acknowledged Catherine's position and expertise but he could not trust or respect her.

"Either way, he knows that loosing that card wasn't my fault, I don't care about the other things that led him to this realization."

_Of course you don't care_, Greg thought but did not tell the woman. It would not make any difference.

"You go home, too?" she asked the young man.

"No, not yet."

"How come?"

"I've just arrived a few minutes ago. I have something to do."

"Oh, okay. See you in a few hours!"

Greg sat down for a minute. He wanted to talk with Sara to ensure her that her case was in good hands in his and Brass'. He wanted to calm her down as he knew she must be extremely nervous about this entire procedure. Or would it be better to handle this case like any other ones? He honestly did not know. Anyway, he wanted to see her nonetheless so he stood up and headed toward the door.

He did not have to look for her at all as Sara was standing at the entrance of the interrogation room obviously waiting for someone to show up.

"Sara!"

"Hey, Greg."

"Nervous?"

"I wouldn't call it nervousness, I don't know I've just got a weird feeling, you know."

"Everything will be alright, you will see it."

"When will the first victim arrive?"

"In 5 or 10 minutes. But you know until they admit that they were defrauded…the big dark business is just a theory…even though we all know what really happened."

"Yeah, I know."

"Your statement is enough for us to start an investigation anyway, so don't worry. But you know, the more the better."

"Yeah."

"They just have to tell us the truth."

"There is no sense to deny it anymore. I understand their fears…I really do. But once the time comes when you have no other choice but to tell the truth…there's nothing to lose. But if you continue lying…then you might lose everything."

"Why didn't you tell us earlier?"

"I still wish that no one knew…but after a while you have to kill the fear in you or your own fear will kill you."

"Now, you don't have to be afraid. Brass and I are behind you. Always behind you. Grissom, too."

Sara did not try to pretend that Grissom had not known about it from the "beginning". Greg was not a blind man; probably he had been the only one who had noticed her real face, her real pain, who had wanted to notice the signs of her fading.

"Thanks."

Greg checked his watch to see what the time was. Five minutes to 9 am. He looked at Sara, squeezed her arm and nodded toward the figure quickly approaching them.

"Now, we have a problem," Brass told them as a greeting.

"What happened?" Sara asked.

"I just got a call. We have only one victim from now on."

"Why? That Spring guy doesn't wanna cooperate?" Greg asked unable to mask his consternation.

"He had a fatal car accident yesterday at Suzie's BBQ. Pretty close to your apartment, Sara. He drove awfully fast. The force of the impact was…well, the coroner had to use dental records to identify the poor man. He was holding a letter…from the LVPD…when the paramedics pulled him out of the car. Our letter was the only lead that helped to identify him on the scene. Jacob Spring had no ID or driving license with him."

"Suicide or accident?" Greg theorized.

"Driving at almost 90 MPH, without using seatbelt, our letter in his hand…it points to suicide," Brass told Greg and Sara.

"Oh my god…oh my god!" Sara pressed her fist to her mouth to suppress the cry that was threatening her to escape. She had been there, she had seen his car yesterday, it had been him.

"Sara, accidents happen! Do you hear me?" Brass tried to pull Sara back to reality.

"Okay…okay," she said in a faint voice. "I…um…I just need a minute, okay?" And then she left them there.

When Greg wanted to follow her, Brass grabbed his arm and shook his head, "Give her some privacy, she's strong, she will be okay."

"She's not as strong as we all think."

"Let's concentrate on July Harper. She's still in the game. We have to emphasize that her statement is important to us but also helps her as much as she helps the investigation itself."

"Hope she will be cooperative."

"She has no choice. Lying or modifying the truth is against the law. We will have her understand this. It would be stupid of her to turn from victim to accomplice. There's nothing to lose here."

"Well, I don't think Jacob Spring would have agreed."

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Sara hurried toward the bathroom; she tried to look neither to the left nor to the right. She feared if she did, the tears would pour down on her face and everybody would see her overwhelming remorse for causing the death of a man even in an indirect way.

The walk to the rest room seemed like an eternity but when she entered the room, Sara found herself face to face with Catherine. For a second, Sara contemplated to simply turn around and leave the place but Catherine would have misunderstood it. Who would not have?

"Hey, Sara! You're a little early, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep." A lie that was always believable.

Catherine was glad to meet Sara in here where they were invisible for inquiring looks. Even though she wanted to rush home to Lindsey, the message she had read when Grissom had lent her his cell phone just could not leave the elder woman alone.

"Why can't you sleep?"

_Why the questions? Just go!_ "Old reasons."

_Well, __Hank is considered as old reason enough_. "It's about him?" she thought she would make Sara let the cat out of the bag. 'Him' could be anybody. Catherine hoped that Sara would utter the name: Hank.

_How does she know about __Spring already? Who cares, anyway? If someone knows how it feels to be responsible for a death of a person, it is her._ "Yeah…but I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

Catherine got to know what she wanted…more or less, so she was generous enough to let the woman off the hook for now. So it was true. Sara was with Hank again. Was she crazy? Or she simply enjoyed suffering? Now, only one thing she wanted to know: how did Grissom get into the picture? In her opinion, Sara had always looked for trouble but Catherine would not let her hurt Grissom. The poor thing deserved to be happy at last!

Catherine saw deep sadness on Sara's face but could not figure out why it was there. Again, this young woman could challenge her, could trigger contradictory feelings in her within one single minute. Catherine was angry at her because she was convinced that Sara was hurting Grissom but at the same time, the pain on her face made the woman want to hug her and comfort her. But Sara was not a hugger, so Catherine decided to leave her alone.

"See you later, Sara!"

"Yeah, later. Drive safe!"

Finally, Sara was alone. She looked around to find something to lead on but found none. She looked around but saw only her own reflection in the mirrors. Why was life this cruel to her? She looked at her reflection and saw mud on her face…mud that water could not wash off.

No matter what she wanted or how she acted, she failed again. She had done what was supposed to be right to do; still, an innocent man was killed. What kind of justice did they all believe in that could chase people to death? Was it really justice or was it only some cruel reality of some privileged people? Could a lie be less harmful than truth? Sara was in real pain. She needed direction, she needed Grissom. Quickly, she got out her cell phone and dialed his number.

"Grissom," he laughed into the phone.

"Griss? Is this a good time?"

"Honey, of course. Is everything okay?" he asked and his voice suggested that he was having a good time indeed.

"Yeah. Where are you?"

"Nick and I are at the Forever Baby store. You should see Nick. He freaked out when…but why did you call? You okay?"

Sara could hear how happy and carefree Grissom was. She could even see his smiling face. Did she have the right to ruin his happiness? So rarely did he laugh. The life they had been building together was the only home Sara had ever had since her beloved step-parents had died. To Sara, Grissom, Hank and Herbie represented the family, the biggest truth in this life. She would not trade it for anything. She wanted to protect her family even from her darker-guilty self. Sara closed her eyes. She fought the tears that could not hold back. She swallowed the soulful cry that could not be expressed. It was the numbness throughout her body that kept her from complete emotional breakdown. He could not see or hear her this way again; he loved the woman who was strong enough to fight the demons she had been living with. And she would be the woman he desired. The grief she was feeling at the moment…she would have to try to cope with it on her own.

"I'm okay. Just missed you."

"I miss you, too."

"Have fun at the store. Buy Hank a pacifier…maybe he stops snoring."

"Or a diaper for Herbie…Okay, I gotta go. Stay safe!"

"You, too," and they hung up.

Sara wiped her tears off of her face and tried to wash the "mud" off, too but when she glanced into the mirror, she still could see the dirt on her face. She closed her eyes and covered her ears with her hands.

"No."

_At some point, everybody kills someone__, my daughter, so don't look at me like this. One kills with knife, one with nothing in their hands._

"You're wrong, mom. I'm not like you!"

She did not realize how long she had been in the rest room when she stepped outside of that deserted place. The hallway was full of people. Some police officers, some technicians, some visitors. Nothing extraordinary. Sara knew that her eyes probably were a great storyteller but she could not care.

"Hey, Sara!"

"Hodges?"

"I heard what happened…to the guy who was supposed to come to report…"

"And you know this how? As it is confidential as far as I know."

"Oh, look, I didn't want to insult your…look, I just wanted to…" but he could not finish his sentence as a tall young woman rushed to take a drink from to the water fountain that was behind Sara in the hallway. She did not say a word, not even a sorry. Typical arrogant woman, Hodges thought.

Hodges automatically lowered his voice as if to share some secret. The human nature was a funny one. Some loud and direct words could fall on deaf ears while words spoken in whispers could covert a deaf to radar. The young woman was not interested in what that goblin looking guy was about to tell that sad woman, she really was not but the whispered syllables impulsively attracted her attention to the conversation.

"I just wanted you to know that I think it was cool that you finally filed a report against that photo company."

"How?"

"Sara Sidle, I have my sources but again, I came in peace. You're cool!"

For the young lady, it was like an old movie. Every noise, every wince ceased to exist around them. Only three of them seemed to exist. The guy, Sara Sidle whose name got burned into her memory and July Harper herself. Like a movie with slow motion, July erected from the fountain and turned toward Sara to see her face. July was about to tell her something, anything. To tell Sara that she should never have messed up with her but an even more threatening voice interrupted her intention.

"July, hurry, I have no time for standing here all day," William Harper shouted from the other end of the hallway.

Turning away from Sara immediately she jogged to her father, "Yes, father. I'm sorry."

For a second, Sara turned her face to see what was happening but then she turned back to Hodges and told him to keep this case low profile for now but thanked him for his kind words. It surprised Sara but it felt good nonetheless.

When July reached her father, he was just standing there motionless. July looked at him but did not dare to question his behavior.

"Father, can we go?"

"It's about time," he said.

Neither wanted to talk about what had happened back in that interrogation room. William Harper had felt utterly ashamed of his daughter while July had felt abandoned by her father when she had needed his support the most.

"I'm sorry, father. Are you all right?"

"What?"

"You look pale."

"I'm good. Let's just forget about this crap, okay? Never talk about it again, alright? You did your part, told them how stupid you were…now, it's their business to solve this."

"Yes, father. I was stupid."

Yes, she had been stupid to think she could make her dreams come true. Her father had been right all along. She had failed as a photographer, she had failed as a good daughter and then she had failed to keep her failures hidden.

_But no! The latter isn't true. I could hide the crap from my father. It was that Sara Sidle who __spilt on me. My father doesn't love me because of Sara Sidle!_

**TBC**


	26. Good Self, Bad Self

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

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**Chapter ****Twenty-six**

_From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate__. – __**Socrates**_

With sincere appreciation in his eyes, Hodges said to the wide eyed Sara, "I just wanted you to know that I think it was cool that you finally filed a report against that photo company."

"How?"

"Sara Sidle, I have my sources but again, I came in peace. You're cool!"

"Well, it wasn't as easy as you might think…"

"You did the right thing, it's our job, and actually, we have no other choice…as hard as it is."

Sara was surprised and touched by his words and in her unstable state of mind, Sara was grateful for every supportive word regardless of who told them. Even though she also knew that she had done the right thing with reporting the foul play, Jacob Spring had died and the pain could not get any less with or without justice.

Sara was about to thank Hodges for his support when they heard a man shouting from the other end of the hallway and a woman shouting back from right behind Sara.

"Yes, father. I'm sorry," the young woman said but found it hard to look away from Sara.

To Sara, it seemed that the woman with long, wavy brown hair had been about to say something to her but then she had changed her mind. Sara arched her eyebrows but then took only a glance in the direction of the other's voice. The man was looking at her in a strange way just like this young lady had done moments ago. But the odd, almost eerie feeling ended as soon as it had started when Hodges touched Sara's arm. She looked back at him and let a slight smile adorn her lips.

"Thanks, Hodges. But keep it to yourself for now, okay?"

"Of course. I'm not gossiping."

With a parting nod, Sara left the man there and headed toward the interrogation room hoping to catch the other victim there. She went into the observation room to listen to and watch the questioning but through the glass she only saw Brass and Greg sitting there talking. Sara checked the clock on the wall and got shocked to realize that she had been in the rest room for almost an hour.

Again in that secluded room, Sara's haunting past had grabbed her and tried to push her into an endless abyss. In this dark room, she again could see her own face reflected in the glass and felt the desire to break the glass in order to get rid of the image of her sour face. But then, an almost forgotten voice of her step-mother asked her to listen.

_For someone who was living in__ the past, their present was like their past. It could look so real to them just like their own reflexions in mirrors and if they tried to break the mirrors, only their hands were going to get injured._

Sara closed her eyes and remembered the only woman who had treated her like a worthy child. The only woman in her life who had seemed to know every answer to every question. Sara took a deep breath and decided not to let her dark thoughts ruin her critical thinking. What was logical was right and what was right, it felt right and good. Then why did she feel so bad?

"Hey, Sara!" Greg cheered when he caught the sight of his friend pulling Sara out of her wandering. "We've got the statement, we're good!"

"How did it go?"

"Well, wasn't very easy. July Harper hated every moment of it but her father persuaded her to tell us everything," he pressed the word 'persuade' with the quotation marks hand gesture to indicate that he would not want a father like Mr. Harper.

"Did July tell you why she had tried to keep it a secret?"

"Oh, she didn't need to. Her father answered for her…"

"Why?"

"I think her father is some kinda control-freak. Probably this was the main reason July wanted to hide this stuff from her father. And she was about to get promoted…"

"So if I had not reported it, she would have gotten the promotion."

"Stop this Sara! We couldn't close our eyes to any crime, no matter…"

"No matter what we do, somebody will get hurt in the end," Sara mourned over Jacob Spring and now over July Harper so she quickly looked away from Greg who witnessed her torture.

"Sara, it wasn't for nothing."

"That's what I fear."

"Look, we've everything we need to have 'DigiZoom'. They won't hurt anybody else, I promise you!"

"Thanks, Greg!"

"Want to grab something for breakfast?" he asked the woman knowing that the lottery tickets had provided her enough money until salary day.

"Um…I think I'll go home instead. To see what _killing_ trap Herbie cooked for me," she said but she only wanted to be alone for a little before shift. She would not let anybody see her fragile state; her job was her indicator as a worthy person of the society.

Greg did not insist on going out for breakfast, the young CSI knew Sara enough to understand her need for space and time to recover. But this fact would not keep him from informing Grissom when the time would be right about the happenings this morning. If someone, it was Grissom who could comfort Sara, Greg knew this, too.

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_**February 19th, 2005**_

_My father thinks I went to work after this awful morning but I couldn't. How would I have? __When my father thinks I'm capable of nothing…nothing at all. I don't know why he hates me but I know he does hate me, or blames me for something, however, I didn't do anything wrong. Ever._

_I thought he wanted to come with me to hold me close, to support me, to protect me but he threw me __to the wolves. And they were thirsty for my blood I could tell. I was sitting there naked…bleeding and my father was my worst enemy. Fathers like their children. It is the law of nature, right? Then why does my father hate me? I'm his flesh and blood. I wish he loved me. I wish he loved me half as much as my mother loves me._

_My dear mother. She isn't happy either. When they think I am not there and can't hear them, they often argue…argue about me.__ And in the end, my mother always let him win…always. She chooses him…over me. But I'm her flesh and blood, right? Shouldn't she choose me?_

_I'm sure I __let them down again. And the disappointment in their eyes is slowly killing me. I feel I can't fight any longer when the result is nothing else but more failures. My mother said once when I asked her how she could live with my father…she said that human gets used to their lives as well going by…human gets even used to living someone else's dreams, too. With time, human gets used to everything. But one thing my mother doesn't know. I'm used to living the life of July my father likes but I'll never get used to forgetting my dreams, forgetting who I really am._

_I'm betrayed by __my parents, by my friends and I was betrayed by strangers. Strangers like Sara Sidle. Why did she have to do that? I didn't do any harm to her so why? I didn't even know her, so why? Why does that Sara Sidle hate me this much? But now, I hate her, too._

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* * *

A long hour of walking later, Sara was sitting on the old bench in the park that she usually visited when she needed peace. The park was near her apartment complex, she felt safe there. She loved that particular place so she called that few square feet hers. A month and a half ago, Sara had found it ironical that just like everything else in her life, this small section of area had not been hers either. Still, it had felt like one. The dark green paint on the seat was mostly peeled off, the back-rest started to rot. No one seemed to visit that bench, it looked abandoned and unfriendly but Sara still liked it. Months ago, that area had been her sanctuary from the life she had had to live; now, it was the place where she could remember what she had lacked then but had now. Months ago she had named every tree around the wooden furniture; every bush had got a label, too. Once in a while, one or two sparrows had challenged her. Months ago it had seemed that only the animals had been kind to her. They had never judged her; never expected her to be perfect. They had loved her the way she was. Now, Sara had Grissom, too, who loved her because for him she was perfect. She also had Herbie who adored her for what she was and Sara had Hank, as well, who worshipped her just the way she was.

This morning was quiet, though. No little birds, no insects, only her and her remorse. Sara pulled her legs up to her chest and was just sitting there thinking about the what-ifs. What would have happened if she had made another decision, if she had chosen not to file that report? Maybe Jacob Spring would be still alive. Life versus justice. Was reporting that crime really the right thing to do? She really did not know. One thing she knew though. If she had not come clean and tell him what she had done, Grissom would have been harmed in every possible way. He would not have stopped investigating and sooner or later, his reputation would have been ruined, therefore, he himself would have been destroyed. Gil Grissom versus Jacob Spring. Had it been selfishness to choose Grissom over a faceless stranger? Was it heartlessness to be so sure that she would do the same if she had to again? Because she would do anything again to protect the only man who had taken the chance on her, risked to love her and offered his embrace as a home for her. People were supposed to guard their loved one from any harm, right? Then why did Sara feel as if she had pushed the gas pedal lower and lower in Jacob Spring's car?

Sara looked down at her watch and saw that she still had five hours until shift and she automatically took her cell phone out to call the only man whose voice meant remedy to any sorrow. But then she pressed the end button just as quickly. The Eiger case needed his attention; it was a high-priority case. Sara did not want to disturb him with such a thing like her turmoil. She had already caused him annoyances enough for the rest of his life. So she decided to go home, feed the monster, clean the flat and go back to the Lab. She could handle it, she had to.

* * *

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* * *

In the Lab, Grissom and Catherine were gradually getting closer to solving the Eiger case. Whenever they had thought that they had had the person who had been responsible for the casino mogul's death, new evidence or a new suspicious character swam into their sights. If Grissom wanted to be honest with himself, he would have to admit that this snip-snap riddle entertained him. He loved observing the strange angles of human nature and behavior; he enjoyed solving mysteries like this.

"LSD is in and out of your system in twenty minutes. But it acts as a trigger, which sets off cascading reactions in the brain. The brain keeps cascading long after the drug is gone."

The Eiger case somehow got under Catherine's skin more than it did to anyone else in the team. There were moments that Catherine just could not understand. A man like Bruce Eiger who had controlled so many people's lives and he had been running in diapers giving someone a chance to hold it against him or worse. Why did people do stupid things like this, she would never get it. "Well, there are good trips, and bad trips, and trips right off the balcony."

"Strange drug of choice for a control freak," Grissom on the other hand rarely thought about the whys. He simply watched people, registered their behaviors and then tried to draw a pattern from the data. But to decode the data he might earn? Waste of time. It would be like to solve a function of multiple variables when one knew too less to even try to solve it. And by the time one figured out how to solve the function, they found themselves with lost minds. However, Mathematics was clear and easy to understand, people were not. So Grissom accepted humans as much as he could, he did not want to judge them, even though, sometimes it had been hard for him not to do that.

"Maybe not his choice," Catherine added shaking Grissom out of his thinking.

After Catherine and Grissom had departed in the hallway, Grissom headed straight to his office. The man did not like the hallway from the stairs to his office; he preferred approaching his office from the opposite direction. This corridor was draughty. It was almost 6 pm. He knew that Sara probably was not in the Lab yet but he felt the now familiar magical sensation in the pit of his stomach. Sara must be close or did he just hallucinate her scent in the hallway brought by the draught to his nostril? Within seconds, Grissom ceased to be the nightshift supervisor, he closed his eyes and like a hunting dog he breathed deeply into the air and without thinking, he turned toward from where the scent might travel to him. The sense of smell conquered his sense of sight and hearing. His legs seemed to function on their own and brought Grissom to the locker room where he finally could see the source of the intoxicating fragrance.

"You're early again," he told Sara after he had looked around to be sure they were alone.

"Hey!" she greeted him clearly happy to see him. "I just thought I could help with the Eiger case…no field work…just in the Lab." Her lips already lost the beautiful smile.

"You okay?" he asked when he noticed her effort to hide her melancholy.

"Sure," she said too quickly.

"How were the interrogations going? I heard we've got everything we need to nail 'DigiZoom'. Everything will be alright now."

Sara wanted to yell at him that nothing would be okay because one man had died and his family would mourn him until their own deaths. She knew about mourning way too well. And everybody said that everything would be alright. How would anything be ever alright after what had happened? Did Greg or Grissom not get it?

Maybe her anger was irrational but it felt very real. She did not know what she expected. Sara longed for comforting words, still the ones she had received angered her beyond measure. Would it be a wakening slap in the face if any of them had told her that she had been responsible for Jacob's death? Would she stop blaming herself and finally would she accept that every move of people affected the others' lives?

Sara looked at him ready to lash out but the sparkle in Grissom's eyes melted Sara's heart. This man truly believed that everything would be okay when justice would be served. This man honestly offered her his trust and comfort; she had no right to be angry at him or at Greg. Sara realized that her anger was fed on her frustration, fear and guilt and had nothing to do with the words Grissom or Greg had said.

"Yeah, eventually…We have the statement. How is the Eiger case?"

Grissom's face lit up at the mention of that aberrant case. He gradually inched closer to Sara unconsciously needing her closeness while he told her every little detail about the case. Sara could pinpoint the moments when Grissom had loved what they had found out and could pinpoint the moments when he had become shocked by the events. This whole story could be even funny if the protagonist had not died on the way.

"I love my work," Grissom smiled.

"Yeah, it shows," Sara said sincere in her voice. They knew that they had to be careful with showing affection in public but Sara could not resist the temptation and she caressed his cheek tenderly. It was only a subtle but lingering gesture but to Grissom it was like a kiss of promise. And this time, he knew exactly what she meant with it.

"Chalk again?"

"Nope, but it betrays where you were just as well," she met his eyes for a long moment then looked away.

"Can't a supervisor smile?"

"Not like this and not at work…this is your…um…bedroom smile…wipe it off…"

Both rowed to dangerous waters with teasing each other and both knew that even the locker boxes had ears. They were still leaning how to have a secret relationship and how to work together without letting the cat out of the bag. Hesitantly, Grissom went back to his office and Sara went to find Sofia so they could look through some papers for the Eiger case. Sara did not mind working hard, the chat with Sofia actually distracted her thoughts from her own issues and for that she was grateful.

* * *

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* * *

The restaurant was not the most exclusive a tourist could find in Las Vegas but it was definitely a pleasant one with friendly atmosphere. The lights, the table setting were elegant, still semi-formal. It was a restaurant Grissom liked to visit occasionally. The team had closed the Eiger case, all of them had been shocked in the end. The fact that nothing had been sincere and real in Bruce Eiger's life had moved everybody. His mother was a living stone who had demolished her own child mentally and emotionally, Bruce Eiger had destroyed countless lives including his own wife creating a heartless woman and the babysitter…while Bruce had exploited her, the young woman slowly had been faded too. Her punishment was not going to be a normal one; her real punishment had started five years ago…dark and without chances.

Although, Brass, Grissom and Catherine had come to this restaurant to celebrate and let out a heavy sigh after this depressing case, they could not stop talking about it. The dinner reminded Grissom of the old times when they all had gone out to have dinner together. The only difference was that the team had never chosen an elite restaurant like this. But again, it had been Catherine's idea and as Grissom missed working with her, missed her friendship, he had not minded to pick this place. He was just sorry that the others could not come. As Ecklie had been extremely happy that they could close the case with satisfying outcome, he had let everybody home to rest. Nick and Warrick had had to stay to finish the paperwork, Greg had played mysterious and Sara had said that her shift had not been ended yet. Since Grissom had not been alone with her when she had said this, Grissom could not ask her about the real reason of her reluctance. The biggest disadvantage of their secret relationship.

Brass was telling stories about old times when he and Grissom had been green much to Catherine's delight. The woman loved gossips about the big crabby man. She knew that there were more in this man than he let anybody see.

"I knew you have more in your pocket than just your cell phone," Catherine laughed.

"Oh, speaking of…sorry, I have to check…"

"Come on, Gil. No one called you…"

"Just a second."

Grissom took out his cell phone but saw that the device was turned off. He did not remember turning it off.

"Don't look at that crap…I turned off," Catherine said.

"What? Why?"

"Hey, calm down, no one is in emergency. We deserve a relaxed dinner, don't you think?"

"Catherine!"

"Ok, check that damn thing. I'll order dessert…"

Grissom excused himself and went to the rest room to turn on the phone and call Sara. He did not have to press the fast dial button; there were two calls from the woman who had been on his mind since the moment he had stepped out of the Lab. Immediately he called her back.

"Sara! I'm sorry…my cell was turned off…"

"Oh, okay, I shouldn't disturb your dinner anyway."

Grissom could hear the unmistakable sadness in her monotone voice, "What's wrong?"

"No…nothing's wrong. I…I just…"

"Are you at home?"

"Yes. Are you having a good time?"

"Yes. But I'm going home…to your place."

"No! Please, don't leave your friends for me."

"Then tell me what happened. I know something must have happened."

Sara could not recall the last time Grissom had been out with friends, she was cursing at herself for having been that weak and called him. She had had no right to take the relaxation away from him. He needed this diversion. Just as she would have needed some comfort when the grieving girlfriend had come to the LVPD for Jacob Spring's stuff. Sara could not look into the woman's eyes, not that the young woman would have known who Sara had been. Sara had felt excruciating pain and remorse. She had only wanted to hear Grissom's voice, to confess her guilt, to finally open up but as if fate…she could not reach him. Probably, it had been the right thing. One person was enough to suffer.

"Nothing happened, I just missed you…"

"You've missed me once already today…come up with another lie, dear," he tried to joke.

"I missed you more than you can imagine. I love you. Know this, I love you!"

"That's it. I'm going home…"

"No, I'm fine, really. Can't a CSI miss her love?"

"I'm still leaving…"

"Um…Herbie peed onto your pillow."

"What? Still leaving…"

"Enjoy your dinner, Grissom. You can come after the dinner…"

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* * *

_**February **__**20th, 2005**_

_I investigated a little. I played Sara Sidle. But __this time, she was the one who was being investigated. How does it feel? I guess she doesn't even know or she doesn't care. But this bitch is like a ghost. Doesn't she have a past or what?_

_I went to work today…not for working, oh no. Before I took a week off or two? I don't remember but I don't really care. Screw work! However, sometimes, it is great to work for the Mayor. __There are lotsa documents there. But I hope he will die a pitiful death with his new assistant. I would have been amazing. I would have been awesome as his assistant. But I was thrown away. And why? Because of that Sara Sidle. Even her name suggests betrayal…sidle. Anyway, this Sara Sidle really has no past, poor thing. She just studied and studied and studied…hah…but she winded up at this crappy job. No husband, no kids. Good. Lots of work and worth it? A more viable person is able to get a job without wearing their brains off._

_I need to know more. I want to know my enemy. I will know who robbed me._

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The next few days had seemed to be eventless. Sara had never told Grissom what had bothered her that night. She had silenced him with loving kisses and when he had asked her between kisses, she had smiled at him and told him how much she had loved him and she had made him promise that he would remember that always.

Herbie had become unusually clinging, the cat had never wanted to leave her side, and he had played with Sara, to Sara, for Sara.

Hank's behavior had changed, too. He had watched Sara for hours without moving. And when Sara had left the room, the dog had run after her. Grissom had even mentioned once that she had stolen Hank's love. But the weirdest thing had been that Hank had not wanted to take a walk. He had started to whine every time Sara had approached the door.

After a while, Grissom had stopped asking Sara, he had decided to show her that he had been there for her whenever she was ready to talk. For the first time in his life, his actions had been talked for themselves.

When Grissom could not bear the suspense any longer, he even asked Greg to come to his office and tell him everything that had happened that day.

"And Sara took his death pretty hard. I think she blames herself."

Jacob Spring and July Harper. Of course! The two names that Jim Sullivan - Grissom's college friend – had mentioned before Sara had knocked on his door weeks ago. In the locker room, Sara had said one statement they had received. How had that information slipped his notice?

"The guy committed suicide, no one could predict it."

"Well, when we closed the Eiger case, his girlfriend came to gather his belongings but the coroner didn't release them then, so she will come today. Do you think Sara should talk to her?" Greg asked.

"It's her day off. I don't know if she wants…or it would help her."

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_**February **__**24th, 2005**_

_What a boring life __Sara has. She gets up when normal people go to sleep; she never smiles when she is alone. However, she should be happy. She fucked my life and stole my father's love, she should be exhilaratingly happy._

_She has a dog__, a big one actually. This idiot doesn't even know how to walk a dog. Or that stupid thing doesn't enjoy her company. I can understand it. It just jumps on her, presses its disgusting body to her legs. Well, pitiful dog for a rotten bitch._

_And she has a boyfriend. __How could he love this skinny slut? Not that this wobbling guy would be a jackpot. He is old and his legs… He either has enormous amount of sex so he can't walk or he has some knee problem. I hope the latter._

_I was thinking how to return the favor __you did to me, Sara. You took away the only person I've ever loved…now I was going to do the same to you, Sa-ra Si-dle. Or I can have a better present for you. I will make your wobbling bear suffer…It is funny, I hate you but I haven't met you yet, I hate you but you haven't known me yet. Still, you screwed up my life. Why?_

_Normal people work this hour of the day but this shit is sleeping. I better go home before I sleep on her._

_Oh, wait, she's just come out…no dog…it's my time…_

_Only a__ pity person would use a knife…because the one who dies with knife will get cold quickly…And I'm everything but pity. You might think you have nothing so you have nothing to lose…but you're wrong dear Sara. You have nothing but can lose something. I'm the only one who has everything but has nothing to lose._

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"I know him! He wouldn't have…" a woman was crying desperately in the hallway attracting audience immediately.

"Miss…I'm so sorry for your loss, I really do and I understand that it must be hard to accept that your loved one chose this way to…"

"No, you didn't know him, I do! Jacob would have never committed suicide."

Grissom walked out of his office to see what was going on. He saw Greg Sanders trying to comfort a young woman. According to the name the lady mentioned, she had to be the girlfriend of Jacob Spring. Grissom went to the crying woman.

"Miss…um…I'm Gil Grissom."

"Anne Stewenson,"

"Why do you think it wasn't suicide?" Grissom received a questioning glare from Greg and a hopeful look from Miss Stewenson.

"Jacob called me right before his…so he called me and begged for forgiveness and he asked me to wait him up because he wanted to tell me something. He said he would be at my place in ten minutes. Who calls and after commits suicide?"

Grissom looked at Greg and without a word he turned and left the couple and the audience in the hallway. He practically ran into his office and grabbed the report that described the car crash. He felt the goose-bumps forming on his arms. He closed his eyes to prevent the dirty words from coming out of his mouth. Then he checked the name of the leading CSI who had processed the scene. Of course, it was a dilettante from days. In the photos, there were well-defined tire marks that indicated that Jacob Spring had tried to stop the car multiple times. It was an accident and not suicide. It would not make any difference for Jacob; he was already dead but would make a complete difference to his girlfriend and to Sara.

Grissom hurried back to Greg and Anne Stewenson to inform them about the new findings. The hallway had been almost empty by the time Grissom reached them. People had lost their interests immediately when it had turned out that the young lady had been only in pain and had not wanted to make a scene.

About ten minutes later, the lady left the Lab with lighter heart. Knowing that her love had not betrayed her that way made her heart easier to beat. Greg was glared in front of him not saying anything.

"Look, you didn't have to read his report, evidence without connection to your case is not evidence. And actually, it's still irrelevant to Sara's case."

"Yeah, but if I had read it, Sara would have been suffering. She would have read it."

"She reads everything. Do you want to tell her?" Grissom asked but secretly hoped Greg let him call Sara.

"Okay."

Greg dialed Sara's number and was prepared to sit out the two or three times the phone rang until she answered it but the line seemed dead. He arched his eyebrows.

"Maybe my phone went wrong. The line is deaf."

Grissom found it odd that the line was dead, his guts said to him to go and see Sara, "Okay, look, I have to run some errands anyway so I come by her place to see if she is okay and tell her about Spring."

_Errands…yeah…sure_, Greg thought but said nothing, only nodded, however, Grissom did not see Greg smirking as he was already out of his office.

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It had taken Sara almost half an hour to get out of the flat as Hank had definitely been in a tantrum. Herbie had not helped a bit either. Had the babies gone crazy lately? For some insane moments, Sara had felt that neither Hank nor Herbie had wanted her to leave the safety of her home but Sara had just laughed at them. She had nothing to fear outside.

And she needed fresh air; she needed the walk as badly as Hank should have needed it. So here she was at the entrance of the apartment house while her two pets were left home. Sara did not take one step when she stopped and ran back to the building.

Whenever she had feared of something, she had been left alone instead of taking a deep breath and facing it together with her mother. Hank had been stressed out for some days now and she had done what her mother had done to her. She had given up and left him alone. Sara had even got angry at the silly dog and at Herbie for giving him hand in his tantrum.

_For someone who was living in the past, their present was like their past. It could look so real to them just like their own reflexions in mirrors and if they tried to break the mirrors, only their hands were going to get injured._

When she closed her eyes, Sara could see Grissom smiling at her, leaning close to her intending to kiss her, she could see the face of Herbie who was eager to please her, eager to love her and let her love him back, and behind her closed eyes, there was Hank who seemed to confuse his role in the family and became Sara's number one bodyguard. When Sara dared to open her eyes, they were still visible, they were real, they were there.

As Sara climbed the stairs, a determined smile was slowly forming on her pale face. She wanted to live in the present so it would be the mirror of their future. She would not break any more mirrors; she would not injure any more hands.

When she opened the door, Hank and Herbie were sitting side by side on the couch where Sara usually sat. It was said that animals sensed earthquakes or natural diseases in advance. It was said that animals could feel if something bad was going to happen to someone they loved. And there was only one who Sara loved more than anything. Grissom.

Not really being conscious of what she had realized now but being impulsive in her actions, Sara wanted to see Grissom. An uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that she should "listen" to Hank and Herbie and stay home but if they were right and Grissom was in danger, she had to go to him as fast as she could.

Sara leaned close to Herbie and to her surprise the cat let her kiss him on the nose. Normally, he would grimace but now, he was purring loudly. Hank looked at her and as if he resigned to the inevitable, he followed Sara to her fate.

As Hank had been acting oddly lately, Sara attached the lead to his collar, just in case. The big dog pressed his body as close to Sara's legs as he could without hurting the woman he loved. They were crossing the road to her car when Hank started to whine dearly. Sara looked down at him and saw that the dog was trembling, he was definitely afraid of something. She crouched to him to comfort the dog and just then noticed a roaring car travelling quickly toward them. Without time to react, Sara could not stand up, however Hank jumped on her intending to protect her but it was too late.

July Harper had driven her car with her eyes closed. She did not open them again, not after when her car had smashed with a parking car nearly head-on. She only breathed, 'I'm sorry.'

And then everything went dead silent leaving the words of Sara's step-mother floating in the air then disintegrating into flames of memories when they all closed their eyes.

_E__verybody had a good self and a bad one. The bad self kept whispering to them and they should listen to the whispers. They should listen to both sides. They should not pretend as if the bad suggestions did not exist, they had to react to them or else the bad self would secretly get the better of their good selves and slowly but surely would kill who they really were. And then nothing remained, only the consuming devil._

**TBC**


	27. Convergence

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N:** This chapter is pretty long…again…but this time, I didn't want to split it into two. But the upcoming chapters are much shorter, so please, bear with me : )

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**Chapter ****Twenty-seven**

_One cannot and must not try to erase the past merely because it does not fit the present__. – __**Golda Meir**_

There were days when everything was where they belonged, the sins and the mistakes found forgiveness, there were days when even a stranger received a loving hug. People then could sit back in their chairs thinking they got over the humps but there were days when there were too few angels on earth to hold back the evil souls. Their war was a never ending one; sometimes they sheathed the sword but today, the angels had lost their battle.

"Please stay with me, oh my dear God, Sara! Please don't leave me."

Grissom was sitting on the warm asphalt road holding Sara's unconscious body close to his chest. He could not seem to stop the shaking in his hands and legs. He begged her to open her eyes, to wake up; no matter how many times he looked around in hopes that the paramedics had arrived; every cry came back to him like an echo, it made the surreal silence almost tangible around them. His heart was beating like a rampageous tribe drum at sacrificing a human being, pounding out the rhythm of dread against his ribs.

Grissom did not dare to close his eyes as whenever he had done that he had not seen anything but the scene of his embodiment nightmare. The first thing that had alarmed Grissom when he had arrived at Sara's place had been the car collided into another one. He had known that an accident had happened. He had taken his cell phone out of his pocket to call the police and an ambulance when he had seen Hank. Grissom had run to him and then he had noticed his woman lying on the ground, as well.

Had it been the shock or the insurmountable desire to hold Sara, to feel her living so he had had the reason to take another breath, no one would know but his shaking hand could not hold the device any longer and the cell phone had fallen out of his grasp. He had run to Sara and checked her pulse that had been weak but steady. Grissom had checked the rhythm of breathing and then her head, finally the rest of her body. He had not found visible injuries that had seemed serious but he had known better than to think that Sara had been out of danger. He had grabbed his phone again and dialed 911. Only then had he run to the woman in the car to see if she had been still alive. Obviously, she had suffered head injuries so Grissom had not dared to move her. Finally, he had walked to Hank but he had not shown any signs of life.

"Where are the paramedics?" he shouted now. "Where is everybody?" he asked however, there were some people gathered there by now but Grissom seemed to see nobody.

"Open your eyes, Sara and tell me you're okay. You need to fight for me…for us!"

Grissom was wiping the dust off of her face when he felt Sara moving slightly. Her hearing started to return first. She could not make sense of anything for moments, but with her gradually returning consciousness she realized that she was lying on some hard floor or ground. Sara heard a familiar voice murmuring something, begging for something. The voice indicated that its owner was crying perhaps. She also heard some muttering in the distance but she could not get out a word of it and she was too tired to concentrate. But what scared her was the distant siren wailing that became louder and louder. Her head hurt like the devil and her eyes burned and ached. Sara tried to open her eyes as the voice was asking her to do so but she was rewarded with excruciating pain so she closed them immediately.

"Sara! Honey, can you hear me?"

She heard him but she was confused and did not recognize his voice. Realizing that she had difficulty concentrating, Grissom leaned closer to her carefully and kissed her on the cheek.

The woman could not see him but her other senses seemed to heighten right away. She took a deep breath and identified the scent and she knew who he was. She touched his face and she recognized her man instantly.

"Grissom," she formed his name. "It's you."

"I'm here honey, don't move. Just look at me."

"It hurts, my eyes are burning," she said but trying to open them nonetheless. When tears and some blood started to ooze out from under her eyelids, Grissom became alerted.

He remembered the dust and debris that had covered her face when he had first seen her. He feared if she continued trying to open her eyes, the trauma would be more serious. He feared that the grains were going to cause permanent loss of vision. He did not know what kind of debris had gotten into her eyes. Glass or metal or just dust? He did not know.

"Sara! You've got to listen to me, okay?"

"I can't see, Grissom. Even with my eyes half open…I can't see you."

"I'm here and never leave your side but you have to keep your eyes closed."

"I can't see…"

"I know, dear but the paramedics are almost here. Honey, can you hear their cars wailing?"

Cars. Not only one. Not only for her. Of course, she had not run over herself. That car had come so fast. So fast. All had happened so fast, they could not jump out of its way. They. She and Hank. Hank.

"Grissom…Hank…where is he?"

The panic in Sara's voice was obvious; his hesitation to answer was also evident. Sara gathered all the strength she had and started to palpate Hank's body but Grissom kept her still.

"Sara! Stay still and don't move your eyeballs. He is here…next to us," he told her. He did not really lie when he said Hank was lying there. It seemed to calm Sara down a little. And to Grissom's luck, the ambulance had just arrived.

"Sir, let us help her, please. Do you know what happened?"

"I guess an accident," Grissom answered.

"No, it wasn't an acc…awwww," Sara cried out in pain when a paramedic tried to examine her eyes. She reached her hand for Grissom's and he took it immediately.

"Sara, it's okay. Everything will be alright." A sentence that had been pronounced so many times before but had never seemed to be true.

"Miss…I'm going to bandage your eyes, okay. And then we'll take you to Desert Palm. Who can we call?"

"You don't have to call anybody. I'm her family," Grissom said. "She is Sara Sidle. My name is Gil Grissom."

"Okay, sir. Is that dead dog yours, too?"

If looks could kill, the middle-aged paramedic would be dead. Some people were just thoughtless. Grissom showed off that Sara had not known about Hank's condition…until now as the woman had lost her vision. Even though the EMT regretted that he had talked first and then thought second, the damage had been already done.

"Grissom, oh God! Hank!" and the tears poured down her face mercilessly making the burning feeling even worse. "Awww, my eyes!"

"Sara, please. I'm so sorry, I didn't want to upset you."

"Please, he's not dead, I can feel him breathing, and I know he's just weak, please!"

"Miss Sidle, we have to go," the EMT said.

"Grissom, please call Greg. There is a Pet Clinic about a mile away from here, ask him to take Hank there, please…please."

"Alright, I'll call him from the ambulance."

"No, wait here until he arrives. Don't leave Hank alone. I'll be okay but I have to know that Hank's in good hands, too."

"Sir, we really have to go. The lady was unconscious, so…"

"Sara, I'll be there asap, I promise you."

"Okay. The other woman?"

"She was already taken to Desert Palm. She's alive, too, so you can rest now," the man answered her as she was taken into the ambulance.

As the vehicle drove off, Grissom had closed his eyes before he looked at his lifeless dog. He was still looking at his body when he called Greg and asked him to come to Sara's place. In a few words he told the young CSI what had happened and what Sara's wish had been. Grissom had never found fifteen minutes this long before, however the journey from the Lab to Sara's place was normally a thirty-minute long driving.

"Grissom! How is Sara? What happened? Where is she now?"

"Thanks for coming this fast. There was an accident. Sara probably wanted to take Hank for a walk when it happened. I arrived here first. I…I don't know where people are when accidents happen. I…I don't know how long she must have been here…unconscious. Then she regained her consciousness but her eyes…"

"What?"

"She lost her vision…I hope it just temporary because of the dust…I…I gotta go. She said there is a clinic nearby. Can you take Hank there?"

"Sure. I didn't know Sara had a dog. I knew about Herbie but…"

"Greg. The dog is mine. Sara loved walking him. Don't call the others…not yet anyway. I don't want them to…"

"That car caused the accident?"

"Yes. The driver got injured severely."

"Grissom, I swear I have seen this car before…somewhere."

"I have to go. And thanks."

"Can I visit her? Sara's my best friend."

"I'll call you when I know something," and with this, Grissom ran to his car and left.

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Gil Grissom was standing in the hallway of Desert Palm waiting for the physician who was examining Sara to come out and inform him. Within two months, it was the second time that Grissom was biting his nails. It was said that being admitted to a hospital was less torturous than being forced to sit in the hallway and wait for news – good or bad - about a loved one. Needles were painful when they pierced one's skin but the pain was aching more when they were poked into the skin of their loved ones. It was true. This morning Grissom felt the agonizing anguish upon his desire to hold Sara again, to know that she would recover fully and her eyes would heal perfectly.

In the same hallway, there was a couple waiting for some good news, too. The man was holding his wife's hand and murmuring some comforting words into her ears but they seemed helpless. The woman was hopelessly worried and scared.

When a doctor came out of one of the operating rooms, all the three of them stood up but only the two men ran to the young surgeon.

"Mr. Harper?"

Grissom sat back disappointedly when he realized that the man brought news about someone else. Harper. Why was this name so familiar to Grissom? Harper. He tried to concentrate, he knew he had to. There was something wrong in this story but he could not seem to put the pieces together. He felt useless without Sara; he could not concentrate on anything until he was informed that she was going to be alright. He reprimanded himself for being this weak, Sara was alive and this was all that matters. Was it? Yes, it was. The outcome could have been much-much worse.

"Mr. Grissom?" a voice intruded into his thoughts.

"Yes. How is Sara?"

"Soon, she will be taken to Room 107. We X-rayed her, and apart from some bruises, only her eyes are our concern."

"She was hit by a car and you said she has only a few bruises?"

"Something must have warded off the blow."

Closing his eyes for a moment, he understood. "There was a big dog with her."

"That dog saved her life. Buy him some nice bone," the doctor smiled.

"He's gone."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Can I see her?"

"Of course. One thing, though. I informed Miss Sidle about her condition and she understood it but took it hard as we couldn't tell her actually when she gets her vision back…if she recovers. There were lots of sharp grains in her eyes that we successfully washed out, still, there are many scratches to heal. Normally, tears would help to wash her eyeballs and keep it clean but in this case, they would burn her eyes, wet the bandage and so on."

"So are you sure she doesn't have internal bleeding?"

"I'm sure. Don't worry about that."

"So she is Room 107?"

"Probably by the time you find that room, she will be there too. I'll check on her a bit later."

"Thank you, doctor!"

Grissom did not know how to feel. He was extremely happy because she was alive. She was alright but lost her sight…perhaps permanently. How would she handle this recent condition of hers? How would he handle it if the worst happened? He would be there for her forever but was he strong enough for her? And Hank. His dear dog had saved his lover's life. The loss of Hank would haunt her forever, he was sure of it. And Grissom would miss him, too, but would be grateful to him forever. Not many humans would have been this self-sacrificing.

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Greg walked to Hank's body, and sat next to him. The young CSI had not known about this four-legged gentleman. What a beautiful animal, he thought. He caressed his fur and felt that the bone in his leg was broken. Greg lifted Hank's leg to examine his injure. When he did so, the dog's leg bent in a way that made Greg shiver. He dropped Hank's leg immediately but the fall made the poor animal whine slightly. No one had ever seen the young CSI move so fast than he did just now. He blinked for some times then tried to feel the dog's pulse and felt practically nothing. The Resident Evil popped into his mind where zombie dogs haunted the city. But the poor thing whined he was sure. Was he? Maybe it was a cruel action but Greg needed to know if he had just imagined his cry or not. He again lifted his leg and let it fall. Another low whine left the dog's lips. With light speed, Greg picked up the heavy dog and ran to his car as fast as he was able to.

Within minutes, he was at the Pet Clinic Sara had mentioned and brought the dying Hank inside.

"Please, help! This dog was in an accident," Greg was shouting from the entrance.

Two assistants ran to him and carefully took the dog from Greg's arms. They brought him directly into an operation room.

"Dr. Woods, this boxer was just brought in. He was hit by a car."

Looking at the dog, Dr. James Woods gasped. He recognized Hank right away, "Who brought him in?"

"A young guy."

"Clear his wounds and check if he has a chip under his skin," Dr. Woods ordered the assistants. "Be right back."

The doctor hurried to the waiting room to see who the young guy was. Dr. Woods was worried. If this dog was Sara's indeed, then she might get injured too.

"Excuse me. Who took a boxer in?"

_God, tell me he is alive_. "I did."

"Hi, my name is Dr. Woods. Is the dog's name Hank?"

"Yes. You know him?"

"I know that he is Sara Sidle's dog. I mean her boyfriend's as she told me. Is she alright?"

"Sara is in hospital, I don't know much about her condition. But her _boyfriend_ is with her," Greg said but he could hardly contain his growing smile. So papa Grissom was her boyfriend. He always suspected it but it was always nice to get confirmation.

"Would you let me know if she is ok? I like Miss Sidle, she is a great young lady."

"Sure."

"Alright, I have to go back to help Hank."

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Grissom used the stairs instead of the elevator in order to save some time. He needed a few minutes to slow his pulse down. He wanted to see his Sara more than anything but he feared that he would not be as strong as she needed him to be. His brain said to him to climb the starts slower but his heart chased him to the woman he loved as fast as his legs could carry him.

He looked at the numbers of the rooms. Room 102 was on his right and Room 103 was on his left. Why was it that all doors were open? He guessed there was logic in this habit; however, he would prefer his door closed. As he approached Room 107, he found that one door closed. Interesting. Maybe because Sara had been wheeled in her room just now. Maybe.

He was wondering if he should knock or just go inside. He did not know much about hospital protocol. The last time when he had been admitted to a hospital and he had been visited, he had been sleeping so he had no reference. Sara was his woman, so he decided to just open the door and go inside.

Carefully, he pushed the handle down, opened the door and saw a man standing next to Sara's bed watching her, "What are you doing here? And who are you?"

"Grissom?" she asked.

When the man was about to leave the room, Grissom blocked his way, "I asked what you were doing here?"

"I'm sorry. I probably got lost and came into a wrong room."

"You were in the hallway, I saw you. Harper, right?"

"Look, my daughter was in an accident, I came to see her…and…I just."

"And you have to watch this woman for minutes to realize she is not your daughter?"

"Look, my daughter is in coma, I guess I am confused and in shock probably. Would you please let me out?"

Without any words, Grissom let the man leave the ward and immediately walked to Sara," Honey, are you okay?"

"I don't know. My head hurts…my eyes…"

"You're alive, your injuries are not serious. And your eyes will heal, everything will be okay, you will see that."

"I really hope that I can see that."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. You scared me to death, what happened?"

Grissom noticed that Sara's lower lip started to tremble. She lifted her arm and blindly searched him in the air. But then, she pressed her palms to the big bandages that covered her eyes. The tears started to burn her eyes just as the doctor had said to Grissom.

"Honey, you don't have to tell me this now. Try to sleep."

"It wasn't an accident. The car raced right toward us. Oh, Hank…"

"He saved your life, he loved you so much."

"Please tell me he is alive. Hasn't Greg called?"

"No but Sara…"

"To me he is like a child for a mother. No wonder I don't have any. I can't take care of a dog…let alone a child."

"Sara! Stop this. You can't predict life."

"It wasn't an accident, Grissom."

"Just rest, I will read the report okay? Just rest."

"When can I go home?"

"After tomorrow."

Again, Sara blindly reached for Grissom's hands that she found easily. She pressed them to her lips and nose. She breathed his scent in, "I'd recognize it anywhere. Eau de Grissom. This will be our password."

Grissom carefully leaned in to kiss Sara. At first he was just caressed her lips with his to see if she liked it. He did not really want to kiss her; she was in pain after all. But he also wanted her to know that he loved her and he had been so scared, he needed to feel her sweet lips.

"What are you doing?" Sara asked him breathlessly but definitely wanted more from whatever he was about to give her.

"Nothing," he whispered.

"You're doing something," she whispered back. He began to caress her lips again. It was a slow, amorous kiss but ended as quickly as it had started.

"I'm sorry…I should have…"

"It was better than any strong painkiller," she told him.

"_This_ will be our password, don't tell anybody."

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"Where have you been, William?" Mrs. Harper asked her husband. "Our daughter is in coma and you were God knows where."

"Just so you know, I wanted to bring you coffee but I got lost and I even went into another room."

"I don't need coffee; I need you…to be here with us. She is your daughter, she needs you more than ever."

"Just look at her, Marjorie. She was always in trouble, July's caused an accident…her life…I think _I_ need you and not July needs _me_."

"Don't talk about July as if she passed away. She is still in Room 109, not in the basement! She will wake up, she has to."

"We better find her a hospital where she can stay. She was cursed the day she was born. You know this, how long you wanna deny it?"

"July is a wonderful child. She is the light in my life. She is talented and fantastic and if you can't see this, then you are the blind not me."

"I was blind till now. She's one lucky to find asylum in this coma. This way she doesn't have to answer questions that I'm sure will come."

"You're talking about your flesh and blood."

"And you have nothing to do with it. My business is my business."

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Dr. Woods went back to examine Hank. The dog was very weak; it was almost visible that the life was leaving his body. His injuries were more than serious. His body had absorbed almost all the energy that had been released at the moment of the crash.

"Dr. Woods! This dog…"

"Yes?"

"This boy was your patient a few years ago…"

"Really?"

"He was adopted from 'The Rex Shelter' and you were the one who…um…you spayed him…and there was complication. He didn't fallen asleep when you started the operation."

"What?"

"It is in his file. He is hard to sedate."

James Woods recalled the encounters with Sara and Hank. The dog had showed distress whenever he had appeared.

_"I start to believe that he doesn't seem to like me."_

_"I'm sorry. Hank is friendly…toward others…I can't tell…"_

_"Maybe he knows something that we don't. Have a nice day, Sara."_

So that was why he had been aggressive toward him. He had remembered him, his scent maybe. The dog probably had not known why he had felt fear in the vet's proximity but Hank had remembered that he should stay away from the scent whoever radiating.

"Hate me or not dude, I will save your life today and maybe you'll forgive me," he said as he injected the sedative into the infusion.

* * *

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* * *

Grissom closed the door as he stepped out of Sara's ward. The woman finally had fallen asleep so Grissom took the opportunity to call Greg. He had to go out of the building to use his cell no matter he did not want to leave Sara's side. His guts told him to stay with her. So he wanted to cut the call short.

"Greg!"

"How is Sara?"

"Her eyes got injured, if the scars heal, she gets her sight back. She took it pretty well…or at least she acted as if…"

"Yeah, it's Sara. But I have great news. Hank is under operation at the moment."

"How?"

"He was very weak but he is alive!"

"Thanks God. But we shouldn't tell this to Sara. Not until she is home."

"Why? She would be happy."

"Yes, but she would cry and tears hurt her. Wait until we get home and her eyes are healed more."

"Okay. Can I do something for her?"

"Sara says it wasn't an accident, and that the car raced toward them on purpose. Could you read the report?"

"Sure. I'll call you when I know details. Still no info for the guys?"

"Read the report first," and then he hung up.

"Bye to you too…Casanova!"

* * *

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* * *

William Harper silently opened the door and was satisfied when he saw that the woman whose face had haunted him since the day he had set eyes on her in the hallway of LVPD. Her face. Poor woman, what had happened to her? But to William Harper, Sara looked as beautiful with those huge bandages on her eyes as she had looked without them. This woman had enchanted him since that day. The man knew that he should not be here but some invisible power pulled him to this lady.

He did not know what he was feeling. At first, that morning in the Lab, he had felt dreaded. Later his bewilderment had turned into something else: some warm feeling that had still scared him. And now, he simply wanted to touch her. Was she real or was he losing his mind?

Either way, he did not want to meet that unfriendly man again who had kicked him out of this hospital room. From the entrance he turned to take a final glace at the dark haired woman then soundlessly closed the door behind him.

* * *

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* * *

Greg drove back to the Police Department and checked the whiteboard of day shift to see who had processed the car accident. Greg did not see the point not to tell Sara's accident to the gang, it was only matter of time that they would hear about it. And they would not be happy to get to know about what had happened from this board or worse from someone else from days.

An hour later, Greg was on his way to the hospital. He could not seem to get the report out of his head. According to the file, it had been an accident indeed. 'The dog probably ran across the road and the woman must have run after him when the car hit them' Nothing unusual. But if Sara stated that it had not been an accident, she had had her reason to declare it. And one thing had caught his eyes. The woman who had been driving that car was July Harper. The young lady who had been at the PD a few days ago. It could not be coincidence. This tiny momentum could not leave Greg alone. This July was a rich lady who lived in a nice district of Las Vegas, far away from where Sara lived. So what had she been doing there?

In the meantime, Sara woke up and tried to eat the disgusting green jelly she had been given as her dinner. When she said that she could not even look at that thing, let alone eat it, and because she had not been gone through any operation, she was allowed to eat some normal human food.

The trembling green jelly was consumed by an equally hungry Grissom. He said that he had already eaten worse than this and he even complimented on its taste.

They were then holding hands when a slight knock could be heard. They quickly released each other's hands to keep the appearance and both turned to see who it was. It was interesting that one who had lost one of their limbs, they still felt it aching. Sara lost her vision, still, at the first unfamiliar noise, she turned her head toward the direction of that noise and instead of relying on her other senses; she tried to open her eyes under the bandages.

"Can I come in?" Greg asked them.

"Greg?" Sara asked Grissom.

"Yeah, I always imagined you would call my name first in your bed…"

Sara could not contain her smile at his antics. Greg could make her smile anytime, even in this poor condition of hers. Grissom was not that amused but he tried to remember that Sara was his and only his.

"The only difference was that you weren't in hospital and Grissom wasn't in bed with you."

"Finished?" Grissom asked trying very hard to mask his annoyance; however, he knew that Greg had been just joking and tried to ease the situation.

"I guess I did. How are you feeling princess?"

"Weird. I keep memorizing the room but I'm dizzy. I'm feeling lost."

"Good, you shouldn't get used to this situ coz you gonna recover soon and whip me in the field."

"I wish I could."

Greg gave Grissom the file he had photocopied at the PD so he could read the file himself. Greg did not know if Grissom wanted Sara to know that they were investigating or not, so he tried to sound casual.

"What is it?" she asked. As she had nothing but her ears to orientate, she perked up her ears and heard that the two men were doing something. She seemed to hear paper rustling?

"It's the report about the accident. It says that Hank might run across the road and…"

"I already told you that it wasn't accident. The car raced toward us with hell of a speed. And I taught Hank…" Sara's lips started to tremble again. She turned her head to hide her face but then she continued. "I taught Hank to sit before step on the road. We practiced it several times."

Greg wanted to tell Sara that Hank was alive. Watching her suffering was something he hated to see but Greg respected Grissom's wish. The older man knew Sara better after all.

"Okay, Sara. Please calm down. Your tears will hurt your eyes."

"He didn't run away from me. He pressed his body to mine. And even though he was defo afraid of something, he stopped and sat before we crossed the road. Just like he did when we wanted to use the ATM."

"Is there an ATM at your place?" Grissom asked and he exchanged looks with Greg.

"Yes, another side of the road…oh…"

"Greg, call Brass! Every ATM has surveillance video."

"Okay. By the way, it was July Harper who drove that car. Who is in the room next door…but she is coma, so…"

"Call Brass. I won't leave Sara's side."

"Grissom, I can defend myself…you can leave me here."

"Sara! You didn't even notice that July's father was in your room watching you…" He regretted it the moment he formed the words. He did not want to scare Sara. But on the other hand, she had to know about it, it was her life at stake if her accident had not been accident indeed.

Everybody considered Sara as a strong and brave woman who she was but this time, the pure fear was evident on her face. It was one thing to face the enemy and it was another thing to be in the dark…literally. Her condition made her vulnerable and this scared Sara beyond belief.

"His daughter is in coma, I guess he just wanted to see the other victim. Not unheard of," Greg said but he was already on his way out to call Brass. At the door, he looked back and saw Sara shaking slightly. He went back and kissed her cheek then whispered a 'Your boyfriend will watch you, don't be afraid' into her ear. Greg squeezed her hand and left.

Right after Greg had left, Grissom dialed Catherine's number. He did not care about that he should leave the building if he wanted to use his phone. He would not leave Sara alone until they knew what had really happened. In a few words, Grissom informed Catherine about the accident and asked her to fill in the guys but he also asked her not to come here just yet. It would not help Sara at the moment. Catherine did not agree with him but she had to agree that they probably could help her case more effectively in the Lab if their cooperation needed. Catherine promised Grissom that she was going to inform Ecklie about the happenings.

The night went by eventless. They did not see Mr. Harper again. Grissom went to see July Harper but when he saw that a lonely woman, presumably her mother, was sitting next to her bed crying, Grissom walked back to Sara. Grissom could not tell if Sara was sleeping or not, she was motionless. She was way too motionless. Grissom knew the way Sara slept. She was everything but a peaceful sleeper. Grissom suspected that Sara was just pretending sleeping. He could understand her, he could not sleep either.

The next day Brass and two officers came to the hospital. The detective marched straight to July Harper's room and ordered the two men to stay at her door. Brass carefully opened the door and asked the woman to come out so they could talk. Brass told Marjorie Harper that according to the surveillance video footage of the ATM where the running over had happened, it had become obvious that her daughter had tried to kill the victim on purpose. July had closed her eyes way before the collision and she had let the wheel go and instead of braking the car, she had sped it up. Within minutes, Catherine Willows arrived, too, to collect July's DNA, and asked Mrs. Harper to let her team into July's room at home to search her place. The broken woman did not try to deny their request, first because she knew it had not really been a request and secondly, she had noticed that July had changed lately. Mrs. Harper had no energy to deal with her guilt at the moment; her only concern was her sleeping daughter in this cold hospital room. Everybody else could do whatever they wanted to. The woman gave the key to their home to the CSI, she was not about to leave July's side.

After collecting the samples she had wanted to, Catherine paid Sara a visit and told her that she had been right about the non-accident. Grissom sighed but said nothing. While Catherine was talking with Sara, he went to the bathroom to refresh himself. By the time Grissom came out of the room, Brass had arrived too and was kissing Sara on the cheek. He filled Sara in, too. Ten minutes later, all of them said good bye to the woman they all called their friend. Catherine drove back to the Lab to give the sample to Greg who was more than eager to process it so he could input the data into their system. Catherine and Nick then went to the Harpers' home to process July's room and belongings.

Back in the hospital, Sara asked Grissom to go to her place and see if Herbie was alright and to feed him. When Grissom did not want to leave, Sara started to weep a little. She was worried about her baby and she could not go to take care of him at the moment. Grissom could not stand the pain in her voice and he agreed on leaving but promised her to come back as soon as he could.

"I'm fine here, Grissom. You should shower and sleep…after you fed Herbie."

"Do I smell?"

"You smell good. But seriously, I couldn't live without you. Please, you have to take care of you, too."

"I'm attending to. But…"

"Nothing but! I don't want to see you till tomorrow. But then you will have to come here and take me home."

"I…"

"Grissom, I'll be okay here. Nothing will happen to me. Stop worrying."

* * *

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* * *

Greg Sanders was so tired he could hardly read the result of July's DNA profile. He had not been home since the day Grissom had called him. Greg had worked on July's DNA profile so they could have the result in no time. First, the shock and then the anger at July Harper that had driven Greg to stay awake. Now, he was sitting in his lab and typing the data into the Lab's system. He typed July's place and date of birth, names of her parents, her weight, height, eyes color, her distinguishing marks, her condition, her DNA and so on. Finally, he clicked on 'save'. He could not explain why he did but clicked on 'search'. Greg cursed, he was tired and he wanted to go home. He was about to stop the searching process when the computer binged showing a match in CODIS. Greg's eyes could not get any wider.

"Grissom!"

"You've got to come here. You have to see this!" Greg sputtered into the phone.

"Greg, I am about to take Sara home, can't it wait?"

"No!"

"Then tell me now!"

"No, you really have to see this. It's confidential and about Sara."

"Okay, I'll be there in a few."

True to his word, Grissom marched into the Lab soon after they had hung up. Without a word, he took the paper out of Greg's hand and impatiently read what it said.

Grissom rubbed his mouth nervously as all the pieces hit home with him, "So that's why July's father stared at Sara. He didn't see Sara…he saw…"

Grissom dropped the paper and rushed out of the room desperately wishing he was in the hospital with Sara.

**TBC**


	28. One Version of Truth

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

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**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

* * *

**Chapter ****Twenty-eight**

_The past is never dead. It is not even past__. – __**William Faulkner**_

The man was slowly approaching Sara's room; he did not want to startle her if she was sleeping but above all, he wanted to save some time just to watch the fragile lady. How could that have happened? With heavy remorse in his heart, the middle-aged man tentatively pushed the door handle down and silently entered the room.

The sight that greeted him quickened his heart's beat. Sara was sitting on her hospital bed with her beautiful brown hair falling over her shoulders. Nothing extraordinary could be visible that might be reminiscent of the accident that had not really been an accident, nothing except those two huge bandages that covered her anyway expressive eyes.

Nothing seemed to indicate that she would be in distress or in pain. Only one little sign that revealed her insecurity. Sara clung to the bed-sheet as if she feared if she let it go, she would fall off the bed.

He reflexively closed his own eyes, too. Did blindness feel the same as if one closed their eyes? Or was blindness scarier? Probably much scarier. Was there a difference between darkness and darkness? When someone closed their eyes, they always had the possibility to open them but this broken delicate woman was trapped into complete blackness. Without vision, the man soon lost his sense of direction. The stocky man quickly opened his eyes when he started to feel dizzy.

After some more silent moments of watching that seemed an eternity, he slowly and carefully went closer to Sara. He wanted nothing more than to hold the woman and whispering reassuring words into her ears.

It was amazing how quickly Sara's other senses kicked in. She slightly titled her head and held back her breath to allow her hearing to function better.

Even though she was in unfamiliar territory, she started to sense things she normally might have never sensed. She could hear birds chittering outside while she never noticed there were birds inside the city apart from in parks; she heard soft rustling of a coat in the room as well. She seemed to hear labored breathing, too. Since she had lost her sight, everything seemed so much stronger. Sara longed to feel the fragrance that had been tattooed into memory for the rest of her life but no matter how hard she tried to identify the new scent, she could not find the only one she trusted. Her pulse quickened when her senses disappointed her. Sara Sidle felt abandoned and lost and very much vulnerable. Her senses – or the lack of a certain sense - of sight and smell and hearing did not help her and she feared to touch whoever was there. But the choice was taken out of her hands as the man reached for her fine hand and squeezed it.

"Grissom?"

"No."

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* * *

In movies, this would be the part when a rapid and energetic music would heighten the agitation of the protagonist but now, Grissom could only hear his own heartbeat thumping like horse hoofs on a cobbled road, and through his veins he could only feel his pulse racing as if there were thousand hummingbirds in them. Grissom often dreamed of running or better say he dreamed of being unable to run. In his dreams he tried to run but he stayed put as if his legs were made of steel and now, he became as frustrated by the similar feeling as he had been during his dreams. The traffic had seemed slower, his car had seemed slower and now, his legs seemed heavy and disobedient.

He did not know what he had expected but he was somehow disappointed when finally arriving at Desert Palm, everything seemed the same. But was really everything changeless? With the knowledge in mind, Grissom saw every tiny feature differently. The nurses looked the same but were not familiar to him, the corridors must be the same but Grissom felt them all foreign. What once had been well-known, now all looked the opposite. When he first had come to Sara, every door was open except hers, now all of them were closed, only one door was wide open…the door of Room 107.

Unceremoniously, he rushed into the room hoping that Sara was lying there and waiting for him to come but as he feared her bed was vacated. The CSI in him knew that there was no point to touch the sheet; Sara's body heat had long left the textile. Only in romantic novel did the bed-linen capture the heat of the loved one and keep it there. In real life, he had to face with the cold reality along with the cold bed-sheet: she was gone.

Trying to suppress the panic that was surfacing in him without hindrance, he checked the small bathroom in hope Sara might be there but the tiny room was empty, as well.

Grissom's first thought was to call Brass but his phone went straight to voicemail. Helplessly, he paced the room contemplating his next move. A blind woman could not disappear so easily, someone had had to walk her out, someone had had to see them leaving, he theorized. Nurses!

Grissom went to the nurse's station as fast as he could without attracting attention. Softly knocking on the wooden doorframe, he waited for someone to come out.

"Yes?"

"I came to take Miss Sidle home but I can't find her in her room. Can you tell me if…"

The very young looking nurse interrupted him before he could ask anything, "She left with a gentleman. He said they would be walking a little."

"How could you let her leave?"

"Sir, we are a hospital, not a prison."

"Could you describe me how that man looked like?"

"Look, I could recognize any wound easier than a face."

"Please, I'm from the Crime Lab, Miss Sidle is from the Lab, too. It's important."

"Sir, there are too many visitors come and go all day – sadly," but looking into Grissom's desperate eyes, the woman closed hers to help her memory. "A not too tall man with brown or black short hair…maybe. He was elegant."

"Have you seen him here earlier?"

"Yesterday. He was visiting Miss Harper. The poor woman…she's in coma."

Grissom closed his eyes, according to this lady's description; the man could easily be William Harper. The man had been in Sara's room once; at least Grissom caught him there watching Sara only once. But what if he…

July Harper had tried to kill Sara and the same July Harper's father had been gawking at her then coming up with a lame explanation when Grissom had asked him why he had been in someone else's room. Too much attention to Sara from people she had not known before. Grissom did not believe in coincidence. Daughter and father. And what Grissom had come to know from Greg, he had no doubt that there was more to the story. Something was just not right.

He got his cell phone again to call Brass but his phone was still unavailable. In his final exasperation, Grissom marched toward July's room. He was not sure what to find there or whom to face there but he knew if he did not do anything, he would go crazy.

The two officers at July's room nodded and let Grissom into the room. His eyes immediately lay upon the beautiful woman who was sleeping motionlessly. Knowledge made the eyes more observant, knowledge made the heart more sentient, knowledge made the man more desperately hopeless. There were so many things that Grissom had kept in secret in order to protect Sara. He had not told her yet that Hank was alive, he had not told her that July Harper was in come. With knowledge, the list got longer. How could he handle this? How would she take the news? The news that would either make her happy or make her extremely sad. But probably would make her happy and devastatingly heartbroken at the same time.

Grissom looked around but no one was there.

"Where the hell are you two?" he asked despairingly when a woman appeared at the door that led to the bathroom.

"Excuse me? Did you tell…can I help you, sir?" asked Marjorie Harper.

"I'm Gil Grissom from the Crime Lab. I have to ask some questions."

Remembering that the woman was blind, Grissom went to her and helped her back to the chair she had been occupied earlier. Grissom noticed that only one chair was next to July's bed. But now, he had no patience dwelling on this observation.

"Mrs. Harper, where is your husband?"

"I wish I knew. I wish he were here where he is supposed to belong," she said obviously upset by her husband's absence.

"When was he last here?" Grissom deliberately ignored the use of 'when did you last see him' phrase.

"Yesterday. But then he left."

Middle-height man, brown or black hair, elegant and had been here yesterday…

A low beep-beep interrupted his thoughts. A message from Brass: W_here are you? Call me!_

Without losing more time, he excused himself and dialed Brass' number while walking back to Sara's room. He did not care about the alert, he needed to use his cell phone and if anybody dared to stop him, he was ready to bite their heads off.

Brass answered to the first ring, "Where are you?"

"Very good question, where have _you_ been? I have tried to call you because we have a problem."

Grissom could not continue what he wanted to tell Brass as he reached Sara's room and he almost dropped his cell phone when he saw Brass and Sara sitting on the bed. He quickly backed off and hurried away.

"Gil? Gil!"

When he was out of hearing, he instructed Brass to come out of the room because they needed to talk in private and it was essential that Sara did not know about it, not yet anyway.

Middle-height man, brown or black hair, elegant and had been here yesterday…Brass. He always wore suit, he was not tall and his hair was dark. And he had been in July's room yesterday. And of course he had not answered the calls, they were in hospital after all. Knowledge had made his eyes more observant, knowledge had made his heart more sentient, but that same knowledge had made Grissom so hopelessly desperate to protect Sara that he had not stopped to think. Now he had to think.

Within seconds, Brass appeared in the hallway and found Grissom nervously pacing the place. He told Brass everything he had come to know about July. For the first time in really long time, the detective did not find his voice.

"I want to talk to Mrs. Harper. Don't leave Sara alone. She can't be alone until we find Mr. Harper and know everything about this situation."

"Wouldn't it be better if you watched Sara?" Brass asked.

"I'm asking for only half an hour. Then I'll take Sara home."

"Okay but then I'll have to question Mrs. Harper officially, too."

"Thanks, Jim. And don't leave Sara alone. Not even for a second."

"I'm her watchdog!"

"And don't tell her anything. She needs to heal first, get stronger and calmer before she faces the news."

Grissom so acutely wanted to go to Sara. He wanted to keep her safe so much he started to shake. To know that she had been with Brass all along should make him relaxed but oddly, he could not seem to calm down. His mother had told him that if he did not prevent someone from doing something bad and dark, he would be just as culpable for that sin. And he had not been here when something could have happened to Sara. He sighed but headed back to the woman who brought up July.

"Sorry for the interruption, Mrs. Harper. Can we continue?"

"Continue what? I told you that I didn't know where my husband was."

"Can we talk somewhere else?"

"I won't leave my child. I have no secrets, we can talk here."

"You might not want her to hear us."

"What do you want?"

"I'd like to know when and how did you adopt July."

"July is my child, Mr. Grissom."

"We processed July's DNA and we learned that her biological mother is not you."

"How? I didn't give you my sample."

"We found a match in our system."

"Your system of what? Of criminals? You know what? I don't want to know. July is my child. I didn't give birth to her but I loved her and nourished her. July is my child."

"Alright. Then could you tell me since when and how do you take care of her?"

"I don't know why it is important. I have to accept the fact that July committed…a crime. But…"

"Mrs. Harper. I don't ask you to aggravate July's situation. Maybe you can help us to understand why she did what she did. It could help her."

Marjorie Harper took July's hand, kissed it and closed her eyes as if to refresh her memories.

"How much time do you have, Mr. Grissom?"

The broken woman then opened her eyes and smiled.

"Originally, I'm from Modesto, California. Not far from San Francisco. I met William at a party almost thirty years ago. He was tall, handsome and very wealthy…so to say. I fell in love with him and I know he fell in love with me. Or with the Marjorie I was. Young and full of life. Our story was like a fairy tale…until that night."

The woman then let July's hand go and stood up. She went to the window and "looked" through it but Grissom saw her face reflected in the glass anyway.

"We have been married for two years but we didn't have a child. William wanted a boy so badly…a crown prince as he used to call it but I thought I was too young to be a mother and I was on the pills…of course, William didn't know that…he thought there was a problem with me or with him…until that night."

She closed her eyes and let one single tear roll down her cheek.

"Did you know, Mr. Grissom that everybody will pay for their sins? One on the day of their death, and some much sooner. I paid for my sin that night."

"What happened that night?" Grissom asked.

"William found out about the pills…we argued…I drove away…straight into a tree. Now I believe that bad people's punishment is the complete darkness. Because shade is the only hiding place for sinful people."

"You lost your sight that night."

"Oh, Mr. Grissom. I lost much more than my sight that night. That night I got my wish finally heard. After my surgery, I never needed the pills anymore. I didn't know until that night how much I wanted a child but by the time I realized, I couldn't give William a boy…or a girl."

"And you two adopted July."

"Not really," when Marjorie noticed the changed rhythm of Grissom's breathing, she knew the man became confused. "July's not mine but William's."

Since the meeting with Greg, Grissom had known that July was not the child of Marjorie Harper and Grissom had suspected that William Harper had had to know July's real mother but the fact that William Harper was the biological father of July made him shocked. Slowly the puzzle got complete.

"The damage was done, our marriage was nothing but an emotionless, empty battle. A no win situation. I couldn't deal with the fact that I was entirely dependent on him; he couldn't handle a blind wife who couldn't give birth. I ceased to exist as a woman."

"So he went to another woman."

"Yes. I knew about it. William thought if I was blind then I had to be stupid, too. But I let him. He seemed so happy. Until one night."

The woman turned her back to Grissom again.

"One night he came home nervously and begged for a new chance. He told me he loved me. And I begged him to stop lying because I knew I was going to believe his lies."

"When this all happened?"

"One week earlier when we moved to Vegas. In December, 1983."

Grissom's wheels worked so busily that even Mrs. Harper heard them. He calculated July's age.

"Yes. That woman was already pregnant when we left Modesto. My daughter was born in July, 1984. That's why I named her July."

"Did your husband know about the baby when you left Modesto?"

"I've no idea. I guess so because he booked a ticket to Modesto in June, I checked his bank account…I didn't trust him…I thought he wanted to go back to her…but William came back with a baby."

"And how did he explain the baby?"

"He said the woman died and as he was the baby's father…and I couldn't have a baby on my own, he took her home."

"Do you know the name of that woman?"

"No. I never asked. I never wanted to know. She was a faceless and nameless woman. I guess it was easier for me to accept that my husband loved another woman. But I also grateful to her, she gave me July."

"Does July know?"

"Ah…no way. For William, everything is about formalities. What people think about us…mostly about him. I guess William would kill me and July…before anybody figures out he is just a human like anybody else," Marjorie laughed but in her voice there was no humor.

William Harper would kill his wife and July before anybody figures out he was just a human like anybody else. William Harper would kill his family who might sell his secret. William Harper would kill anybody who might sell his secret. In his social status, this would be a career and status destroyer. Grissom could not help but repeat this again and again.

Realizing that Grissom sank into his thoughts, Marjorie sensed that he started to be nervous, started to panic even.

"Oh, come on! I didn't mean it that way. William is a good man…he couldn't…he wouldn't hurt anybody."

"Mrs. Harper. In a few, there will be a detective coming to record your statement. Thank you for being honest with me. You helped a lot!"

"Mr. Grissom! How is the young lady whom July…"

"She can go home today."

"Please tell her how much I'm sorry for what happened and that July's not a bad person…she just lost the ground…"

"I'll tell her. I hope July will get better soon."

When Grissom left the room, Marjorie Harper inched back to her daughter, took her hand and started to cry. After Grissom had closed the door, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. What a sick and absurd situation.

Life was a humorless humorist. It continuously played tricks on people while no one was laughing. There was no sense in chasing one's enemies, they would find them anyway.

Slowly, Grissom walked back to Sara's room with a heavy burden on his heart. Sooner or later everybody got hurt, William Harper had lied to his wife and child, Marjorie Harper had been suffering since the day she had lost everything and Grissom knew that now he would have to be the one who would hurt Sara by sharing what he knew. But how to tell the woman he loved that tragic news were waiting for her.

He opened the door and saw her. Sara was sitting on her temporary bed intensely listening to whatever funny story Brass was telling her. The woman was like a little schoolgirl on her first day in the building. Eager to memorize everything. Did their secret "password" really work and she felt his scent? He did not know but he had no time to adore her any longer as Sara tuned her head and slightly parted her lips then sniffed into the air.

"Grissom?"

"It's me. I think Brass bored you enough. Ready to go home?"

"More than ready."

"Okay, then your state couch is waiting for you," he told her. "Just give me a minute, okay? I get your papers and we are good."

"Thanks."

Grissom nodded toward Brass clearly indicating that he wanted to talk with him in private again. The detective followed Grissom into the hallway where Grissom filled him in about his talk with Mrs. Harper. Brass ensured Grissom that they would find William Harper; however actually, he had not done anything against Sara…yet. But both Grissom and Brass agreed on one thing: it was better to be afraid than to be frightened.

Grissom watched as Brass marched into July Harper's room. He turned back to Sara and sadness flooded over him.

_"Well ... the mind has its filters."_

_"I do remember the looks. I became the girl whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?"_

Grissom well remembered this conversation between Sara and him that gloomy afternoon. The question had astonished him. He had been shocked when he had realized that she had really thought that she would be able to do such a thing.

_"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior."_

_"You wouldn't know that in my house."_

You would not know that in my house. Her sentence was now echoing in his head. If Sara asked this question again, now, he would not be that sure of his explanation. He did not know anymore.

He still could feel the horror what he had felt when Greg had showed him the result on July's DNA; a match to Laura Sidle. If Sara's mother had not been moved to another institution in 1996 and not taken her DNA, maybe Harper's secret would have remained hidden forever. And who knew, sometimes truth caused more harm than good.

He was watching Sara's innocent face and he could scream out his frustration. Soon he would have to tell this wonderful woman that July Harper who had wanted her dead was her own sister. That Sara's own sister could hate her so much that she had wanted to kill her.

**TBC**


	29. Intentions

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

* * *

**Chapter ****Twenty-nine**

_Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding__. – __**Ralph Waldo Emerson**_

Even though Grissom had hoped they could leave the hospital as soon as Sara's discharge papers were signed, the doctor had insisted on a last examination before letting Sara go home. The nurse had promised Grissom that she would take Sara back to him in twenty minutes but that certain promise had been made almost thirty minutes ago. Grissom knew that he was tired and Sara was in good hands, still, this entire situation made him uneasy and he seemed to see lurking enemies at every corner. The man had seen too many crimes to know that some of the cases would have never been a case if the victims or their relatives – or even the police - had taken the risks seriously.

Grissom had been surprised when Sara had agreed easily to go through another series of testing and examination. It was essential for both of them to know what to expect during the course of her recovery. The physician had offered Grissom to be with Sara during their discussion as he was listed as her fiancé but for some reason, Sara had wanted him to wait for her outside.

So here he was – again - in the hallway waiting for her not so patiently but on the other hand, he was grateful for the time - again - Sara had unconsciously given him so thus he could figure out how to tell her about July Harper. About her sister.

He brooded on several ideas as how to spill the beans but somehow neither seemed acceptable nor appropriate. Grissom scratched his beard to gain inspiration from the motion but he was miserable. He tried to imagine the situation.

Scenario number 1:

"Sara, I have some bad news…" _Well, having a sister isn't supposed to be a bad thing, don't start it as an original sin!_

Scenario number 2:

"Sara, the woman who wanted to kill you is your…" _Yeah, sure! Make her family sound like the Adams family._

Scenario number 3:

"Sara! Your Mom had an affair with…" _Did you know that your Mom is not only a murdered but a cheater, too? Come on, Grissom! Think!_

Scenario number 4:

"Sara, have you even wanted a sister?" _Surprise! Here she is…in custody and in a coma. Capital!_

Scenario number 5:

"Sara, you've got to know that Greg found a match in CODIS to a person you also know. It's your Mom…" _Now, your secret is out. Greg knows about it. Everybody will know about it soon._

No matter how hard he tried to come up with the best way to tell her the truth, the damage was ensured. Sara would have to accept that her mother had had an affair and consequently a child had been born who had tried to kill her own sister even though neither perpetrator nor victim had known about their relationship. Would this fact have changed anything? Had July known about Sara as her sister at all? If so, how could a sister hurt her flesh and blood? And if not, what had been her real motive?

A stinging feeling ran through Grissom. With shaking hand, he dialed Brass' number but after a moment of consideration, he canceled the call. The detective was in July's room questioning her mother, at the moment it was his priority. Grissom could not stop chewing the inside of his mouth; he needed to reach the only man who could access confidential information about Sara.

"Yes boss?"

"Archie. Have you received anything related to the Harper case?"

"Nick brought July Harper's laptop in to…"

"Whatever you find in it, it's confidential, you report to me directly. Only to me, understand?"

"Yes, sir!"

Without any further explanation, Grissom hung up. He wanted to call Greg, as well but Grissom knew that he could trust his loyalty and discretion; the young man had handled his findings confidentially already. And Brass was like a father to Sara, the older man would never gossip about her.

"But what took so long?" he asked impatiently when he checked the clock on the wall.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Behind the door of Room 105, Brass was listening intensely to the woman whose soul seemed broken irrecoverably. Mrs. Harper was not crying now, she did not even look agitated; the blind woman was rather melancholic and resigned.

At first, Marjorie Harper had been open for a conversation with Brass. A talking that had contained questions and answers but then the woman became quiet and withdrawn. With every thought, she tended towards introspection rather than initiated chat with him. After a heavy period of silence, the woman turned towards Brass.

"I heard that our fates were written on our palms. Never understood why…until today."

"And what did you learn?"

"I know by now that it must be so that way, we can hide our palms anytime. Because the power lies in secrets. And it seems I have been walking with palms up. And now I'm powerless to protect July."

"Is the truth so unbearable?"

.

_Why does this n__umbness come in and out? Why am I so tired?__ A__nd it's cold in here. Sure, Mom left the air conditioning up again. Mom! Mom! I'm cold. Damn, I'm so dead tired I'm lazy even to open my eyes. But I hear you, Mom. Is this you? Why can't I move my hands? Not even my legs…What's happening? Okay, just a few more minutes…sleep…Truth? Mom, who is this man?_

_.  
_

"Not the truth in particular but the consequences, Mr. Brass. Just look at my daughter. I had to tell our family secret twice in her presence while God knows if she heard us. Doctors said it was unlikely. I don't know why I should pray for? I never was ashamed of this but William…It's not right to tell my daughter that she is not my biological child when she is in this condition. I don't even know why it is so important to you. Mother should protect their children, but I feel I don't know my own child. I'm in the dark in every possible way."

"We can't prevent every mistake our daughters have done," Brass reacted.

"Do you have children?"

.

_Mom! What do you mean? Why are you saying things like this? What condition? What truth? Why protection? I'm not a little girl, Mom! __What have you done to me? What have you given to me? I want to see you but I can't open my eyes! I want to ask so many questions but my lips don't work. Mom!_

_.  
_

"Detective?"

"I have a daughter and yet I have none."

The woman sensed the change in the detective's voice and she understood it immediately. His voice conveyed sadness and undying parental love.

"Mr. Brass, if I had known what was bothering July, why she was so angry, maybe I could help her but I have no idea. This is what makes me crazy. I didn't know she has so much grudge in her to try to kill someone. She scares me."

.

_Mom? Is this you? I hear voices but can't understand what is said. What are you talking about? I can't understand you. I don't understand it.__ Who do you talking about? It can't be me. I couldn't kill anybody…I wouldn't. Mom! What's going on? Help me! Mom! It must be a dream, a nightmare; it must be some kind of a sick joke!_

_.  
_

"We'll process July's laptop to see if there is anything that can explain her action. She must know the woman she wanted dead."

.

_July? Who is July? Who was hit? Hit? By a car? Where does this come from? Mom! Please wake me up. Bring me back. It can't be happening._

_.  
_

As Brass was getting ready to leave, neither of them noticed the one single tear running down July's cheek. The monitor showed some intensified activity and the machine beeped faster but to Brass' question as it was normal, the petit woman told him it was natural. After a few minutes later, Brass thanked Mrs. Harper for her co-operation and he wished July all the best, then left.

.

_Mom! It is not natural. I'm here, can't you feel me? I'm here, please wake me up. I can't be that July, Mom! Bring me back to life! Mom!_

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

After the painful check-up, the scary discussion about her way of recovery and re-bandaging the eyes, the nurse pushed the wheelchair down the hallway with a relieved Sara in it. She held a paper bag that contained all of her stuff, such as her broken mobile phone, her way-worn purse and a lead, Hank's lead. Grissom had tried to put that certain item down most in hope Sara would not notice it. Her eyes were still very sensitive, Grissom had not wanted to take any chance to risk her full recovery, and he had known that touching something that had been Hank's would make Sara cry. And tears were their enemies.

Carefully, Grissom helped Sara into his car by letting her take his bent arm then he rounded the vehicle and sat into the driver seat. Grissom placed the key into the ignition but did not turn it.

"Grissom, I didn't ask you to come in with me because…"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain…you…"

"I feared…I didn't know how I would handle the bad news…like my vision never comes back or something like this."

"And you feared I would leave you or think less of you?"

"I'd have been less of a CSI…less of a woman…less of a…without my sight…ah, you don't understand…"

"You think I don't?"

"You're perfect in every possible way but I was already…"

"You were and are perfect. What did the doctor say?"

"Well, he wasn't as sweet as you…he said that I would need to use these eye-drops in every sixth hours for a week then my eyes should be as good as they were before the "accident"."

"So you'll be perfect again?" he teased her.

"I'll see again…let's just say this."

"And you will feel complete again, you'll see."

"You don't know how it feels. The thought of not being able to do my job, not being able to see your face again…it scares the hell out of me. I'm sorry I didn't let you in the examination room…"

"Did I hurt you when I refused your dinner invitation?"

Sudden sadness flooded through Sara, "What?...I wanted to disappear from the Earth, I felt painfully lonely."

"I felt the same while I was waiting for you in the hallway. But I understand you, I understand that you needed time and place to process whatever news you were going to receive. I also needed aloneness. For the same reason…"

"I don't follow you…what?"

"That night…I had a clinic appointment…because of my…I was told that if I didn't agree to a surgery, I was going to lose my hearing. I was as scared I guess as you were now."

A confusing patchwork of bits and pieces of memories that rushed through Sara now made sense. His groundless impatience, his apparent ignorance, his gradual withdrawing from the team and from her…his lip reading and the two-week long sabbatical now all made sense. And Grissom had had to do it all alone. Why had he not told her?

"Why?" she whispered but Grissom heard every word and knew their meaning.

"I feared…I didn't know how I would handle the bad news…like my hearing never comes back or something like this…I dreaded that in your eyes I'd have been less of a CSI…less of a man…less of the Grissom you loved."

"How could you be this stupid? I'd have never…" but then she recognized her own words from minutes earlier and she closed her mouth just to open again. "Are you alright? Really? Truly?"

"I'm perfect…you said yourself."

An overwhelming need to feel him made Sara turn towards Grissom and without an indication of what she was about to do, Sara reached for his ears but she miscalculated her touch. For some silly reason, she had thought that Grissom was looking down and not at her, so in normal "Grissom" case, she would have touched his ears but this time, according to his painful cry, the man was looking straight at her.

"Well, who will drive because you blinded me…"

"Oh, God! Sorry…I'm…"

Before Sara could have sunk deeper into her worry, he grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers, one by one.

"Then let's buy these drops okay? Maybe I need some, too."

"Can you drive?"

"I still have one eye…"

"Griss?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad you're here…with me."

"And I'm sorry I pushed you away then…"

"You didn't success…I'm still here."

This time, Grissom started the engine and they finally left the parking lot. After about ten minutes, he pulled into a parking lot again.

"Give me those prescriptions, we are at a pharmacy. Wanna come in?"

"No, I'll wait here."

Grissom did not really like the idea of her being alone. But he did not want to scare her with his concern when she was already very insecure. He tried to suppress his paranoia as much as he could.

"What day is it?"

"Saturday. Why?"

"The first salary in months that…"

"Yes, no more transfer to DigiZoom," his voice practically smiled at Sara that she felt and smiled back at him.

"Here," she pushed the paper bag to his lap, "take my credit card."

"I can buy these, it's unnesse…"

"Grissom, I still have to pay back so much to you, it is the minimum I buy my own medication now that I have enough money to do so."

"I don't know your pin code," he tried a trick.

"1957"

"Really? I was born in…oh."

"Use it big boy…please."

About fifteen minutes later, Grissom got back into the car. He threw the small bag into the backseat and started the car once again. They were not driving for twenty minutes when the car stopped again.

"Arrived?"

"Not yet. The other pharmacy didn't have both eye-drops, so I will see if this one has it. Are you okay for another ten minutes?"

"Sure. I'll snooze a little."

She did not know how long Grissom had been away but Sara woke up to a low thud of the trunk. Instinctively, she reached up to rub her eyes but received a sharp pain in return as a rude reminder of her injuries. For a moment she held back her breath to hear the noises and to recognize their sources better. Sara could not explain why exactly she was afraid but she could not deny the fact that her senses were on high alert since the hit.

"It's me, dear!"

"Yeah…I know," she tried to sound casual.

"I won't let anyone hurt you again, you don't have to worry."

"I think you are worrying more than me," she smiled.

"And as always, you're probably right."

"What the hell did you buy that much?"

"What do you mean?"

"You opened the trunk and then put…um two bags in the backseat."

"Hey, your skills as a CSI are intact, my dear!"

"My skills maybe…but I must look like a huge fly with these bandages…I will scare Herbie," she complained.

"Did I miss the day when beauty was defined as something purely visual? Because I swear, my dear that I've heard beauty, and felt, tasted, and smelled some things that I would definitely call beautiful. However, I used a synonym for it. I simply called it Sara Sidle."

"You won't distract me with these awesome words Gilbert Grissom. No, really…what are those bags?"

"I bought some stuff for myself."

"Are you ill?"

"Too many questions…"

After Grissom had loaded the car, he got in it again and maneuvered the big vehicle towards his destination. Relatively soon, they arrived home.

"Wait, I undo your seatbelt."

"Thanks but I can do it."

"Wait, I help you out!" and he was already springing to the other side of the car.

Grissom took her hand in one of his own and placed his other one onto her head to prevent an accidental bump. Sara was out of the car but she did not release his hand, instead, she squeezed it a little.

"Thanks."

"Wait here, I'll take the packages."

"Give me some."

"No."

"C'mon, let me help. I can carry some small bags."

"No, I said you wouldn't carry anything, and I meant it."

Sara pulled a face, it was Grissom, the authority but she felt bad about just standing there, "Grissom!"

"Miaow."

At the voice of a cat, Sara quit arguing. Could it be her sweet cat? In Grissom's car? _No way. I started hallucinating_, she thought.

"Grissom?" she tried again.

"Yes?" he tried to save the situation but Herbie answered again.

"Where are we? Why is Herbie in your car?"

"Sara, just come inside and take a nap, then we'll talk."

"Inside? Where is 'inside'?"

"My place."

"Your place?"

"I wouldn't worry that much if I know you're in my house…in your condition…"

"In my condition?"

"Sara, please, let's just go inside and…"

"So you were up in my flat to pick up Herbie. He is one of the packages you put in the car."

"Yes, and I packed some stuff for you, as well."

"Okay, that is the second pack. What is in the trunk?"

"I packed for longer staying…I wanted to ask you to move in with me earlier, not…not in this parking lot or this way…but you have to know that…"

"Maybe we should discuss it inside indeed."

Sara felt shy in his home. She had already slept here some times, but the place felt foreign to her. The woman lost orientation immediately. She did not seem to remember where the kitchen or the bedrooms were. She did not seem to recall where his huge couch stood.

Right after Grissom had closed the door, he let Herbie out of his carrier. The cat stayed in his crate, though. His eyes were wide and his posture suggested that the new surrounding made him insecure. Cats had a tougher time adjusting to new surroundings than they had in adjusting to new people. A change of home could turn even the best-behaved cats into a snarling, aggressive beast that was paradoxically fearful of its surroundings.

"What is he doing?" Sara asked and reached for Grissom as she was as lost as her cat.

"Sitting in his carrier."

"He needs time, Grissom."

"Miaow."

"Now, at least this is a good sign. He answers."

Grissom escorted Sara to his couch so she could sit there, "Just stay here, I pick him up and take him around the house."

"No, just keep him here. Too many impulses might freak him out. We'll introduce the rooms gradually to him. Just close the windows okay?"

Sara knew what Herbie might experience because she felt the same way as the tiny feline. Everything was so new and foreign for them; new situations could be very frightening for both human and animal.

"Ok. Now Herbie, you can explore my house at your own pace. Have fun and leave my pets alone!"

"What pets?"

"The roaches…but don't worry, they are in a terrarium."

"Gil, just come and sit here."

"You ok?"

"Please tell me what is going on."

"What do you mean?"

"You're the most intelligent person I know so don't act otherwise. Why do you want me here?"

"Because I love you and I already wanted to ask you if…"

"Don't get me wrong. I know how you feel," she tried to hide her blushing face, "but you're not a 'move in with me' person, not this…um… hastily."

"First, you can't see, secondly, I really want you here. It's safe."

"Okay, I'm blind so it is not logical to take me in an unfamiliar place, I'm glad you want me here but there is a difference between staying with you for a while and moving in with you. And is it safer than my own home? Why? You even take Herbie here, come on, tell me why!"

"Is it so unbelievable that I want you to move in?"

"Grissom!"

"Miaow," and the cat sought refuge on her lap. For a moment, he inspected Sara's face. Herbie noticed the difference but could not imagine what those huge bandages could be and why they were there. He climbed up to smell her face and those strange things on her eyes, she was the same so with a low purring, the cat formed a ball in her lap and started his usual music.

"Gil, you know something about me that I don't. I think it's not fair! You practically smuggled me here."

"Until we know why exactly July Harper wanted to hurt you, I won't let you back into your own flat."

_Okay, I didn't lie after all. This is __part of the truth, too._

"But that woman is in coma what harm she could do? However, I could punch her for killing our dear Hank," she said while her lower lip started to tremble. "I didn't even know her. So why? Grissom, I never wished any bad thing to anybody, but my Hank is dead while she's just…sleeping. She hated me? Now I hate her, too. What kind of a person is this July Harper?"

_She is your sister, Sara_. But he did not form the words; he did not dare to do so. Not now anyway.

"Please forgive me, Grissom. Please forgive me! Oh, Hank."

This was exactly why he did not want to tell Sara the details of the investigation. Her eyes were still too sensitive and Grissom knew how the developments would affect her. He was not about to take any risks. The facts would not change in a few days but her condition could improve significantly. He just had to keep her safe. In the meantime, he would have to find out how to tell Sara the truth. And maybe, it was time to take Hank home, too. Together, they could beat every ordeal. Together, every truth could be bearable.

Everybody sought the truth in hopes the truth would rescue them from their own demons. Some looked for it to help, some hunted for veracity to let the help go. But neither knew that it was not the truth that set them free but the faces of their beloved who were waiting for them at the end of the road to the truth. Some went after it by themselves, some did it with help. But what they wanted to know so desperately, was it really the truth? Was it really what they longed to know? Or just something that might make them stronger or take their self-esteems away for good?

* * *

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* * *

The first sin would not be exoneration from blame of other sins. The first sin would harden the heart the most. Whatever bad happened to a man in his life that horrible thing probably had been lurking in the bush for a very long time. To escape the inescapable, it was never enough to just confront life and hide the lies or stop the time, the guilty must return to the beginning of the beginning. To find the right page in the book of his sinful life, he must sit down for a minute and remember in order to be able to confess. To confess to himself at least.

William Harper was sunk down into a large armchair with his laptop in his lap. His office was dark and unfriendly. It showed nothing about its owner, there was not a picture of the Harpers, there were no personal items on his desk. Everything was about work, his work.

But for the first time in years, William Harper was doing personal business. He was reading articles about a woman he had not talked with for long-long years. Finally, he started to type in at the LexisNexis Total Research System.

_Laura Sidle, 1984__, Modesto, CA_

As he read the information, his eyes slowly closed. At first, it said Laura Sidle with 2 children. They had not known at that time what he had already known. She had had two children…and one on the way. And they had not known one more thing.

.

_**Hotel Rubin Hotel, **__**Modesto, CA. November, 1983**_

"_Billy, do you love me?"_

"_Laura, we've talked about this. Love is not our things, right?"_

"_I know…but things changed. Don't you feel it?"_

"_Laura, I have a wife. You knew this when we started it. It's about having fun, great sex. Noting else."_

"_You don't feel anything for me?"_

"_I like you, really like you. Don't complicate it."_

"_Why do you never ask about my bruises?"_

"_I don't want to know how you got them."_

"_You don't want to know or you don't care?"_

"_Laura, don't go there…"_

"_Look, I'm not asking you to marry me; I know my place in your life…"_

_William Harper stood up and paced the little hotel room.__ Suddenly he stopped and turned to the woman whose eyes begged for help._

"_Then what do you want? I have a wife, my social life…my status doesn't tolerate an affair…"_

"_Billy…"_

"_No one calls me Billy. I'm William! What do you want? You have nothing to lose; I have everything to lose!"_

"_I have two kids to lose…my husband…"_

"_What? I didn't know__ you are married. Damn it! If I had known…"_

"_You would have gotten what you wanted. You would have started this just the same…please help us…help my children."_

"_Stop this! It's not my business. I…I don't want to get involved…it's not my business."_

_And with these last words, he flew from the room leaving the desperate and scared woman behind._

_.  
_

_**William Harper's car, **__**Modesto, CA. December, 1983**_

"_Hallo."_

"_Billy?"_

"_Laura?"_

"_Can we meet? It's…very important!"_

"_Laura, I don't think we should…"_

"_I'm pregnant."_

"_No…no...no…no! You won't..."_

"_Billy, please help us. Thomas will kill me if he…"_

"_Tell him it's his."_

"_Come one, he's always drunk but not stupid. We…well…we weren't…we haven't slept together for ages."_

"_What do you want from me?"_

"_I don't know. My children are in danger…already and if Thomas gets to know about this baby…he'll __beat all of us."_

"_Haven't you heard about abortion? Or Laura, go and ask help from the police. I gotta go. Don't ever call me again."_

"_I might deserve what I get but Andrew and Sara do not. Nor does this baby."_

"_Laura, your are their mother, and therefore, it is your job to protect your kids. Your husband won't __kill you if you kill him first! Protect your children, Laura."_

_And he hung up then his first destination was the mobile __company's costumer service to change his number and make it unlisted._

Once a man lost his innocence, he would not get it back, no matter how much he regretted what he had done. William Harper opened his eyes but he closed it again. The reality was too blinding. He still remembered the feeling when he had read the newspaper the next morning after that awkward phone call.

_Abusive husband was stabbed to death_

According to the article, the case had been crystal clear. No one had investigated further. The woman had protected her children and herself. Within a week, Marjorie and William Harper had moved to Las Vegas.

**TBC**


	30. Reunion

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: So sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Blame the guy I fell in love ;)

* * *

**Chapter ****Thirty**

_When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you__. – __**African Proverb**_

Sometimes people did not fight battles against their enemies. There were times when they had to fight themselves, when one had to fight for being able to trust again. That one should overbrave the outcome of her battle in order to jump over the cleft that had been waiting for its victims to fall. That one could skip over the abyss that had been between her and her possibilities only if that one did not lie to herself. Otherwise, no matter how far she could jump, she would fall into that cove. Only after this struggling person landed on the other edge of the gap could that person say that she got to know herself.

"Wait? For what?"

"Maybe…maybe it's too soon."

"You can trust me. I'll be gentle. You know that I'd never hurt you. I'll stop if…we'll do it slowly, alright?"

When Sara heard some rustling, she could not figure out what Grissom was actually doing. In her condition, every new noise, every unfamiliar sound or anything that was not clear to her immediately made the woman feel insecure. Sara felt silly because she was in Grissom's home, she was safe, still the dark prison she had been pushed was terrifying. The young woman doubted she could ever get used to this hopeless blackness. Sara needed to know what was happening around her. This fixation was the heritage of her childhood.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm right here."

"Okay but what are you doing?" she reached her hands towards him and soon she touched his naked chest. Impulsively, a faint smile adored her trembling lips.

"Sara!" Grissom faked a warning but could not suppress his own smile at her touch.

"What? _You_ wanted to do this…"

"You aren't going to distract me with this…this ancient tactic of women…so keep your hands to yourself."

"Then why did you have to take your shirt off? You can see me but I can't touch you?"

"Because your spoilt cat decided that I needed more hair on my chest…"

"He just wanted to make you happy with his massage…you shouldn't talk about him like this. He understands what you are saying!"

"Sara, Herbie only wanted to make YOU happy, I was only a tool in his paws."

"_You_ told him not to caress my face…"

"See? He doesn't understand what I'm saying. I told him to stop and not to swap partner. Anyway, I won't change your bandages with Herbie's fur all over on my shirt."

"Where is he now?"

Grissom looked around to spot the kneading machine and caught the sight of the now pretty well-fed cat on Hank's huge pillow sniffing it. He opened his mouth to share this information with Sara when suddenly he closed his lips again. Hank. He decided to tell Sara the truth about him but not before her bandages got changed.

"Um…your cat is obsessed. He's kneading one of the cushions," he half lied, half told her the truth.

"Which cushion?"

"Sara! Quit stalling!"

Perhaps what her step-mother had used to say was true after all. So many times Sara had wanted to prove it wrong.

_Sara, darling! We, people, are instinctively trying to run away from what seems to be inescapable in hopes that even if __barely but we will get off. But the more you postpone the inevitable the harder you will find to face your fears._

"I…I need to pee."

"After we've done with this. Now, let's see it."

"I'm not ready…"

"I'm ready for both of us. Now…don't move!"

"Wait," she moved back a little, "what if I can't see?"

"You probably won't just now. Give it time."

"But…"

"I'm cutting the bandages off."

"Wait! Where is Herbie?"

"He's working up to a good fatigue-fever for tomorrow. Now, ssssssss!"

"Are the eye-drops here?"

Ignoring Sara's diversive action, he started to peel the bandages off. "Now, I'm slowly taking off the gauzes, okay?"

"No, wait!"

But he did not wait. Now, here they were, face to face, one with open eyes, one with closed ones but both were full of fears.

"Don't open them yet! I'll wash the dried ointment off of your skin."

"Do you think I'll see you?"

"Of course."

"Ok but now or…"

He did not know the answer and he did not want to lie so he stayed silent and ever so gently, with soft cotton pads, he started to wipe the things off.

"Any pain?"

"No," she lied.

"Then, now try to open your eyes…slowly."

"I fear…" but she did open them slowly but after a millisecond, she closed them again.

Grissom did not say anything. He well remembered the day when the bandages had been cut off from his ears and he had prayed for dead silence in order to have an excuse in case the surgery had not succeeded after all. And when he had not heard anything indeed, he had panicked. He could not calm down until his hearing had come back completely again even though the doctors had told him that the reduced hearing had been absolutely natural for a little while after the surgery. So he just watched Sara and wait.

Seconds later, Sara tried to open her eyes once again and just as she dreaded, she could not see anything. She blinked once then again but her vision was more than blurry. She could see a dark figure in the lighter background but she could not make out his features. Her lower lip immediately started to tremble and she quickly closed her eyes. She did not say anything, only a huge crocodile tear ran down her face.

Grissom did not give her time to say anything or to cry. He told her what he had felt when he had been in that hospital room that had been as still as the grave. He - for the first time - shared with Sara his deepest fear that he had felt at that moment when he had thought that he had lost his hearing for good.

"Do you know what I feared the most?"

"I only know what _I_ fear the most. I fear that I won't see your eyes anymore and after a while, I won't remember them."

Slowly Grissom leaned toward Sara and gently kissed each of her eyes, "I feared I wouldn't hear your voice anymore and after a while I wouldn't remember it."

"And now it might haunt you for a very long time," she laughed as she wiped her nose.

"You will get your sight back. Trust the doctors."

"I'm trying but it's hard."

"Now, let me see your beautiful eyes."

"Will the drops burn my…"

"Dear, they are for calming your eyes and mitigating the pain, I doubt they are like chili."

"Oookay," she said not really believing him.

"Want me to test it on Herbie?"

"Gosh, no!"

"Then let's get it over with!"

The drops were cool and did not burn Sara's eyes at all. Two more kisses on each eyelid and the new bandages were applied again. Sara became calmer now. And tired. All the three of them got very sleepy. Herbie had already fallen asleep in Hank's bed, Sara was yawning constantly and Grissom could collapse at any minute. So he led Sara into his bedroom, helped her to get rid of most of her clothes and laid her in his bed.

"Where are you going?"

"Be right back," and he left the room without any further explanation.

Within no time he came back and found the woman in his bed already asleep. Grissom smiled as he placed the tabby monster between their pillows. Herbie faked his annoyance as he moaned but he immediately stretched himself out and sighed contentedly.

The man also striped to his underwear and slid under the blanket with Sara. After a few minutes, he followed Sara and Herbie to dreamland.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

There was complete silence in the room. It felt as if she was left behind on a deserted island, however, there was no calming breeze or warming sunshine that could caress July's face. On the contrary, there was something that made her face ice cold. She did not dare to open her eyes; she did not dare to see the reality. Had it been just a dream what her mother and a stranger had been talking about sometimes earlier? If so, then it must be some nightmare.

_Mom, what did you mean by you're not my mom? __I'm the only daughter of…of…um…yours._

When she did not seem to recall her own parents' names, sudden panic flooded through her. July remembered his father's face, she knew that her mother was blind, then why could she not recall their names? And most of all, why could she not remember her own name? Her mom had called her July. But that July had been accused of attempting a murder…

_That's a lie! __I couldn't do such a thing. I'm not like that…aren't I? I didn't do that. But even my mom thinks I did it. But I did not. Please! I want to go home. What's this cold place? My arms…my legs aren't working. Help!_

July could have screamed but her instinct suggested that she should stay silent. If something she had learned from her father was self-control. If there were anybody in the ward, only the pulsating vein in her neck that might betray that something was happening.

Partly because she feared of what or who she would find in the room and party because she felt that her condition could offer her some shelter from reality, July tried to open her eyes very slowly, almost tentatively. At first, the light blinded her but then her vision cleared up gradually. There were blurred images of white curtains, walls and chairs. Minutes by minutes, things became clearer. July realized that she was in a hospital. She wanted to turn her head in each direction but something was wrapped around her neck that prevented her from moving. When she wanted to touch that disturbing thing to know what it was, her arms did not move as they were strapped down to the sides of the bed. It also had netting surrounding it to keep her from falling out. Even though she was supposed to be safe, July felt enormous vulnerability inside.

The young woman was inspecting her surrounding as much as she could in this restricted state. The stillness of the room gave her time to think. She needed to think, to remember.

She could remember her cell phone number but not her own address. Then a very few of her memories began to return. They were not good, a confusing patchwork of pieces that she could not seem to put together. But one thing was sure. None of the returning memories was pleasant. There was an intense sadness attached to most of them along with burning anger.

July remembered she had been driving fast toward something. But she could not recall the reasons behind her action. She remembered a name Sara but she did not know who that Sara was. And she remembered a dog but July knew she had never had a dog.

July again started to become agitated. She just wanted to break free and run as fast away from here as her legs would be able to take her but she could not. Tidbits of horrifying facts echoed in her head: not my child, wanted to kill a CSI, a woman in San Francisco.

When she heard steps approaching her room, she instinctively closed her eyes and stayed as still as it was possible. Everyone portrayed inferno as a hot and red place where evil laughter could be heard but July saw the hell today and she learned that it was cold and white without happy sounds. And most of all, her personal hell was a lonely place to live.

That day, July Harper created her own prison. Sometimes life swung people onto paths where they would forget who they were at the beginning of their journey. But the route July had chosen was impassable, too because no one could live a lie for the rest of their lives. Not death was what seemed inescapable but to stop and turn back to look back at our lives at least once.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Grissom had woken up several times in the last few hours to either Herbie's moves or Sara's restless toss and tumble in bed. Whenever he had been accidentally poked by a furry leg or a delicate elbow, Grissom could not go back to sleep for long minutes. Just like now, the man had been watching them while whispering soothing words into their ears until they had calmed down. Grissom was not sure when the time would come when they could forget what had happened to them. Probably that time would never come.

Grissom had believed that he could break every rock that was in their way so he could protect Sara but the events of last days had taught him to question his own power over things. He feared that this time they would have to face such a big block in their life that would be too great to roll away. A conversation between him and Sara came to his mind. He well remembered when Sara had been worried about fate and he had told her that it was not fate that broke up relationships; people left each other…for whatever reasons. And a reason had just appeared on their horizon. July Harper was Sara's half-sister after all no matter what she had done to Sara. How Sara would react to the news he did not even want to think about it right now. Could Sara stay impartial? Should she be? Could or should someone close their eyes to sin like this when it was their flesh and blood? Would this absurd situation tear their love apart? If it depended entirely on him, Grissom would throw July Harper into the darkest cell in a long-forgotten jail for what she had done to Sara and Hank but on the other hand, it was Sara's sister…her sibling. What was stronger? Their love or her family? Justice or feelings? Laws or family bonds?

A low buzz of his cell phone told him that a text message had arrived. Without knowing who had sent it or why, Grissom was grateful for the distraction as his thoughts flew him a very desperate field he had had no intention to discover. He saw that Sara did not stir at the sound of his phone so he turned to his side to see what the message was about.

_Hank is ready to go home at 5.__ Can I see Sara? Hermes_

Grissom had to smile at it even though Hank's situation was everything but funny. Both him and Greg loved science and mythology. Hermes…Grissom chuckled at the name he had used. The god of messenger. Sure Greg had just given him great news. Grissom was sure that it would make his Sara extremely happy. She needed great news before…before she was going to know that her own sister had wanted her dead.

_Thank you! I'll b there. Sara is too weak__ for a visit. In a day or two? Zeus_

With a half smile on his face Grissom pushed the button to send the message.

"Who was that?"

Grissom almost dropped the cell. It was not that he was doing anything "illegal" but he thought Sara was sleeping.

"I was expecting a package to arrive and now I got the alert that I can pick it up in an hour. Will you be okay here until I come back?"

"Grissom, I'm a big girl, I don't need babysitting."

"I'll put your SIM card into my phone so you can call me if..."

"Griss!"

"I won't be that worried that way."

"Okay," she said not mentioning that tiny fact that maybe she would have a cell phone but he would not, so she would not be able to call him anyway.

"Now go back to sleep, okay? I'll be back in an hour. First speed dial is my number."

"Alright."

"Herbie? Watch her!"

"Grissom!"

"Miaow."

"Betrayer," Sara told her cat but sank back between the pillows.

After Grissom had dressed up, he went back to his bedroom, and kissed Sara goodbye.

"I can't believe that I leave you in my bed with another guy," he joked but then his tone turned serious. "Stay in bed!"

"Yes, sir!"

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

When Grissom arrived at the Pet Clinic, he was surprised to find Greg waiting for him there. His instinct said he surely had his reason to be there and that had to do something with Sara. Grissom silently prayed for no more twist in this bizarre case. Somehow, Greg had evoked the Pavlovian reflex in Grissom. The sight of Greg was equal to bad news. Whenever the young CSI had wanted to talk to him in private it had meant complications for Sara and him. And Greg Sanders did not look happy this time either.

"Hi boss!"

"Thanks for the message, Greg and for taking care of Hank, we…I appreciate it."

"You two…um…," his childish grin revealed his teasing but he continued nonetheless. "How is Sara?"

"Weak and scared but trying to look brave."

"Yes, it's her!"

"So?"

"So…Hank responded the treatment well, his leg was broken in two places but he will be okay. The doctor said that he was wailing for hours even though he couldn't feel any pain. I guess he missed you guys."

"He completely fell in love with Sara."

"I can completely understand Hank," when he looked at Grissom's slightly upturned head, Greg immediately started to correct himself. "I mean Sara loves animals so much…"

When his boss' eyebrows reached his hairline, Greg blushed entirely. He did not mean that Grissom would be an animal but then he saw Grissom smiling and the young man understood that Grissom was simply playing with him.

"Thanks again, Greg for everything."

"Um…just one more thing. Tomorrow morning…Brass and I will interrogate the guys from DigiZoom…if you wanna be there…"

"Yes, of course. Thanks! What time?"

"At 8 am."

"Okay. And about July…"

"I won't tell Sara. Or anybody for that matter."

"Thanks."

"Do you think it's wise to keep this information from her? Wouldn't you want to know?"

"Her health is more important to me than the consequences of her fury…later."

"Oh, you're a brave man, Grissom." _And so much in love_, Greg thought.

"See you tomorrow!"

After they had shaken hands, Greg headed home and Grissom went into the building to pick up his wonderful dog that had saved his love's life.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Just as Grissom had promised, he arrived home within an hour. On their way home, he had bought all the medications Hank would need in the next few weeks. First, Grissom went to the house to open the door so he could bring the heavy dog inside. Evidently Hank had lost some weight; still he was not a feather-light animal to carry.

The excitement was so obvious in his dog's eyes. When Hank had noticed his master at the clinic, he had almost jumped up to run toward the man but he could not. So Grissom had run to him and hugged his dog so tightly that the doctor had had to tell Grissom to stop embracing him or else Hank would be hurt.

Dr. James Woods had introduced himself to Grissom and told him everything about Hank's injures. Before Grissom had brought Hank home, the doctor had asked Grissom about Sara. If Grissom had wanted to be brutally honest with himself, he had had to admit that his first thought had been: why do you want to know. But then Grissom had tried to stay calm and well-behaved, so he had not bitten his head off…yet. Sara was his, she had told him so. He could not be jealous of every man who found Sara attractive. Still, Dr. Woods should deal with Hank…exclusively.

After Grissom had told the young doctor that Sara was in good hands, Hank and he had left the clinic. And now, here he was standing at the entrance of his house with Hank in his arms.

Grissom was about to enter his home entirely when he noticed Sara with Herbie in her arms standing in the kitchen. Her lips were trembling and her expression was as if she was going to start to cry in any second.

"Who is there?"

"Honey, it's just me!"

"Grissom?"

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"I heard that somebody unlocked the door but by the time I came out of the room, no one was answering. I…I thought it must be you but then…and Herbie acted weird, too. I…"

But she could not continue her sentence as Herbie jumped out of her embrace and ran away from her. Sara could hear a low whine and her heart rate increased so much she thought she would black out.

With shaking body and hands, Sara slowly followed the noise, "It can't be…oh, my god, it must be…Grissom, please."

"Stay there my dear, I'll walk you here."

Sara's breathing became very hectic with excitement. She did not feel the pain that the tears were causing, she felt overwhelming happiness, she almost feared to believe that her senses did not trick her.

Hank, just like Herbie could not stay put. The sight of his beloved woman gave him so much energy that he started to frisk so much that Grissom had to place him onto the floor instead of onto his soft pillow. Probably the impulses were too much for the dog because he was whining harder. He could not decide which friend of his to limp first. Herbie was there at his legs in the blink of an eye, so the cat received the first slobbery kiss from the big dog. But the tiny feline was soon abandoned as Hank was wobbling toward his girlfriend. Even though it was crystal clear that it hurt every step the dog took, his face still radiated pure love.

Sara again lost her orientation in the room so she simply stayed where she was and crouched down waiting for the dog to arrive.

"Hank, is it really you?" she was crying now. "Grissom, you saved him!"

"Greg saved him and…you…and a certain Dr. Woods."

But Sara did not hear Grissom at that moment; she was focused completely on Hank. And the dog was focused solely on Sara. At first, Hank was surprised by Sara's strange white textile "glasses" but it was his girlfriend, so he did not care about that funny stuff any longer, instead, he licked her skin as fast as he could so the woman soon was covered with massive saliva. No one minded.

After a few minutes everybody had calmed down a little and Sara started to feel the dog's body up. He felt thinner but what terrified Sara the most was the huge bandage in which his leg was wrapped.

"Griss?"

"Fractured in two places but he will be fine."

"And all because of that freak."

"Let's…let's wash your face okay?"

"Okay," she answered and reached for his hand that she could find easily.

Grissom helped Sara to stand up and then brought Hank to his pillow where Herbie was waiting for him already. Hank lay down right away, the excitement tired him. Herbie kneaded first the pillow then Hank's face and neck. The smiling cat checked his injuries out, smelled the bandages but did not touch them. Eventually, he walked back to Hank's face and formed a perfect ball then went to sleep. The family was now complete again.

In the bathroom, Grissom wiped the saliva off of Sara's face with a wet cloth then changed her bandages. Sara wanted to know if she could see but Grissom said it would be too early. So after applying the eye drops, her new gauze bandages were placed onto her closed eyes.

"Are you happy?"

"So very much," and without any more words, she hugged Grissom tightly.

"I have to bring Hank's medications here from the car, I'll be back in five."

"Grissom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Please, forgive me…Hank…"

Grissom rushed to her and silenced the woman with his hot kiss then turned and left the room. Seconds later he ran back and led Sara out of the bathroom into the living room and helped her to sit on the couch.

"I'll be quick."

"Putting it into another context I would say, please take your time."

Lucky for Grissom, Sara could not see him blushing profoundly, lucky for Sara, the huge bandage covered her reddening cheeks.

Sara heard him leave the house and she already missed him. Sara had no much time to daydream as the cell phone that Grissom had given her went off in the bedroom. For a moment, she panicked.

"Okay, I can do it. Short corridor and the second room on the left. Go Sidle!"

She slowly stood up and inched closer to her destination. But the ringing stopped. She muttered something but continued her journey toward the phone. She cursed a bit louder when her toe kissed the door-step. But when she reached the bed without further incident, she was very proud of herself. She was just congratulating herself when the next ringing startled her. This time she could answer it.

"Hello."

"Ah, finally! I tried to reach you on your landline but you didn't answer. Where have you been? Is everything alright?"

"Catherine! Sorry, I didn't hear it ringing. I must have been sleeping. Sorry again," she lied as she did not intend to tell Catherine where she really was.

Sara was slowly walking back to the living room, she did not want to leave the babies alone. It was hard to concentrate on both tasks, though.

"How are you girl?"

"Better with every minute, thanks for asking."

"Good, good. I'm so sorry about what happened. Hope we will know soon why that fucking bitch wanted to hurt you."

"Thanks. I wanted to know, too."

"Something must be up because Greg and Grissom went into a huddle with each other but don't worry I will pull it out of either one of them…or make them both talk," she laughed.

So Grissom and Greg knew something important. Sara had also suspected it yesterday. It was good to know that she had been right. Sara looked at the sleeping guys and even though she could not see them, the woman heard that Hank might dream something bad. He soon started to whine. Was he dreaming about the accident?

Sara placed her delicate palm onto the microphone of the cell phone and tried to chase the bad memories away.

"Hank, it's okay. Go back to sleep, honey!"

"Hank? Sara! You're with Hank? He is such a dog!"

Sara saddened a little at the thought that Catherine had known about Grissom's dog earlier than her while she had not known about his existence until recently. But again, the older woman had known about Grissom's surgery as well, while Sara had had no idea about it at all. But she wanted to put her jealousy aside. Grissom was hers, he had told her so.

"Um…yes. He is sleeping right now."

Catherine remembered the text message Sara had sent Grissom: _I love Hank, he's with me now, so stop this! S_

The older woman could not explain why but she got extremely angry at Sara. How could she be with that man after what he had done to her? And still, she was playing with Grissom's feeling. No wonder he would not give in. In Catherine's opinion, Sara was a dangerous woman who might steal his friend and to top it, she would destroy him on the road. Grissom had not been himself since the moment Sara Sidle had stepped into the Lab. In the pre-Sara era, Grissom had been full of life, he had been funny and much more sociable. Catherine was sure that Sara Sidle was not good for Grissom.

"Sara, how could you do this to Grissom?" _Being with that EMT while flirting with Grissom_…Catherine was fuming.

Sara was already blaming herself for what had happened to Hank even without Catherine's input. If this was what a "stranger" was thinking about her, how must Grissom feel? She had endangered Grissom's dog.

She could not say anything but a few sorry into the phone.

"Look, Sara! I have no right to judge you, and I'm really sorry what happened to you but I have to tell you that Grissom is my friend and I won't let you hurt him. You should decide what you want and stop hurting people around you and then playing a victim. I have no more beer to share!"

"Cath…I'm not sure you…"

"Of course, you're not sure. Probably you should stop for a minute and think about what you have already done. Hope you will feel better soon. Good night!"

_What you have already done! What you have already done!_

Sara was holding the phone in her hands until Grissom took it out of her grip. The woman did not even realize that he had come back.

"Honey, what's wrong? Who called you?"

Without a word, she collapsed into his arms and started to cry. She hated crying but this was too much for her to handle.

"Please, don't hate me."

"Why would I hate you? I would never, I couldn't."

"I did this to you…I know you love Hank…and I couldn't protect him."

"Who was on the phone, Sara?"

She was about to answer when Grissom's land line phone started to ring.

"I don't care about that damn call, Sara! Just tell me who upset you, dear!"

When the phone went to voicemail, Grissom had the answer he looked for.

_Grissom, it's me. What the hell is wrong with your mobile? I tried several times and it's dead. Anyway, I know you will be angry but I still have to tell you something. I know you are protecting Sara…however I have no idea why__._

Grissom hugged Sara closer to prevent her from pushing him away. She was shaking and Grissom knew that it must be because of what Catherine had told Sara. Now, he really wanted to know what it had been.

**TBC**

* * *

_**Author's Postscript: **__In the next chapter, Greg and Brass will interrogate the bad guys who might reveal new twists that make Sara's case even more complicated (or make sense all of a sudden). And maybe it's time for July to face reality. ;) …and well, Cath…_


	31. Regrets

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: So sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I quitted my job and started a new one but instead of having an easier life, my weekdays became impossibly busy. Well…my luck…

* * *

**Chapter ****Thirty-one**

_If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found__. – __**Author Unknown**_

For the first time in a very long time, Catherine Willows did not feel good after she had told Grissom what her opinion was about Sara and her behavior. She did not know whether it was because she could not have seen Grissom's reaction or because what she had said to him did not seem right. For a while, Catherine had just been sitting on her desk in her office chewing the inside of her lips but then she shrugged her shoulders. She looked at her wristwatch and realized that she had to leave her doubts there and leave the Lab. Only a quick detour to the Lab's bathroom for an even quicker change and then she was already hurrying through the hallway.

"Hey Cath! Want to get something to eat?" Detective Vartann asked the woman.

"Maybe next time, okay? I have a hot date tonight."

Disappointedly, the detective smiled at her and waved her goodbye. The last part of Catherine's answer contained more information than the man wished to know, "Yeah, next time."

As Catherine was in a hurry, she never realized the real intention behind Detective Vartann's offer. Within minutes, the woman was driving toward the elegant restaurant she and her date had been agreed on days ago. After she had parked the vehicle in front of the restaurant, a young valet ran to her for parking the car behind the swanky place. Even though Catherine preferred to park her own car, this time she did not mind having someone else to do it for her. It made her feel special and very important.

With confident steps, she entered the building. With the help of a kind hostess, Catherine easily found the very stylish table reserved for them but she got surprised when she saw that her date had not arrived yet. She found it pretty weird to be sitting there alone but the woman was waiting for her date nonetheless.

"Ms Catherine Willows?"

"Who is asking?"

"I'm the best friend of Ted Austin."

"I'm sorry but I don't understand it. Something happened to Ted? Is he okay?"

"Yes, yes, Ted is fine. However, he has no idea we are here actually…"

"What are you talking about? We…"

"Yes, but…look, Ms Willows. _I_ canceled this date on behalf of you. Um, look, I'll be honest with you. As you also know, Ted inherited his father's company. In his new position…I'm sorry to say this but…Ted needs a woman on his side with snow white background."

"And _you_ think I lack this trivialness. How dare you…"

"Ms Willows! I know that you work for LVPD now and that you're one of the best. I know how hard you worked to get there."

"What the…"

"I did my homework, Ms Willows," the young man smiled arrogantly. "The only problem is the life you used to live _before_ LVPD."

"I don't know what you want or why you're doing this but I'm not listening to you any longer. Ted is an adult man…he can decide if my past fits into his _new_ life or not. You have no right to…"

"Ms Willows! I'm Ted's best friend for God knows how many years now and it is my responsibility to protect him from women like you or from himself even. Women like you are so clever. On the surface, they act as if they were the preys but in reality, they are the hunters. You, ladies, recognize the weakness of men in no time while the gentlemen can do nothing but only face their punishments in the end."

"I think this discussion has to end here and now and maybe, just maybe I will pretend it has never happened, okay? It's a kinda harassment."

"I understand you are upset a bit but just sit down for a moment and think what you have already done to Ted. I'm sure you don't want any problem for Ted in the Board of directors, right? Ted is new to it and he doesn't need any complication…if you understand what I mean…"

Catherine was fighting her tears and feared if she tried to say anything, those threatening drops would fall down on her cheeks uncontrollably. The woman was more than upset, the whole situation was embarrassing, humiliating even. She had never felt this dirty for a long time now.

She saw the man standing up and leaving her table dropping money on it, she faintly remembered herself nodding for some times but no word could leave her lips. Catherine Willows had stepped into this restaurant as a confident lady and now she felt like a miserable, dirty and tiny mouse. It seemed that no matter how far she got in her career, time after time, she returned to the point she had started _her_ new life. She did not even know this man, and still she let him criticize her lifestyle. Her former lifestyle. Suddenly, Catherine remembered his father's words when she had questioned him about his way of life.

.

_Mugs! You can change as much as you are willing to or able to in your life, __still, you will always look for the only 'you' with whom you used to be happy. But deep inside, you are that one who you were when you came into this world. So you can try to stop the monster inside you but I can tell you, it will never happen._

_.  
_

All of a sudden, Catherine felt a thousand years older; it seemed that she could never escape her past. Perhaps, she should stop fighting it. Still, having these mistakes thrown into her face was simply hurtful.

"Damn, I didn't even know the name of this jerk! Ted's best friend…thank you!"

Catherine was so upset and angry that she forgot to give a tip to the valet who brought her car back. The woman jumped into the car and speeded down the street.

"Best friend, yeah, a…jerk…he had no right to play…whatever. Ted could have decided about us…not his fucking best friend. He knows nothing about me. I would never be this shit to my best friend!"

After about a half mile, the woman slowed her car and parked it in a deserted parking lot. Catherine closed her eyes and clenched her teeth to prevent the angry cry to come out. It was not that she was in love with that guy but the fact that somebody had poked his nose into her private life upset her beyond all bearings.

Catherine pondered on calling Ted but she did not know what to say. At this moment, she was mat at him as well. In her opinion, Ted was an idiot if he listened to his best friend. Heart matters were no one's business but of the ones who played protagonists in the story. Catherine was sitting there for a few more minutes when finally she decided to call Ted after all. The cell phone was in her hand when it went off making the woman almost drop the device. The display showed _her_ best friend's name: Grissom.

Catherine was about to answer his call when a painful feeling cut through her heart.

.

_Grissom, it's me. What the hell is wrong with your mobile? I tried several times and it's dead. Anyway, I know you will be angry but I still have to tell you something. I know you are protecting Sara…however I have no idea why.__ You are my best friend and I need to open your eyes._

_.  
_

At that moment, Catherine Willows realized what she had also done to her own best friend. She had acted the exact same way as Ted's friend had acted to her. And just like Ted's buddy, Catherine did not know anything about Sara outside of work. And as hard as it was for Catherine, perhaps she did not know Grissom as a private person either. Had she done an unforgivable mistake again? Or had she been right? Either way, she had no right to meddle into their business. She had no right to cause such an enormous pain to Sara. And she was after a horrible ordeal. Catherine was sure that her words had been as painful for Sara as the insinuation of Ted's friend was for her regardless of its rightness or not.

Sometimes, shame could be stronger than love or death even. Shame raised its ugly head where and when no one would expect it. And the same shame could tear apart its holder's soul and heart. Was it real or psychosomatic, Catherine did not know but her chest started to ache so acutely that she had to touch it to mitigate the tension inside.

"I have to make it right!"

And with that desperate determination, she started the engine and turned back toward Sara's apartment.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

"Marjorie?"

"Yes, did you expect some one else's call?"

"I'm not in this mood, Marjorie! Is it about July?"

"Very well, William! You still remember her name. How can you stay away? She needs both of us! She needs you!"

"Is she still sleeping?"

"Yes."

"Then she doesn't need me. I have some urgent stuff to do."

"Your only urgent task should be to sit here with me in July's room. Where are you? Even some detectives wanted to talk with you about July. They know that she is not mine, however, I don't get it why this fact is so important."

.

_**Central Jail **__**Hospital, Modesto, CA. End of June, 1984**_

"_He__llo? Billy? Please, please wait and listen to me! It's Laura."_

"_I know who's calling…from there."_

"_Billy…um…William. Our baby will arrive in two weeks, please take her, please don't let her suffer in the system. She is your baby, too."_

"_I told you, she can be his baby just as well. How would I know that…"_

"_She is yours! You can't be this cruel. Take her to your home. She doesn't deserve…"_

"_Don't call me again. I'll talk to the director if…"_

"_Then I'll tell everybody what kind of a man you are! Gossips are precious here, you know!"_

"_Don't dare!"_

"_I'll do anything, Billy. Please! Save my daughter!"_

_.  
_

_**Central Jail**__** Hospital, Modesto, CA. July, 1984**_

"_Thank you, Billy. Please, love her for me, too. __You can forget who her mother is, I only ask you to love her."_

"_Did you sign the papers I brought?"_

"_Yes. According to it, I don't know who her father is __so I give up custody for you. And I won't call you again. Never."_

"_Good. It wasn't an easy ride Laura. I had to pay a lot to make everything look ok. You have to understand it. My career would never tolerate a bastard. This child has to grow up as Marjorie and my child. No one ever should know about you."_

"_As you wish."_

"_Maybe, this thing can save my marriage."_

"_One more thing, Billy. Promise me something."_

"_Laura!"_

"_Please, check on Andrew and Sara. I am asking nothing more; just to check if they are fine. Please, do this last thing for me!"_

"_I'll see what I can do, alright?"_

"_Thank you!__" and Laura quickly wrote her other children's name onto a paper._

"_Good bye, Laura," he said as he could hardly wait to leave this room knowing he would never see Laura again._

"_Good bye, Billy," she said as she could hardly wait to hear from him, although she knew that she would never hear from or see him again._

_In his car, William Harper was watching__ the baby. She was so peaceful, so tiny. That day, that little girl started her life as July Harper._

_The man rolled down the window to let some fresh air inside. He looked down to his hand in which there was a tiny__ piece of paper with two names on it: Andrew and Sara Sidle. He sighed and then threw that piece of paper out of the car, rolled up the window and drove away._

_.  
_

"How do they know about July? That you're not her mother?"

"I'm her mother, William!"

"Right. So how?"

"They said they found a match in their system. They didn't detail it. William, is there a problem?"

"No! Stay with July! I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Ah-ha, so you won't come."

"I said I would go."

"Yeah…as always," she said into the deaf receiver.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Catherine Willows got a bizarre feeling of déjà vu. Many weeks ago, she had been standing in front of Sara's door pondering on whether to knock or to escape before it had been too late. The situation had been the same like now. Almost the same. She had believed something – made no difference if it had been right or not – and had hurt Sara with her words and actions. And Catherine had done it once more. So here she was again standing at Sara's door, her palms were sweating and her heart was hammering.

Probably, this time she had gone way too far. Last time, Catherine had crossed the line with Sara – a professional line. But now, it was a much slippery line – it was Sara's private life.

She did not know what she was going to tell Sara or how the brunette was going to act when she opened the door but Catherine knocked on the heavy wooden door nonetheless.

Nothing.

"Come on, Sara! Open up!"

She knocked on her door again, a little bit longer and louder, but again – nothing.

"Sara!" Catherine called.

Nothing.

"Sara, it's me. Please, open the door. I'd like to talk with you. I came in peace, I promise!"

Nothing.

"I know you might be angry…okay, I know you must be mad at me and you're right. I just…please open this damn door."

Nothing.

This time Catherine became worried. What if Sara got hurt? She felt horrible. What if she was sleeping? Sara had been through so much, she was probably dead tired. What if she simply did not hear her?

The elder woman tried knocking on the door one last time but when she got no answer, she decided to come back in the morning. Before she left, Catherine dialed Sara's cell phone number but it said it was not available at the moment and to try the call later.

"She must be sleeping," she theorized.

In the car, she wanted to call Grissom back as she had not answered his call earlier but then her courage flew out of the car.

"Tomorrow morning!"

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Grissom was pacing the room. Sensing the tension in the air, both Hank and Herbie stayed on the dog's pillow. Both animals followed the events but knew that it was not their time to perform justice of the peace. Sara was sitting cross-legged on the carpet trying to calm Grissom down. She was also upset and mortified but it hurt her to hear and feel the man she loved this indignant. Right after listening to Catherine's message, Grissom had torn Sara's SIM card out of his cell phone and placed his own into it. Within seconds, the device had been next to his ear waiting for Catherine to pick her phone up. But she had not answered it. Grissom wanted to call her again but Sara asked him not to.

"And she doesn't answer her phone," Grissom was fuming.

"Grissom, leave it alone. It isn't worth it. Please, don't quarrel with her, let alone because of me, please."

"I'm actually getting tired of her style."

"She loves you…in her own road-roller way and worried about you, she is your best friend."

"Best friend, right. Maybe I should rethink this friendship. And she has to know that I already have a mother and I do not need another one, thank you."

Being a visual type, Sara had to giggle at this image; however, the situation was far from humorous. Probably, the biggest insult would be to the ageless Catherine to call her Grissom's mother.

"Sara, can you hear me laughing? I'm tired of her playing mama-bear and in the meantime poking her curious nose into our lives. She has to stop this. I won't tolerate this any longer."

"But it is clear now that she misunderstood the situation. And in our case, it is for the best."

"For the best? Were your tears falling for the best?"

"I didn't know what she meant for the first time she called me. Now I know that she is in complete darkness."

"Perhaps I'll tell her that I love you and I have always loved you, we are together. But again, her stubborn head wouldn't believe me. She would think I am joking."

"Just pretend you never listened to this message. Leave it alone. It's Catherine, the nose."

"I don't know. Will think about it. Now, we should go to sleep."

Even though Sara was telling Grissom several times during their bathing together that she was no longer upset, her face betrayed her words. Her lips started to tremble whenever they stopped talking, her cheeks got wet from time to time but she promised it was from the water. Grissom inspected her eyes wordlessly and acknowledged that they were healing nicely. Sara opened her eyes once or twice but as she did not see anything but shadows and blurred shapes, she closed them again.

After they dried up each other, Grissom walked Sara into their bed, then patted Hank good night and placed the tabby monster between their pillows. Two or more loving kisses were shared and then Grissom hugged his woman closed to his chest and caressed her to sleep.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

It was 6 in the morning when Grissom woke up naturally for the first time in weeks. The alarm clock had been set up but it had no time to go off as Grissom unset it. He turned onto his side and silently watched his lady. Sara looked so much different as she was sleeping now. All the lines of toil had smoothed and disappeared virtually. The painful expression of yesterday on her beautiful face was only a memory this morning. Sara had insisted on keeping the bandages off of her eyes at night saying she wanted to - at least - look as if she was normal. Now, her injured eyelids were closed against the dim light of dawn and her breathing was deep and relaxed.

Grissom could not resist the temptation; he needed to feel her skin under his fingers. All of her muscles in her face and body were totally at peace. Grissom looked at Herbie also sleeping between their pillows. Both Sara and her cat looked like a child just right before the deep sleep kicked in. Not a twitch or a spasm. There was barely any movement of their breasts rising and falling with each intake of air.

Grissom closed his eyes as he knew that their peaceful slumbers would last only for a few more hours before the onset of another day of turmoil. Grissom wished that every morning of them was like this one.

He tried to get up as quietly as he could but even if he could stay unnoticeable for Sara; his movement was an unbeatable challenge with Herbie. Grissom put his index finger to his lips to sign that Herbie should be silent. The feline skipped the habitual meowing but the stretching was not on the restriction list so he started to knead Sara's hair who woke up immediately.

"Thank you, buddy!"

"What happened?"

"I told Herbie not to greet us verbally but apparently I forgot to tell him not to comb your hair either…"

"It's okay, I was awake already."

"Liar."

"You?"

"Sara, I should go in…there will be an interrogation I want to attend."

"It has anything to do with my case?"

"Yes. And I promise that right after I come back, I'll tell you everything we know, okay?"

"Why do I think that there are things already you could share with me?"

"I'll be back by 10 or 11 and I promise I'll tell you but you have to trust me and be patience."

"Okay, but today you have to tell me everything, okay?"

The rest of the morning did not go as smoothly as Grissom had hoped. Hank had needed his master to carry him out twice as his metabolism had modified during his recovery. Herbie had always seemed to be under Grissom's feet imitating his cooperation. Sara had assured Grissom of being fine in the bathroom but Grissom had been worried about her being there alone. So it was 8:15 when he could leave for the Lab.

Brass and Greg had already started to interrogate the two guys - Jason Donogan and Tim Halley - who were the founder of DigiZoom Company. Grissom did not want to interrupt the questioning so he stayed in the observation room and through the glass did he watch the process.

"Mr. Donogan, Mr. Halley! You might want to rethink your opinion on your responsibilities. We are talking about three people here…at least. One is already dead, one is in coma and one is severely injured."

"Look, detective! How could we be responsible for people…all or any of them? Yes, we hired them but that's all," the younger one said.

"In normal case, you would be right," started Greg, "but when we found the one who died, he was on his way home to explain his situation to his girlfriend. His situation that _you_ created. He drove so fast that he lost control over his car and died. He lived his days in fear because of you, guys!"

"Many people leave in fear. Because of banks or God knows why. Are you blaming the bank if one of its clients dies? I doubt it!"

"Pretty interesting analogy, Mr. Donogan. A bank. Loads money and expects it back. Clear business. But you guys, you're not a bank."

"We are not liable here. We are not responsible for our so called employees' actions. He drove fast? Come on, he was sitting in his car, not me or my partner."

"But you blackmailed your 'clients'."

"The procedure was correct," said the other man.

"You call it correct? Your own guy robbed your "hired" people then demand money from them! Does it sound correct to you?"

"You can't prove anything. Or else we aren't just chatting here, right?"

"Now here is where you're wrong. We have evidence, we have very descriptive statements against you and we have something more! And what we also have is an injured CSI. Do you know what it means for you two?"

"Jason! We should tell them," the elder one said.

"Shut up!"

"If I were you, Jason…I would consider your partner's suggestion. If there is something…anything that could help you two…I'd share with us."

"There is nothing I can tell you, detective!"

"Jason! It wasn't our idea. I won't go to jail…I have kids."

"I said to shut the hell up!"

Sensing there was a weak chain in the machine, Greg tried a dangerous action. He bluffed, "As we said earlier, we have something more. We know about the third person, we also have evidence, now you just have to name him."

Brass in the same room and Grissom in the other room wanted to throttle Greg. This was a step that could go two ways.

"If you have evidence, then why should we name him?"

"Because this is _our_ procedure," Greg answered naturally.

"I think I need a lawyer," Jason Donogan said.

"Of course," Greg answered confidently. "Would you please go with Detective Brass to another room and wait there until your lawyer arrives?"

"Sure, from now on, I won't say a word without my lawyer."

At this point, Grissom let out a faint sigh and smiled. Greg separated the two suspects. After Brass escorted Jason Donogan out of the room, Grissom joined Greg in the interrogation room.

"I'm Gil Grissom. I'm with the Crime Lab. So I'm a scientist and not a detective."

"It's cool but I also want a lawyer. I can't tell you guys anything. I just can't."

"Of course, it's your choice how long you want to stay in jail. I guess that third guy is your close friend or so because I'm sure that I wouldn't go to jail for someone who is not my relative or friend," Grissom pondered loudly.

"I hardly know him! Nor does Jason. But he is a big fish. No way will I name him."

"You don't have to. As I said it is your decision," and Grissom started to pack up the files from the table and slowly started to head out of the room.

"Mr. Grissom! I've never talked to him. Not once. But I know the idea was his. The first idea. No one should have been hurt. It seemed it would work, so we repeated the trick. The company has some financial problem, you know."

"It is too late to regret your action, don't you think? It all started as a harmless defraudation, right? But look, one person died, two injured. And for what? You could have got away with this so easily. Foul play is not the crime of century. But people got hurt and you still don't want to cooperate."

"Look, I really don't know much about it. It was about just some kinda family affair. The guy called for some times but Jason talked to him, not me. That's all I know. His idea sounded harmless and simple."

"Yes, your trick was perfect. But your instincts were not as great. Each of you miscalculated one huge factor: humans have own wills and emotions. You need that lawyer, Mr. Halley indeed."

"Please note that I wanted to help."

"If you really want to help, then write down the routine how you tricked your victims!"

"I will do my best but again, I'm the stupid guy here, not the bad one. I nodded to everything but I'm not the brain-truster."

Grissom nodded at Greg and left them alone to have the statement. In the hallway, Brass was waiting for him. Grissom signed the detective to meet him in his office.

"This Donogan guy is a real dirt-bag," Brass started immediately they entered the office.

"But fortunately, his partner is not as composed, he is in panic mode. He is writing his confession at the moment."

"Any useful information?"

"Yes, we need the phone record of DigiZoom. For the last one and a half years. Asap!"

"We've already got it for the last six months. So almost two years? I don't know…"

"I want that short list as well until you get the other one. July had been paying for the longest. About eleven months."

"Greg has it on his desk. And I'll make some calls for the new records."

"We need that list, Jim! I want to know whose idea had caused so much pain to Sara. I need to know whose idea could transform a piteous cheat into a deadly deal."

"Consider it done!"

"Thanks."

"How is Sara?"

"Healing slowly. But she tries to look brave."

"What about her vision?"

"Only shadows but improving."

"I tried to call her but she didn't answer."

"Um…she is staying with me while she is healing. Keep it between us, okay. I don't want Ecklie to conspire."

"Don't worry, I'm not gossiping. Now I go to get the phone list, I page you when I have it."

"I appreciate it, Jim."

About 10 a.m., Grissom and Greg were sitting in the break room. Both were disappointed that the short phone list had not revealed anything that could have led to that mysterious third person. The elder man checked his watch and told Greg that he was going to go home to check on Sara. Greg also wanted to go but Grissom asked him to stay here in case Brass got the list they needed.

Grissom was about to leave the room when Greg's pager went off.

"Yours?" Grissom asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, call me if anything happens!"

Greg simply nodded but he was already reading Brass' message.

_Ph list will b here within 2 hrs, B_

Greg frowned a little. Perhaps he should have told Grissom about the message but then, the report would arrive only in two hours, there was no sense for him to hole up in the Lab when Sara was at home alone.

He went back to his desk and started to complete the file of Sara's case. He was working for some time when Brass paged him again.

_Hey buddy, __list is here! B_

Surprised, Greg checked the clock on the wall and saw it was almost 1 p.m. He did not realize that he was this busy with loading data into the computer.

Within minutes, the long list was in his hands. At first sight, nothing extraordinary could be seen, so the young CSI took the paper into a peaceful office and started to study it. He marked the date when the first blackmailing had started according to July Harper. Greg ran all numbers in his computer that were placed around that time and the result threw him. He double then triple checked his finding but there was no chance of failure.

"Hello, it's Greg. Grissom, you won't believe this! To be honest, I don't get it. Do you want to know who called the company right before July was blackmailed?"

"Greg, I can't hear you well. I had a flat tire, so I'm still on my way home. So what did you find?"

"You won't believe it."

"Just say the name!"

**TBC**


	32. New Beginnings, Old Endings

**Title: ****Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

**A/N**: I would like to dedicate this chapter to my sweetest puppy, _Bruno_ who would have been five months old on last Tuesday but died last Monday. I'm missing him with every beat of my heart. He took a great part of my soul with him : (

* * *

**Chapter ****Thirty-two**

_Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half.__ – __**Author Unknown**_

After Grissom had left for work, the whole house slowly returned to its peaceful silence. Hank and Herbie had been fed and now they were sleeping on Hank's cushion. Sara only knew this by the noises they were creating. The rhythmical snoring with the monotonous purring ensured the woman that her faithful friends were safe and happy. Sara was lying on the big couch that was far from comfortable enjoying the soothing rhythm of her pets' breathing. As she was gradually sinking into a light slumber, Sara became more and more certain of that a great day had to start off with a harmonious morning. Snoring, purring and even breathing merged into one eternal pulsation, a perfect symphony of safety. Yesterday's gossamer of adverse events retreated finally to give Sara energy and time to tackle the day's new challenges.

The next moment Sara woke up seemed only a few minutes after she had closed her eyes but she could not guess on the time how much really had elapsed. Automatically she lifted her head from the pillow and turned toward where a clock was supposed to be on the wall. Only then did she realize that it was a vain attempt. With a deep sigh, she sat up in her temporary bed and without thinking she opened her eyes but the image she saw was almost the same as it had been a day before. Just shadows and shapes, however, they were definitely finer. Sara's pulse got faster with the realization of finally being in real recovery. The woman blinked for some times and even though the sight remained blurry, Sara seemed to feel the improvement.

In her delighted state, she did not notice the difference in the background noises and so she simply put her feet down on the floor and stood up then was about to head toward the bathroom. At that very moment she took a step in the supposed direction of the bathroom, a painful cry ripped the former quietness.

For a moment, Sara did not know what had just happened; she lost all her sense of locality immediately. Nervously and instinctively, she tried to get out of the way of danger she had involuntarily caused but instead of making the situation better, she stepped on another soft thing. Another cry could be heard.

Sara opened her eyes as wide as it was possible and tried to focus on the floor where the cries had come from. All she could see were two amoeba-like things on the red carpet - a white-brown and a much smaller grey one.

"Oh, no," Sara realized who those spots were on the floor. "You were on your pillow…what are you doing here?"

But she knew. Sara knew exactly what they were looking for right by her couch. She herself had kept one of Grissom's T-shirts with her to feel his scent that had provided her some comfort while he was away and Sara guessed that Hank had needed the same reassurance. And as for Herbie, he usually was where Hank could be found, in this case, under Sara's foot.

The quickly gathering tears and the force with she tried to see what was going on, Sara's eyes started to burn so she closed them for a second but then closed again. Slowly, she sat on her heels and palpated her beloved friends. At first, Herbie stayed away from her but for Sara's desperate calling the feline inched closer and closer to the woman until she could finally touch his petite body. First she felt his tiny paw then his whole body. In no time, the cat huddled up against Sara's leg and re-started his purring.

"I'm so sorry Herbie, I didn't mean to step on you."

What scared Sara the most was the yowling. She carefully crawled closer to Hank and even more carefully she tapped his weak body. Sara opened her eyes to see him but her eyes refused to cooperate properly. Sara touched his head first. Hank licked her fingers between two cries that terrified the woman beyond measure.

"Where does it hurt, honey?"

The only answer she got was a slobbery kiss onto her hand. Sara shook her head, it was so amazing that here was this innocent creature whom she had caused pain – again – and he could not stop loving her. On the contrary, it seemed that after what had happened to them, Hank loved Sara even more.

"Hank…sorry…so sorry."

Sara examined his neck, his front paws then his belly and back and at the end, his injured leg. When she touched it, Hank suddenly tightened his muscles and Sara felt his leg warm and wet. And she knew. Sara did not need to open her eyes, in her line of work there was one thing she could identify without vision or hearing. It was blood.

"Oh, nooo!" she cried and even though she knew Hank was bleeding, she opened her eyes to see how bad it was.

Just like earlier, she could not distinguish each body part but she could perceive some information. As she looked down, there was a growing dark red spot in the middle of the white bandage.

"Oh, Hank…I cause you nothing but pain," she whispered then wiped the tears off her cheeks.

Hank's wound needed to re-bandage but Sara was on the edge of sobbing. How would she be able to help Hank when she was unable to help herself? But she had no choice. The woman stood up and with shaking legs, she walked to the kitchen table and then stopped to gather her energy and courage. Sara tried to orientate herself as well as she could and started toward the bathroom in order to use her eye drops.

"Hank, don't move, I'll be right back. The drops must help so I can see better what I'm doing, okay?"

In the bathroom, she could easily find the little cabinet on the wall in which her drops were kept. But after she opened it, the sight or the lack of it drove her to despair. She could see that there were many small vials in it among other things but Sara was not sure which one of them should be hers. As she could not read the labels on them, there were too many options to choose from.

The helplessness made Sara feel so miserable she could shout. Here was the dog who had saved her life and now when he needed her help, she could do nothing but to sit here and cry. It was unacceptable. Perhaps when every single part inside a person hurt like hell, perhaps that one reached the point when they felt that they were capable of anything and everything.

"I must try one of them. I must use one," she was talking to herself.

She got off the edge of the bathtub and grabbed one vial and was about to apply when she seemed to hear a knocking. After placing the mysterious vial of drops on the edge of the basin, she walked back into the living room to see if there was anybody at the door indeed.

As if Herbie and Hank knew that they should keep quiet, there was no more whining or meowing. Even though it was for the best, Sara took the lack of weeping as a foreboding.

"Hank? Where are you?"

The answer was a knocking again but this time it was louder.

"Gil! I called the Lab and I know you're at home. Please, open the door. I need to talk with you."

Catherine. Sara stood in the middle of the room transfixed with fear. Ever so slowly, she slid onto the floor next to Hank. They needed help but Catherine could be anything but a help in this case. After that certain call yesterday, it was crystal clear that the elder woman could not stand Sara and blame her for every bad might have happened to Grissom. Catherine was pretty direct in expressing her dislike. And if the woman had found her here in Grissom's house…

"Maybe if we don't move, maybe she will leave," Sara whispered to Hank and Herbie but her poor dog started to weep again, obviously in pain.

"Grissom! Look, I know I was a bitch and I'm very sorry. We really should talk. It's not about just me. I was at Sara's place but something must have happened because she didn't open the door…either!"

Sara was caressing Hank's face and chest to soothe his pain and just then did she feel that way too much blood continued to ooze out under the bandage.

Concern about Hank's welfare vs. fear of what Catherine would think or say: 1:0.

"Catherine," Sara shouted, "please, wait, don't go!"

"Sara?"

"I'm coming, please don't leave!"

Sara could not imagine how she was going to be able to walk to the door without crashing through carpets and furniture so fast but she was trembling for Hank and at the moment his health was the only one that mattered. The young woman grabbed the keys from the hook on the wall, and tried the first one into the keyhole. Of course it was not the right one. Sara was crying by now and her tears also made her vision even more blurry. The third key opened the big door all at once but the sun from outside blinded Sara completely. She simply threw the door open for Catherine to enter but she held her hand in front of her eyes.

"Catherine, I know what you must be thinking but please help Hank. I'll explain everything, just help him."

Fortunately, Sara could not see Catherine's face. Her expression mirrored incomprehension, surprise and fear even. It shocked her that she found Sara here in the first place and now, the woman in question asked her to help her boyfriend. _That's bizarre_, she thought. And to top this, both woman and lover were in Grissom's home.

"Hank is here? At Grissom's?"

"He's lying there. He's bleeding. Please…"

Catherine suspected that there had to be something misunderstanding between Sara and her. But she understood that Sara was in panic so Catherine did as she was told.

"Sara, you need to calm down a little, okay? Where is 'there'?"

"At the couch. He was sleeping there when I…stepped on him. I…I didn't see him, I didn't even hear him snoring."

When Catherine followed Sara's instruction, the blonde investigator noticed a huge dog lying in front of that couch whimpering.

"I didn't know you have a dog, too."

"Hank is Grissom's. I love animals you know, so I sometimes walk him."

"Oh, I didn't even know Gil has a dog. What happened to him? Originally, I mean?"

"Hank was with me when that car hit me. Hank saved my life; I love him so much…still I caused him so much pain."

"Sara, you should sit down while I'm having a look at his injure, okay?" And without her permission, Catherine walked Sara to a chair in the kitchen.

The elder woman ran back to Hank when some memories kicked in. The text message in Grissom's cell phone.

_I love Hank, he's with me now, so stop this! S_

This damn text message had started it all. Since the minute Catherine had read it, she had started creating theories and she had reached the worst conclusion. The question was why. Now, it seemed so obvious and so ridiculous but she had assumed the worst…of Sara. And again, the question was why.

"So?" Sara asked pulling Catherine out of the self-accusing wandering.

Catherine carefully peeled the spoiled bandage off Hank's leg and saw that only one small part of the scar tore up. It was nothing serious; however, it had had to be very painful.

"Sara, don't worry. Just a little tear-up. He will live."

Sara stood up and walked toward them, "But I felt much blood…Cath, please tell me the truth."

"Yes, there was some blood on the bandage but the fluid you must have felt is only pee. Actually, I would pee too if I had been him."

"Pee?"

"Yes, pee. Now, let me apply his new dressing. Where is the first aid kit? Or the gauze for him?"

"In the bathroom. Um…first door on the right…I think…can't remember."

Catherine found the room easily as she had been here more than once before. In the bathroom, she found a small bottle in the basin. She took it out and read its label. Ear-drops. As it was empty, she threw it away and gathered all the material she needed to bandage Hank's leg again. Right before she would have left the room, she turned back. The cabinet's door had been left open. Getting alive the investigator in Catherine, she stepped back to see what Sara would have wanted from there. And she realized soon. Eye-drops. Catherine figured that Sara could not have been sure which vial she needed so the young woman had chosen one. A wrong one – evidently. She took the right one with her, too. Catherine hoped that Sara had not used the ear-drops for her eyes.

Soon, Hank was lying happily on his pillow. Sara gave him a soft banana strip so he could forget this painful event more easily. As soon as Hank's treat arrived, Herbie made his own appearance from under the couch.

"Hey, buddy!" Catherine cheered but the cat ignored her as much as he could pretend it.

"Herbie?" Sara called and the feline jumped onto her lap sniffing her fingers. Sara pulled a smaller biscuit out of her pants and gave it to Herbie who jumped off and went to Hank contentedly.

"Sara, maybe we should clean up your injuries as well. In the basin I found an empty vial of ear-drops…"

"Ah…I guess I chose the wrong one after all."

"Did you use it?"

"No, I heard you coming."

"At least I did something good today if I screwed up yesterday…Look Sara, I don't know what to say."

"Why were you at my place yesterday…you said…"

"Yesterday…I only wanted you to know that I realized how wrong I was when I thought I had the right to judge you and talk with you in a way I did…But today…now, actually, I realized one more thing. I was unforgivably wrong in the first place. I had evidence and misunderstood them. I knew only half of the truth and evidently I have gotten hold of the wrong half of it. I failed as an investigator. I let my prejudice dictate my judgement."

"Why?"

"I got a feeling of embarrassing déjà vu. It seems I make the same mistake from time to time. And either then or now I can't explain it."

"Maybe you should start to talk to me, to believe me…to trust me."

"I feel horrible."

"How could you think so little of me that I went back to Hank? I respect myself a little more than that."

"Probably because I could go back to Eddie…I loved him."

"But I didn't love Hank. And you know that."

"I know. Please forgive me, Sara."

"Just stop comparing me to yourself and vice versa. I didn't come to Vegas to push you off your throne. I'm not a threat to you. We could get along so well with each other, Cath. You should simply respect me. I'm asking nothing more."

"Sara. How can you be like this?" she asked but as Sara could not hear her inner thoughts, Sara misunderstood Catherine's question.

"Cath, I know what you're thinking of me but…"

"Oh, no. How can you be this forgiving? I've never seen a woman who could forget where she buried the hatchet."

"I never bury them. I need it to remind me where not to return to."

The fact that Sara did not demand answers from Catherine made the elder woman free. The woman had tried to change in the last decade as she had also known (or been told) that she had often treated others with disrespect. It had not been because Catherine had been an arrogant person, but much more because she had been so proud of what she had achieved since she had given up on her former life style. Now she realized that to change was hard but to remain the good person she used to be was even harder.

In the next hour, Catherine applied the eye-drops that Sara needed and cleaned up the remnants of her tears. In the meantime, they were talking about the day when the accident had happened, about the investigation that was becoming stranger and weirder, about Sara's fears and about her staying at Grissom's place.

Neither Catherine nor Sara noticed that they were talking for almost an hour and a half; the realization hit them when Catherine's cell phone went off.

"Sara! Promise me that you will call me when you need anything."

"Okay."

"Anyway, recharge your cell because I couldn't reach you the last time I tried."

"My cell phone is broken, I used Grissom's but soon I'll have a new one."

"Okay, take care! All of you!"

As Catherine headed toward the front door, she turned back and went to caress Hank. This time, Herbie let her caress his face as well.

"Cath!" Sara called after the elder woman.

"Hm?"

"Thanks."

"I'll call you when I get to know something about your case; just try to get well soon!"

Sara knew that they were far from close friends but they had just made the first step toward a trustful friendship. Or at least she hoped.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

"Hello, it's Greg. Grissom, you won't believe this! To be honest, I don't get it. Do you want to know who called the company right before July was blackmailed?"

"Greg, I can't hear you well. I had a flat tire, so I'm still on my way home. So what did you find?"

"You won't believe it."

"Just say the name!"

Even though the reception was not the best, Grissom heard the name properly but his mind could not process the information.

"Are you sure? It makes no sense."

"I know. I checked it several times and yes, it's correct."

"We need a warrant against…"

Greg was so eager to nail the suspect so he interrupted Grissom, "Brass is on it at the moment but it takes time."

"Okay, the car is almost ready, I'm coming back!"

"Grissom! As I said and as you also know getting a warrant takes a little time. Why don't you go home, check on Sara…and talk with her…about what we already know."

"First, I need answers. She will ask me questions and I want to answer them all. She has the right to know them."

"With all respect, Grissom but Sara already has the right to know about July. This current bizarre twist is practically irrelevant…as for her family issue."

"I want this interrogation before I talk with her. I need to know why this all happened to Sara."

"In this case, the _who_ is more important than the _why_. You need to talk with Sara."

"I don't know, Greg!"

"She will accept that July is her sister easier if she hears it from you. How long do you think you can keep it from her? Too many people have been working on this case to keep it low profile."

"Call me when…"

"Sure, boss!"

"Thanks. And don't start the interrogation without me!"

Within ten minutes, the big car was ready to function. Grissom did not know if he should be happy for it or not. He knew that Greg had been right. He should have told Sara about July long ago but first she had been too vulnerable and then he had become weak or rather coward gradually.

He remembered too well the day when Sara had shared her dark past with him; he could recall her voice filled with pain. And now, he was on his way to push that sharp knife deeper into her already broken heart.

He remembered Sara asking him a silly question one night after lovemaking. Now he knew the answer, at that time, he could not say anything wise to her.

.

"_Grissom? Are you sleeping?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_Which is more important in life? To remain who you used to be or who you will be?"_

"_Maybe who you are!"_

.

Grissom lowered his head and sighed, "No matter what you do, my Sara, your past is right behind you!"

The driving home seemed much shorter this time and although Grissom was excited to see Sara, he needed just a little more time to prepare. But the choice was gotten out of his hands as he could hear some excited barking. Weak or not, injured or not, Hank knew that his master had arrived home and dutifully he greeted his human.

Grissom opened the entrance door and called for Sara right away in order not to scare her. The sight in front of him warmed his heart. Hank was sitting on his pillow perking up his ears as much as a boxer could do, Herbie was sitting right in front of Hank's paws while Sara was sitting next to their cushion.

"Grissom?"

"Miaow," Herbie reacted immediately.

"Hi, sweets!"

Sara hardly had time to stand up by the time Grissom got there; he cradled her face between his palms and just watched her. After one second or two, Sara slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"You can see me?" he asked her incredulously.

"I don't need my eyes to see you."

Wordlessly, he began to caress her cheeks, then her eye lids. Sara on the other end of his ministration began to feel it. She began to feel warm and want him. Just by his touch, which was so gentle and caring, Sara wanted him. That was his indicator. Grissom stopped rubbing her tender skin. Sara lifted on her tip-toes to reach his lips. He began to kiss her then and he kissed her differently this early afternoon. It was a slow and amorous kiss. His mouth was open wide then he had shut it. It was like he was eating her lips. Soon, Sara matched his kiss by doing the same which elicited a deep moan from him.

"I have to tell you something…"

"Okay," she said but continued kissing him.

"Sara," was the last thing he could formulate before he carried his lady into their bedroom.

Grissom's brain told him that they should be talking instead of making love but his heart and body were such weak betrayers. Both his soul and body had been missing Sara. He wanted her, had always wanted her but Grissom had not dared to initiate this wonderful form of intimacy until Sara felt better and got stronger so now it was not his fault that he could not have resisted the temptation to be one again with her.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

One could always believe that they had nothing to fear, they did everything they could in life and they took every option into account. In most cases, they did not perceive those signs that were right in front of their eyes. Or it was too late to do so. First, they tried to run away to escape the pain that had been waiting for them at the other corner. But as they tried to avoid their fates, they were floating closer and closer into the trap of their destinies.

Fear and loneliness usually swallowed the guilty person from inside, sins normally remained unnoticeable on the surface. Every choice was an answer, too. The real hopelessness was a poisonous apple of the decision she made. She either chewed on it well or swallowed it in one piece. Her real sorrow could be describe by the realization when her guilty soul discovered that she perhaps had not done everything that she should have had to. So no matter she thought she had the key in her hand, it was just slipping out of her palm and she was going to lose everything.

"Mrs. Marjorie Harper?"

"Mr. Brass? I think you know who I am. You have the upper hand here…or eye so to say."

"You have to come with us. We have some questions to ask."

"About what? I've already told you everything."

"I think you forgot to mention some tiny details," Brass told July's mother.

"I won't leave July here…alone. Do you have a warrant?"

"Yes, Mrs. Harper, we have. July will be in good care while you're explaining why you called the photo-company right before July was blackmailed."

**TBC**


	33. Just a Fly on the Wall

**Title: Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-three**

_God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose. Take which you please – You can never have both. – **Ralph Waldo Emerson**_

All at once, the room fell deadly silent. Now there were no more heated words, no more cries. There was nothing left there but the killing despair and the eating doubt. At this point, July Harper did not know what meant true and what was only an illusion or worse, a lie. She could not process the happenings as they seemed surreal and chaotic to her. Things that should be natural and rock solid in her life all of a sudden became a crazy fuzzy fiction. It felt that everything that had happened to July in her life was a total lie and everything that might never happen had to be truer than anything.

First, she had had to learn that the police was accusing her of attempting a murder. They believed that she had been violent toward a woman July could not even remember. And now, she had had to face with the fact that her mother had something to do with the situation she allegedly had got involved in.

Her mother. Since her birth, July had been believing that Marjorie Harper had given her life and now, she knew it had been just another lie. Her father. The man July had always been worshipping was also a liar, a cheater. Her father, the statue of moral. She could remember his accusatory voice, July could recall his dissatisfaction when it had come to her but she still could not remember his face or his full name. July had feelings but did not have visual memory of her father.

The prison July had created for herself was getting more and more suffocating. When that stocky detective had been here for her mother, she had wanted to shout, to cry or simply hit him or her mother. July had wanted to stand up for her mother by saying that the woman would not be capable of doing such a thing. She had wanted to beg for both of them not to leave her alone in this cold room but July had stayed silent and still.

Ever slowly, the young woman opened her eyes to make sure that she was alone indeed. Even though she was grateful for the deserted room so she could wipe off the tears from her pale cheeks, the creepy silence scared her. Quickly, she stretched her legs as they went stiff because of the long bed rest. Her muscles felt too weak to get up but she had already tried to sit up when her mother had been in the bathroom to refresh herself. This time she needed to sit and get out of bed. She needed to move, she wanted to walk her nervousness off. July felt if she stayed here in this bed, she was going to go crazy.

July Harper gathered her energy and moved her right leg first. It was harder than she had thought it would. She felt pain, numbness and weakness along the path of her spine. She tried to bend her waist but this caused her more pain. For a moment or two, July was thinking about giving up but her drive to finally get out of this torturing bed was stronger. She tried another way to have her legs move. After rolling over onto her side, she bent her knees until her legs were hanging over the side of the bed. At this point, there was no way back. July used her arms to lift her upper body up so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. Immediately, she got nauseous. She took some deep breaths and pushed herself off the bed and waited for some seconds to be sure that she was steady. Although she felt dizzy, she started to walk. July focused on an object and it helped her to fight off the whirling sensation.

She could only take a few steps when something jerked her body back with a splitting pain in her arms. She still had some intravenous lines in her veins and when they got torn out of her skin, it caused major pain. July looked down at her bleeding hands but she ignored the deep red fluid streaming down as much as she could. Her most important destination at the moment was to reach the bathroom.

In front of the mirror in the bathroom, she leaned down onto the basin to regain her waning strength. July closed her eyes to chase the growing nausea away. After a few moments, she straightened and looked into the mirror.

For long seconds she was just standing there watching her own reflection. The woman she saw seemed a complete stranger.

What was someone watching when looking at another person? In fact, they sought something that reminded them of themselves. Now, July was looking for something, anything that reminded her of her own old self but the woman who looked back from the mirror was unfamiliar to the young woman.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Sara knew that something must be up, she knew it, felt it, she could almost smell it. Both Grissom and Sara were highly disciplined people both at work and in their private life. Every time they had been together, it had been sensual lovemaking, not just having sex. Both had taken their time and both had been gentle and attentive lovers. Whenever Grissom had initiated lovemaking, he had blushed and practically stammered. He had not taken anything for granted; he had never thought that just because he and Sara had finally become a couple he had had the right to make love to her without asking for permission from her first.

But today was different. For a while now, they had been making love, which was heavenly as always, but then the dynamics changed. Probably, if Sara had not been blind, she would not have even noticed the change immediately but now that one of her senses was "out of order", she was much more sensitive to tiny and not so tiny differences. And something changed in Grissom's behavior. It felt as if he did not want to let Sara out of his embrace, as if he was scared to let her hands and lips go. Sara felt that he wanted to tell her something crucial in his own way. And that scared Sara beyond belief.

Her mind screamed that something was wrong but her heart and body were demanding more kisses and more intimacy. Sara loved the way Grissom filled her and then trusted into her. His heightened state of mind only gave Sara more delight and this pleasure made her forget any and all dark thoughts.

"Ahh, yes," she said and bit at his ear. "You feel so…so good. Don't stop, love me, Gil!"

And he did so and gave a thrust that made Sara pant. He took her leg and held it up so he could get in deeper, could get closer to her. Sara expressed her enjoyment as she cradled his face between her palms and felt that her lover was smiling. Sara had no much time to enjoy the feel of his face as he kissed her again pushing the tiny hands away. Grissom bent and started to either kiss or lick her neck, chest and her breasts, which made the woman rise off the floor and meet him thrust for thrust.

"I'm gonna come," he moaned and buried his face into Sara's neck, which he ate at like a thirsty vampire at midnight.

Sara embraced his body and panted, "So am I."

And she was indeed. Sara was coming so fast and hard, being so turned on that she could not contain herself. Her orgasm was a deep and intense one she had not experienced for a long time. It was so intense that Sara grabbed out for his body and scratched his breast.

"God!" he yelled, he was obviously in pain.

They did not know if it was the stress that had harbored during the last few days or the desire with which they had been missing their time of intimacy, one thing was sure, they was making love with such an extended force they both were unfamiliar with.

Despite of the pain, neither stopped. They could not have stopped no matter what, the feeling was simply too intense to end this journey.

When they came, both were in pain but this was the kind of pain they would endure willingly anytime. It was that powerful.

Grissom fell away from Sara panting but rolled back at once, again as if he was afraid of losing her any minute. They were lying there for a while without moving an inch.

As Sara caressed his arms and chest, she noticed that he was sweating profoundly. She leaned over and wiped his cheeks and chin. Just as she was about to take her hand away, Grissom grabbed it and pushed her delicate hand lower on his body.

Another thing that Grissom had never done before, Sara registered. But she complied nonetheless. Only a few moves up and down and the man came again. His orgasm was not as intense as it had been minutes ago; still he let out a loud cry.

Sara lifted her head from his chest and "stared" at him. She did not need her eyes to know that he was changing color rapidly. Neither one of them could believe what had just happened. Sara was surprised and very happy while Grissom was embarrassed but very happy.

"Did you just co…"

Sara felt him nod. "I guess."

"I have never seen anything like that," she smiled up at him.

"I've never done anything like that before…you."

"Wow," she sighed. "You missed me this much?"

"Always. And I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I was…powerful…rude maybe."

"You were powerful and fantastic but rude…never. Anyway, how did you get this…um…horny?" she whispered the last word like a little girl when she said something naughty.

"I'm always horny for you and you must know that."

Sara did know it but it was always good to hear that, too. Sara hesitated a little knowing that her next question would probably burst the bubbles but she wanted to know what was going on.

"Grissom?" her tone went serious and that alarmed Grissom. "Why did you do this?"

He shrugged, "I told you." But he knew exactly that the time came when he had to tell Sara the truth about her family.

"Tell me."

He did not know how to start the story, he needed more time but the reality was that he was already running out of time. Still he stalled for more.

"I don't know what came over me, but when I saw you sitting next to Hank and Herbie, you looked so weak and helpless…it just drove me crazy."

"Really?"

He nodded automatically but never realized that Sara was not aware of it and she took his silence as hesitation.

"Gil. Why can't you just tell me the truth? You saw me miserable in the office many times, still you never comforted me like this…however, I'd have liked it a lot."

Grissom was about to open his mouth to finally answer Sara when something dropped onto his forehead. He snapped at his head thinking it was just a fly landed on his skin.

"What?" Sara asked him.

"Oh, no!"

"What?"

"We forgot to close the door, honey."

"And?" but soon the penny dropped for Sara, too. She reached for the source of irritation. "Hank!"

The big dog limped closer to the woman and he kissed her wherever Hank had the chance to do it.

"He's watching you…and you're…naked. I'm not appreciated when another man is looking at you like this."

"Actually, you're naked, too. How is it you're watched by another man?"

"Just what we need. Here is the other pervert peeper."

"Herbie? Where is he?"

"At your foot…watching you. Now it's too much, don't you think?"

"Leave them alone. Griss, we should go to bed. We will get a cold."

After a last kiss and a final caress, Hank let Grissom carry Sara into bed. Within minutes, they were under the blanket hugging. The couple was silent for a while when Sara felt that the mattress got sink at their legs.

"No, Hank! You can't lay here…not now!" Grissom instructed the dog as he was trying to climb onto the mattress as well but having difficulties due to his broken leg. The dog started to whine and a heartbreaking meowing followed it.

"Oh, poor babies! Griss, help them up here. They just want company."

"This bed is too small for three."

"Four," Sara corrected him.

"Even more!"

"But Herbie is like his brother, he would feel as if he was excluded…neglected…unloved."

"That's why both will stay on the floor."

But Herbie jumped onto the blanket and started his usual massage on Grissom's stomach. Sara patted his body and found the cat there.

"Now, it's discrimination. You have to let Hank here, too."

"I feel blackmailed."

"No, you were manipulated," she giggled. "I often think about Hank and Herbie. Their friendship seems so natural…from the very beginning. I grew up watching Tom and Jerry. Dogs and cats aren't supposed to be close buddies. These babies are just too cute."

"Hank was always a very friendly buddy. He's very caring. And I guess he feels that Herbie loves him back. Animals are not like us, humans. They can love regardless of which species the other one belongs to."

"And never judge you based on your appearance or faults. Herbie and Hank are like brothers."

After Hank made himself comfortable at Sara and Grissom's legs, Herbie also laid down at their heads. The room went silent; there was only a monotonous purring that offered all of them a melody that almost nestled them to sleep.

"Do you have a brother or sister, Grissom?"

Grissom knew that he would not escape the touchy topic anymore, "No."

"How does it feel? To be an only child?"

"Why don't you tell me how it feels to have a brother?"

"Well, I don't remember much…about him. I think I was a real pain in his ass. I remember following him all the time and he was always mad at me. But he was my big brother, I believed that he knew everything. Then he usually chased me away saying I was just a girl and too nosy."

"Where is he now?"

"The last information I have about him…as you know I'm nosy…he's abroad. Somewhere in Europe…I guess where he can get drugs easier."

"Do you miss him?"

"Sometimes…I think I don't really miss _him_…I just miss _someone_…just a sibling… I often wished I had had a sister to whom I could tell what was happening to me day by day. A sister who would have understood my pain. The kind of pain only women can feel when they are not loved back. My brother would never understand this. He would call it hysteria."

Grissom thought the right time to reveal the truth had just come, "What would you do if it turned out you have a sister after all?"

"I would have tons of questions," she giggled but stopped laughing when Grissom did not join her.

"Grissom? You know something, right? These questions…"

"Sara, please listen to me. I don't know how to start…"

"Why don't you skip this family bullshit and split it out at last?" Sara was both scared and irritated. She could not have explained why she became this angry all at once. She thought that Grissom had only smoothed the road to get here. She had already asked him to share what he had learned about her case and he had been stalling.

Grissom, on the other hand, was taken aback by the turn of event. He had expected Sara to be surprised, scared or even excited, not this furious and aggressive all of a sudden. His mind was working hard to find the right words that could save the situation.

He took her hands into his and pulled her closer to him but Sara sat up straight in their bed wrapping the sheet around her bare body as a shield from him.

"Sara, please. I'm not your enemy. I kept the information from you to…"

"Don't dare to say 'protect', Gil. I'm not a child, I'm not a glass…I wont break!"

"But this is my only excuse. I wanted to protect you; I wanted you to heal in peace before…"

"But I was ready…I told you so!"

"But I wasn't!" he spoke out losing his patience.

"I wish I had the right to decide what is good for me and it wasn't always someone else to make the decision over my head."

"I didn't do such a thing. Yes, I made a decision but not against you but for you!"

"Really? You were making decision for years…for me, and I suffered like hell, thanks. But the truth is that it was always you who had the right to decide. And it was always me who had to accept your decision."

The conversation took a very unwanted direction even though Grissom had not even told her anything concrete so Grissom put aside his hurt feelings and wanted to finally get over with the dark details.

"July Harper…"

Sara wiped her tears off and finally faced Grissom, "Who wanted to kill me and Hank?"

"Yes. So…"

"Still in coma? Or…"

"Still in coma. So what I am trying to tell you is…July is your sister, Sara."

The tension in the room was so thick one could almost cut it with a knife. Every bit of fight left her body at the news. She frowned and opened her mouth but closed just as quickly.

_I have a sister. I have an adult sister._

Grissom could see the shock on her beautiful face first.

_Why didn't anybody tell about her till now? We could have been each other's support._

Grissom knew this expression. It was pain and blame.

_What kind of a person could she be? Is there so much grudge in her to be able to kill someone? Is she a bad person? _

Grissom noticed the growing anger in Sara.

_It seems that everybody in my family is violent. Will I become one at some point? God, I've just acted violently. And I love Grissom, still…However, my mom also loved my father…and she killed him._

After a while, the anger vanished and ghost of panic and fright appeared. Then numbness and nothing.

"My sister?" she whispered. "How?"

"July's father and your mother…had an affair right before the cri…the tragedy happened."

"How long have you known this? And who else knows?"

"Greg found the match to your mom when he typed July's data into the system. No one else knows."

"Just how long? However, it can't be longer than a few days, I guess."

"And those days were horrible. I was worried about you so much. You've no idea how heavy cross it was to carry. And don't be mad at Greg, he wanted to tell you immediately but I wanted you to be stronger. So I threatened him."

"The woman who wanted me dead is my sister…my blood…the sister I used to wish for…"

Grissom could see the play of emotions over Sara's face and knew the moment the information finally sank and reached some sort of conclusion.

Sara loosened the grip of the bed-sheet around her thin body so Grissom felt that Sara's rage died away, he could even understand her burst of anger, and he had known he would have to face it. And he had also known that the later he was going to tell her, the deadlier her anger would be.

In the next thirty minutes, Grissom told Sara everything about the investigation, he even told her that it had been July's mother who had started the whole sick game at DigiZoom, they just didn't know yet why she had done so. Grissom told Sara that he had to leave soon because he wanted to be there when the woman would be questioned. For a few minutes now, neither said a word, Herbie had long stopped purring, Hank had long stayed still. Grissom could witness sudden excitement on his lover's face that died soon and got replaced by sadness and anger. These emotions repeated again and again.

"Sara, talk to me."

"I'm sorry for what I said…I didn't mean it…I guess I just didn't want to hear what you wanted to say or had to tell me and I lashed out. I think I already knew that something horrible is up, I saw the signs so I should have made it easier to you…not harder. I'm coward."

"I know that I was an arrogant asshole in the past Sara and you don't know how many times I regretted it. A thousand times already.

Sara opened her eyes and even though she saw only blurry images, she needed to see as much as of Grissom as she could.

"Do you still want me?"

"What are you talking about?"

"My father was a violent man who probably would have killed all of us eventually, so my mom had to be faster. My brother…I don't know if he is still alive or lying dead somewhere in an alley. My sister wanted to kill me…"

Grissom did not want to listen to her any longer. He felt her pain and knew where it came from. He did not want anything more than to ensure her that he was going to be there for her no matter what her background was. He pulled her so close to him that Grissom was sure that he probably caused pain to her but at least this pain was real, her fears were on the other hand just illusions.

Grissom felt her body trembling and he knew it was not because of the low temperature in the room. The man rubbed her back gently to create some heat.

Sara buried her face into his neck and whispered, "You still think there is no murder gene?"

Grissom pushed her back a little so they could face each other. He cradled her sad face between his huge palms.

"Please open your eyes and try to focus on my face! You are the most solid evidence that proves that murder gene doesn't exist. You made me believe this. And never question my love for you. You're my one and only. Our life together is the only home I could imagine for me…for us. Could you trade it? Because I couldn't…for anything."

"Please forgive me, I never meant to hurt you. I love you," she said with bated breath.

"I always will."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Brass was walking down the hallway toward the drink automat when he spotted Grissom escorting Sara slowly. She wore her usual jeans and tank top but what was strange with her appearance were her sunglasses she was wearing inside of the building. The sunglasses were like her fifth limb outside, everybody knew that but wearing them inside reminded Brass of that Sara was still not completely healthy.

"Hey, doll! You can't live without me, can you?"

A discreet smile adored her face, "Brass?"

"It's me. What are you doing here?" he asked Sara but really he looked at Grissom.

"Brass, I told her everything. Sara wanted to be here because after this interrogation we want to visit July."

"You think it's a good idea?"

"I don't know. I respect Sara's wish…" but Grissom's face revealed his doubts.

"I'll go with you guys."

"Thanks, Jim. And I know you two think I should stay at home and wait until the case gets close but I just can't. And please, don't look at each other…yes, every woman has third eye."

"Okay, but as for now, Sara you should stay in the observation room. Greg will stay with you."

"Okay, I wanted to talk with him anyway."

In ten minutes, Sara and Greg were sitting in the observation room. Through the glass they watched as Brass and Grissom took their seats at the interview table where Mrs. Marjorie Harper was sitting. Sara asked Greg to continuously comment what was happening on the other side of the glass. She could hear what they were talking about but she needed visual images, as well. Greg was more than happy to be with Sara so he gave a full detailed description of the woman who was July's mother…better said step-mother.

"Mrs. Harper, I'm Captain Brass and this is Gil Grissom. You already talked with us in the hospital."

"Would you please finally explain why I have to be here instead of being with my child who needs me more than you do?"

"Mrs. Harper. As you know, July was tricked into signing a paper that says that she lost a camera so she had to pay a lot of money…"

"Yes, I know. She asked that amount of money from me…as she didn't want her father to get to know about it. She didn't want him to disappoint in her…again."

"And did you help her out?"

"Of course, she is my daughter."

"Then could you explain why did you call the photo company prior that unlucky day when July "lost" the camera?"

"I don't know what you two are talking about."

"I think you do. We have the company's phone list and we found your cell phone number on it…three times before and once after July's incident."

"Look, I didn't do anything illegal. I was just protecting my child."

"Protecting your daughter? Come on, it's not the best explanation."

"What do you want? I already told you that for my husband, everything is about formalities. He never really cared what his daughter wished for or dreamed about. For William, July's dreams were something that needed to be nipped in the bud if they didn't fit into the noble Harper's portray. I covered many times for July. That's how she learned hip-hop dancing, skiing and other silly things. William doesn't know about those things. But then July got bored of every activity, so her hobbies didn't mean real threat. But this photo mania…She wanted to do it for living. And you can imagine how good she was at it…she took wonderful photos. But if I want to be completely honest, they were too sad to my liking. All of them were about lonely parks and benches."

At the mention of those photos July had taken, Grissom recalled the framed pictures taken by Sara on the walls in her apartment. All of them had showed natural peace and all of them had lacked human had been all sad but at the same time beautiful. As Sara had described them, peace only could be found without humans. Grissom could see the first similarity between Sara and July. He wondered if Sara caught this tiny momentum, too. He feared she did and took it hard.

"Why was July's talent a problem? Wouldn't a mother be there for her child and be happy for her?" Grissom asked.

"Mr. Grissom. July is talented but this gift could be a huge barrier between her and her father. I know William would have never accepted her as a photographer. That wouldn't have been good enough for a Harper. And July loves her father the most. So I made a decision for July."

Grissom became very upset when he heard the explanation of July's mother. But then Sara's cry was echoing in his head and he felt horrible.

_I wish I had the right to decide what is good for me and it wasn't always someone else to make the decision over my head._

He was mad at this woman but he had also done the same to Sara in the name of love.

"So you thought you would do something about it. No photographer career, no problem at home?"

"I didn't hurt anybody. July is my child, she will understand my motivation, she always does. I called the company and told them to fire July."

"And they refused to obey?"

"They said she was too good to let her go. So I offered money and well, everybody wears a price tag…some keep it on the forehead, some wrap it hidden under their clothes. So we made up this innocent trick, yes. I am not proud of it but we didn't hurt anybody, no one died. July forgot her new passion and everything remained how it should be: peaceful. July could focus on the road William set out for her. Actually, July gave _my_ money to the company, circle closed. Problem solved."

"Mrs. Harper, your theory might seem perfect but your instincts were not so good. It would have worked with July but you miscalculated one tiny factor. What can work once, that can work multiple times. Humans are horribly greedy."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Harper's voice broke as she formed the words.

"I think you already know what we mean."

"Oh my God!" she hid her face into her palms. "It was just an innocent trick…"

"I wouldn't call it innocent. One person died and one got injured because your friends copied your "innocent" theory. The fact that July attacked Sara Sidle who was also blackmailed by DigiZoom arose more questions. We still don't know why July did it."

"What will happen to me now?"

"You know Mrs. Harper, a fly on the wall could be only an irritating creature. But the moment you decide to kill it off, maybe a spider is just starving to death in the other corner. So who is to blame for its death?"

"I'm so very sorry. I just wanted to protect July. I'm so sorry," Marjorie cried.

Brass' beeper went off interrupting the sober interrogation. The captain clicked it off of his belt to read what it said. When Grissom looked at his colleague, he knew immediately that something was wrong. Without a word, he showed the CSI his pager.

_The officer at J. Harper's room made a mistake. Woman's missing._

**TBC**


	34. Sisters Face to Face

**Title: Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-four**

_Give your stress wings and let it fly away. – **Terri Guillemets**_

The first few intakes of air felt wonderful and revitalizing. It smelt fresher and cleaner than she remembered, the colors looked fuller compared to the cold white of the hospital room's walls. Just in fairy tales, the sky seemed bluer while the trees appeared greener, even her clothes looked more colorful. July had the strange feeling as if she had just got back her eyes to see what really were around her.

As July was marching away from the building, she felt that her strength was fading away, too. It was probably the adrenaline that had driven her farther and farther but the level of that hormone in her system seemed to decrease dramatically.

July could not explain the exact reason for her need to run away and hide from the world or she simply feared to name it but she wanted to be as far from here as it was possible. Her only support had been dragged away from her bed by the police this morning; her father had never come to visit her and she had been accused of a crime of which July had no memory. All of this had happened because of her, this was the only thing she was sure of at the moment.

July wiped the perspiration off her forehead and continued her way. With trembling hands she fastened her blazer but it was more difficult to do than it should have been and July knew that. She lost weight during the last few days in hospital. Still, something else was off.

All of a sudden, the images of trees and cars merged into one another and the temperature seemed to drop. The weak woman stumbled to the first bench in the park nearby. After she sank down onto it, the dizziness eased up a little. July closed her eyes and tried to figure out her next step. She wanted to go home. Home. She wondered if she still had a home at all. And if so, where was it? She could not recall how to find her house but she remembered two addresses. The memories of those houses were pretty blurry.

Misty images had kept attacking her from time to time. As she closed her eyes now she again saw two places. She recognized the block of flats that she had never entered - where she had been only sitting in her car in front of building. Just waiting for something as if she had been spying on someone. And the other house she even used to go into. July chose the latter as her supposed home. But how to go there? She had not found her bag in her drawers in the hospital and she had not had time to comb the place for it. Now, she had no money, no cell phone…nothing. July was on the edge of breakdown.

The youngest Harper was hunting for a handkerchief when her fingers came in contact with something cold and metallic. She spooned the items and took them out of her pocket to see what they were. Coins.

Elemental joy spread through her veins. Excitedly the woman looked around to see if there was a telephone box near by. She spotted one and walked to it right away. She also remembered a number that she knew it was her father's; however, July could not name him. Harper, she knew that. But James, Bob or…Within seconds, a man answered.

"Hallo?"

"Dad?" she whispered into the receiver.

"Who's talking? July?"

"Just how many daughters do you have?"

"July. It's you…"

"You gotta help me, dad!"

It was weird to call this man dad when July could not attach a face to his voice. But she was in trouble and very much in need of help.

"What do…how do you…are you awake? How long…and just how?"

"Dad, please come and get me. I…the police…some officers got Mom and I have no money, please take me home!"

"You left the hospital? Are you released?"

"No! Come on! They want me in jail for something I didn't even commit. I need to get away…I need…you!"

"July! Calm down! You can't run. We know everything you have done and now…"

"Dad, you are the only one who can help. I'm still your daughter, you have to help!"

"Listen to me! I'm coming to you. Stay where you are, okay?"

"Okay!" her strength started to fade again so she leaned against the wall of the box. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and just listened to the silence coming from the other end of the call. She found it weird that her father had not asked where she was but she was too weak to ponder on it.

The man had planned to hide July in a mental hospital and just forget about her. His career would tolerate a crazy girl but never a criminal in jail. So Mr. Harper decided July's fate in a split second. He was not going to cover for her and then become an accomplice himself. His intention had been to keep this case low profile, so he had stayed in his office instead of going home or visiting July in the hospital. But his daughter balked his plan.

As there was a silence on July's end, he thought that his daughter had hung up so he simply threw his cell phone onto the desk and dragged the landline phone and dialed the hospital.

"Desert Palm Hospital, it's Pamela Smith speaking. Can I help you?"

"Yes. My name is William Harper and I'd like to get some information about my daughter, July Harper. Could you check on her, please?"

What Mr. Harper did not notice was the low crying coming from his cell phone. His only daughter heard everything her father had just done. Her own father had just betrayed her. She needed to step off…and she needed to do it now.

Soon, Jim Brass received a message.

_The officer at J. Harper's room made a mistake. Woman's missing._

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

"It's funny that some people don't think before they act," Greg told Sara.

"Can you see me laughing?"

"Sorry, it's rather sad than funny. And she will get away with it."

"Yeah, no jury would find a fifty-something-year-old blind woman guilty for just an idea because others used it again and again causing real damage. And I doubt that July would report her…if she ever wakes up at all."

"Yeah, like no one blames the _father_ of the atomic bomb…just the _ones_ who used it. So?"

"So. Mrs. Harper's punishment will be her own conscience, I guess. And it's like an imprisonment for life. Or worse."

"Worse? How?"

"You might get out of jail one day but you can never escape your own hell."

When Greg did not react, Sara perked up her ears, "What's happening?"

"Wait…"

"Greg! Greg! What is it?"

"I don't know. Brass showed Grissom something. He got a message, I think."

"What message?"

"How would I know?"

"How does Grissom look like?"

"You are asking the wrong person…"

"His expression!"

"Well…like a stone but he is always like a stone…so…"

"Damn it, Greg! Is he angry, happy…or surprised?"

"Worried…I guess. But hey, he is coming out…Brass, too."

Sara and Greg did not have to wait long as the two men rushed into the room with them. Brass told Sara to wait here until they come back but she of course refused to just sit here and wait for a better luck. It did not help it either that Greg offered her his company.

"At least you could share what happened, I'm blind but not stupid!"

Brass looked at Grissom who stepped closer to Sara and took her hands. "Now I know that something is wrong."

"July is missing…"

"I don't know if it was wise to…" Brass expressed his worry.

"Sara's not a child and she has the right to know…I promised her not to hide anything from her anymore."

"Thank you," she squeezed his hands. "Taken or left?"

"We don't know yet."

"I guess it's a stupid question but wanna come with us?" Brass asked the woman.

"Thanks, Jim."

"Okay. Let's go!"

Greg stayed in the LVPD building to do the paperwork of Mrs. Harper's statement while Brass, Grissom and Sara headed toward Grissom's car. Neither said a word, it seemed that all of them were lost in their thoughts. Brass was angry at the woman who had caused so much damage just to keep the ridiculous, false-noble façade. Grissom was worried about Sara who acted too bravely and calmly and he knew this behavior – just a mask. Sara was all sad, excited, disappointed and hurt. She simply could not understand why people wanted to control others' lives, why they thought that they had the right to do it, no matter of their intentions. In her opinion, these people never respected the ones they allegedly loved. This was not love, this was sick selfishness.

In the hospital, the nurse was very helpful party because she was honestly worried about the young lady and partly because it was not a good thing that a patient who had been in come for some time could walk away without notice so if this incident got publicity, the nurses could count on some kind of retribution.

"When did Ms. July Harper wake up from the coma?" Brass asked the nurse.

"As far as we know, she never woke up, that's why we suspected that someone kidnapped her but then…"

"But then?" Grissom asked nervously.

"We have cameras installed in the hallways and our security crew checked their records and we learned that Ms. Harper walked out on her own…feet."

"Can we have that camera footage?" Brass asked immediately.

"Sure, I've already arranged that."

"Um…was there anything with her when July left the building?"

"Nothing. But she wore her own clothes which is unusual for a patient who was in come and just woke up…if you know what I mean."

"Getting dressed requires complex series of acts…she was out of come for a while…"

"Yes."

"Thank you for your cooperation," Brass smiled at the woman and turned away to leave.

"Oh, anyway. When did you notice that Ms. Harper was missing?" Grissom turned back to ask the lady.

"Normally, we would have had two more hours till her next check-up but her father, Mr. Harper called the reception and insisted on getting information on his daughter at once. I found it odd."

"Why?"

"Because he never came to visit his daughter and now, he sounded…um…nervous."

"Did he tell you where he was when he called?"

"Why would he have told me? No!"

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Brass and Grissom had agreed on that Sara should stay in the car while they were going to go into the hospital. The young CSI had not argued this time; she had not desired to feel that awful smell again. Hospitals had their own special smell that always made Sara gag. And she had thought that at least she would have the time to calm down a little and think.

She tried to imagine how her life could have been different if she had known about July sooner. She tried to figure out why that enormous grudge in July harbored against her. Sara was wondered if July knew about her at all as her sister. She guessed that July had known about it. What other reason could July have had to try to kill her?

As Sara was sitting in the Denali, inexplicably she had a very strange feeling. If she had wanted to describe the feeling, she would have compared it to skydiving when one jumped down and just then realized that no parachute. Her pulse was increasing, so was her breathing. It was weird because there was nothing that could explain the extra nervousness. No one wanted to enter the car; no one even noticed her sitting there. Sara just wanted to break free.

Was it just a hunch or some kind of sixth sense, Sara did not know but she felt the insurmountable need to get out of the car and head toward the park next to the hospital.

She took her sunglasses off and slowly opened her eyes. The sunlight hurt her sensitive organs but her instinct was stronger. Very slowly, she inched farther from the car. Her sight was blurry but she perceived the movement at least so she knew whether a car was approaching. After she crossed the road successfully, Sara stopped and closed her eyes again to let them rest for a while.

Sara could hear her own heart hammering in her ears. She felt that she was going to throw up in any minute. Sara had experienced it once. The following day after Sara had found Herbie, the poor cat had eaten too much in a very short time, so his stomach had contracted too hard causing cramps. When Sara had not found him right away, however she had heard him cry, she had felt the same panic and pain as she was feeling now. So Sara knew that she was needed somewhere.

After some minutes, Sara opened her eyes again and continued her way toward something she had no idea about. She only felt that she had to. It was like a voice called out to her to hurry. And she did so.

Instinctively, she quickened her steps but then she came to a halt. There was a woman in delicate attire lying on the dead leaves. For a split second, Sara wanted to run away as she got frightened. Her sight was poor so there was no way for her to know if that person was a dangerous and drunken man or someone else. Tentatively, she went closer and saw that the person she first believed that could be a homeless, in fact, was a young woman.

"July?" she called. Not getting an answer, she touched her hand and called her name again. "July? July Harper?"

The young lady opened her eyes and inspected the brown haired woman. Recognition adored July's tired face. She was happy to see a friendly and familiar person so she broke into a weak smile.

"Sara? Sara."

**TBC**


	35. The Return of Mr Harper

**Title: Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-five**

_Life is sum of all your choices. – **Albert Camus**_

"July?" Sara called the weak young woman. Not getting an answer, she touched her hand and called her name again. "July? July Harper?"

After some time, July opened her eyes and inspected the brown haired woman. Recognition adored July's tired face. She was happy to see a friendly and familiar person so she broke into a weak smile.

"Sara? Sara."

It was a weird situation. Sara's first reaction was a smile right down at July and she thanked God for saving her sister's life but the second and third thoughts were unsettlement, anger and fear. July recognized her. This half alive half dead woman knew who Sara was and this woke some elemental fear up in Sara's heart.

As far as Sara knew, July had got knowledge of that they were sisters and still, she had tried to take her life. No matter how much Sara intended to stay strong on the surface, deep inside her she could not lie but admit that she was afraid of July. Of course she had mixed feelings, this was the person who had wanted her dead, who could hate her so much to try to hit Hank and her. But most of all, here lay the woman before Sara's feet who was her only sister, the last chain link to her mother – to her long lost family.

At the thought of word 'family', Sara's heart started to ache. She suspected that she had a craving for being a part of a family but had never realized until this very moment how much finally meeting a family member would disturb her. She had been dreaming so many times about this surreal moment she had been convinced would never come but the unexpected turn of fate differed completely from her fantasy.

.

"_Sara! Sara, wake up!" a crabby old woman shouted at the child._

"_Just five more minutes ma'am, please. I was dreaming a wonderful dream."_

"_About what?"_

"_I…saw my sister coming here to take me home…our new home and…"_

"_You don't have sisters, did you forget? You don't live here that long to forget about your family, if we can call that dirt a family."_

"_I know but in my dream I had and she was beautiful. She said that everything would be ok and we would live…"_

"_Stop dreaming about a wonderful future Sara. Be grateful for this shelter you're living in. Here, no one will hit you. What do you hope for? An aggressive father…a murderer mother. You think you inherited good genes? With your background, you can be thankful if you don't hurt anybody. Just what do you hope for?"_

"_I just hope for a loving person by my side who won't hit me with fist…not even words."_

"_Then I really let you dream for another five minutes because whenever you wake up, reality will hurt."_

.

And Mrs. Lantay had been right, reality kept hurting Sara in every possible way. Fear had always been a fifth family member in the Sidle family, so July Harper fitted in perfectly.

Now, here Sara was on her knees holding July's hand just like she had been holding Hank's paws after Grissom had taken him home. This woman had almost killed both Hank and her and still, Sara did not know one thing.

"Why? July…why?"

"What why?"

"Why did you want to kill me?"

Another realization hit July like a cold wave. So 'this' Sara was 'that' Sara. The one Sara her mother had been talking about in her hospital room. July remembered the face of 'this' Sara but until now, she could not associate the two memories with each other. July's first instinct was to deny everything and to push Sara's hand away.

"I didn't…"

"I just want to understand why? I need to know why? What have I done to deserve death?"

"You think if I remembered I would tell you? Especially to you? Maybe I'm in this unworthy position but I'm not stupid!"

July had been under a delusion earlier when she had been sure that Sara had been responsible for her misery by reporting the DigiZoom Company's foul play to the police. In July's mind, if Sara had never reported it, her father would have never disappointed in her. And now that it became clear that this kneeling woman was the source of her recent humiliation, suddenly July got angry at Sara. This wrath was somehow familiar to July and this re-born grudge started to wake up July's memory.

"Sara!" Brass called her name from the Denali after he and Grissom had found it empty.

"Sara!" Grissom shouted then.

Sara knew that probably there was not going to be another chance in the near future to talk to July in private, so she stayed quiet.

"July! Whatever you think I've done to you…"

"Whatever I think you've done? Whatever I _think_? You destroyed my relationship with my father, because of you, I lost my family!"

"Ok, just stay still," Sara tried to calm down the coughing woman, "help is coming now!"

"No one can help me now, I'll die in jail…because of you, I guess this is what you wanted, right?"

"I'm not like you, July…even though you're my…"

"Sara! You shouldn't have left the car by yourself," Grissom ran to the woman then saw July.

"July Harper?" he asked and immediately pulled Sara away from her.

"Seems everybody knows better who I'm."

"Jim, call the hospital, we found July Harper," he turned to the detective who stood on the other side of Sara protectively. Grissom took off his coat and covered July with it.

"Are you okay?"

"What difference it makes to you if I'm not?"

Brass and Grissom exchanged looks wordlessly stating 'sisters'. July was as stubborn in her way as Sara was. And as they were watching her face now, the resemblance was startling. Same shade of brown hair, same features, and same lip-lines. But very different character.

The ambulance arrived soon and July Harper was taken back into the hospital. After the three of them had driven back to the Lab, Brass called the Archie so he could trace Mr. Harper's location according to the information received from the hospital. Soon, they knew the answer. Harper had called from his own office.

In Grissom's office, Brass and his friend were talking.

"So what you're thinking is that July's father deliberately called the hospital so we could catch his daughter? Why would a father do such a thing?"

"His wife said that everything was about formalities for her husband. She said that she and now I quote 'I guess William would kill me and July before anybody figures out he is just a human like anybody else'."

"Well, are you sure you don't have a brother, Gil?"

"Huh?"

"Forget it! Anyway, we should talk to this nice daddy, uh?"

"He wasn't too cooperative when we thought he was the bad guy, I don't think he will be more talkative now that we know his wife started it all."

"How is Sara by the way? It must be hard for her."

"She wants to know why. And she's confused. July is her sister after all and I guess she feels…I don't know I guess she feels responsibility for…she must choose side. And in this case, people usually choose family."

"Logical," Brass muttered evidently lost in his thoughts.

"Logical? Tragic if you ask me," Grissom grunted.

"And what is Sara's stand?"

"I didn't ask her about it."

"Afraid of her answer?"

"Afraid of my reaction to her answer whatever it is."

"So-oo, July's fate is in Sara's hands. If she decides that she recants the report and states that the incident was an accident, well, July will get away with it…"

"But, Jim! What if July tries again with it later? It wasn't an accident, it's crystal clear. Sara knows it!"

"Everybody knows it and I hope Sara will decide right but it must be her decision…we can't do anything."

"I don't know if I can accept that we can't. July is unstable and I won't just sit here and wait for another attack!"

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

Sara was sitting in the break room waiting for the slight burning to go away. Greg had offered his services when the eye drops had been needed to apply again. As always, Greg had been eager to help Sara and take the pain away so he had applied a bit more drops than needed.

"Sorry…I just wanted to…"

"It's okay," she was blinking fast to mitigate the pain.

"Where are the gauze dressings?"

"I don't need them."

"You don't?"

"Not here anyway. It's embarrassing, you know."

"Vanity, thy name is Sara Sidle," Greg giggled.

"Shut up, Greg!"

"So…what's up?" his tone changed to serious.

"I'm fine. Why?"

"I mean how do you feel now that you met July…your sister?"

"I…I don't know. I'm confused, I guess. She said hurtful things and I still don't know what her problem is."

"We have her journal. Maybe you should read it."

"Normally, I would. But…she is my sister and she didn't let me read it, I feel as if I violated her privacy. Do you know what I mean? It's crazy I know but…"

"But we're going to read it anyway…it's part of the investigation…so?"

"I don't know. I…I don't know how I feel now, I don't even know what I should feel."

Deafening silence engulfed the room. Greg was waiting for Sara to open up, however he suspected it was not going to happen while Sara was struggling with her mixed feelings. Both were startled when Judy the receptionist entered the room.

"Excuse me. A certain Mr. William Harper is here and likes to talk to Ms. Sidle. Can I escort him in?"

"No! Wait, we need to inform Grissom about his visit. Would you tell him to wait? Thank you, Judy!" Greg answered Judy not giving Sara a chance to make a hasty decision.

"Greg!"

"Look, Grissom would castrate me if I let anything happen to you and this Harper guy fathered the evil July…and as I need my balls for later, I will tell Grissom…"

"Right," she laughed even though a slight trembling started to shake her slim body.

Within minutes, Brass and Grissom along with Greg appeared at the entrance of the break room. Brass nodded to Greg so he could escort the waiting man to the visitors' room.

"Sara?"

"Griss?"

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Are you nervous?"

"Me?"

"You sound nervous."

"I'm stressed, yes. And worried. We sought this man but didn't find him and now he is here when the storm is over…why?"

"Why do you think he wants to talk to me?"

"That's what worries me."

About two minutes later, Greg ushered Mr. Harper in. Immediately the man crossed the threshold, Grissom stood up and stepped in front of Sara unconsciously protecting Sara from him. Even though Sara did not wear her gauze pads, she put her sunglasses on.

"Mr. Harper? Nice to finally meet you…again," Grissom said.

"Excuse me?"

"My name is Jim Brass and this is Gil Grissom from the Crime Lab. We met you in the hospital. We wanted to talk to you but for some reason, you disappeared off the face of the earth."

"I had no idea you wanted to talk to me…I have nothing to hide so why should I have hid? Anyway, sir, I came to talk to Ms. Sidle, so let's forget my so called disappearing, shall we?"

"Why do you want to talk to me?" Sara stood up from her seat. Grissom turned to her and reached for her arm to help her stand straight.

"Can we talk…in private?"

"No!" Grissom interrupted.

"Do not patronize her, Mr. Grissom. She can answer for herself."

"Look, you're not in the position to give out orders here," Brass told Harper as he was seriously losing patience.

"We have tons of work, so say what you like to share. You can talk here," Sara said but her voice betrayed her pretended confidence.

"I'd like to talk about your mother, so I think you might like to chat in private."

The mention of her mother made Sara utterly upset. She already knew that this man and her mother had had an affair. July was the fruit of that so-called romance. But Sara felt that she was not ready for a conversation like this…and not in front of Brass and Greg. Not even in front of Grissom. On the other hand, curiosity was what defined Sara.

"Alright…not here," she offered. Grissom squeezed her arm to indicate his objection.

"A coffee somewhere?"

"No way," Grissom expressed his disapproval but knew that he had to be careful because if he acted too paternalistic, Sara would be mad and do thing he especially did not want her to do.

"In one of our interrogation rooms or nowhere," Brass suggested making Grissom and Sara a bit calmer.

"Alright."

Brass and Grissom were pleased by the choice but their contentment soon vanished when Sara asked them not to listen or watch. She did not know what this man wanted to tell her and because it might contain confidential and touchy information, she wanted the possibility to decide later whether she shared it with Grissom or anyone. So she asked Grissom to let them use the one room which did not have double mirrored wall. She had never been there before but heard that it existed.

At first Grissom panicked but then he thought it was better to know that Sara was between their walls when she talked to William Harper.

The interrogation room was at a place where there was no interference from the daily routine work of police office. It had no windows, nothing was hanging on the walls and there was no telephone, so the room was free from any distraction; there were two straight-up chairs without arms, one each for interrogator and suspect without a table in between. The logic behind this concept was that a table, a physical barrier in between, would lead to become a psychological barrier, and would be more advantageous to a suspect than an interrogator. In this case, a table would have been advantageous to Sara as it would have been served as a wall so she could have hid behind it. In other rooms, modern audio and video technologies were used to record the interrogations which would also help to show fairness and authenticity of the interrogation. In this room, there was no video technology so the suspects could believe they could be completely honest or ironic with the detectives. What they did not know that audio technology was always used during interrogations. And this room was not an exception either.

Brass warned Grissom not to listen but the man said that he was not going to let this Harper guy hurt Sara in any way. He said that he did not want Harper to manipulate Sara. Grissom feared that in the sensitive state of Sara's mind, it would not be too difficult. If Harper behaved then no one was going to ever know that he had been listening. Brass shook his head but in the deepest of his heart, he agreed with Grissom.

"So?"

"You're like your mother," Harper started.

"If this is what you wanted to tell me, you waste both of our times…"

"No-no. It was just an observation. The first time I saw you in the hallway here, for a second I thought I had seen Laura again."

"To the point, please."

"As I said you're like your mother. She was impatient, too. But you're right. I didn't want to talk about her. Not now anyway. I want to talk about July and your future."

"My future?"

"I know you're a very hard-working investigator, Sara. I know that it wasn't easy to fit in this team, but thanks to your boss…you succeeded. I did some investigation."

"Stop beating about the bush! I won't buy it so why don't you get to business?"

"Interesting choice of words…business. I offer you one and I'm sure you will see that both of our futures depend on your wise decision."

"What are you talking about? I have nothing to do with _your_ future," Sara objected and started to stand up when William Harper said something that made Sara sit back immediately.

**TBC**


	36. Knowing Somebody

**Title: Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-six**

_What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. – **Aristotle**_

When William Harper left the room leaving Sara behind, there was something in the air that suggested that people who were standing in the hallway should keep their opinions to themselves. Greg looked at Brass who signed the young man to stay calm. By the time Harper came close enough to say goodbye, Grissom had already stepped out of the room where he had been listening to what that creepy guy had told Sara.

"Well, thanks for letting me talk to Ms. Sidle. Have a nice day, bye!" Harper said but never looked at either Brass or Grissom.

"William?" a weak voice sounded from their back making Harper stop and turn back.

"Marjorie? George?"

Mrs. Harper was escorted by her lawyer toward the exit when she recognized her husband's voice. For a fraction of a second she thought that the man had come here to pick her up and take her home but comprehending his words it became clear that his intention had been completely different. At this very moment she doubted that her husband cared about her at all. He was here but not for her. Marjorie did not want to look disappointed, she should have been used to this treatment but she knew she could not entirely mask her true feelings.

"Don't you even ask me why I'm here?"

"I know why you're here but again, I sorted everything out for you…for our damn family," he hissed almost inaudibly. "Now, let's get out of here."

Harper's move lacked even the minimum tenderness as he grabbed his wife's arm and started to leave the building. The blind woman turned back for a moment and said, "Mr. Brass, please keep your word. Please."

"Consider it done, Mrs. Harper."

And then Mr. and Mrs. Harper left the Police Department. George Hardy did not join the leaving couple; he had business here with Jim Brass.

"Captain?" he addressed the man, "Where can we talk in private?"

"In my office, sir. Please follow me."

Grissom and Greg's eyes met but they had no time to ask questions or express their surprise as Sara appeared when she was turning the corner. She was walking close to the wall with one hand constantly touching it. Her eyes were still sensitive and her vision was blurred. But she could see her surroundings, could walk alone and that was all that mattered to her. Slowly but surely, her condition was improving.

Grissom hesitated a little as what to do. He really wanted to know what that unfriendly lawyer wanted from Brass but on the other hand, his priority was Sara's well-being. Grissom's fear had just manifested in that interrogation room minutes ago. He was worried sick because he could not guess on what Sara thoughts were on the matter because she had not said a word back then and she did not reveal anything now. Grissom knew too well that silence was Sara's best shield against fear, despair or scary amount of emotional load. Grissom wanted to be there for Sara no matter what her decision would be. And he would love to manage that without revealing the fact that he had been eavesdropping. But one thing Grissom did not know. He could not predict his own reaction if Sara fell for Harper's reasoning indeed. While having listened to Harper's monologue, Grissom's first reaction had been to burst in, grab Harper and send him and his ego to hell but he had had no right to do that. Grissom had been about to shout so she could see through this vile man.

Now, here Sara was deep in her thoughts but so was Grissom. The veteran CSI simply could not tolerate lies. He hated criminals who got away with their crimes just because others – sometimes even the victims – let them go. And again, he felt dirty because he felt as if he had just betrayed his love. If he really loved Sara, he had to accept her decisions, he had to accept…her. Love must be unconditional. The question was if he loved Sara that much.

"Do I love you that much?"

"What?" Sara immediately became aware of his presence and most of all…of his careless question.

"Sorry?" Grissom asked back. He did not even realize that he had formed his fear loudly.

"You asked…um…never mind…I guess I misheard you," she lied. Suddenly, Harper's words echoed in her head.

_People are very deceptive. When everything is okay, they are nice, they love you…but then a secret is out and they slowly will change…and you will ask yourself…do they love me that much as to help me to carry this heavy cross? Disgrace is disgrace. This is a cruel world, Miss Sidle._

Sara lowered her head not being strong enough to see the disappointment in his eyes already. She knew he loved her but as he had been questioned moments ago…was his love strong enough to survive a shame like this?

"Come on, I take you home."

"I…maybe you should stay here…don't miss any more cases because of me…Greg can give me a lift home," she offered.

"Greg didn't know you live in my house."

Probably Sara was extra-sensitive and vulnerable after the recent events, but his choice of words 'live in my house' instead of 'live with me' seemed to prove Harper's theory.

_As the days pass, your friends will drop away. Just wait and see; it will start today. Don't blame me then, I warned you. And soon you will see my side._

Sara nodded okay and subconsciously she kept a little distance from Grissom. Noticing her strange gesture, Grissom tenderly pulled her close to him and took her hand as they were walking out of the building.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

William Harper drove to the hospital instead of home. He had managed to talk to Sara, now he wanted to talk to his daughter. He wanted Marjorie to wait for him in the car but it was an abort idea. The woman did love her July, really loved her, even though some of her actions could be questionable or wrong.

Marjorie had been released because of her age and condition and mostly because no jury would find her guilty. Her initial idea was inappropriate, unfair and immoral but she could not be blamed for others' further actions. July had not reported her yet, so up till that, it was all considered a family affair. William Harper was about to ensure that this would stay this way.

"July?" Marjorie called her daughter right after they had entered the room.

"Mom? Mom! Dad…"

"Yes, dear! I'm so sorry…I wanted you to be safe…to be happy…I wanted you good," the woman murmured between her tears.

"What are you talking about? Why did the police take you in?"

"So you don't know?" William Harper asked and already felt better. He could start with a clean slate.

"No."

The next half an hour was about the story of 'How to save July by her mother'. Of course, Harper was practised enough to serve the information the way he wanted July to digest.

"So, she wanted to save you…in her own stupid way…from another failure. July, you have to forgive her, she is your mother…we are family, and therefore, we have to support each other."

"Mom…how could you do that? I loved that job…I was good at that…I…"

"You can't blame her, July. You owe us respect and obedience. Don't forget the fact that you lied to me…and now, I also forgive you. End of story!"

"And what about me?"

"Well, the woman you had hit…well, she reported you, that's why you're in custody."

"Then I wish she had been died…at least I would be free," the anger in July was again stronger than July herself.

"Don't say that, she is your sister…half sister," Marjorie said.

"What? No, that thing is not…I don't understand…I…how...my sister?" July became hysterical.

"Yes. Sara Sidle is your dad's…ummm…your half sister," Marjorie could pronounce the word 'lover', it was still too painful.

"I always wanted a sister…" July burst out laughing then again panic struck her. "I almost killed my only sister?"

"Almost, and this is what matters."

"Can I see her?"

"It's better you don't. Not now anyway. I already talked to her about your situation and I'm sure that I convinced her. She is your sister, your family after all," Harper said confidently.

"What if she doesn't care? I wanted to kill her after all. It would be evident for her to report me. I would want her blood…if I were her."

"So you remember?" July's mom asked because she had been sure until now that July suffered amnesia.

"No! No…But they all say I wanted to kill her…I…"

"July," William Harper interrupted the stammering and clearly guilty woman, "I don't care if you remember your crap or not. I only want you to play a good girl, alright? The rest is my business. If Sara Sidle was trying to bullshit, I will pull her card and stir the water around her."

"For God's sake, don't do that, William!" Marjorie begged him. "Don't make it worse. This is not that young lady's fault. Why punish her for our sins?"

"See? This is exactly why you're this miserable. You didn't learn how to protect your interest. Do you want your child to be as pathetic as you became?"

"I only want July to remain human!"

"Oh, shut up mom! You're not my real mom anyway. Dad? I want to get out of here."

"You will."

"Promise?"

"I do."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

The whole journey home had passed in complete silence. Grissom had not wanted to disturb her with questions; he had thought that she needed space to digest the happenings. He had so wished that he could share his feelings on the matter but officially, Grissom had not known what Harper and Sara had been talking about.

Sara had feared that she would shock him with her doubts, fears and uncertainty. For him, the decision would be simple, for her, it was one of the most difficult one she had had in her life. And she had taken his silence as a clear sign of disappointment.

Now, they were sitting in his kitchen. Herbie was in Sara's lap but weirdly enough he was not purring, Hank was sitting at Grissom's feet and nervously licked his master's hand. Even this picture showed that they again became separate persons. At least, Sara felt that way. She wanted their easiness back. At this stage of her nervosity, she started to read more into things.

_Actually, we both want the same thing, Miss Sidle. We both wish things to remain the same. I want my life the same…uncompromised, you want yours to remain untouched, too. You reported my daughter who is by the way your own sister and my career, therefore my life is about to collapse. You reported my daughter so everybody will ask questions and no matter what you gonna do, your glorious past will be revealed. Just withdraw your allegation and no one will ever feel scorned. I heard you're a very talented CSI and a great career is ahead of you…would you risk it for an uncertain justice? Because I'm sure as hell that I won't let either you or July risk mine._

"Grissom, do you think that justice is black or white?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Were you always this sure of it?"

"Yes," he answered immediately but then he regretted it as he knew that he unconsciously tried to manipulate her to make the right decision. But what did right decision mean? Right for whom? Was it him to judge? "No. But I tried to see it as black or white."

_Everybody will try to convince you that the decision is easy. And they are right. You can't deny your family…your blood. Your mother once turned her back to her family…to you. Don't copy her mistakes, Sara._

"Griss?"

"Hm?"

"Were you listening?"

"Excuse me?"

"Were you listening when I was talking to July's father?"

Grissom did not miss the fact that Sara used July's name as a reference to Harper and not his name directly. He knew that Sara started to think of July as her sister. He did not know if he should be happy or not. Instead, he was definitely worried. And now this question. What might be the right answer?

"Sara…"

"Once you said that you never thought you knew somebody…I still think I have a chance to know someone."

"I did listen, yes…I needed to. Look…you can be angry but I won't let anybody hurt you and I don't trust Harper for a second. I heard him say that he would send his own daughter to the Antarctica just to save his own damn career if you say it was only an accident. And he dared to say he would do it for you so you can't be afraid of July anymore. He is more dangerous than July and her mother together."

Without notice, Sara stood up making Herbie slide down. He tried his best to claw at Sara's pants but without his claws, Herbie had no chance. The cat got miffed at his girlfriend and ran to Grissom as his lap served just as great bed for him.

Grissom could not move. He even held his breath. Sara blinked for a few times to get better vision and walked to him.

"Now I believe you. You have never known me. But I know you. I knew you were going to listen to us."

"You knew? Look, I'm so sorry…"

"I knew you wouldn't let me be alone with him, I was safe and I knew that. I wasn't afraid of him knowing that your were there. But you don't know me if you thought I was going to be mad at you just because you care for me. Okay, normally I would but…"

"You knew and still you aren't mad?"

"I love you for doing that for me," and she placed a 'thank you' kiss onto his lips.

Grissom almost fainted after this stress so he quickly stood up to hug Sara close to him. For the second time in five minutes, Herbie found himself on the floor. He expressed his displeasure but his meowing met deaf ears. It was only Hank who invited the neglected cat onto his pillow.

Sara's hands involuntarily dropped to his butt and squeezed it. Her intention was clear to Grissom. According to her caresses, Grissom suspected that Sara – just like him – could not take another day without lovemaking. But he did not know if this was that right time or right situation. Their moods were fluctuating minutes by minutes. What if Sara was going to think he just took advantage of her sensitive state of mind?

"Why did you stop? You don't want me?"

_You don't want to be the one who reported her sister, right? Nothing happened, you're alive! It won't make good to anyone. People will turn away from you; even your lover will turn you down because he will think you would dump him in the blink of an eye._

"Don't think…just stop thinking…" and he turned her around then slightly pushed her forward.

His hands began to play along her body as he tenderly pushed her toward the bedroom. Sara's breath started to become jerky. She feared that she would lose Grissom because she would never be good and innocent enough for him. Why could she not be normal with no dark family background? She started to moan thanks to Grissom's soft hands that made her heart beat faster and faster. He loved her now but would he love her after a year or more?

She was grateful for the position they were at the moment because she could hide her forming tears. At the same time, her heart was about to win over her brain. It was killing her to stay back to chest and not be able to do anything. She wanted his hands on her but more importantly she wanted to show him how much she loved him. She wanted to touch him, his skin. Slowly she turned back and pulled him tight and wished they could hang on this way forever. They stayed there without moving, just hugging each other tightly. It served so much pleasure for both of them, they almost cried out.

Both felt a deep surge of power, as if they were giving each other energy to survive this trying period of their lives. Sara shivered while Grissom started to shake.

They got revitalized mentally but after this morning, they became exhausted physically. Not letting each other go, they lay down and just held hands.

"I want to see July."

"You ready for this?"

"No. But I have to talk to her. I have to…ask her…I need to know why."

"I'll take you there, okay?"

"Okay," she answered but it was hardly audible. She fell asleep.

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

"Hallo?"

"Steven? It's Gil Grissom."

"Gil! Long time no talk, man! What's up?"

"Sorry for being this… straightforward but I'd like to ask you a favor. Do you still own that little cabin in the mountains?"

"Sure and if you need it, it's yours. When would you come?"

"In a few days and I'd bring someone if it's not a problem."

When Sara woke up, she missed Grissom's body so she yawned several times then she tiptoed out of the room. She tried to stay as quiet as she could because she wanted Hank and Herbie to stay there. But Herbie's radar was far better than Sara's ability to fly inches above the floor.

"Miaow."

"Shush! Don't wake Hank!"

Right when she said his name, Hank lifted his head and practically smiled at her saying 'hi'. "Great."

Failing in remaining unnoticeable, Sara headed for the kitchen. Hank followed her while the dog was followed by the nosy cat.

As soon as they left the room, they heard Grissom talking. Instinctively, Sara slowed down, so did her four-legged buddies.

"Yes, it's getting too much. I really need to get away….

Yes, she has problem and I don't know how to handle the situation….

I try but many times I think…

No…normally I like Vegas but nowadays…

Yes…

That's why I want this journey, I'm sure it will help…

You're right, it has to stop…"

Sara stood there with her mouth open and with her eyes filled with giant tears. So he was seeking escape from this. Want to leave her…and the troubles she was into.

"God, you feel that you have to leave town to be free again?" Sara whispered. "This is your home, your town…your life. If one of us has to leave, it will be me, not you. God, why didn't you tell me that you are suffering? Maybe you were right after all; the best intentions are fraught with disappointment," she thought as she looked down at Hank and Herbie and then she walked back to the bedroom.

Maybe if she stayed longer, she would have heard what else Grissom told into the telephone.

"Yes, she's lovely. You'll see yourself…I know you knew it before we did but hey, the point is that we are finally together. Okay, I'll introduce her to you when we are there. She really needs the change of scenery. Vegas is suffocating her. And I want her to be happy…Okay then. Thanks again. I owe you one...See you soon!"

**TBC**


	37. Wisdom of a Child

**Title: Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-seven**

_Choices are the hinges of destiny. – **Pythagoras**_

In foster care, Sara had often listened to stories from children who had returned to foster care after a year or so that they all had believed themselves heroes in their new parents' lives but they had had to realize that no one could be the protagonist in others' histories, reality had taught them that they could be only side-notes in others' book. Stories had been told over the years in which people had initially found the adopted children cute and funny but after a short time the same children had been condemned as intolerable burden.

Sara had been extremely lucky with her foster parents. The youngest Sidle had had to wait years to be found by these people but she would rather have stayed in the system than been bounced between unloving foster homes. She had been loved from the very first time and soon, the young Sara had forgotten the horror of the sad stories.

It had been long ago when she had felt as abandoned as she was feeling at the moment. All of a sudden, the 32-year-old Sara Sidle started to tremble the way she had shaken that night when the police had torn her away from her mother and brother. Suddenly, she was again a stray child who lost her basis.

After she had heard Grissom telephoning, Sara walked back to the bedroom she had called theirs before and sat down onto it. Everything in that room held good memories of them. The curtain that had seemed to sabotage their intimacy when it could not be pulled together, the carpet that had been too rough for them to make love on it or for Hank to sleep on it so he had jumped into the bed with them. Sara grasped Grissom's pillow and took a smell. The scent was all Grissom.

There was something deep inside Sara that seemed ready to explode right beneath the surface. That was the feel of consuming lack of safety that she feared would be never ending. Sara Sidle was strong and determined at work but an insecure woman at home. She would never back off in the interrogation room but would hide if she felt that she became a burden for Grissom.

Normal people with normal background would stand up for themselves in a relationship. There were wounds in foster children's hearts that simply would not heal. Normal people would call it hysteria but only those could understand the constant need for security who had gone through the ordeal of forlornness.

The woman looked around and only found Herbie sitting right in front of her. The cat was serious and his eyes revealed his worry. Cats were very sensitive to their mates' moods. They could feel when they were happy or sad. But what Herbie sensed the best was the fear Sara was experiencing. The tiny but now well-fed cat mirrored the trembling his girlfriend was performing. His pupils were dilated, his posture showed his insecurity, too. Once or twice he tried to sign Sara that he was in the room and on the edge of a break-down, as well but Sara seemed not to get the message. As his desperate attempt at drawing Sara's attention to him, Herbie started an extended process of grooming. He licked his ears many times which was a clear shout of 'hey, I'm here, too and I'm afraid, just as well'. Herbie even tried to groom Sara but still it was not him who dragged the woman out of her pondering.

"You awake?"

"God!" she screamed a little. "You…why don't you walk instead of fly?" she tried to side-track him so Grissom could not realize that his woman had almost been crying.

"Sorry. Look, I gotta go in for a short time. Are you okay…"

"Did anything happen?"

"Nope. I've got something to do in the Lab. Nothing biggie, don't worry," he wanted to side-track Sara by giving her a loving kiss. He did not want to temp fate by revealing his intention with the vacation. If Ecklie let them both a few days off, they were going to spend a four-day long getaway in a secluded log cabin in the woods with creeks and wildlife.

"Okay. I also need to talk to Greg."

"No! You need some more sleep," he said never realized that what he had said and what Sara had comprehended from it was completely different.

"Alright," she accepted his need for space.

"Alright?" he expected more argument.

"Yes. I…I'm sleepy indeed."

"Great. I'll be back soon. An hour…top."

Something in his heart warned Grissom not to leave but he thought it was just the excitement about the vacation. He could not recall the last time he had planned a holiday…with a woman…with _the_ woman he loved.

At first, Sara wordlessly looked on as her beloved man was leaving the house or as she felt…her.

"Griss! Please, don't leave me!" she shouted after him but the only answer she got was the thud of the closing door.

She could not hold back the irritating tears now. Sobbing, panicked meowing and the sound of Hank's nails hitting the floor could only be heard in the house. The dog limped to the agonized woman and tried to jump up to the bed but his injured leg did not let him. He began to whine and nervously licked his lips indicating that he had hard time to see his mommy cry.

Sara caressed her babies head but neither Herbie nor Hank was convinced that everything was okay. Hank left the room but returned to Sara with a huge bone in his mouth. Hank opened his mouth and let it drop onto the floor then barked at Sara so she could see what a wonderful treat she was about to get.

When the woman realized what these two were actually doing, she started to cry harder but hugged them tightly. Even though Herbie felt insulted by the intimate gesture, he let Sara do that. Hank, on the other hand, was extremely happy that his girlfriend still loved him…and she did not even eat the bone.

"I'll miss you big boy," she kissed him and wiped the tears off her face.

Sara took her bag out from under the bed and was about to pack her stuff in it when Herbie meowed.

"What?"

"Miaow!"

"I know…but…hey!" she said but could not prevent Herbie from sitting in the bag making her pack impossible.

She smiled at the playful cat and put him out of the bag but he climbed back. They played this for a while but then Sara heard Hank whining. Sighing, she gave up the game with Herbie and slowly went to the kitchen to see what Hank's problem was. The dog was at the front door and he acted weird. Hank was panting and jumped up and down in a funny way with his injured leg.

"Hank?"

Sara walked closer to him and just then saw that Hank held his lead in his mouth.

"Oh, no! Do you have to pee? Really?"

Hank seemed to understand her doubt so he presented more excitement. The dog limped to Sara and licked her hands and tried his power of suggestion on the woman. His huge innocent eyes were expressive and Sara fell for his trick.

Even though Sara found it strange that Hank needed to go out again as before Grissom had left, he had taken him out.

"Alright baby. Gimme a minute and I'm ready but you have to be quick!"

She walked back to the bedroom but found the bed empty. She entered the bathroom, applied the eye-drops, took the sunglasses and called for Herbie who answered from the living-room. He formed a ball on Hank's pillow.

"That's it! You and Grissom will get a bell around your necks so I will know where you two are in the house. See you in a few, honey!"

"Miaow."

Sara made Hank sit before snapping on the lead and then they left Grissom's house. She walked close to the wall, and then they inched from tree to tree. Sara's eyes were not completely healed yet so they walked slowly but never stopped. Hank was very sensitive so even though he wanted to run, he simply followed his lady always watching her for direction.

"So? When will you pee?"

But Sara never got the answer as a big red ball with white spots rolled to their feet. Hank jumped on it immediately while Sara shouted at him right away.

"Hank, don't! Let it go, just let it go!"

The dog obeyed instantly and sat down at Sara's feet blinking innocently with his huge eyes. Within seconds, a little girl appeared in front of them.

"Hello doggie…hello ma'am," a fine voice called.

"Um…hello. Is it your ball?"

"Yes. Mom and I are here. We usually come here to play…I mean I play, mom not."

"And where is your mom now?"

"There," the little girl who was about five years old pointed toward a woman who was busy with chatting with her friends.

"Ok, don't make her worry. Here is your ball."

"You have nice doggie! What's its name?"

"Hank…and he's not my…"

"Why do you wear sunglasses? It's all cloudy?"

"My eyes are sensitive."

"So you cried?"

"No. They…why do you think I was crying?"

"Mom wears glasses after she cried and she also says the same."

"Isn't your mom worried about you talking to strangers?"

The little girl shrugged her shoulders then said, "I don't think so. I only talk with those I know."

Sara frowned a little, "What's your name?"

"I'm Elizabeth. You?"

"I'm Sara. You have a very nice name."

"Can I try your sunglasses?"

"Um…sure," Sara answered but she was definitely feeling uneasy. This little girl was cute but Sara did not know what to do with her. She did not know how to talk to her or she should talk to her at all.

"Oh," the girl exclaimed when she noticed Sara's eyes that betrayed her crying. "Why did you lie?"

"Lie?"

"You cried. Crying is not a shame…mom said it is okay to cry when you're sad."

"Do you cry?"

"Sometimes. In kindergarten…"

"Why?"

"Can I pet Hank?"

"Um…I don't know. He's not used to kids…I think."

The lip-line of Elizabeth dropped but as Hank wagged his tail, the girl's smile reappeared, "He would love it."

"Careful, okay?"

"Okay," she laughed.

"So in the kindergarten?"

When the girl looked at Sara, it was evident that the young child forgot about what she had said a minute ago. But Sara got worried about her crying there.

"Why do you cry in the kindergarten?"

"Ah…I hate my dress fooded."

"Fooded? You mess you dress with food?"

"No. It's Johnsy."

"Who is Johnsy?"

"He's a boy. He throws foot…um…food at me…and sometimes he no miss it."

"Oh, it's not nice of him."

After shrugging her shoulders again, she asked, "Why did you cry?"

"Because I'm sad."

"Why are you sad?"

"Someone messed my dress, too," Sara told the young child not wanting to tell her the truth.

"Then don't be sad, he loves you. Johnsy loves me, too."

Laughing slightly, Sara looked at the girl, "But he made you sad. Messed your clothes."

"But I know," she whispered as if she shared a secret with Sara. "You don't know that?…what's your boy name?"

"Grissom."

"Glissom must love you…if he spread foot…food on your dress. Didn't you know that?"

"I see. So Johnsy loves you because he made you cry? How do you know that?"

"I asked him. And he said he loved me…now I let him food my dress and I'm not crying."

Sara suddenly turned serious. _'I asked him.'_ As simply as that? Here was this 5-year-old child and she was wiser than a 32-year-old adult. _'I asked him'_.

Sara had so many questions but she had no answers.

_Why do you want to leave me?_

_Why don't you tell me you felt suffocated?_

_Why do you want to go away?_

_Where do you wanna go?_

_Why don't you want me there?_

_What have I done?_

_Do you still love me?_

_Did you regret to let me into your life?_

_Is my package too much to you?_

'I asked him.'

Sara was taken aback by this child's openness and virtue. She had had questions; she had not understood things so she had chosen the easiest and at the same time the hardest way to set her own mind at rest: she had confronted the boy, she had asked him.

If a child could do that, how in the hell an adult had been unable to open her mouth, mind and soul and ask straightforward Grissom. Maybe, just maybe she would know the answers.

"Sara? Will you cry now?"

"No…um…yes but now I'm happy. Thank you, Lizzy. You're a very clever little girl."

"Johnsy says I'm stupid but he says every girl is stupid."

"No! You're the smartest young lady in the world."

"Thank you," she giggled and continue, "Are you clever, too?"

"Thanks to you, I try."

"Will you two come tomorrow?"

"I'd love to. You?"

"We are here every afternoon. Mom says that the fresh air is good for me."

"You have a very wise mom, Lizzy."

"You should come more often. You need sunshine, too. You're too white."

"Oh. Then I'll come tomorrow, too."

"I'm so sorry, Miss. Elizabeth can be tiring…she loves talking. Hope she wasn't too pushy or…"

"No. She opened my eyes…in every possible way."

"Then, it's okay. Have a nice day, Miss."

"You, too."

"Bye Lizzy!"

The little girl ran back from her mother to Sara and whispered something into her ears, "Ask him! Just ask him!"

For several minutes, Sara and Hank were just sitting on the bench. She was looking in the direction where Lizzy had left; Hank was watching Sara for direction. The dog sensed that his friend's mood improved and he became excited again. If Sara were honest, she seemed to witness hope in his eyes.

"So? Did you pee?"

A happy bark was his reaction. As a mutual decision, they headed back home. Sara's pulse throbbed in her ears. She had never wished more to be home than she desired it now.

Sara learned a very difficult lesson this afternoon. Aloneness and loneliness should not walk hand in hand. When somebody could not accept herself, it was because she had not liked the person in the mirror and therefore she had built a thick wall around her soul and heart. There was not a rule that a lonely person should get old alone because a precious one could come along and pull down the walls. But those who believed that they simply did not deserve to be happy or was too afraid of loving someone and being loved back, well, they were going to be left in aloneness forever. And Sara was not about to let it happen. She would not give upon her love…she was going to fight for Grissom.

The basis of a happy and harmonious life was communication. And communication could not tolerate guesses or assumptions; it had to be sequences of questions and answers.

And Sara learned it from a child. She did not know if she should cry or laugh but one thing she was 100% sure of: she willed to try asking questions and getting answers no matter what they were.

Somehow, the journey back home lasted less time. Both dog and owner were panting when they entered the house.

Sara kicked off her shoes and headed for the bathroom when she noticed Grissom sitting on the bed in the bedroom. He was holding the bag she had left there.

"Are you coming somewhere?"

"How long have you been home?"

"Just arrived."

"I walked Hank…"

"I see," and he was about to leave the room.

"Griss!"

He stopped but did not turn back, "I thought you liked here."

"I do but we need to talk."

"Then if you liked living here…being with me here…then why do you want to leave?"

"I believed…after your call this afternoon…that you would like to go away…I heard you say that this situation gets too much for you and I thought…"

He turned back instantly, "Wait…wait. You misunderstood it!"

"Please, let me finish, okay. It's not easy for me…"

"Okay but you have to know that you misheard my…"

"So…I know you might find it boring but after you said you wanted to get away…I was thinking…"

"Sara, don't get me wrong but sometimes women are simply stupid…"

_Johnsy says I'm stupid but he says every girl is stupid. And I know Johnsy loves me._

When Sara laughed at that, Grissom did not know what to make of it. He expected Sara to get mad at him but she seemed cheerful.

"See? I'm stupid…sometimes…at home…not at work."

Grissom did not miss the phrase 'at home'. It must be a good sign, he thought. Sara thought this house as her home. Good.

"So as I was thinking…like a stupid," she laughed again but her laughter lost some of its humor, "sometimes I find my lack of normal background, lack of confidence, lack of decent circumstances…so I'm convinced that me and my life are just too much pressure to take. Even for me so it's no wonder if you found it way too much for you, too and wanted to escape."

"But…"

"Yes, I wanted to make it easier for you, so I thought I was going to pack and…but then Herbie acted weird, Hank wanted to pee…so I took him for a walk and then I met a little girl in the park."

"Let me guess…Elizabeth?"

"Yeah. Do you know her?"

"She throws her ball to my head all the time and then she wants to pet Hank."

.

"_Isn't your mom worried about you talking to strangers?"_

"_I don't think so. I only talk with those I know."_

_._

Ah, so that's why Hank wagged his tail and let the child pet him. They know each other, Sara thought.

"She's cute."

"She's too nosy," Grissom smiled.

.

_Ask him! Just ask him!_

_._

Sara listened to Grissom with her mouth open. Even the girl had realized that she had had to ask and had had to listen to him if she wanted answers. How could a child be this intuitive? Probably because she was just a child without much experience of rude life. Kids did not guess or ponder on things, they simply ask. What a simply and clever solution to a very simple problem. Adults forgot about how to live life simply.

"No, she's wiser than we all would think. Anyway, she said something that gave me back hopes."

"What did she say?"

"She said that I simply should ask..."

Grissom knew that it meant more to Sara so he stayed quiet and listened to his love.

"Until recently, I've thought if I want to protect myself, I need my walls to close in. But now I know if I want to find myself, I need to let my walls around me fall down so you can see the real me…like it or not, at least you can decide and I'll have my answers."

"You know that I love you so why…"

"We always guessed on what the other might think….why the other did something but we would have just to ask!"

"And now, do you want to ask something?"

"Yes. Even though I'm extremely nervous…this is a new experience for me…so..um…"

"Just ask, Sara!"

"Do you want to leave Las Vegas?"

"Yes."

Mixed feelings were playing on Sara's face. She had known this but hearing him saying it out loud was not easy.

"Do you want to…um…leave me?"

"Sara! I said just minutes ago that I love you. Why the hell would I want to leave you?"

"I…"

"Why the hell would I give upon something that is so good?"

"Humans do that…"

"But according to Warrick, I'm not human," he laughed, "I'm Grissom. Sara, I've never been this happy before. You made me compete. You! With your screwed up background."

"Oh."

"And yes, I'll have four days off in two days…but I'm not going alone. Only with you."

**TBC**


	38. Sara Sidle 101

**Title: Pride and Prejudice**

* * *

**Disclaimers**: I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-eight**

_Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. – **Napoleon Bonaparte**_

"And yes, I'll have four days off in two days…but I'm not going alone. Only with you."

For long minutes, Sara could not form a single word. Could it be true or just her imagination had played with her? A workaholic man had arranged a holiday for her? Sara tried to get used to the word she had not used since her childhood. A journey…a work-free vacation with the man whom she loved so very much. Sara was amazed by Grissom's plan. He told Sara how he had arranged their four-day-long escape. Grissom's cover story was a certain conference in Wellington while Sara was supposed to visit an eye-specialist in Spring Valley.

"And Ecklie believed it?" Sara asked astonished.

"After I tried to detail the topic of that conference, he let me off the hook."

"Is there a conference at all?"

"Sure, I even registered…"

"And you won't attend?"

"No."

"Where is the real Grissom? Where did you hide him?" she laughed. "And how would I get to Spring Valley…no one will buy that I could drive or…"

"I told Ecklie that I would take you there before I leave for the conference today. I bet he had hard time to hide his pleasure in not having to see us for four days."

"Yeah, I guess he'll cry all night. Did you talk to the others? Greg or Cath?"

"Well, I gave Cath some paperwork…enough for a century. I'm not her favorite actually, so she won't call…ever. And Greg…I told him to monitor the laboratories…including Hodges…I doubt he will have time for calling you."

"Ah, so you have a dirty side, too."

"Um…I just wanted to…I really…" he started to blush.

"Hey, this is cool, I think that naughty Grissom is a sexy Grissom," she purred like a cat.

"Then you will love this. I initiated a new competition between Nick and Warrick. They are head-to-head in solving cases…so they will be busy, too."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

* * *

The next one and a half days had gone by slowly but spent in delighted waiting for Sara. She had been excited about the journey from the very beginning but one thing had made her uneasy. Grissom had refused to reveal the exact destination they were going to leave for.

"It's a surprise, Sara, don't ask me about the place because I won't tell you…that's the point. So no more 'whats' or 'whys', no more tricks to elicit the address from me. Just relax and try to pack…"

"See? I have zero information. Pack for what? For the mountains…or for the beach…or a big city…"

"Alright!" he said making Sara's eyes flash immediately. "Lesson no. 1: learn to trust me, my dear."

"I do trust you, I just…"

"Stop it."

"Anyway, I should go back to my apartment. I don't have enough clothes here."

"Okay. I've almost done with my suitcase."

"Are you sure about Hank and Herbie?"

"Mrs. Thomas loves Hank, she often takes care of him and I'm sure she will love Herbie just as well. Her grandchild also has a cat, Yoda."

"Yoda?"

"He looks like Yoda…he's hairless…a pretty one."

"Oh."

"So don't worry, our little gentleman will be in good hands."

"I know but still, I'll miss him. He's so young, he needs me. What if he thinks I left him?"

"The first few hours will be hard on him but then he will be extra-happy when you come for him, you will see."

"Why can't we take them with us?"

"That place is absolutely unfamiliar for both of them. You don't want them to get lost, right?"

"Get lost? Where is that place exactly?"

"Nice try but just sit down and let me pack…"

"It wasn't a trick. I am just missing them already, that's all."

"Okay, lesson no. 2: sometimes, you have to place yourself first; Hank and Herbie will survive without us for a few days. This vacation is about you and me exclusively."

"Okay…Mister," and with that Sara left Grissom to his packing. She went to the kitchen and packed up his perishables, then placed some toys in a plastic bag for Hank and Herbie. The pets were watching Sara's every move. Hank knew what was going to come so he remained calm but Herbie suspected some foul play so he snugged himself under the shelf as a bug in a rug.

"Herbie? Come out, please!"

There was nothing to be seen there but after bending deeper, Sara could see two huge glowing eyes. Sara tried to get him out but every attempt of hers failed. When Grissom came out of his room with his suitcase in his hand, the sight of Sara on her belly begging the stubborn cat made him laugh.

"Don't laugh! He doesn't want to come out. I told you he didn't want to go to Mrs. Thomson."

In a minute, Grissom was kneeling next to Sara and placed some tiny pieces of sausage on the floor, just far enough for Herbie to reach them.

"Herbie? If you want some, you have to move your ass."

He did not have to beg long, Herbie's voracity won over his stubbornness. Grissom waited until the cat had eaten two pieces of sausages, and then caught him. He caressed the feline for some time and then he placed the silly tabby cat into his carrier.

"Lesson no. 3: be patient and you get what you want."

"Awww, damn your lessons, just look at him. I swear Herbie would give us the finger if he could…poor baby."

"Lesson no. 4: shut up and let's go!"

Herbie in his carrier and in Grissom's hand, Hank on his feet, Grissom happily and Sara both excitedly and nervously walked toward Grissom's car. He drove them to Sara's apartment where Sara could pack her own suitcases while Grissom busied himself in the kitchen. He listened to the noises coming from Sara's bedroom so he could be sure that his woman was still there.

He went to her living-room and as quietly as he could, Grissom opened the empty leather bag he had taken with him and placed some things into it. He closed the bag fast and went back to the kitchen to pretend being busy with making coffee.

When Sara finished packing, they drank the coffee Grissom had made then they took a last look around the flat to make sure that they had not forgotten anything. Grissom looked at the two suitcases.

"Dear, you don't move to another state, we just spend four days away from here…"

"So another state? I have to be prepared…who knows…maybe you take me to Panama or to Siberia. I need all of them."

"Okay. Now, let me help pull them," and he already reached for them.

"Then you give me that smaller bag you are carrying," she offered.

"No!" he said too harshly. "I mean you should empty the dustbin and I take these out, okay?"

Even though Sara found it weird, she did not want to object again. He acted so nicely, she was touched by his action.

Within five minutes, the trash was out, air con was off, and fridge was emptied. Their cases were packed and loaded, provisions were ready. So they were ready to start their journey, they were on their way to Mrs. Thomson.

The nice old lady lived relatively close to Sara, so the drive there did not take long. Hank evidently recognized the place but somehow, he was hesitant to get out. Herbie, on the other hand, had no choice as he was closed in his carrier. Sara said goodbye to them in the car, she did not want to see them left in a stranger's home.

Grissom whistled to Hank who tried to jump out of the car but his injury did not let him move freely. Sara got out of the car and helped him climb out of the vehicle safely. She hugged him for the last time and let him go. By the time Hank walked to Grissom, the man had already held Herbie's carrier.

"Be right back!"

"You sure we can't take them with us?"

"We've talked about it, honey. A minute and I'm back."

However, Sara knew that Grissom was right, it did not make less hard to see their babies stay here…without their mom and dad. Sara sat back into the car and wiped the one crocodile tear off her face. She loved these animals as if they were her children. Even though, she was happy about this vacation, it would be hard without her beloved buddies.

She was deep in her thoughts when the door suddenly was torn up.

"Damn it, Sara! Lesson no. 5: never listens to a woman you love or else you will weaken. Hey, wait! This is Lesson no. 1 for me!"

"What?" she looked around and saw a pair of paws of a smiling Hank stuck to the window as he was looking inside. "Oh, oh…"

Right after Grissom had opened the car's door, Hank jumped into it regardless of his bad leg. Moments later, Herbie's carrier was fastened into the backseat, too.

"Thank you," she whispered into Grissom's ear. "I love you so very much!"

"3 against 1…conspiracy…they acted like nuts in there…did you teach this to them?"

"You're the teacher…not me. So what's the next lesson, Mister?"

"I don't know but I hope we won't regret taking them with us…when we chase them in the forest…oh…damn it!"

"Forest? I love nature! Anyway, Lesson no. 2 for you is 'Dare to take risks!"

"Yeah, talking about risks…we go for a short check-up to Desert Palm and…"

"Why?"

"I want your doctor to take a look at your eyes. If he says everything is going as it should, then I won't have to worry about it the entire time we are away."

"Okay."

"Okay? Where is the real Sara Sidle?"

"I wanted to visit July before we leave anyway…"

The atmosphere in the car changed immediately and Sara could tell that her upcoming meeting with July made the man worried, nervous and bothered.

"Don't you think it is too soon? Why don't you give some time to yourself?"

"I had enough time to think. I know what I want; I think I know how I feel."

"I can't tell you what you should do or not do, I have no right to tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes but you have to know that whatever you decided, I am with you," he said. Sara seemed to sense some fear in his almost trembling voice and she felt the same fear, too.

She looked at him but this time, Grissom could not look back at her in fear she would see the doubt and rising anger in his eyes. For a moment, he closed his eyes and his former fear manifested in thoughts echoed in his head again.

_I believed that I could break every rock that might roll in our way so I could protect her but the events of last weeks taught me to question my own power over things. I admit that I fear that this time we will have to face such a big block in our life that might be too huge and heavy to roll away. I well remember the conversation between me and Sara. I well remember when Sara was worried about fate and I only told her that it was never fate that broke up relationships; people left each other…for whatever reasons. And a reason is lying inside of this hospital. July Harper is Sara's half-sister after all no matter what she did to Sara. How Sara would react to her when they meet again. Can Sara be impartial? Should she be? Could I be? Could or should someone close their eyes to sin like this when it was against their flesh and blood? Would this absurd situation tear our love apart…now or later? If it depends entirely on me, I would throw July Harper into the darkest cell in a long-forgotten jail for what she did to Sara and Hank but on the other hand, she is Sara's sister…her sibling. I love her so do I have to accept her family, as well? Oh, God! What is stronger? Our love or her family? Justice or feelings? Laws or family bonds?_

"Gil!"

Her calling startled him but at the same time, her low voice ensured him that Sara was still there with him, she was safe and sound. He simply did not want her to meet that crazy and erratic woman. Once that woman had wanted to kill this wonderful person and this was what Grissom could not forgive or forget.

"Gil! It's okay, don't worry."

"How the hell could I be not worrying? That woman wanted you dead, remember?"

"She didn't know that I'm her sister…half-sister."

"I don't care what Greg read in her damn journal…if she had succeeded…she planned that…"

"I know her intention is what matters…I know but I can't carry this heavy burden any longer. I want to end it today, and I want to do it alone."

"No way! Forget it!"

"You and the officers will be outside of the room, I'll be safe."

"On one condition!"

"Okay…"

"Here, I wanted to give it to you after we arrived at…where we gonna go but I won't be as anxious if you have it with you," and Grissom placed a new blackberry into Sara's palm.

"Oh…this is beautiful…"

"And firm enough to knock her out if she tried to…" but he could not finish his sentence as Sara's lips silenced him.

After they had decided to go inside at last, Grissom jogged to a parking attendant and introduced himself to him then informed the young man that they intended to stay only for thirty minutes, so he did not need to worry about the pets in the car.

Grissom tried to elongate their walk to July's ward but Sara saw through his attempts. To calm him down a little, she agreed to visit her eye-specialist first. It did not help Grissom, though. On the contrary, the later they could leave this building, the more anxious he became.

At least, Sara's eyes were healing nicely, this made both Sara and Grissom happy but the meeting with July Harper made neither of them composed.

As they approached July's room, they could see that there were two officers in front of the door. Grissom knew both men. He told them about Sara's visit. Grissom walked Sara in but then hesitantly, he left the room.

For long minutes, Sara was just standing at the door watching the sleeping young woman who was her half-sister. July Harper looked so peaceful in that bed, her face radiated innocence and sweetness. As Sara watched her sleep, for a moment she questioned if this delicate young girl had been capable of such a horrible action as to wish someone's death. She went closer to her bed to take a better look of July's features for the first time. Sara's eyes were still in healing state so her vision was not one hundred percent perfect. She blinked for some times to get a better vision and this was the moment that made the situation acutely real. The reason she had almost lost her sight lay right in front of her. The reason Hank had almost lost his life lay in this bed. The reason Grissom had been living in fear for weeks now lay there and slept quietly. But this woman was her last chain to a family…to her broken family.

Sara pulled out her brand new cell phone and dialed Brass.

"Hello, it's Jim Brass speaking."

"Jim?"

"Sara!"

"Did you prepare the documents I asked you to…"

"Of course. In an envelope…on my desk. You need me?"

"Yes. Would you please come here? I'm in July's room actually. I wanted to talk to her but she is sleeping."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"Thanks. Bye!"

"See you!"

"I'm not sleeping," July said.

Suddenly, Sara's pulse hit the ceiling. Secretly, she hoped that July remained asleep. All of a sudden, Sara did not feel as strong as she had thought she would be in the car in the hospital parking lot.

"I think you know who I am," Sara said with trembling voice.

"One thing I know for sure…you are the one who can save my life."

"Even though you tried to take mine?"

"I regretted it…I wasn't…me."

"Your file says you don't remember anything about the hit or your immediate life prior the hit…so how could you regret something you don't even remember?"

"Look, every…everybody says I did that…but honestly, how could I kill someone who is my sister?"

"I always wanted a sister," Sara smiled sadly. She took a chair from under the table and pulled it closer to the bed then sat down. "I never had anybody I could have talked to in my childhood."

"See? That is common about us," July confessed and this was true, this fact had been written in her journal, too.

"I wish we had met sooner, maybe we could have been friends or real sisters. I wish I had not heard about you only a week ago or so. How long have you known about me, July?"

"_July," William Harper interrupted the stammering and clearly guilty woman, "I don't care if you remember your crap or not. I only want you to play a good girl, alright? Convince that woman you love her. The rest is my business. If Sara Sidle was trying to bullshit, I will pull her card and stir the water around her."_

"I…I knew about you…I don't know…about a year or so…that's why it is crazy that they accuse me of your…I would never kill my sister…never. You have to believe me! My family is taboo for me."

"Do you have any diversion?"

"What?"

"What do you do for fun?"

"Nothing."

"I love taking photos…I love nature…"

"Yeah, I love that, too. And I am good at it but my stupid mom who is not my real mom but you sure know about it…of course you know so she thought she knew what was best for me…gah, and she is not even my real mom, can you believe this? And until recently I believed that all of my misery was because of you, hell I hit the wrong person," she laughed but soon her laughter died on her lips.

"So as she is not a family member…she is free to die?"

"No!" July's voice rose a bit. "No, I didn't mean it! I only meant that I never hated you that much I would have tried to kill you."

"You wrote a journal, July in which you detailed how much you hated me…so you either didn't know at that time that I was your sister and lied to me now or you would kill anybody who was in your way no matter if it was a family or not and again, you lied to me."

"I didn't lie you bitch," she started to rage as she felt that she messed up. "How could you read somebody's journal? That's personal!"

"Even though, you tried to take my life and that is also personal to me, I didn't read it. Right after the moment I got to know that you are my sister, I refused to read it. But it doesn't mean that my colleagues didn't read it either. They told me about its content."

"So you respected my privacy, this means you have feelings for me…I'm your sister and you have to forgive me, no one reports their sisters…no one…not even an evil person. I wouldn't do it!"

"You wouldn't report a family member but you would kill them?"

"I didn't do anything."

"Did you know that our mother was in jail?"

This was new information for July and her first sincere reaction was disgust that was also displayed on her face. Her eyes were soon filled with loathing.

"What did she commit?"

"She killed someone."

"Shit! I guess I inherited this from her…it's not my fault…you have to forgive me, Sara. You can't let it happen again…you have the same guilty blood in your veils…no one reports their family; even the laws let you close your eyes."

"Actually, she never wanted to get away with what she had done. She saved me and my brother from a violent man. That's the difference between you and her. She killed out of love; you wanted to kill out of grudge. But neither motive makes you two any less guilty. Do you know why I came here today?"

"Why?"

"I hoped against hope that you would open up to me and you would be honest with me. I really wished for a sister in my whole life but I learned that finding a true person is easier if you search out of your family. I know that everybody might expect me to close my eyes and let you go but one person expects me to remain human, to remain who I always was. And that one person is me, Sara Sidle who had no family. Truth is what defines me. Justice is what gives me hope that maybe the world becomes a better place to live and maybe I can have a family on my own that is built on respect and sincere moral and virtue. I'm not a robot; I don't have a button on my forehead you can push so I will love you over night just because you are my sister. It is not that I have a say in the matter. I'm a CSI and I have no power or right to decide who is less guilty."

"But I'm your sister," she shouted.

"Every psycho is a sister or brother or son or daughter of someone, still, they have no right to take lives or plays God!"

"So you will betray me?"

"I won't betray myself. I will never deny you because you are my sister but I don't trust you, I don't even like you. Trust and love are the result of a long process we all have to work on. Never take it for granted. But I will be there when you get out of jail or wherever you will be placed and I will be your sister if you want me to but I will never be your accomplice. Never."

"Please don't do this," she started to cry when Brass stepped into the room.

"Miss Harper?"

"You again!"

"Oh, I thought you were unconscious when I was here…anyway, yes, it's me again."

"Thanks for coming, Jim. Did you bring the papers?"

"Sure. Here," he pointed to the line where Sara had to sign the report.

"You will regret it, Sara!" July cursed.

"I already regretted it but the choice was out of my hands."

"My dad will destroy you, he said he would…"

"Watch your mouth Miss Harper, don't make your situation worse," Brass warned the young woman.

"I wish you had died Sara Sidle, you're not my sister, you don't deserve life!" she wept.

"Those who take lives from others or deny happiness, they don't deserve it for themselves either, July."

"I wish I never saw you again."

Sara was about to leave the room when she turned back from the door, "I will send the copy of your journal to you so you can read it again. Perhaps you will see how wrong you were about me when the clouds leave your brain. I did nothing against you, July. Nothing. As I said I would be there waiting for you when you get released and if you don't want to see me then, it's your decision and then I will forget you, July. And so you know, I won't let anybody manipulate me anymore, family or not. Take care of yourself!"

This time, Sara did not wait for an answer; she left the room leaving July and the case behind. She meant what she had said to July in that ward. Sara could not deny her blood so she would help July to fit into the society again after she spent her time either in jail or a mental hospital. Her so called family was Sara Sidle's cross but she learned how to carry it so it would not hurt her shoulders.

She needed to lock this period of life up and focus on the real life that was around her. Her real family: Grissom, Hank and Herbie.

As she stepped out of the room, her eyes immediately found the one man she loved with her complete heart and soul. The worry was evident on his face.

She walked close to him and said, "Learn your own lesson, Grissom: Lesson no. 1: learn to trust, my dear!"

Grissom was about to react when Sara's blackberry went off. At first, Sara did not recognize her new sound of buzz but then she got out the device and tried to read the tiny characters.

Immediately, she turned dead white and both Grissom and Brass had to grab her arms. Sara was on the edge of faint.

**TBC**

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_**Author's Postscript: **I can't believe that we got here. Only one chapter left (the final) and one really short epilogue is to come._


	39. Expanding Family

**Title: Pride and Prejudice**

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**Disclaimers**: I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

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**Chapter Thirty-nine**

_Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance. – **Author Unknown**_

The one who had been fighting the enemy for too long, no longer would she be able to live without her foe and in the end the anger and revenge would leave no space to live, only for the one who had made life miserable. Not letting this hopeless scenario happen to her, Sara left July's room with heavy heart but she needed to lock this trying period of life up and focus on the real life that was around her. Her real family: Grissom, Hank and Herbie.

As she stepped out of the room, her eyes immediately found the one man she loved with her heart and soul. The concern was evident on Grissom's face.

She walked close to him and said, "Learn your own lesson, Grissom, Lesson no. 1: learn to trust!"

Grissom was about to react when Sara's new blackberry went off. At first, Sara did not recognize the new sound of buzz but then she pulled out the device and tried to read the tiny characters.

Immediately, she turned dead white and both Grissom and Brass had to grab her arms. Sara was on the edge of faint.

"Whoa-whoa, kiddo, what the hell?" Brass asked Sara as he tried to balance her.

"I…I've just got a message from the bank…"

"Come and sit down," Grissom told her with false calmness in his voice. "It's a new phone so how…"

"I redirected every call and message from my old number, still, I…I just don't understand…"

Both Grissom and Brass knew about Sara's financial problem but for Grissom's biggest surprise, Brass did not seem anxious at all. On the contrary, it looked that the detective realized what was exactly going on.

Grissom did not think when he simply got the telephone out of Sara's hand and read the message himself. He did not care about the formality at the moment. He blinked for some time and then looked at Brass, "What is it? I think you can enlighten us about this."

Brass also sat next to Sara and smiled his typical 'Brass-smile'. He reached for the call phone to read the message, as well.

"Well, it says you got 25,000 $."

"It must be a mistake," Sara stammered. "And where did it come from?"

Brass scrolled down the message and showed her: New Chance Fund.

"New Chance Fund? I've never heard about it before," Grissom was thinking loudly.

"No wonder. It was founded a few days ago. Right after Mrs. Harper left the PD."

"What does July's mother have to do this?" Grissom asked not liking the idea at all.

"July's mom founded this? For what? And why would she send me money?"

"No-no. It wasn't her. This money is from the Fund," he smiled but continued. "Mrs. Harper wants to somehow redo things that she and her daughter screwed up. She also said that July's behavior was a direct result of her failed mothership. And she suspected that you would have rejected her…um…and now I'm quoting, 'way of sorry', so she instructed her lawyer to do the documents for this foundation as soon as possible and send you and Mr. Jacob Spring the proper amount of money July had shortened you two."

"Jacob," Sara repeated the other victim's name. "He received the worst punishment for something he had never committed. He died…"

"That's why his fiancée received the 25,000 $."

"I doubt that Mr. Harper will leave this foundation run," Grissom said. "Did he know about it or…"

"I don't want this money anyway," Sara came to her senses. "This money is dirty…she thought that all the pain would fade with this money?"

"Sara," Brass started, "this is not a gift or money for silence! It's your own money! Think about it that way."

"Maybe Jim is right. Why reject something that was originally yours?"

"But this money won't change what happened. It won't change the past."

"No, but it will change the future you have ahead of you. Please don't play the protagonist in a soap opera…you know how much I hate them."

Grissom saw that Sara tried to digest what Brass had told her. He knew that at the moment there was a huge fight inside her. Pride versus reasonableness.

For minutes, neither Grissom nor Brass talked to the woman. They were waiting for her to get ready for either accept or reject the money. Brass trusted himself that he knew Sara enough to know that she would decide reasonably so the detective was calm, Grissom feared to trust himself that he knew Sara too well to know that she was drove by emotions so she would not decide rationally, therefore, the man was everything but calm.

Grissom willed himself to remain still and let her make her mind up. Both men sensed her indecision, but neither was afraid of it now. If Sara decided to relinquish the forfeit, then both men were there to help her restart her life and if she accepted the money, then everything would work out right away. As for the financial issues at least.

Grissom knew the instant that his woman made the decision and his heart leapt in his breast.

"I'm sorry Jim," she started and both men's hearts stopped for a second. "I would really love to invite you to dinner tonight but I have to see a doctor in Wellington…as I have so much money, we will go to a very elegant restaurant when we come back so get your tuxedo ready."

With a huge smile on his face, Brass squeezed Sara's hands and happily said goodbye and wished a safe journey. The stocky man stayed standing there for a few moments watching the couple leave the hospital. His mischievous giggle appeared right after Sara and Grissom were out of sight. He was sure that Ecklie had mentioned Wellington as the place for the entomology conference.

"For God's sake, I'm a detective, Sara! Wellington? You should be in Spring Valley while Gil should be in Wellington! You two have to practice lying…"

* * *

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* * *

Grissom, Sara and the pets had left Las Vegas for two hours. There were so many things Grissom wanted to ask and Sara had her own questions for Grissom, too but they never gave voice to them. The silence started to get awkward.

"You think I made the right decision?"

"I know that I would have done the same. After all, Marjorie Harper is responsible for the foul play, it was her idea. It's actually a surprise that she admitted her role in your situation and wanted to make amends for it. Not many people would have done it."

"I won't thank her…"

"No one asks you to. Accept it and try to move on."

"I'm trying."

"Good."

"Speaking of good. Where do you take me? Will you tell me?"

"No. Just sit back and enjoy the scenery."

"Miaow."

Sara turned in her seat and inspected what Herbie's problem must be. The cat sat up in the kennel and stepped from one paw to the other. Hank sniffed the door of the carrier and sensing his friend's need, he started to whine.

"Griss, Herbie wants to pee…I guess."

"There must be a small town thirty minutes away from here. Will it work?"

"Gil, they don't need a toilet, a bush will be ok just as well. For me too, anyway."

"Oh. Okay, I try to find a road off this one and park. How do you like that one?"

"Perfect."

Hank was quick with his pee, Herbie seemed a bit shier. Sara loved nature, so she had no trouble with do her job between the bushes. When she returned to the car, Sara found Grissom looking around and nervously scanning the bushy place.

"You ok?"

"Um…yes. You ready? Can we go?"

"You don't have to…um…pee?"

"Ah, no. I thought I had to but no."

Sara knew that something was off with this answer. Women had bigger bladders, so Grissom must have stopped sooner and now he insisted that he did not need to pee. She also looked around and tried to figure out what made his mind change about it. There was no living creature here, not a bird or a tree. Tree!

"Can we go?"

"Why do men need a tree if they want to pee?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard! Come on, Hank could do it without a tree, so could Herbie."

"Look, it has nothing to do with a tree, okay. I…I…"

"Griss, you saw me in my lowest situation, you washed my hair, you washed my body. Please don't tell me you are shy…"

"Women can't understand it. We need…I don't even have to pee so…"

"Is it a kind of marking territory thingie?"

"Can't we just drop the topic, please?"

"Alright, I just don't want you to suffer."

"I'm ok. I…I don't want to pee because I can't wash my hands. See? Nothing to do with a tree."

With evil grin on Sara's face, she pulled a bottle of antibacterial hand-gel out of her bag and showed him. With theatrical moves, she washed her own hands.

"Ok, you win. Give me a minute," and with that he walked away from the car choosing the highest bush to do his job. He had to admit that he really needed this. Now he felt much better but of course, he would not admit it to Sara.

Grissom accepted gratefully the hand-gel and seconds later, they were on the main road again toward their destination.

Soon both Herbie and Hank sank into blissful slumber. There was no talking in the car, Grissom loved driving silently while Sara loved watching the landscape. The longer Grissom drove, the more beautiful the country became along the winding road. After a while, Grissom turned the last bend and slowed down a bit so Sara could appreciate the very first sight of the place they would spend the next four days.

"Holy shit," Sara looked at Grissom and immediately back to the beautiful secluded single story wooden cabin. She rolled down the window and the noise of the forest flooded into the vehicle. She could hear the singing of the wildlife and the roaring of the creeks.

"There is a pond…full of frogs next to the building. And there is a tub…outside…filled with fresh mountain spring water."

"Just how private is that tub?"

"Oh, private enough…" he looked at Sara who was already utterly blushed and he guessed that his own color must be the same.

"Have you been here before?"

"Yes, several times…but this is the first time when I have company if that was what you meant," he smiled.

"No, I didn't…," her color deepened further, "yes, I meant it that way."

"So do you like it?"

"I love it. What is the closest city?"

"We're very close to San Francisco."

"How close?"

"An hour-drive away…so if you wanted to visit your mother…"

"No!" her voice turned ice cold. Even though she knew Grissom wanted her good, somehow she felt that she fell into a trap. Suddenly the car transformed into a suffocating box and she needed to get away.

"Sara? Sara!"

Grissom realized that it was a mistake to mention this 'tiny' information to Sara before she got comfortable with the new place and situation but it was too late to take it back now.

"Honey! We won't go there if you don't want to, can you hear me?"

Grissom parked the car in front of the log cabin and turned toward Sara. She tried to smile but her lips betrayed her. The man released his belt and pulled her close to his chest. Sara laid her head onto his shoulder and closed her eyes. Grissom closed his eyes, too as he held Sara, breathing in the scent of her soft hair and the warm familiar smell of her perfume. They were silent for some time and peacefulness settled over both of them. Keeping his eyes closed, he started speaking softly.

"You have to know that I would never do anything – not deliberately anyway – that might hurt you. Never. But I also would love to be there for you when you face difficulties and I believe that you have to meet your mother…now or later but you should."

"But I'm not ready. My past hurts me every damn time it crosses my way. And the last time my past crossed my present, I almost died."

"You don't have to talk to her. But perhaps it helps if you see her…from a safe distance. It could be a first step."

"I don't want it. I don't want to see her. Is it why you took me here?"

"No! No! Believe me, it's just a coincidence. And I would never push you, okay. Just know that she is close to you. Your mother is an arm-length away. And you're not alone."

"Thanks but I feel that the past is too hurtful…"

"Our past is painful only if we let it follow us."

"Yeah, it sounds easy but doesn't work that way and you know it."

"I know," he smiled and pulled her body closer to him and soothed her with his hand.

They stayed in that position even though their legs started to go numb. Neither wanted to be the one who broke the moment. The decision was taken out of their hands as Hank got bored with the overwhelmed emotions and lapped Grissom's face with his slobbery tongue making the man jump and swear.

"Oh, he just expressed his love, Griss, don't be mad at him."

"He never did such a thing before. You taught him this, right?"

"How come? I kiss nicely."

"I don't remember…I might need a reminder…"

"No! Your face is covered with saliva…and I…"

"See, Hank? You won't have dinner…"

"Oh, poor baby," she laughed but her laughter died soon as Hank gave her a saliva-rich kiss.

* * *

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* * *

In Las Vegas, the weather cried for Marjorie Harper as if it commiserated the broken woman. She had never felt so lonely as she felt today.

"Why don't you understand me, just for once?"

"Understand you? When you do stupid things?"

"Those people lost so much more than money because of our mistakes. And yes, I'm as blameful as you are. At least I'm brave enough to admit it but you?"

"Existing or not existing, Marjorie! And I will not give up."

"What do you mean?"

"You think after what you have done I will tell you?"

"I have the right to know."

"You have no right to even live, Marjorie. And so you know, I'm not afraid of getting rid of you if you tried to betray me again. July is dead for me, she was nothing but a shame spot in my life so I suggest that you should hide in the grass and close you mouth or else…"

"Or else what? Not only will you be a horrible father, a bad man but a murderer?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not a murderer, Jesus! Marjorie, you lost your mind. I don't have to kill you in order to have you harmless. Just play your role and nothing will change, my dear. Just be my wife as you always was. I will see what I can do for July. We don't have to worry about her anymore."

Hopelessness often offered the key to the door to freedom but more often people had no time to look for it – hence the name hopelessness. But perhaps the deepest enemy was not this key searching despondency or the one who threw it away but the life that did not even notice what had happened to us. The life that would not wait for anybody to catch up.

* * *

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* * *

Sara was amazed by the beauty of this place. The wooden cabin was located on a private secluded forty acre farm with a mountain stream stocked with trout, great for fly fishing. But the nice slopes of the mountain offered wonderful opportunity for hiking, as well. When Grissom had asked her what she would like to do on their first day here, she had chosen fishing but changed her mind in the next second.

In the end, they had had to toss a coin so they could leave for once. Now they were walking hand in hand on the paths throughout the wooded property. Every now and then they stopped and just sat on a rock then watched the small animals running or jumping around them.

There was no need for words; they enjoyed the silence and the peacefulness of the nature. Hank was running and playing nearby, Herbie tried to get used to the leash he was wearing. Often he pretended that the long walk tired him and simply sat down and performed his most lovable and innocent face. The trick had its effect and Grissom let the cat travel on his shoulder.

Two hours later, the small team headed back to the cabin. All of them were hungry and while Herbie and Hank caught a few crickets and other bugs, their two legged friends were getting hungrier and hungrier. Once Grissom showed Sara an edible bug but the sight of her face suggested that he should forget the idea.

Back at the cabin, there was even an open fire pit so Grissom soon was there to prepare a decent dinner for them. The smell and sight of the burning logs were enticing. The whole situation created such a romantic atmosphere that Sara was on the edge of begging him to stay here forever. Hank was brave enough to sit close to his master – and the fire, while Herbie watched the fire from the windowsill.

Even though the dinner was rustic and simple, it tasted as if it was the best food from Four Season Hotel. The hint of smoky flavor made their food phenomenal.

They were talking at the fire until it went out but soon after the fire died they went inside as the mosquitoes demanded their rightful parts of the dinner. It did not take ten minutes and Hank started his usual snoring, while Herbie was purring next to him.

After a quick shower, Sara followed Grissom to their new bedroom. Both were extremely exhausted but secretly, Sara hoped that they would have some romantic moments at night. She tiptoed into the room and like a cat, she slipped under the blanket next to Grissom. No matter how many times they had been together before, Sara had been always shy and insecure when she initiated lovemaking. Old fears died hard. For long minutes she was just watching her lover's back and nape. She loved the back-hair on it, she could not explain why but she found that super sexy. Not being able to resist the temptation, she touched his hair.

Nothing.

She did not really mind it; at least she could marvel his beauty freely. She sat up right to admire his face. He breathed evenly – he was sleeping. His velvety skin looked pale, almost ashen in the dim light, seemed that it lost the dark golden hue that somehow gave strength to his otherwise boyish face. But Sara found him no less beautiful, for beautiful was how Sara had thought of him. If she wanted to describe him in the physical sense, she would use handsome but he was absolute beautiful inside. He had such a wonderful soul and beautiful mind. He was everything that defined perfection. For Sara anyway.

Sudden snoring from him threw Sara off balance and as Grissom did not wake up to her slight fall, it showed Sara that her man was indeed dead tired. She placed a feather light kiss onto his shoulder and soon, she followed him into dreamland.

The next morning welcomed Grissom alone in their bed. He snuggled deep into his pillow, the memory of last night – the hiking, the fire, the talking and loving togetherness – penetrated the haze in his brain. He remembered it all vividly…until the moment he had placed his head onto the pillow. After that moment…nothing. He had had to be really tired, he theorized. Loving the feeling, he smiled and shifted. He reached for Sara as he needed her close to him again but he felt only cold bed-sheet.

His eyes flew open and sat up right away. He stopped breathing for a while to listen if she was in the bathroom but what he heard frightened him. He threw the blanket off and jumped out of the bed then ran outside.

He found the panicked Sara in front of the cabin. She was standing under a high tree with Hank at her feet. Both of them looked upward.

"Sara?"

"Griss, please!"

"What's going on? What's wrong?"

He got the answer sooner than Sara could detail what had happened. Tired but poignant cry could be heard from the tree. He looked up and saw Herbie on a branch high in the foliage. It was obvious that he had been up there for a while now and had tried to climb down but evidently, he had run out of courage.

"How could he climb up there?"

"I don't know…he has no claws…"

"Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"I didn't dare to leave him here…he must be terrified. I thought he was alone…"

"Okay, I go to look for a ladder," and he turned to leave but stopped and looked back at Sara and then at Herbie. "What do you mean by you thought he was alone?"

"Well, he has company."

"What?"

Grissom went back under the tree and inspected the branches but saw nothing, "I can't see anything."

"Here, take the binoculars," she offered. "My eyes are still stupid and I was so worried about Herbie…so I used this."

"I don't need them. Wait!"

"Herbie? Herbie?" Sara called.

Within seconds, he answered with a 'miaow' that was followed by a weaker one.

"Another cat?"

"Yes."

"Oh, no!"

"We have to bring them down, Griss."

"I hoped for a nicer morning gift…" he moaned under his nose. "Stupid Herbert!"

"You're my hero…and every hero reaps his reward…"

"In case the hero survives the mission," he smiled.

Soon, the hero was climbing the ladder bravely. He tried not to look down. Not that he had problem with highness but the tree did not seem very safe. He also tried not to swear loudly.

Grissom must be at six meters high when he caught the sight of Herbie. He was definitely scared but at the same time, he showed affection at the sight of his friend. The cat inched slowly closer to Grissom but then he lost his non-existing courage and sat back. Grissom called his name but the feline refused to move again.

"Herbie? Take your stupid ass closer, buddy!"

"Talk nicely to him," Sara instructed.

"Sweetheart – who will live the rest of your life in a carrier – come…"

"Wait, I'll look for a slice of sausage…"

"_Herbie_ will be a sausage if he doesn't move!"

"Griss, climb down! It won't work. Herbie is too scared. Maybe he will trust me more. I'll climb up."

"No, you will not! He won't fall for your sausage either!"

"I still have to try."

Somehow, the situation was familiar to Grissom. As he was up there waiting for a good inspiration, he remembered a conversation from the past.

_"What would have you done if Herbie had refused to climb down from that tree and you would have known that he was in trouble?"_

_"I'd have climbed up for him."_

_"But he would have gone higher because even though he would have wanted to trust you, he would have been afraid of you."_

_"I'd have followed him higher," Sara responded._

_"Even though he'd have shown major resistance?"_

_"When animals are in stress, they do just the opposite what is right. It'd have been my responsibility to save him. Want it or not."_

_"And if Herbie had scratched you in return for your well-meaning?"_

_"Scars heal, so I still would have climbed to Herbie and forced him to accept my help."_

_"Exactly! Remember this, Sara!"_

Grissom was wondering if Sara remembered this, too. It was unbelievable that they got this far in their relationship. And still, there were taboos they could not talk about. Such as a visit to Sara's mother. Grissom understood that it had to be Sara's decision but at the same time he believed that a visit would help her healing. So should he be more pushy or just leave it alone? Would his intention and attempt to help add more scars to her already existing ones? He did not know.

"Miaow."

Grissom shook his head and tried to focus on this crazy cat. He did not even notice when Herbie had come this close to him but Grissom grabbed him and pressed his tiny body to his chest. Within a few seconds, Grissom and Herbie were on the ground.

Sara hugged both of her beloved guys. Herbie pretended irritation but he was grateful for the gesture. He started purring immediately.

"He trusted you! He accepted your help. He was able to trust you that much," Sara whispered to Grissom and he knew that Sara remembered their conversation, too.

"Sometimes we should learn from them."

"Um…will you please take his little friend down?"

"This is the fate of a hero, right?"

"Love you!" and she hugged him from behind.

"Stop this or that furry creature will stay up there."

Grissom climbed the ladder once again. He had to go higher this time but soon he spotted a nice black cat with huge green eyes. The pretty feline was sitting on a slim branch trembling. The claws protected the cat from falling and made Grissom doubt the success of his mission. A frightened cat with claws…would be a rough ride down.

"Hey, silly guy, come here."

The cat was watching him but did not move. A few cries left its throat but nothing else happened. Grissom started to sweat but he wanted to take this animal down. He stepped one tread up and now he was face to face with the black creature. Grissom knew that animals could act wildly when they were in distress so he protected his eyes with one hand and hung on to the ladder with the other.

He calculated his moves and odds to survive this action while the cat calculated his chances to escape. When the cat wanted to run, Grissom grabbed and held him to his chest. The cat was crying awfully and all of his claws dug painfully into Grissom's skin making him hiss. The journey down took less time with this cat than it had taken with Herbie. On the ground, the behavior of the black devil changed. He became calm and sweet.

"Hey, honey!" Sara purred.

"He was not that sweet…and," he took a closer look at the cat, "and he is a she…"

"Is it a female?"

"Yes, our Herbie started to date…"

"So he climbed the tree for a chick?"

"Well, without claws…it's an achievement…."

"No! It was simply stupid and dangerous!"

"Sara, we guys - even with defects - want to win our love's heart."

"But this was a risk too high to take," she was still upset.

"It is a risk I also will take anytime for you."

For a moment, Sara stood there, she was processing the words or better said the confession her lover had just made. She loved this man with all of his defects and he had just said that he would fight every flaw he had to make her happy. What more could a woman wish for?

She went to Grissom and gave him a loving hug. She was not a hugging person but this time, she placed every emotion into this embrace to show him how much he meant to her.

Without words, they carried Herbie and the black lady into the cabin. Hank was interested in the new-comer. Carefully, Grissom showed her to the big dog who after a few sniffing licked him as a welcome. The black feline hissed in return that surprised Hank but he took it as a new game and licked her again.

"I'll give them some milk," Sara commented.

"Okay, and I'll take a shower then."

While Grissom was showering, Hank was sitting on his bed and watching as the new cat was investigating the room. She checked every corner and every piece of furniture. Herbie was not a big cat but this lady cat was even smaller, a typical girl. Even her moves were feminine. It was obvious that she had no owner. Her coat was not shiny and she was undernourished. Herbie showed her all of his secret places in the room and then they lay onto his pillow. Both formed a ball but the black one was still a bit nervous.

Not long after Grissom left the room, he reappeared again. He was fresh, tidy and happy. She flew to him and gave him a tight hug. He hissed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, sorry."

"No, your chest," and she was already undoing the shirt. The entire left side of his breast was covered with tiny punctures.

"It's nothing."

"Oh, you injured…now, sit down and I will find the first aid kit."

"Sara, it's okay."

"Look, we don't know her. I don't want them to get infected."

"But."

"Gil, you're a doctor…kind of…you know it can be dangerous if…so let me play nurse," she smiled at him.

"I think then I have to lie down," he smirked.

"Yes, you look weak…"

"Injured but not weak…"

After they closed the door behind them, the atmosphere changed immediately from mischievous playfulness to serious romantic.

Grissom cupped her face and he stared at her with eyes that burned with such intensity, only a small whimper escaped Sara's throat. Their hearts were already racing in anticipation of what was to come. His lips came down on hers and the air rushed into their lungs as they gasped. For them, every lovemaking felt like their first one. They had kissed several time since they finally had confessed their feelings for each other, still, they both were as excited at the beginning of their lovemaking as two green teenagers on their first date.

It seemed that the only sounds in the room were their racing pulses. Grissom's hands shifted to her back then her butts. However, he was a controlled man, she could feel the trembling in his touches. Sara's hands were as shy as his were but they found their way to his chest. Their kissing was getting hotter and fiercer. Each other's names were nothing but low whispers on their lips as if they were still scared that the other would hear it, as if they still should keep their feelings hidden.

Perhaps the secretiveness became their parts, like a fifth member. They had lived in denial for so long, would they be able to live without hindrance? Would the time come when they could express their feelings without being afraid of the consequences? At the moment, they did not care. They got used to this. People could learn how to swim only in deep water, Grissom liked to say.

"How can be something inappropriate that feels this good?"

"I promise you that everything will be okay, soon."

"I wish we could stay here forever. Hank and Herbie never judge us, would never reprimand us for something that is so natural."

"We just have to live our life and let the others do the same. Our life together is ours, no one's business."

"Still, we have to hide as if we had committed a crime."

"Move in with me," he interrupted her.

"It would complicate things further."

"How?"

"In every aspect."

"Our life is already complicated, so? Other excuse?"

"I have two cats."

"Two?"

"Yes, Herbie and his fiancée."

"Oh, come on!"

"Hank is getting well with them. How could I leave her here…alone?"

"Then Herbie has to be fixed…two cats are enough."

"Okay."

"And you have to arrange the appointment."

"It was your idea…"

"A man never assists to this horrible thing."

The next days had gone by way too fast. Sara was sitting in a rocking-chair and marveled the landscape through the window. She heard that Grissom entered the cabin so she turned and smiled at him. He went to her and pulled the woman up so he could see straight into her eyes.

"I'm as reluctant to leave this bolt-hole as you are but know that you are not alone anymore. No more lunatic, no more intrigue. We'll go on with our life; we'll be a normal couple…who keeps their private life for themselves."

Hank, Herbie and the Bride – as Grissom called the new cat - were sleeping peacefully in the back seat of the car. The family was narrowing the turn-out that led to San Francisco.

"Signal, then turn left."

"You sure?"

"No. Yes."

An hour later Grissom parked the car opposite Sara's mother's home. Neither moved. With a trembling hands, Sara finally opened the car door. She walked with determined steps toward the entrance but then she suddenly stopped and turned back. She was not ready, Grissom sighed.

She ran back to the car and knocked on the window on the driver side, "Would you…um…maybe…if you…would you come in with me…please?"

**The End**

**Epilogue comes soon…**


	40. Relationships

**Title: Pride and Prejudice**

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**Disclaimers**: I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.

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**Chapter Forty**

_Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. – **Author Unknown**_

Grissom appreciated Sara's need for his presence in this sensitive situation. He had wanted to offer his support but had not wished to be too pushy about it. It was about Sara and not about him. But now, he could be there for her encouragingly without being too much.

He did not say a word; Grissom simply nodded and just opened the door and joined his woman. For the first time, they were standing in front of a huge apartment house where Sara's mother had been living for a few months now. By observing the exterior, one would get the impression of a pleasant building in the country-side. The stark butter color of the house was toned down by the rows of palm trees and shrubs in the front lawn. The multi-colored flowers greeted the passersby every time they walked by.

Sara closed her eyes and heaved a big sigh of relief. _This place was worth of every cent of hard work_, she thought. Then she opened her big brown eyes and smiled at Grissom.

"She can enjoy this little paradise the architects had created."

"The paradise you offered," he added.

The woman's steps slowed down gradually, her face indicated almost panicky hesitation. It was like a situation just before one had to introduce someone whose name slipped out of his memory. Sara looked left then right as if she was looking for a bolt-hole, an escape. This was the visit Sara had prepared for so long but every time she had convinced herself to act on it, she had got angry and panicked. She had wanted to finally forgive her mother but the pride living in her always had been stronger.

Sara had always run away from situations in which she should face her past…her mother. She had tried to hide but what she had never realized was that her footprints had always showed her traces toward her shelter. The marks she had left behind had been getting more and more visible and by now, they suddenly got a start of her.

"You don't have to do this," he told her while squeezing her hand.

"I'm tired of hearing this," she said harshly but regretted her tone immediately. "Sorry, I mean I'm tired of running…"

"Okay, then let's get over it."

The couple went inside of the building and the interior was as amazing as the exterior. The texture, the shape and color reflected the pleasant mood that elder people liked. The comfortable, stylish, functional and non-cluttered reception desk made sure that both residents and guests would find the house cozy and still patinated.

"Well, the clichéd saying, 'first impression is the last impression' really holds true here," Grissom whispered.

"Ma'am, Sir? Good morning. Can I help you?" the young receptionist man greeted them.

"I'm here to visit Mrs. Sidle…Laura Sidle."

"Ummm…give me a second, please," and the man typed something in his computer already. "Mrs. Sidle is out of house."

Sara found the controlled environment reassuring. This must be very useful for these elder people, they could be sure that at least one person looked after them.

"Oh," Sara sighed.

"Would you like to leave her a message? Or to wait for her…"

"No…no. Thank you. Maybe I come back…some day."

"She left about thirty minutes ago, perhaps it wouldn't be a long wait, Ms…um…"

"No, it's okay. We are in a hurry anyway, just thought we drop by…thanks."

"Alright, but I'm sure she would have loved company, she never has visitors."

"I…I'll call her. Bye!"

"Good bye."

Grissom had not formed a word until they left the building but now, he could not hold back his thoughts.

"Right, first stage done…"

"What do you mean?"

"You were here and you didn't head out immediately."

"But?"

"But I think you are relieved you didn't find her home."

"Oh, don't analyze me, please. As you said, first stage completed…I don't even know what I would have said to her anyway."

"And what's next?"

"Go home."

On the one hand, Grissom was disappointed about this turn of event because he wanted this visit to be "done" at last so both of them could move on. On the other hand, he suspected that Sara was not ready for it after all. Every gesture of her suggested that the time had not been right for this meeting. Perhaps that time would never come, perhaps it should not come.

Grissom and Sara walked back to the car and drove away. Not far from the apartment house, there was a quiet park for dogs to do exercise. Grissom parked the car and took Hank for a short walk…

"Wanna join us?"

"No, I…I just wanna sit here with the lovebirds," she pointed to the cats.

"We'll be back in a few then."

Sara sat in the car watching her two favorite men walking toward the park. She looked back at the cats purring in the back seat.

"Sorry, you're my top guy, too, Herbie."

Sara did not mind that Hank needed his walk. The monotone sound of purring was the perfect thing to help her kick back and relax.

'_Just don't let things get too quiet, or you might drive yourself a wee bit insane_,' Greg Sanders had told Sara back in Las Vegas when she had found him a little bit too noisy at the lab.

'_I'm insane already because I still tolerate you,'_ Sara had always shot back.

'_So we stop talking…for a while?'_

'_Yes. And won't come here again…for a while,'_

'_But if we can't meet…we can email…or at least leave me your phone number…I deserve a bit more than silence from you…'_

Sara giggled at the memory but as quickly as it came, it faded and only the thought of her recent situation remained. After more than twenty years, she brought herself to visit her mother and what had she done? Again, she had run.

"No more running!"

She opened the glove compartment and fished out a pen and two pieces of paper. Soon, 'I went back to her home, give me 5 mins and I'll be here. Don't leave w/o me!' was written onto one scrap of paper and her phone number onto another.

Sara got out of the car and practically ran back to the apartment house. She went directly to the guy she had talked to a few minutes ago and gave him the paper.

"Would you please give this to Mrs. Sidle?"

"Sure, ma'am."

"Thank you," and with it she left.

The young CSI was about to turn the corner of the street when she spotted her mother. Never had she felt this kind of immense nervousness or was it excitement? Her heart seemed to jump out of her chest, her pulse definitely went crazy. That broken woman who was slowly walking toward her was her mother. She looked smaller than Sara had remembered, she looked older than Sara had imagined and this woman looked…normal. Much more normal than Sara had feared her mother would be. The woman did not run around with a knife in her hand, she did not rolled her eyes like a lunatic; she did not shout or cry. Laura Sidle was like a woman in her 60's whose features shouted that she had a hard life.

What had she expected? She did not really know. This woman was not like the woman who existed in Sara's imagination.

She did not have more time to ponder on it as the person in question touched her arm," Are you lost, Miss?"

"I…I…am."

"Well, then we are in trouble."

"Why? Are you lost, too?"

"Yes. You know I moved here only a few months ago and these buildings are so similar to each other…I…just…my eyes are not as good anymore…"

"Can I walk you home?"

"Why? Do you know where I live?"

"Oh…yes, I believe I do," Sara smiled.

"Good, then it makes a one of us.

It was a weird feeling that Sara's mother did not recognize her own daughter but it was true that many-many years had gone by since the last time they had seen each other. And there was another feeling as well. The suffocating feeling of lost time. People could not only feel loneliness when they lost each other, solitude could hurt worse when they had had no chance to say goodbye.

"So…so you moved here not long ago?"

"Yes."

"And do you like living in this apartment?"

"Yes, I do. Who wouldn't love living in a house like that?"

"I'm glad you're happy."

"Happy? Well, happy and I are not a very good friends but lately, we have been getting to know each other again."

Sara could not contain her unexplainable joy. She had come here to visit her mother who did not recognize her, she could talk to her but she could not at the same time. It felt save territory, though. But she was sad, too.

"Philippe is really a nice young man. He's our eyes," Laura Sidle tried to change the topic.

"Who?"

"Our receptionist. Really nice kid."

"Oh, yes, he is."

"Ahh, so you know him. He doesn't judge me, doesn't ask questions, he doesn't care about the past…"

"Judge you?"

"Oh, dear, people do judge us…me…you…everybody. But I paid my dues…even though I still can't sleep. Anyway, darling, why are you here?"

Sara got surprised by the question, "What do you mean?"

"Are you looking for someone? I doubt you are only here to save an old fool from getting mercilessly lost," she amused.

"I was looking for someone and I think I find her…so here we are," Sara said as she led the old lady toward the entrance.

"Thank you. Can I invite you to a tea party?"

"Thanks but I gotta go now. Take care of yourself."

"Do you really have to leave?"

"Yes. I'm already late. I'm glad to see you."

"Drop by if you are in town, I would love it."

Sara reached for the woman's hand and squeezed it very softly, "Will see."

Sara turned and with heavy steps, she walked away. She was smiling as she got into the car. Grissom knew that something happened but he did not want to break her peaceful moment so he softly stroked her cheek and was just sitting there and waited. Sara placed a feather light kiss onto his fingers that had caressed her cheek seconds ago. Her eyes communicated everything.

Back in the apartment house, Philippe greeted Laura. The young man enjoyed the elder lady's company. She seemed to know much about disappointment, loss and abandonment but she was also patient. There were plenty of things the young guy could learn from this woman.

"Oh, I see that lady found you after all," Phillip started.

"Yes, she did…in many sense of the word."

"Who was her?"

"She…is my daughter, Sara."

"Oh, that's it! I knew it…I mean she looks like just you. But…"

"She wasn't ready…I know she wasn't."

"But you two talked."

"I pretended that I got lost because my eyes are not good and bla-bla."

"But she finally came here to see you…Isn't it that you wished for?"

"Son, she rented this place for me anonymously as if a foundation offered me this flat. She didn't want me to know that it was her who cared about me or worse she didn't want any connection between us…she can't forgive me so how could I have rushed her?"

"But she came here…"

"But she still couldn't face me. Sara took the first and hardest step. We are on the right path now, I feel it. We just have to walk along."

"But…"

"Philipp, what did you expect? Tearful embrace? Yes, I dreamed about it, too. But unfortunately, life is not as easy as a movie. Sara expected the confused Laura she saw that awful night…that's why she didn't want me but now she could see that I'm not that monster she most probably imagined. I just hope that the right time comes and she will find her way back to me and I can say thank you for everything she did for me. But it has to be her decision."

"She left a message for you. Here."

"Thank you, Philipp," she said and reached for the small piece of paper. She unfolded it and read the message that was not a long reading. Seconds later, she broke into a smile.

"Good news?"

"Well, I don't know," and she held the paper in front of the man's face to read it for himself.

"Um…now you should call her or not?"

"It says: I was here to see you but we missed each other. I think I'd like to visit you sometime if you also feel it's okay. Call me if you don't want it. Sara S."

"So?"

"So? The ball is again in her court…I can't call her…because I'd love to finally see her and she asked me to call her if I didn't want her here…yes, it's my daughter."

"You still can call her to tell her you would be happy to…"

"Maybe…yes…maybe…my daughter was here, she finally came…now I know that there's hope."

* * *

GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR ~ * ~ GSR

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**Epilogue**

**Two years later…**

Two long years and several humiliations later, July Harper was sitting on a bench in a park close to Sara's apartment complex. July loved that particular place; she called it ours – her and Sara's. The funny thing was that just like everything else in her life by now, that small section of area was not hers either. Actually, she had nothing. Still, this park felt hers. The dark green paint on the seat was completely peeled off, the back-rest started to rot. No one visited that bench, it looked abandoned and unfriendly but July liked it. That area was her sanctuary from the life she had to live lately. July named every tree around the wooden furniture; every bush got a label, too. Once in a while, one or two sparrows had challenged her. Animals were kind to her. They never judged her; never expected her to be perfect. They loved her the way she was. Animals seemed to forgive her sins. This morning was quiet, though. No little birds, only her. July pulled her legs up to her chest and was just sitting there thinking about the what-ifs. If she had made another decision, if she had chosen the other way to step on. She wondered why these things happened to her, what she had done to deserve this life. She had just wanted to be happy, to be loved and when it had become clear for her that this dream would never come true here, she had just wanted to change her fate.

July had been spending her time in the State Mental Hospital where she had been admitted on a voluntary basis – this had been the plea bargain - when the woman had faced another blow: a letter had been delivered to July. Her father had modified his last will and that change had affected her present and future. William Harper had written his only child out of his last will making crystal clear that July had stopped existing for her father. The decision of her father had worn July out both emotionally and physically. William Harper had left her instable daughter to grabble with the implications of her exclusion. The betrayal had left July with an open wound that would be difficult to heal.

As an alienated child, July had been befuddled, she had questioned past memories of glorious times. Harper's letter had left her vulnerable to be hurt deeper generating shame and anger.

From the moment July had read his letter, she had known that she had been left alone. July had needed something to live for while having forced to stay in that institution. In there, she had started to paint, it had been some kind of a substitution of her passion for photographing, her paintings were astoundingly precise. They were rather photos than paintings. But they were definitely amazing. Her only goal that she had wanted to achieve had been to get out of that vegetative hell. From that time, July had become the perfect patient; she had shown incredible improvement in her mental condition. She had seemed decent.

On the day of delivery of her father's letter, July Harper had decided that she was going to change. She had torn her heart out of her chest. She had suppressed her last emotions that would have made her stay. July had wanted to escape and disappear. Vanished for good.

When she had been released from the hospital, she had started to visit this park. Usually, she was there alone but sometimes, there was a woman, too. Up to this day, neither had initiated communication but both inspected the other.

There was something else in common to them. They both loved paining and drawing. And their drawings were extremely detailed.

Here they were again. Few meters away from each other…drawing.

"Sorry?"

The unknown woman did not react.

"Excuse me! Did you say something?"

"No," a weak voice came.

"Alright."

Minutes later, July sat closer and stole a glimpse of the other woman's work.

"Wow, I know them. How do YOU know them?"

The petite lady pulled her drawing book close to her chest to hide her picture.

"No, don't do that. I know that woman…and man."

"You do?"

"Yes. She is the woman who stole my whole family."

"They took away the only man I ever loved," she almost sang the words.

"Well, maybe our fates merge…I'm July. July Harper."

When no answer came, she asked the other woman directly.

"Natalie…Natalie Davis."

**THE END**

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**I hope you have enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it for you. As always, I would love to know your thoughts on this chapter or on the whole story. Thanks for all the kind and sweet comments, I loved them all. Thank you!**

**Have a nice summer, take care everybody!**

**See you soon, I hope!**


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